setting: episode 7 "Pretty Much Dead Already" + the deleted scene

Salvation

Chapter 17 – Cherokee Rose

Daryl told Connor that he wanted to go and search for Sophia despite Rick and Shane's orders. The Irishman decided to take a couple of extra magazines with him, which was why he left and went back to their tent. Daryl used the time to get two horses ready, starting with the one he had stolen just two days ago. The hunter went to the tack room to get one of the surprisingly heavy saddles. He threw it on the bench and grunted in pain. The stitches were pulling and his waist burned with pain because of the wound. It hurt even more because Connor had hit it with his knee this morning, and there was a little damp spot again because it leaked. Daryl swallowed hard and needed a moment to gather himself because it hurt like hell. It was then when he heard footsteps and Carol's voice.

"You can't."

He looked at her in surprise and stumbled away from her.

"'m fine" he growled and sorted the headstalls.

He still hated how she was coming after him all the time. As if Connor didn't cause enough trouble.

"Herschel said you need to heal."

"Yeah, I don't care" he murmured and entered the horse's stall.

For a while he could feel Carol eyeing his back. He wanted her to leave. He felt guilty with her around. Because he still hadn't managed to find her kid.

"Well I do. Rick's going out later to follow the trail" she tried to reason with him, but the hunter just snorted.

Where was the stupid Irish freak when he needed him?

"Yeah well, I ain't gonna sit around and do nothing."

"No, you're gonna go out there and get yourself and your friend hurt even worse."

Daryl rolled his eyes and concentrated on the horse.

"Ain't my friend" he murmured and shook his head.

"We don't know if we're gonna find her, Daryl" he heard Carol say and stopped in his tracks.

"We don't" she repeated once more.

Had he just heard her say something like that? He turned around and looked at her in dis-belief.

"I don't" she continued and he could see first tears running down her cheeks.

No.

He couldn't believe this was happening. That even she would give up just like everybody else.

"What?"

"I can't lose you too" she said and it really hit him. She looked down and let her tears run freely. So here it was. The absolute proof that this woman cared about him. First Connor and now Carol. It was too much for him. He approached her and considered comforting her, because he hated to see her cry, but then again, he was just too angry. He couldn't understand how Carol and Connor could be so stupid to actually care about him. He who beat the shit out of Connor almost every day. He who couldn't find Carol's daughter. He walked past her and tried to calm down but their foolishness made him so angry that he grabbed the saddle and threw it all the way across the stable. A burning sharp pain made him wince as his wound got too strained because of his abrupt movement and the weight of the saddle, but when Carol ran for him and asked him whether he was alright, he had enough.

"Leave me be! Stupid bitch" he spat and stumbled away from her.

He needed space. Space and time to think. So Carol had given up. Even she thought that her daughter wasn't alive. The very girl he'd made his new sense in living. The girl he needed to find to prove himself worth his part in this group. The girl he needed to find because he hadn't managed to find his own brother. Daryl kept walking and thanked god when Carol wouldn't follow him.

"Murph?" Connor called out as he entered the stables.

He waited for Daryl to answer his calls, but apart from the soft breathing and pawing of the horses he couldn't hear a thing.

"Murph?" the Irishman called out once more and started walking to search the stables for his friend. All he could find was a saddle on the ground, which had obviously been either thrown or dropped. Connor frowned and knelt down to pick it up. He let out a soft groan when he could feel the pounding of his blood in his aching head, black eye and abused neck. When he looked up he saw that the door to one of the stalls was open. Connor got up to check if there was a horse in it or not. The animal was already wearing a headstall, so he figured that Daryl had been busy saddling it when something had caused him to leave all of the sudden. The Irishman sighed and stroke the horse's head absently.

"Any idea where he went?" he asked and smiled when the animal bumped its head against his hip.

The Irishman freed the horse of its headstall and stroke it once more. Connor enjoyed spending some time with the horses because they were so peaceful and calm and most of all, alive. It reminded him of their old life in Ireland. On the sheep farm. With Murph. Caspar and Cheezo, their two horses. He wondered what had happened to them. Probably turned inta walkers or got eaten. He sighed and turned his head to search the stables for Daryl once more. He didn't know what had happened, only that he had crossed paths with Carol on his way to the stables.

"Better get going, girl" he murmured and let go of the animal to leave the stable.

He still hated to be there because it made him feel uncomfortable.
It reminded him too much of his own foolishness and most of all the absolute terror and pain he'd had to endure in here just a couple of days ago.

Connor returned back to camp and tried to find Carol. She was sitting in the RV again and sewed some trousers, and when he asked her if she knew where Daryl was she told him that the hunter had left camp just a couple of minutes ago, heading somewhere west where the small lake was. The Irishman checked their tent just to make sure, and was surprised to find Daryl's crossbow in it. He knew that the guy never left camp without his beloved weapon, so he figured that he just had to be around the farm somewhere. Connor sighed and got his last three cigarettes from his pea coat, then he made his way to the lake.

He let out a relieved sigh when he saw Daryl sitting on the landing stage. He still had no idea what had happened and why the hunter would just stop right in his tracks. Hadn't Daryl told him that he wanted to go and look for Sophia? So how come he was just sitting there now? All Connor knew was that his friend was upset. He had to admit that he still didn't -really- know much about Daryl, but since he looked so much like his twin he could read the man nevertheless. Because Murphy had looked like this whenever he had been upset. Connor approached the other man slowly and watched him carefully. Daryl was moving his bare feet through the water and watched the small waves he was causing. He was obviously lost in thoughts, and now that he thought himself to be alone he looked strangely different. When Daryl was around people he was always watching everyone through narrowed eyes, as if he was going to kill anyone who came too close to him. Now that he thought that there was no one there he almost looked...innocent. It made Connor's heart ache because it gave Daryl the special Murphy vibe he had loved so much. His twin brother had always looked and acted so boyish, so innocent, although he had always been the more aggressive one of the two of them. With Daryl it was just the same.

Sometimes Connor thought that his friend's hair had gradually gotten darker, and right now it looked like it was almost black. Almost like Murphy's hair. It was like he was watching his younger half brood instead of Daryl. He decided to just stand there for a moment and burn the image in his head.
For just a second he wanted to fool his brain once more. This is Murphy, not Daryl he thought and imagined what it would be like if it really were his brother. His younger half would've turned around by now because they had always been able sense each other's presence without looking at each other or hearing each other. Murphy would have given him his amused smile by now and asked him why the fuck it had taken him so long to join him and give him one of his fucking well deserved cigarettes.

"Yah gonna stand there forever, yah creep?" Daryl growled and Connor startled a bit.

He had been so lost in thoughts that he had not realized that his friend had noticed him minutes ago. Connor put his hands in his pockets and came closer.
The hunter wouldn't look at him, he just stared at his feet in the water.

"What te fuck are ye doing here? I thought we was gonna look fer yer girl?"

Daryl snorted.

"She ain't my girl. She's Carol's daughter" he murmured and looked up.

"And looks like Carol ain't interested in her anymore, so there's no point 'n wastin my time any longer on this stupid search."

Connor raised an eyebrow and came to a halt right next to Daryl.

"Stupid search? I remember ye going out there looking fer her everyday, you didn't ever waste a fucking second. So how come yer just sitting here now?"

The hunter snorted.

"Screw yah."

Connor sighed and got one of his last cigarettes out.

He just looked at the small object and rolled it around between his fingers.

"Cig?"

"Keep yer shit t'yerself" Daryl answered and Connor snorted.

"Wow, hello Mrs sunshine."

The other man didn't bother answering. The Irishman shook his head.

"So? What now?"

Daryl finally turned around and glared at him.

"Why yah asking me? I already told yah, yer annoying the crap outta me, I don't want yah t'follow me everywhere I go! Yer like a fucking dog.
Why don't go somewhere and cry in a corner or something and.."

He froze and stared at something to Connor's right. The Irishman frowned and turned around. He couldn't see anything but a lot of grass, bushes and some flowers.

"What? Walker?"

Daryl pulled his legs out of the water and got up in a hurry.

"Murph? What the fuck's wrong?"

"Shut up" the hunter growled and made his way past Connor, but not without bumping his shoulder against his chest first.
The Irishman huffed and put a hand on his aching chest and frowned.

"Eh, watch were yer fucking going!" he complained and followed Daryl.

His friend came to a halt right in front of a bunch of flowers and stared at them.

"What te fuck's yer problem?" Connor asked with a frown on his face.

"Don't yah see it, dumbass?" Daryl responded and confused the other even more.

"No, what te fuck? And I thought I've lost my shit!"

The hunter pointed at the white flowers.

"Cherokee roses!"

"Yeah, so? Yer into bees and flowers now? Got a thing fer dresses and purses, too?"

"Fuck you."

Daryl knelt down to put his boots back on.

"Seriously Murph, what te fuck? I don't get what ye want."

"Just shut up and get back t'the farm t'get the horses ready."

"What?"

"Just do it!" Daryl yelled and started running back to camp.

"The girl ain't lost!"

"You see it?" Daryl asked as he led Carol back to the lake. He was glad that Connor had done what he had asked him to do. The Irishman had obviously left to get the horses, so he was alone with Carol. And they needed to be alone and have this private moment. For one because he wanted to apologize, but also because he wanted to share his new hope with her.

"See what?" Carol asked in confusion and followed him until they came to a halt right in front of the bushes where he and Connor had been standing just a couple of minutes ago. Daryl pointed at the white roses. Ever since he had seen the flowers he had felt a spark of hope again, the spark that he had needed, and the spark Carol needed now.

"I'll find her" he said and gave her a determined smile. The woman next to him still looked sad, but she tried to smile as well. They both turned their heads again to look at the Cherokee roses. Now that Daryl felt his optimism growing again he also felt guilty. He knew that he had called Carol a stupid bitch and he regretted his choice of words, his behavior in general. He had been angry and disappointed earlier, even a bit offended, but now that he looked at the flowers again he just knew that they were a sign that everything was going to be okay. There was no need to be angry or disappointed anymore, and he wanted her to know that. He bit his lip and eyed Carol, who was still looking at the flowers. Once again she just looked so sad and tired. He moved a bit closer and shifted awkwardly.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened earlier."

She looked at him.

"You wanted to look for her" she acknowledged and stared at the flowers again.

"Why?" Carol asked then and Daryl looked her in the eye.

"This whole time I've wanted to ask you."

Many thoughts were going through his head at this moment, because he had many reasons.

Because I failed t'find my own brother. Because no one went looking for me when I got lost. Because I hate that I've done nothing for this group so far.
Because no one deserves t'lose somebody important. Because I know how much it hurts. Because I've seen what it can do t'someone.

"Cause I think she's still out there."

Carol kept looking at him and smiled. Daryl turned his head then and looked at the flowers to his feet.

"Truth is, what else I got to do?" he murmured and was quite surprised when he realized the true meaning behind his words.

Until Sophia's disappearance and ever since he had lost Merle he'd had no real purpose. Carol looked at him and he frowned.

"And I think, if yer really looking for something and if yah really want to find something, then you will find it" he went on and got lost in thoughts.

He had seen it happen, because he was part of something like this himself, whether he wanted to or not. Connor had lost his brother and went looking for him, and now he had found him. He who happened to look exactly like this Murphy guy. He shook his head and tried not to think about that again. It still creeped him out. Carol moved next to him and took one of the flowers in her hand. For a while she just stared at the white petals and started smiling.

"We'll find her. We will. I see it" she said and look at him.

Daryl saw the slight change in her eyes. She didn't look so incredibly sad anymore.
He thought to see a spark of hope and returned the smile, knowing that for maybe the first time in his life he had done someone some good.