It had taken him all of three minutes into his work week after learning of their coming baby to start plotting out the schedule he would need to follow in the next nine months. He was determined to be home as much would allow; would make every single appointment—for both Caleb and his brother or sister—he would be there for Bella.
Edward wanted to get this right; he didn't want her feeling abandoned or afraid that she would be alone in this pregnancy. She'd done that with Caleb for the first 16 weeks. He tried not to dwell on the past, but it was very hard not to, especially in the last few days. He'd woken in the middle of the evening to Bella crying out for him in her dream. When he'd been able to wake her, she'd been so forlorn and distressed that it had left him shaken. After a few minutes he finally got her to tell him what the dream was about. She'd gazed at him with pained eyes and whispered, "I dreamed that you told me to go away...told us to go away..." He'd held her like a vise the rest of that evening and caressed at her belly and dropped kiss upon kiss to comfort her.
He could understand the fear she must be having subconsciously, had even told her that same thing the next morning, but she was adamant that she didn't feel afraid. "I've never known so much love, Edward...you're beyond amazing when it comes to Caleb and I." All the same though, he called her throughout her days and sent flowers and candies in effort of spoiling her.
Though people were amazed that they were having another baby so soon, not many were completely surprised. Esme and Carlisle had been ecstatic at the news of another baby and Jasper too had admitted that he had money with Alice on the fact that they wouldn't last the year before they'd be expecting again.
Charlie was surprised though, he'd admitted to them both that he was still wrapping his head around Caleb, let alone their fast marriage. But when it was all said and done, he too was excited for the newest arrival.
Bella too had constantly broached the subject with Edward; it was almost as if she couldn't believe he was as happy about it as he said. One morning over breakfast she'd asked him very seriously if he was at all set back by her impromptu pregnancy.
"Love, are you surprised by it?" he teased. She smiled a breathtaking smile and shyly shook her head as her cheeks turned crimson. She was glowing with happiness and it warmed him from his heart throughout his body. He gently pulled her into his lap and dragged her muffin along with her while nibbling her ear. "I can't wait to fill this house with our babies..."
He could tell how much his words pleased her, especially when she snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed with contentment. Still feeling the need to assure her though, he continued on. "I have so much love for you, Bella...sometimes I don't think I can share enough of it before I'll burst..." That had effectively ended her questioning his happiness. Now she simply marveled in it.
*BellaFour months pregnant*
For the last few days, Edward had been needed late at the office. Though it wasn't devastating late, anything past 9pm for her may as well have been midnight. Keeping her eyes open these days was one of the hardest things she'd had to do.
Though this pregnancy was different in the aspects of Edward, it was also different in the fact that she still had a young baby to take care of. When she'd been pregnant with Caleb, if she needed a cat nap she took one. Now, if she was tired, she had to battle through it and make sure that Caleb's routine wasn't deterred from. She could have easily got him on a nap routine with her, but then that would have him waking through the night. She decided that the lesser of two evils was to get a full nights rest.
Esmeralda was full time in the house, but Bella couldn't find it in her to ask someone else to watch her baby, especially if her only job right now was being a mother. She tried not to fret; after all, she had been in control of growing their family and had made the adult decision to pursue another baby so soon after Caleb.
Usually she had more than enough help with Edward, especially on weekends when he was home with them all day. He doted continuously and spoiled her rotten. Breakfast in bed was a regular for her on Saturday and Sunday, and during the afternoons he'd take Caleb out to his parents or the park so she could have a little nap.
So tonight being Friday, she couldn't wait for the morning to come. Bella placed Caleb in his crib, set his monitor and made her way down the hall to her big, awaiting bed. The sight of it alone made her yawn, and by the time her head hit the pillow she was fast asleep.
Sometime late in the night or early morning, she felt herself being pulled gently into an embrace. The warmth of the awaiting chest made her sigh in contentment but she still couldn't open her eyes.
Though she was still near sleep, the feel of his hands gently roaming her firm belly made her smile. It would never get old; the feeling of him caressing their little one even before they were born.
She stayed perfectly still as she felt him move to kneel over her stomach. Ever so gently, he kissed at their baby and nuzzled her skin tenderly. He was such a far cry from the man he once was…it didn't even feel as if he were the same person. With a last lingering kiss at their baby, he returned to cuddle Bella in his arms.
Sleep found them both easy that night.
The next morning Bella woke before everyone. Actually, she'd startled awake in a cold sweat from the nightmare she'd just had. Immediately she turned to Edward; anxious to see if he'd been aware of the type of dream she'd just had, but he was still sound asleep.
She rose quietly from the bed and made her way into the bathroom. There, she drew a warm bath and lit the aroma candles in an effort to calm her nerves. It had been a long while since she'd had one of those dreams; thought she'd shaken the worst of them early on in her pregnancy. But this one was by far the worst she'd had.
It started out like all the rest; she was alone in her little bungalow that used to be her home, and she had just found out she was alone in her pregnancy. This time however, she dreamed that Caleb was still only a newborn and she was still carrying their new addition. She'd walked with Caleb in her arms from room to room searching for Edward, but he was nowhere to be seen. When she stepped out onto the front stoop, she found him there with Kate in his arms and her belly full and round like her own. She walked out to see what was going on, but when she approached him, he cradled Kate's belly and gave Bella a look of disgust. "Do you think I could want you and that…" he made a gesture towards Caleb and she felt her heart drop to her toes. She held Caleb closer as the tears fell from her eyes, but before she could question him, he threw money at her feet as he said, "and that one in there…" he scowled at her belly, "Get rid of it."
As Bella bathed herself, the tears continued to fall. She was still hurting from the nightmare, though she knew nothing could be further from the truth. Edward was constantly showering her with love…and Caleb was the very center of his universe. When he held his son, he looked like a man seeing the sun for the first time.
She soaped her loofa and gently rubbed her growing belly, he loves this little one too, she thought to herself. The guilt she had over dreaming what she had made her sick, so sick that she had to get out and throw up a little. She'd just wrapped herself in a large towel and kneeled at the toilet when she heard the bathroom door open.
"Love…?" His voice was so soft and comforting that it made her eyes tear up. All she'd been able to recall was the scathing tone he'd used in her nightmare and the disgusted way he looked at her. "Are you sick, sweetheart?"
He was kneeling beside her in an instant with his hands caressing her belly and her forehead in search of a fever. He didn't find one.
With a few steadying deep breaths, she let him hold her and soon the nightmare was just that…a nightmare. She never truly believed there was any truth to those dreams; knew that they were the result of her lingering insecurities, but all the same they were hard to shake. She didn't want to admit to him that she'd had another, but he must have seen right through her, because he was kissing her gently at her temple and patting softly at her hair.
"Another bad dream…?" She didn't want to lie to him, so she simply nodded as she averted her eyes. This was by far the worst of them, but she didn't want him to know that. Doing her best to avoid the question he was no doubt about to ask, she rose to her feet and padded back to the tub.
When she dropped her towel, she self-consciously blushed and tried to turn herself away so he couldn't see her larger form. He didn't seem pleased with that and instead turned her to face him fully so he could admire her properly.
"You're gorgeous…" he whispered. His eyes were drinking her in and his breaths were coming faster. Though she felt like a whale any other moment of the day, she couldn't help but feel pretty when he looked at her like that. He took in the image of her for a moment longer and then helped her into the tub.
When she was settled comfortably, he stripped down as if to join her. Easing into the water behind her, he drew her up between his legs, until the smooth curves of her bottom was cradling his member. "I love you Bella. Don't ever doubt that." He said brushing his lips against her neck until she shivered.
He leisurely skimmed a hand down her body to her belly and lovingly caressed their little one. With his other hand he gathered her hair to one shoulder and nuzzled at her cheek and ear. She felt so precious…so loved.
"I know you do" She whispered. "I don't know why I'm having these dreams…"
He was thoughtful for a long moment before he said just as low, "because I made you feel that way once…"
"No! That's not…" he stopped her from finishing her sentence with a kiss at her cheek and finished his thought.
"I did, love. I did this to you" she was shaking her head, about to say that wasn't the case, but he wouldn't hear it. "If you had to live through it…then I have to own up to it." He pulled her gently so that she was facing him as best as able with her belly at his abs. "Your nightmares come when I've been gone for a long part of the day," she froze at that logic. "When I'm gone like that, it's hard for you…it brings back the feeling of abandonment… at least subconsciously."
She wanted to deny those words, but she couldn't, it made perfect sense. Bella was as pregnant as she'd been with Caleb before Edward had come around again. She'd faced all those early weeks and appointments on her own. Even though things were different now, the pain from that dark time still lingered in the back of her mind. It wasn't exactly something she could forget. But she did want to move on from it.
She didn't know how to respond, so instead she curled into his lap and rested her head against his chest while he continued washing her with her loofa. They didn't say another word about it for the remainder of their bath, but when he helped her back into bed, he curled in behind her and rested his head at the nape of her neck.
"I want you to know that I truly am sorry. For everything I put you through." He kissed her neck and continued on, "I'll never be able to take that back, and I hate that I cursed you with those horrible memories."
It was her turn to stop him, she turned to face him and in the dim twilight of the early daylight hours, she let the first tears of those memories fall from her face. "I don't want you to punish yourself…I…I just want us to find a way to bury all of that. I don't want to think of it anymore, it hurts both of us…and that's not our life anymore."
He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it immediately. Bella knew that there were about a thousand different things that Edward would rather ever think about than that dark time in their past, but she knew he did…and her nightmares weren't helping.
"I'll never stop regretting that I hurt you, Bella…not if I live forever." He held her belly like a life line and the tears that coursed down his cheeks met her skin.
They fell back into sleep that way, each one shaking with their silent tears as the other held and comforted. Perhaps they simply needed to acknowledge the others pain, because when sleep found them both, neither one had a bad dream.
When he woke next, it was to the sound of happy coos coming from Caleb. Edward rose, still tired but shaking off the sleep as he made his way down the hall to his little man. He loved this part of the week, because in his mind; he didn't spend nearly enough time with Caleb during the work week. But the weekends were theirs, both his and Caleb's. Now that Caleb was eight months old, he was so entertaining! While Edward prepared breakfast for his wife, their little boy would pull himself up, holding on to chairs, cupboard doors and even Edward's leg.
Happy to watch his son explore all morning long, he finished Bella's food, set her tray at her bedside and set off with Caleb to the nursery for some playtime.
For the next twenty minutes Edward watched his son in awe. It never ceased to amaze him just how smart their little one was. Caleb was crawling all over the place and squealing in excitement at the sight of his favorite toys, and it was like a cooling balm over Edwards aching heart. Just seeing his little boy smile and thrive was enough to calm even the worst of his nerves, but when he would crawl to him specifically to be held, everything wrong in the world suddenly became right.
Many would say that Caleb looked exactly like Edward, but when he looked at his son, he saw Isabella. Caleb emanated warmth, happiness and everything good…just like his mommy. As a new father, little things in the day would make Edward chuckle with happiness and clap with pride at all the fun new things Caleb seemed to be doing.
Caleb had just crawled to him and started gnawing at his chin when he heard Bella giggle from the doorway. He popped up with Caleb and smiled for her, she too seemed in better spirits from this morning, there wasn't the sadness anymore, and instead her eyes were filled with love…
"Hi mommy" he said for Caleb. He went to her and after a lingering kiss; she pulled Caleb into her arms for a hug.
"Good morning, sugar…" Edward loved to watch her with him, she was such a good mother and it made him proud to call her his wife. He wanted so badly to make her as happy as she made him; wanted to take every horrible memory he'd ever cursed her with and make them disappear.
Though enjoying his family was the easiest thing he'd ever done, the guilt he carried was heavy still and if anything it had only redoubled since the nightmares had started. He knew that they were all related to how he'd abandoned her early on with Caleb, but she was very quiet about the specifics and never went too great into detail. Though he was curious to know exactly what they were about—and sure he could help stop them if he did—he was scared to know just how deep the scars he'd caused had ran.
Though she'd had her fair share since finding out about their baby, todays had left him feeling as if it were significant in some way. She'd never before been so sick afterward, maybe it was just morning sickness…, but he knew better, no matter how much he wished otherwise.
What made matters worse was that she never complained. She was constantly trying to sooth him. Even when she was exhausted or even just feeling down, she would spot him watching her with a discerning eye and immediately she would wear a smile. He didn't doubt that she was happy…but he didn't like that she felt she had to hide it if for even a moment she wasn't.
The next day, Edward decided that maybe what was needed was quality time with Bella alone. His parents; always excited and anxious for a chance to have Caleb with them, were happy to take him for the evening while he planned out an evening of romance for his wife.
Though she was hesitant to leave Caleb overnight, she relented because as Edward reminded her, moments alone would come few and far between; especially when their newest addition was born.
That afternoon, a limo pulled up to their home, he helped her in and the driver grabbed their bags and set off to their destination. Sparing nothing when it came to Bella, he booked them the finest room in the most lavish hotel in Chicago. When they pulled up and were greeted at the Palms by name, and Edward's grand evening was set into motion.
Both were treated to a couples massage—Bella's being prenatal—and shared a quiet lunch on the terrace overlooking the water. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her throughout their day. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he knew what he didn't want to see; that was her feeling like he was doing this to appease her.
That wasn't at all why he did it. He did it because he loved her, deeply so. She was the mother of his children…the center for all good things in his world. He had no idea how to tell her or show her just how special she was…had no words that seemed good enough to even try.
By the time evening rolled around, he had presented her with a garment bag. She seemed utterly surprised that there was more to their day, but how could she? When they weren't being pampered, he was kissing and caressing her. After lunch had come and gone, he'd ever so gently pulled her to her feet, led her to their plush bed and made love to her with the balcony doors open.
He'd lost himself in the softness of her body, had been telling her in murmurs just how precious she was and how much having her and taking her like that had meant to him. When she'd breathed out her love for him as she climaxed, he'd carefully pulled her up to meet his eyes as he took her over the edge, and when she willingly fell over with him, he'd kissed down her body and lingered at the gentle roundness that housed their baby.
Now as they made their way down stairs in their black suite attire, he noted the lingering looks Bella was receiving in her lavender gown. She looked ethereal; her soft skin stood out like a fine cream against the satin, the glow of her skin shining like a beacon for every man to notice her. Edward couldn't wrap his arm around her tight enough, couldn't seem to stop from scowling at every person that stared at her the way he wanted to be doing.
"I must look hideous…" she whispered. He turned to her with a horrified expression and noted that she was serious. Her eyes were darting from side to side, no doubt noting all the looks, but obviously mistaking their stares.
"Isabella…" He stopped them just before the door and cupped her chin gently. "These people are stopping dead in their tracks to make sure they don't miss even a second of your beauty." When she dropped her eyes and self-consciously held her stomach with a sad frown, he too set his hands there and kissed her good and hard. "You have no idea how breathtakingly beautiful you are…and that is what makes men fall over their feet even more."
He led her out and inside their limo, where he held her like the treasure she was and told her how gorgeous she looked. She too shared her opinions of favor at his attire and tried profusely to get out of him where they were going. When she didn't get even a hint, she relented and simply enjoyed the ride.
As they drove to their destination, he noted the way her eyes would light up at the sight of a finely designed building or a historic piece of architecture. He could only smile and kiss her cheek as she smiled with excitement and anxiously tried to guess where they were headed.
As they approached the theatre her eyes were the size of saucers. She turned to him with question in her eyes and he simply nodded and kissed her nose.
"Wh-what are we seeing…?" she sounded dazed, as if this was truly the last place she'd expected him to bring her.
For the briefest moment, he was taken aback by the memory of their first date. As he'd set out their picnic, she'd asked about the musical he'd seen the night before. She'd known he'd gone, because she'd written up the press release herself. He'd shrugged nonchalantly and told her it was an average musical, "If you've seen one…you've seen them all." When she hadn't responded, he looked up to see her blushing crimson. He raised his eye brows in question, and she embarrassingly admitted that she'd never seen one…but that when the Phantom of the Opera came back, she was determined to see it first.
So tonight, as they exited their limo, and she looked around with tears in her eyes at the banners adorning the large stairway, he felt like he'd been given the stars. Before he could lead her up the walkway, she wrapped her arms around his waist, like she'd hug a tree.
He stared down at her in astonishment, but held her back just as fiercely. "Bella…?"
"Th-thank you Edward." She had her head buried in his chest, as she sniffled and continued to hug him tightly.
He breathed her in deeply and brought her arms up around his neck, then pressed a kiss to her lips. "I've been waiting for this to come back to Chicago…I wanted you to have this." As she clutched him close, he felt needed and strong. He'd finally given her this gift and it made him feel like the provider he'd always longed to be for her.
He hadn't given her romantic gestures like these when they'd first dated…no matter how badly he'd ached to. But now there was nothing to stop him from giving her anything and everything her heart desired.
As they made their way into the theatre, he drank in her excitement and anxiously awaited the show to begin. As they watched the phenomenon unfold right in front of them, he realized he'd never truly appreciated the perfection of theatre. He turned to tell Bella how amazed he was, but saw her wiping her eyes with a smile so bright adorning her face, and it hit him.
He'd never truly appreciated its beauty…because he'd never enjoyed it with the right person. But now…now he had forever with her.