EPOV
I didn't even know I could run fast... I'd never had to. I felt my body pushing and aching to go faster, as I flew down the narrow corridor. I didn't bother slowing or even taking the time to acknowledge the shouts that were coming from behind me... I simply needed to get to her... to our baby.
I was in front of a nurses station at the emergency room and was doing my best to catch my breath as fast as possible. "Isa... bella... Sw...swan... where is...she?" I had managed to get the impossible words from my mouth and was directed to the fifth floor... the maternity wing.
I didn't know what the hell to think about as I waited for the agonizingly slow elevator to open its doors. However when they finally did, I was face to face with the fact that I needed to calm the hell down... Bella couldn't see me like this, she needed me to be strong for her. I collected myself in one deep breath as best I could and walked my shaky legs to the desk that was filled with baby booties, beanies and rattles.
"Isabella Swan's room... please?" The old woman with a warm smile looked over her chart and sent me around the corner... her door was open, that had to be good right?
Her room was quiet, save for the gentle beep that would sound every few seconds. I watched her small form laying in the bed with her back to me for a moment before I let myself go in completely.
"Isabella?" She didn't turn. I thought maybe she was sleeping, so I walked up so I was closer to her side and leaned over to kiss her cheek.
She was awake.
"Bella... what's going on sweetheart? Are you okay? Is the baby... is... is he okay?" My words were barely above a whisper, but I knew she could hear me. She didn't respond, and I became sicker with even more worry than I'd come with.
This couldn't be it... this small window of heaven... of happiness... it couldn't be gone so quickly. God wouldn't do that to her... to me yes... but not her. I felt the shaking of my body before I realized I was sobbing. She turned to me then... her eyes red and watery from her own tears. I was holding her as soon as I saw her face, I tried to show her in that embrace just how much I loved her... how much I needed her.
I could feel her body shaking and my body went rigid with not knowing what was happening. I needed to know, I needed to know what I was facing... what we were facing.
"Please Isabella... what is happening?" she pulled away then and wiped at her eyes as she tried to answer me.
"I... I was bleeding, Edward..." her sobs broke through again and she tucked her face into my chest and I held her. I didn't know what to think, what to say... I was a complete mute as I held her. All I could do was pepper her head with gentle kisses and rub her back. I didn't know what this meant... what had happened. I didn't know if our son was going to be alright, or if he was simply already gone...
Tears found me then and I was once again at the mercy of a god I had very rarely recognized. I knew it was probably pointless, I was probably wasting my non-religious breaths... but I couldn't not ask. And so I did.
"Please god... please. I-I need them... I need them both to be okay..." I was asking for a tall order, I knew that, but I didn't care. I had never once in my twenty-nine years prayed or spoke aloud to God, but I wasn't above it now at my moment of need. I was aware that he may not even listen... why would he? Why to me? What had I done in my life that was so special and deserving of this request? I knew the answer before I finished that thought... I had created my son... Bella's and mine... if not for me, then for him... for her...
I was still pondering my bargain with the lord when I felt her tiny hands holding my face so she could look at me.
"I don't know what's happening... I don't... I... I don't know what is going to happen to him. Oh god... I'm so sorry, Edward... I'm so sorry!" Her hands fell from my face and I watched with a horrified expression as agony ripped through her and she clutched her stomach with her hands in an effort to shield him. My own hands joined hers and I was sitting on the bed to be closer.
"Don't you dare apologize, baby... you've been amazing... you've been so strong! I'm here, love... I'm here... I promise you I will do everything and anything to make sure you're both okay! I'll fly the best doctors in the world in... I...I'll... I'll do whatever is humanly possible!"
Just then I heard voices entering the room and was able to make out both my mother and my father. I faintly heard sniffles and noses blowing from behind us, but I didn't dare take my attention from Isabella... whoever it was, just needed to deal or get a hug from someone else, because I was not going to move from her side.
"Edward, Dr. Scance would like to examine, Bella..." my father said. I kept holding her to me as I turned my head so I could respond. When I did, I saw the man in a white coat looking over some paperwork and trying not to intrude on the moment Bella and I were in. I saw my father holding my mom and to the right of them, Rosalie was holding who I could only assume was Alice. Alice was a mess...
I nodded my head and turned back to Bella. "Love, I'm gonna stay right here beside you if you'll let me..." she nodded and clutched me to her tighter, but said no words. I turned to the doctor and he approached us.
"Can you all please step outside for me?" he asked with an apologetic tone. I could tell he was trying to be nice about giving Bella her privacy. However Bella panicked and was having a on the cusp of a melt down.
"Not, Edward... Please... I need him in here..." I was rubbing her back and nodding before the doctor even responded, because even if he said I had to leave, I wouldn't... not while she wanted me here.
"Of course not, Isabella... Edward is more than welcome to stay." I felt the frame of my body begin to relax at those words and before I could process anything else, we were alone.
"Isabella, I'm going to do another ultrasound to hear the baby's heart as well as a sonogram... I want to get a good look at what's going on in there with him."
We were both nodding our heads as he spoke and I found myself feeling extremely useless as the job I had done not even two hours ago was being done by the doctor instead. I watched Bella biting her lip and fighting to stay composed. This must have been impossibly difficult for her to endure... I couldn't imagine what she was feeling, because I felt like my world was slipping away... however, she was carrying him... he was literally a part of her. If he didn't make it, I knew a part of herself... a large and beautiful part of her would die too.
I was on my feet and holding her hand in my own as the doctor prepared things. I thought about how absolutely backwards everything felt. How just two hours ago we were doing this exact same thing and smiling. However, neither of us were smiling right now. We were a bundle of nerves holding each others hands as we awaited what was literally a life or death verdict.
I was still staring at the doctors movements when I heard Bella call my name gently. I gave her my undivided attention as she started speaking. "He has to be okay, Edward... our baby needs to be okay... I have his nursery picked out in my head, his little socks and his shirts... I haven't had time to enjoy him yet... to enjoy this..," her hands rested on her round belly and it broke my heart. Everything she said was the truth... he hadn't even taken a breath in this world yet, he hadn't truly lived. I found myself lost in the images she had just described. I saw his room too... I saw our home... I saw myself being completely satisfied as I waked through the front door to them... this couldn't be gone, not now, not ever.
I was still searching for words that would sum up those emotions, but I was cut off from that when the swooshing sound I had heard earlier was back. I snapped my head to the screen and saw the sweetest sight my eyes had ever gazed upon. Aside from the strong heart beat that was echoing through the room, I could see him... this was not at all like the one we had just had earlier, I could actually see him.
I found myself leaning over to see more of him, he was beautiful. I saw the detail in his cheeks and I felt the tears coming on again as I made out more of his features... my god this moment was nothing short of miraculous.
"Isabella, Edward... do you see what your son is doing in there?" asked with a chuckle. I let out a relieved breath as I looked harder at the image to see what he was talking about.
"He's okay?" Bella breathed out with hope. I leaned down and kissed her forehead as gave her the answer she was praying for too...
"His heart beat is very strong and he looks rather comfortable... however were not in the clear. You were bleeding Isabella, that is very serious and can still happen if your don't calm down."
I was a ball of nerves again when he said that and I rubbed along Bella's back in an attempt to calm her. He gave us an apologetic look after he said it, but whether he felt bad for saying it or bad for our situation I had no idea. He looked back to the screen and he chuckled again.
"He's sucking his thumb..." In that moment two things happened. The first was that Bella laughed a glorious laugh that was accompanied by a genuine smile and second was that our little boy did what looked to be a wave.
"Oh my god!" I practically screamed out. I turned to look at Isabella and saw that her expression was just as amazed as my words. "Did you see that, love? Did you see what he just did!" I was flabbergasted.
"Isabella I want you to please lay back, stay very still and let Edward wait on you hand and foot... do you think you can do that while I go get the rest of your labs started?" I was already on my feet and fluffing her fucking pillows. I didn't know it that's what needed to be done, but I had seen it on television once and it sounded like something that could be comforting. I heard Isabella giggle and then felt her hand on my cheek as she pulled me down and kissed me on the lips.
"Isabella... that is the opposite of doing nothing." joked. I couldn't really find it in me to respond to his words, because I was too busy trying to get the feeling back in my toes.
"I can do that, ... you just go and find out what's going on with our little boy... please... make sure he's going to be okay." I was still processing the kiss when I saw tap her leg gently and give her his promise that he would do his absolute best.
When we were alone, I took the time to not just sooth Bella, but to really appreciate her. I spent my time caressing her beautiful face and memorizing ever gentle curve that met my hand. Wordlessly I ran my fingers through her wavy hair and kissed her face gently. I let myself drown in her beauty until she sighed in contentment and closed her eyes to talk.
"I don't want to fight anymore..." she said gently. Her eyes remained closed and I continued to comb through her hair with my fingers.
"Me neither, baby... I don't want to do anything that makes you hurt ever again." I kept my voice at the same tone she used, it was as if we were telling secrets. She opened her eyes then and I knew we were about to have a pivotal moment. This was going to be big.
"What would have happened if you hadn't realized I was pregnant?" her voice was even, but I could see her eyes were sad. I didn't want to answer her, but I didn't want to lie. I found myself working out what the truth to that was as she waited patently for me to reply. When I was sure of my answer, I gave it to her.
"I think it's fair to say that I was in no hurry to change my life... but... well, I would like to believe that there is a bigger power involved in this than just us." I glanced up and silently acknowledged what I had recently just begun recognizing. "You and I..." I gently took her hand into my own and kissed her fingers one by one. "We belong... I fought that. I fought that by doing the worst things possible... and still..." I dropped my lips to our son and kissed him gently. "Still I was yours..." I rubbed her stomach very softly and sighed in my own contentment as I felt him kick my cheek. I dropped another kiss and prayed that he could feel it.
"I will never go a day in this life and not be yours, love... even if you wont have me, I will never give up."
I felt her hands running through my hair and then there was a soft knock at the door.
"Come in" she called out softly. The door opened slowly and in walked the entourage.
"Bella... were going to run to the house and grab you some things. said you would definitely be here a few days..." I recognized that it was Rosalie, but it was only because she was near the bed. Her voice was amazingly soft and warm... a far cry from the threatening venom it had been when we'd met at the doctors visit.
"Okay... thanks Rose." her hands never left my hair but I felt Rosalie lean over and hug her. Alice was next to hug her, but before she turned to leave with Rose, she acknowledged me.
"I'm Alice..." she scratched my head and I found myself laughing at the gesture. I knew I would like Alice.
"I'm the sorry excuse for a father, Edward." I wasn't kidding, but I wore a smile while I said it.
"Hey..." Bella breathed out in a disproving tone. "No knocking my baby's father." she whispered and smiled at me.
"Sorry" I offered her weakly. I went back to resting my head at her belly while she said her thank you's and goodbyes to her friends.
I heard the door shut and thought we were alone again, but then I heard my fathers voice.
"Is there anything we can do to make your time in here more comfortable, Isabella?" I smiled from my resting place as I placed his worry in his tone. I knew Bella would say no, but it didn't stop me from chuckling when she said it. Instead of playfully smacking me, I felt her hands run from my scalp to the nape of my neck and under my t shirt. Her soft hands were moving from my shoulders to my hair in circuits and I was hit with absolute peace.
"Sweetie, were going to make some arrangements up front for Isabella's room and then we'll just be out in the waiting room if you need us." I loved my mother impossibly more in that moment. Because Bella didn't have insurance anymore and I knew that my mom probably realized that as well. She was going to take care of it all though... I wanted to hand her my credit card, but I didn't want my love to fret, so I made a mental note to get with my mother later and pay her back.
"Isabella... if you can think of anything you would like, don't you hesitate to have Edward grab it... okay?" I smiled a wider smile as I sat up and saw my mother kiss the top of Bella's head.
"Actually... I mean, if it's not too much to ask..."
"Whatever it is, you can have it." I blurted out. I was on my feet and ready to run for whatever it was that she wanted. She bit her lip and squinted her eyes as she found the courage to just ask it.
"Can I have some ice cream?" I smiled brightly at that because it took me back to the first bowl I had brought her.
"I'll be back with that, Isabella... is there any particular flavor you would like?" my father asked.
"Butter pecan..." Bella said shyly.
"Then Butter Pecan you shall have." My dad responded with a smile and a rub to her belly and a kiss to her forehead.
When we were alone, I let myself hope that everything would be okay. Things were still in the air, but as Bella fell into sleep, I kept vigil at her bedside and I could feel him kicking as a reminder that he was still there... still fighting and still very much ours.