What a beautiful mess I'm in
spending all my time with you
There's nothing else I'd rather do
What a sweet addiction that I'm caught up in
'cause I can't get enough
can't stop the hunger for your love
what a beautiful, what a beautiful mess I'm in
diamond rio; what a beautiful mess
BPOV
It was amazing how much press a picture could gather. For the last five days, Edward and I both were plastered all over the television. Pictures had surfaced from our outing after the follow up I had. And since that day, expert body language readers were brought in to analyze the way our bodies were aligned, the way our hands were joined and even the way we walked. I think the craziest part of everything was that when the picture of he and I kissing in the elevator was released, reporters began changing their stories.
I was no longer the other woman, I was the woman he had hid from his life... in an effort to give us longevity. Hey, there words... not mine. Not to say that the scandalous part of anything was behind us, because instead of Edward being made into a playboy, rich kid, he was now looked at as a sleazy rich man... who screwed around on his pregnant girlfriend.
I had to say, he was taking it in great stride. Beside the fact that he was beating himself up all over again, he never once got angry over a report that painted him in a bad light.
The phone rang all day every day and beside the fact that he had given a press conference and apologized publicly, people were still trying for more. I had even been offered the opportunity for an interview and even though Edward said it was my choice and that he would support me either way, I still decided against it.
For one, I had no idea what to say. Two, I didn't really know what to think about everything myself. But I was now approaching my sixth month of pregnancy and the idea of being under someones scrutiny was not all that appealing. And to be honest, what was I really going to say that would help him? He did leave me; he did see other girls while he knew I was pregnant. Bringing the past up wasn't going to help anyone, least of all me.
The thing was though, that now that pictures had surfaced of he and I together, reports were coming out about how attentive he was with me, or how he looked at me, even the way he said my name. No one contested that he loved me... they just questioned how sane either of us were to be going through with this at all.
There was still a lot to be dealt with thought. We hadn't officially decided anything as far as living arrangements. I still went home and slept in my own bed... but Edward came with me. He was always at my side. Always doting, always spoiling and giving me any and every ridiculous request I asked for. I let myself be lavished for a week... I figured I had earned it.
He'd bought my clothes, we shopped for the baby, I even caved and let him take me to look at a few houses. All this coupled with the fact that he vowed to be with me and only me had us moving in a direction that I had thought we would never see. I still wasn't sure what the path we were on led us to, but I was now willing to find out.
EPOV
I was sitting across from my father in his office and even though I was supposed to be listening intently and focusing on getting my business ideas off the pages and into reality, but all I could see in my head was the way Isabella looked while she slept soundly as I left to come here this morning.
My thoughts were always with her.
I faintly heard my father saying something about office spaces and IRA's... I think there was something in there about travel, but what little attention he had of mine was out the door when I heard my phone ringing. It was Bella.
"Love? Is everything alright?" I was truly nervous when I heard her sniffling on the other line.
"I-I'm so sorry, Edward..." her sniffling was out right sobbing after she said that, and I was on my feet and getting ready to race back to her. Was it the baby? Was she bleeding? Was it because I had made love to her last night?... and early this morning? The pit in my stomach became a full on storm. "Please, Love... please tell me what is going on?"
I was near my own tears at this point and my father was on his feet and beside me as we began moving out of the office and into the garage. I could hear Isabella catching her breath and calming her tears, and when we were around the corner from his office and at the elevator, she finally spoke.
"I-I... I ate all of the lunch meat." What? She what?
"Love? I don't... I don't understand?Why are you so upset, baby?" My dad was watching me with such a lost look and it must have mirrored my own.
"I woke up late... and... and I went to make a sandwich because it sounded so good..." she was sniffling again and the fear I had just moments before was replaced with an indulgent smile. I just shook my head at my father so he would know all was well and with that he gave me a smile and turned the corner to go back into his office and give me privacy.
"...but then I just rolled the slices up with cheese and ate them... I hate a pound of turkey, Edward... an entire pound!"
It took everything and I mean everything inside of me to not burst into a fit of laughter. My sweet, sweet beautiful Bella was so fucking adorable. I wished I had been there to see her and to hold her right now.
"Oh, baby... it's okay. You're eating for two, sweetheart. You can eat whatever you want, baby. I'll just pick some more up on the way home." I spent the next few minutes telling her just how much I loved her in that moment and that when I got home I was going to just worship her. However halfway through my detailing of exactly how I was going to do that, I heard someone behind me clearing their throat. When I turned to see who it was, I wished I hadn't.
It was my grandpa.
"Love, I need to call you right back. Go sit out on the terrace for a bit and relax. Esmeralda will be coming in shortly and I know for a fact that she is planning on making you lunch. I'll be home in a bit and then I'll take care of you."
Even with my asshole of a grandpa standing right behind me, it wasn't enough to stop the smile from spreading over my face at the sound of her telling me she loved me.
"I love you too, baby... so much. Now go rest and I'll be there shortly." When my love was no longer on the line, I turned and faced the man I had quickly become unwelcome in my life.
I didn't get a chance to be angry, or even an ass hole. He beat me to it.
"Why are you here, Edward? It's obvious that you're still carrying on with that girl... that...Isabella. And as long as your still making that outrageous mistake, I don't want to see you around here." I was already trying to walk away so that I wouldn't have to hear anymore but he was amazingly agile for an old man and was keeping pace with my strides.
"She isn't good enough to be in this family, Edward. Your mother and father may be fooled into thinking so, but you can't fool me! I won't stand by and watch you rip this family apart because of an accident that was conceived out of your ridiculous, irresponsible conquest!" My fists were balled up and I could physically feel that my skin was red, but even with those telltale signs, the old son of a bitch just kept on going. "I'm sure that for that purpose, she is perfectly suitable... I'm sure she would even make a hell of catch if you were anything other than a Cullen, but the fact of the matter is that you are a Cullen. Just let this end and we can get you back on track and working with us... not against us!"
I couldn't even comprehend the level of stupid that was falling from his lips. Had I at one time actually cared about what the hell he thought? No. No, no, no that couldn't be possible... because I couldn't possibly have been that stupid.
So there we were, staring each other down in the hallway near the elevators. I was trying to see him... to see the man I had at one point looked up to and admired. But he was nowhere to be found; all that was left was the angry, bitter, old man.
"What happened to you? Were you forced into an arranged marriage or something? Dumped by someone? I-I'm really trying to understand what the hell is wrong with you, because I refuse to believe that in all that you are and have lived through, that this is the way you would choose to react... the way you would talk about your great grandchild who isn't even born yet! Who does that!"
He must have been stunned by sudden outburst, or maybe it was the words all together. But for that one moment, he said nothing and I wished with everything that I had in me that a moment was actually longer.
His cold features became tired right before my eyes and when he spoke the words were not cold or angry, but more pleading and tiresome. "Give the girl some money, Edward... and just walk away. I promise you that we'll all make sure she and the child are taken care of. You don't need to make a big show out of this though... you can still make a clean break."
I'm sure I was slack jawed as I stood there listening to that last part. I believe he even went on further with his explanation, but I couldn't hear anything. I was too hurt and angry to do anything more. I had no more energy to fight him with... there was simply no point. I needed to let this go... to let him go. I would at least have my, Isabella. So when his lips stopped moving and my face was no longer on fire, I said my peace.
"I love her... truly I do. She is having my baby... she's having our baby. And your asking me to throw her away as if she was nothing more than an inconvenient nick knack. She is my life now, grandpa. I will not treat her badly, I will not walk away and I damn sure wont throw a few thousand dollars her way in exchange for your approval, I don't want it."
I knew it wouldn't matter, but I really wanted it to. He looked at me as if I were a fool, like I had no idea of the things I was talking about.
"What happened to Tammy? What did you do to kill that poor girls spirits?" I stood ready to tell him where she could go and how she could get there, but then it hit me. It was him... he had sent her to me... he had told her where to find me and …
"It was you..." I was still piecing together the puzzle of accusation, but he didn't even flinch. "Why would you do that? Why would you put Isabella and myself through that... or Tammy for that matter? Why would you give her that hope? What did you think was going to happen?" I was a lot less surprised than I should have been but that didn't really matter, because what was done, was done. He was who he was... nothing would change that, not even my love for Isabella and the baby.
"I did what I thought would bring you to your senses. She's a fine girl, Edward... she could be a wonderful wife... mother... you two could raise that baby as your own... I would accept that." He had said the one thing that he could never take back. I thought I would hit him, but instead I felt the tears falling from my eyes instead. I was too hurt to fight. Charles Cullen was a lost cause and I couldn't fight a lost cause. Instead I turned to the elevator doors and said what I needed to say.
"Tammy does cocaine, among other things. She drinks like a fish and lets random men bed her at the first sign of attention. That's why I never slept with her... never will. And for you to be okay with her raising mine and Isabella's baby, for her to be at my side in this family and company, and be okay with it... but not my Bella, I just don't get that. Why? Because she doesn't have a name to build on? Or is it because she paid her way through school by good old fashioned hard work... She graduated Suma Cum Laudi... on her own, no one paid for that degree... no one paid for those grades. She's never touched a drug, and before I came into her life she had a spotless record and an unquestionable reputation." I hit the button to the elevator for my escape and before I stepped inside I turned to say one last thing. "I'm with her... were with each other. She loves me and as long as that fact doesn't change, then neither will the direction were moving in. I'm going to marry her... were going to be happy."
I didn't wait for him to reply or even acknowledge what I had just said and instead I stepped inside and watched his face disappear behind the steel doors.
BPOV
I heard the entire conversation. He hadn't hung up. I had sat out on the terrace with my phone plastered to my ear as I listened to all the horrible things Charles said to him... about me. I wanted to hang up, I was afraid of what I would hear, but then I became even more afraid of what I wouldn't hear and stayed on the line.
What I heard though was not what I had though I would hear. He defended me... he said he loved me, and he had done it without pressure and hospitals. He told his grandfather he loves me... that he was going to marry me...
I was sitting there with what I'm sure was the stupidest looking grin plastered all over my face, but I didn't care. All those questions I had... all those insecurities I had been feeling were somewhat out the door now.
I didn't hang up the line, and instead put back to my ear as I listened to him practice ways to tell me he wanted to get married... listened to him chuckle out loud and murmur something about turkey. I smiled at that. I hung up then... he deserved to giggle at me in privacy.
I was still coming down from my turkey high that I had been on. The whole thing was surreal, and even thought I knew it was ridiculous to be upset about, and that he wouldn't be mad, but I was hysterical anyway. I chalked it up to hormones and surprisingly that didn't make me feel any better.
I sat outside for another few minutes and when I was satisfied with the fact that little baby Cullen was sending my emotions on a roller coaster, I went inside and crawled onto the couch while I waited for Edward to come home.
EPOV
When I walked in, the place was eerily quiet. I didn't call out in the chances that Bella was napping, so I moved through the foyer quietly and removed my jacket on the way in to the living room.
As soon as I turned the corner, I saw her. She was absolutely adorable and curled up on the large couch in the center of the room. I smiled smiled the second I laid eyes on her form and moved quickly to her side. I was still debating on whether to move her or to curl up next to her, but I heard someone trying to get my attention from the other side of the room. It was Esmeralda.
"I make a roast for dinner, and Miss Bella's lunch is in the oven. I go now and leave you two lovebirds alone... yes?" Esmeralda usually stayed throughout the week and handled different things for me. However, now that Bella was here and off bed rest, things like laundry, dishes and cleaning was pretty much taken care of. I had tried getting my love to just relax and let Esmeralda do it, but she said it was a deal breaker... and so I relented. As long as I got to keep her here, I was happy.
"That's fine, Esmeralda. Thank you." I was about to turn back to my love and crawl on the couch beside her, but Esmeralda's soft whisper broke through my thought.
"The turkey is no more, Mr. Cullen... I go to the deli and bring some tomorrow for Miss Bella. I think she likes it." I pursed my lips as she said it and with a wink and a wave to me and a sympathetic nod to Isabella, she was gone.
With no more distractions, I moved back to her side and dropped a kiss to her cheek.
"I missed you, love." I whispered into her hair. She didn't even stir, so I went ahead and crawled in behind her and rested my hands over her belly.
He was kicking. It never ceased to amaze me just how magnificent it felt to know he was alive. That he was safe and healthy and warm. I rubbed along her skin to follow his movements and amazingly he continued to give me a show. A few moments into it though, Bella was squirming and her face was frowning. Instantly I felt bad for encouraging his movements when it was clearly causing her discomfort, but before I could try and get her comfy again, she woke up.
"Hey" she drawled out lazily. I pulled her closer to me and kissed along her neck and ear. I focused my hands on her side and did what I could to calm her body and relax her once more.
"I missed you so much, Isabella. I hate having to be away from you. How am I supposed to start this business of mine if I can't stand being away from you for even an hour?" I was saying it in a joking manner but I was anything but kidding. I truly hated being apart from her for anything. I hadn't even listened to much my father had said to me earlier there in his office. My thoughts were in lala land where Isabella was sleeping in the nude... in my bed. I felt myself grow stiff from just the memory alone.
She didn't miss it either, and instead of giving me a hard time about it like she normally did, she curled her back against me and caused a sweet and blissful friction to overwhelm me. "I missed you too, Edward... a lot" It was in the way she said a lot that had me gulping. As much as I wanted to take her with abandon on this couch right now, I couldn't. I needed to be good. We were supposed to be taking the physical relationship easy... right? Is that what the doctor said about easing into things?
"Love, is this too much? I mean... you don't hurt or anything do you? You know... when I?" When the hell did I get bashful? Why couldn't I just ask if our having sex was causing her any pain afterward? I was extra careful with her, I didn't do anything fancy or even complicated... not that we needed to, just the fell of being with her that way... joined so completely... it was heaven in its own.
She giggled and grabbed my hand then slid it up to her breast. I almost came right there. "No, I don't hurt at all, Edward... but you know what?"
I was almost afraid to ask. Her tone was sinfully sexy and just feeling her body reacting to my touch was driving me mad with need. "What?" I nearly squeaked out.
She reached back with her hand and pulled my head down to her neck while she spoke. "I have all these... hormones. And they make me want you... all the time. I can't seem to get enough. Last night was so...mmmm it was so good, Edward, and this morning... mmm well that thing you did... with you tongue..."
I was off the couch and had her in my arms and moving toward the bedroom before she could finish that sentence. I had a strict rule of only making love to her on the bed. I wanted her as comfortable as humanly possible and the mattress was a memory foam.
I could feel her tiny hands unbuttoning my shirt and yanking at my waist and I cursed myself for having had to wear a suite today. It made being inside her that much more difficult to accomplish right now.
Quicker than I thought imaginable though, she had me out of my slacks and only in my boxers. I took that time to gently peel her clothes from her body and lay her before me equally. However, I easily got distracted when her shirt was gone and her stomach was there before me. I couldn't explain it, and I never would know how if asked, but seeing her like this... because of me was the greatest indulgence I had ever experienced. I kissed my way up and around her belly while I let my hands remove the rest and when there was nothing more to take off, I gently pulled her up and placed her over my lap as I rested against the headboard.
She began to blush and I saw her move over me for a kiss, but not because she couldn't wait for one any longer, but because she was self conscious. I didn't like that... she was exquisite.
"Love, don't hide yourself from me... I want to see you. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world... I want to enjoy you... the way you look, feel... all of you." I gently placed a kiss to her lips and when I pulled back there were tears in her eyes. I didn't get to ask her why before she answered me.
"I heard you today... with your grandfather..." I was pretty much lost. How would she have heard that conversation? Instantly I felt horrible though, she must have been worried about everything he said about her. I was over wondering how she heard and had moved on to what she had heard.
"Isabella, he's and idiot. Don't let a word he said about us phase you, sweetheart. I don't care what he thinks, I don't care what he wants... I want you, and I think you are the perfect woman for me. I know you are."
At those words a smile erupted over her face and without warning she slipped over me and began rocking her hips very slowly. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but then she started talking. "I don't care what he said... I care what you said." She nibbled on my ear and I heard myself whimper. She felt so good.
"You said you want to marry me... is that true?" I wasn't able to answer though, because her slow movements turned into full on thrusts. My eyes rolled back into my head and I found words extremely difficult to come by. But my god I tried...
"Y-yes... I... oh god, love... yes." My lips were not my own in that moment, they were hers. And she knew it. She kissed me with such a force that I had the strongest desire to flip us and bury myself in her body with complete abandon, but I couldn't. I needed to be so careful with her... I didn't take that lightly.
"Tell me you want me..." the sway of her hips had me ready to tell her anything she wanted. I would have gladly given her my entire life's worth for her to keep moving that way.
"I do...god I do want you" I found her soft bundle of nerves and ran circles around it with my thumb as I took her nipple into my mouth and lavished it with attention. I was in heaven... surely this was heaven. I had the love of my life writhing above me, the feel of her growing belly pushing into my chest and I was buried in her body while the feel of her soft, long brown hair grazed my thighs. I wanted this forever... I wanted her forever.
"Marry me, Isabella... please..." I felt her shaking in my arms at that and I pulled her as close as I could get her so while I followed her right over.
For the longest moment all there was in the way of noise was panting and breathless kisses. When we were laying back and I had her in my arms fully, I broke the silence. "I'm sorry you had to hear that today, love... and I'm sorry that I just asked you to marry me like that..." I shook my head ruefully and continued. "It's not the way I wanted to do it... It should have been romantic and special. I always seem to do things the wrong way with you..."
She was leaning over me then... well as best as she could. "I'm not sorry, Edward... you didn't know I heard that... you spoke from your heart today, and it put to rest some things I had been struggling with... I needed to know you really did want this. I needed to hear it while I wasn't in a hospital bed, or being yelled at by the press." she kissed me softly and combed my hair with her fingers as she continued. "And I asked you... I asked you if you wanted to marry me... don't feel bad."
I had about a hundred different thoughts running through my head at that moment, but the most prominent was that I wanted to know if she would. I really had a lot riding on this... I had so much to lose. I had never had so much that could be taken away from me in a yes or no answer. I almost chickened out... but I didn't.
"Will you?" she just smiled and raised an eye brow while staring down at me. She was giving me a hard time. I smiled and asked once more... but in detail.
"Isabella Swan, will you marry me?" As soon as the words were out, I couldn't take them back. I didn't want to. All I could do was wait.
"I want to marry you... I want to be happy and raise our baby tucked away in a nice neighborhood...but..." it was in that but that I felt my heart breaking. I literally deflated. He sensed it I guess because she peppered me with kisses and shook her head with a smile as she continued.
"...but I don't want a big media event... just us." I waited for her to say just kidding but it never happened. Her eyes were filled with love and adoration and in that moment, I knew... nothing would ever be the same. I couldn't wait.