Exhaustion weighed heavy on Edward as he quietly made his way up the stairs to their bedroom. It was well past 3am and he was just barely seeing his home for what felt like the first time in days. It was the first time since Caleb had been born that he'd ever gone so long without being there with both of them, and the timing for his absence at home couldn't have been any worse than this week. Bella was sick with a cold and Caleb the same, except he also had a double ear infection.
To say Edward had been hesitant to leave Bella at home with their sick baby was an understatement, he'd made himself sick over the thought of her being overwhelmed or exhausted that he'd gone as far as retrieving a list of nannies from Jasper that may have been able to come help her for the week. But in the end, Bella had been too paranoid to have anyone other than family in their home or even with their baby. Unfortunately for Bella, Carlisle and Esme were off in a private island for their anniversary, so any help she would have gotten from them was now null and void.
Caleb was only a few weeks from being four months old, so that meant he still required a lot of one on one time as far as caring went. Bella was still constantly up and around the house with him for feedings, diaper changes and now medicine. The first day while Edward had been in with his investors, he'd had a paranoia attack of Bella having fallen into a deep sleep from her medicine and not being able to hear Caleb crying if he'd waken before her. Edward had been so scared at that point, he'd made his way to the parking garage while dialing Bella, but before he could open the door and get in, Bella had answered –though congested—and assured him that she was just fine and not to worry.
Now as he quietly made his way into the master bedroom, he could see Bella's small form lying curled up with Caleb in the center of their big bed, with her arms wrapped protectively over his little body. Edward's heart broke at the sight of tissues strewn at her back and the small white one still clutched tightly in her fist. Even in the dark he could see just how exhausted she was.
To add more pain to that picture, he could hear the heavy wheezing coming from Caleb's chest as he slept with his mouth open, no doubt to breath better while he slept.
Suddenly all the reasons Edward was convinced he couldn't miss work this week no longer made sense. He wanted to hit something with all the anger he had for himself at leaving Bella to deal with all this on her own; Caleb was still so little...and Bella was still a new mother. She must have been dead on her feet trying to care for herself and the baby.
Just then Caleb's little legs kicked in his dream and he startled awake crying as Edward had never before heard him cry before. Hoping to get to Caleb before Bella woke; he dropped his briefcase and hurried his legs to their bed, but no such luck. Bella popped up like a spring at the first sound of Caleb's struggle and had him in her arms before Edward even reached the bed.
Caleb was still screaming when Edward dimmed the room lights on and went to her side to see how he could help. He watched her startled expression as she realized he was home, and then noted the immediate relief that seemed to wash over her as she met his eyes.
"What can I do to help you, sweetheart?" He was cooing and patting at the baby gently in an effort to comfort him, but nothing seemed to help. He felt so helpless as he listened to what had to be agony for their little one.
As soon as Caleb tugged at his ears in frustration, Bella was off the bed and rummaging through the bottles of medicine sitting in the small cooler near their bed.
"His ears must be killing him right now..." she mumbled. Edward grabbed Caleb while she filled a small syringe full of pink medicine and tried coaxing him to drink it.
"Come on sugar...it's gonna help your ears feel better..." Though his face was red with strain, and tears the size of alligators were rolling down his cheeks, he did drink it. Then almost immediately, Bella scooped him up and started for the bathroom.
"Love...what are you...?" He followed her into the master bath and watched as she dimmed the lights to the lowest and filled the baby tub reserved for Caleb.
"The warm water should help clear his sinus. Can you hand me his eucalyptus wash under the sink?" Finally feeling useful for the moment, he grabbed the blue bottle and a fresh wash cloth and handed it to her.
"Sweetheart, I'll give him his bath, you go and rest, you look like you're going to fall over any minute."
She did. Her eyes were red and swollen, her nose just about the same. As if that weren't bad enough, her body looked frail and small. She'd no doubt lost weight as well, but she was so tiny to begin with that it showed tremendously. All the same though, she shook her head weakly and set about getting Caleb in his tub. "You've been working like crazy, Edward...you go sleep, your day will start again before you know it."
She didn't say it with even the faintest hint of animosity. She was sincerely worried about him being tired for his day in the morning. He felt like an ass.
He was at her side immediately and gently scooped Caleb from her arms before bringing her lips to his for a tender kiss. Though she responded in kind, he could feel how weak she was from simply that small action, so he gently pulled away in hopes of getting her to bed.
"Go get in bed, Bella. Please."
When she didn't fight him on it, he was more pleased than he could ever recall over such a small request. He knew that he'd dropped the ball this week, could see now just how much Bella had needed him at home even though she'd insisted that she didn't.
It was his job to know when to call it a day at the office, he'd even sworn before any of this launching had gone underway that he would not allow it to come before his family. And already he'd done the one thing he wanted to make different about this new company from Cullen Inc., he'd allowed something to pull him from where he was needed most, allowed himself—even for just the smallest moment—to put business ahead of his family. Never again.
As he bathed his son, his heart broke all over again. Poor Caleb looked so miserable, his eyes were glossy and his nose was running. The Eucalyptus wash seemed to be helping, but every time he coughed it was like a knife to the heart. After getting him clean and his nose free of congestion, he pulled Caleb into his oversized towel with a hoodie.
When Edward and Caleb made it back into the bedroom, Bella was curled up in her robe under the covers and still clutching a Kleenex. He kissed her cheek softly with a whispered apology and set about getting Caleb dressed and diapered. When he was all snug in a new sleeper and on the verge of sleep, Edward slipped into bed and clutched their little one incredibly close to his chest and hummed to him until his eyes drifted closed and his thumb found his mouth.
When he was sure they were both sound asleep, he made his way down the hall and opened up his laptop. He then set about emailing those that needed to know that he would not be in until his family was healthy and that if it meant pushing back the launch date, then so be it. He hit send, shut the mac book and made his way back to his wife and son.
*Bella*
When morning came, Bella opened her eyes with a smile and a languid stretch before it hit her that she'd overslept. She scanned the bed for Caleb and sifted through the covers in a frenzy looking for him, when she couldn't find him, her heart dropped and she crawled over the edge of the bed afraid that he'd rolled off. She was just about to have a nervous breakdown when the bedroom door opened and Edward walked in with a tray of food and Caleb strapped to his back like a knapsack.
"Oh my goodness!" She tried to sit up and go to him, but she was hit with a wave of dizziness and never quite made it to her feet. Instead she sat back down and tried to wrap her head around the sight of Edward here.
"Did I scare you? I'm sorry, love, I thought I'd be back up before you woke." She was still dazed and confused as he brought the tray to her and kissed her nose. When she watched him pull Caleb from the carrier, she finally found her voice.
"What are you doing home?" Was it just her or did she sound as completely lost to him as well? It must have been the latter, because he smiled a sad smile and cuddled Caleb closer to him as he sat at her bedside.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. Truly I am" He grabbed the bottle that was on her tray of food and when Caleb was happily eating, he continued on. "I should have never left you here alone to do all this on your own. I didn't think... I'm so sorry."
She didn't want him to feel bad, he shouldn't! She was the one who had insisted to him that she could handle it, it was her who turned down the nannies he'd tried to hire for her…for goodness sake he'd only been trying to launch the company that would set him free of his past.
It was that thought that had her in near hysterics that he was home right now. She glanced to the clock that read 10:45am. "Edward! You're supposed to be at the office! What are you still doing home?" The strength she didn't have to stand with earlier rushed her like a bucket of water. She was off the bed, took Caleb and was setting about the room to get her clothes together for a quick shower.
Almost instantly he had his arm wrapped around both her and Caleb and was kissing her neck to calm her. "I'm home because I'm needed home, love. The two most important people in my life are sick…this is exactly where I need to be."
Though they were supposed to be words of comfort, they felt like words of failure. He had a job too! His was far more complex and stress inducing, all she needed to do was make sure that Caleb was fed, clothed and comfortable…even though she too was sick, she couldn't imagine comparing her job right now to his.
"But this is going to push your launch back isn't it? Please, Edward, please don't do this. I can take care of things here…don't go turning your life upside down for me!"
He stared at her as if he couldn't even comprehend her words. He looked like he had no idea how to even respond to that.
"You're begging me not to take care of you two? Why?"
At his hurt expression she was clutching his chest and trying to steady the shaking of her voice as she explained what it was she meant. "This is supposed to be my job…I'm supposed to be able to handle all of this on my own! You're launching an entire company on your own, and I can't even seem to even be able to care for my own baby!"
~*Edward*~
Everything she said felt like a punch in the gut. Is that truly how she saw this? Like his being home to help her was saying that he didn't think her capable?
"Bella…"he shook his head with a sad smile as she gazed up at him with tear filled eyes. "Love, I have and entire team of people who help me even walk in the door! Is this really how you see me? I mean I'm flattered that you think so high of me…but in all honesty love, there are at least a dozen people who handle the work, I just get the final say…"
She didn't look even slightly convinced at that, because she buried her face in his chest and was shaking her head.
"Bella, look at me." When she didn't, he gently chucked her chin and made her. "It wouldn't matter if I personally looked over every single detail from the furniture to the paper orders. Raising a child…not just a child, but my child is definitely a harder job." She rolled her eyes at that but he continued anyway, "I remember being about 4 or 5 years old, and let me tell you, this job is only going to get harder!"
That made her laugh and in turn, Caleb kicked with happiness and threw his bottle on the floor. Edward righted the baby over his shoulder and patted at his back but managed to get Bella nuzzled closely as well.
"Get back in bed and eat your breakfast, love…I'm going to go get this little man dressed." Seeming to know she'd lost this battle, she kissed Caleb's copper tints then gave a longer, lingering kiss to Edward and crawled back in bed.
For the next two days, Edward not only doted on both Bella and Caleb, he ended up bringing in Esmeralda full time. With the extra help around the house, he could now guarantee that not only would Bella's work load be lightened considerably, but now he too could keep up with work as much as needed at his office to keep the launch on time.
When he wasn't comforting Caleb, he was cuddling with Bella. When one slept, the other was awake. It was all working out in his favor to have a balance of care for both. Other than wanting to be held, Caleb wasn't particularly demanding, but seeing how both Caleb and Bella's schedules were different, he could completely understand how Bella had been so exhausted. If she'd been juggling time like he was, he couldn't imagine how it was that she hadn't fallen over from exhaustion the first day.
By the time evening rolled around that second day, Bella was feeling and looking a world better. Though she was still so thin from being sick, she no longer looked like she'd break if he hugged her tightly. Caleb too was no longer stuffed up or congested; his antibiotics had really done a great wonder on him, and in turn, he was now somewhat back to his regular sleep schedule.
When Edward had gotten Caleb to sleep that night, he made his way down the hall to their master bedroom and found his wife resting her eyes and cuddled into his pillow. Not wanting to waste a moment to replace the pillow with him, he stripped down and rolled in beside her.
With her eyes still closed, he pulled her into him and sighed at just the simple contact. In the last few months, moments like these had come few and far between. Aside from his long hours, Bella was just always down right exhausted. And though they each made time to show each other that they missed one another, the simplicity of holding and being held was now akin to a luxury.
As he felt each muscle in his body unwinding, the comfort of this moment washed over him in waves. It had been too long since he'd held his wife like this. Too long since he'd been home at a decent hour and put his son to bed.
Grabbing the remote for the dimmer, he shut the lights and squeezed his wife as tight as he could dare. When she was softly snoring over his chest, he smiled in contentment and told himself to remember exactly this. He didn't know how he was going to do it…but some way, somehow he was going to make being home for nights like this a priority.
Just before sleep pulled him under, he felt feather light kisses to his chest. When he was able to force his eyes open from the delicious feel of it, he met the soft eyes of his wife.
"I don't think I thanked you for being here with us…" before she could continue, he was kissing her deeply and tugging her at panties to take her completely. Just as he'd felt the softness of her sheath, she sighed in pleasure and whispered at his ear.
"I'm pregnant."
He stilled from the frenzy his body was in and slowly raised his face from where he'd been kissing at her neck to meet her beautiful eyes. When he gazed down at her, all the things he wanted to say didn't seem worthy. He didn't have the words to tell her how happy she'd made him, how utterly complete she was making his life.
He was just about to try and vocalize those thoughts, but then she was kissing him with frenzy. It was her hips that were moving beneath him and her thanks that were being whispered against his skin. He wanted to lose himself completely with her in oblivion, but he wanted to get this right.
With a will he didn't know he possessed, he stopped her with his hands at her hips but kissed her tenderly to let her know how much she pleased him. When he trusted his voice once more, he carefully repositioned them so that she was above him. The feeling of that alone was enough to break his willpower, but then he dropped his gaze to her flat belly.
"I love you so much..."he skimmed the backs of his fingers over her belly in soft circuits before continuing, "You've given me everything I ever wanted and all the things I forgot to ask for."
She smiled shyly and brought her hands to twine in his hair. "You're happy…?"
At her words and adorable smile he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Gently as if she were made of glass, he laid her back softly and began to move with her slowly.
"Happy doesn't begin to cover the absolute perfection of this moment, love." She pulled him closer and the things it did to his body made him shudder with want. That night they celebrated their news in the only way they knew how. Losing one another in complete abandon and whispering their excitement.