New chapter. I know it's a bit out of character, a bit too whiny, a bit too bla but whatever. It's the way I write and interpret the characters.

setting: episode 7 "Pretty Much Dead Already"

Salvation

Chapter 19 - Visitor

When Connor opened his eyes tiredly, he knew something was different. He was facing the thin side of the tent and could feel Daryl right next to him.
That was nothing new, but when he shifted a bit and woke up properly he just knew that there was something...

"So et just takes a stupid redneck ta replace me this easily?" he heard someone say.

Connor sat up abruptly and turned around. He stared at the figure which was sitting next to right, right on the spot where Daryl was supposed to be.
But there he was, grinning at him and chuckling. Connor looked at his twin in shock.

"Murph?"

"Hey Conn."

Murphy just smiled at him and leaned back. Even now Connor could see how much he and Daryl looked a like. Like they were a perfect copy of each other.
But there he was, Murphy, and when he placed a hand on Connor's shoulder he could see it. Aequitas. Written on his hand. The virgin Mary, tattooed on his neck.

"See yer doing great brother" Murphy said and pointed at his black eye and bruised neck.

"Fuck ye."

"Suicide's a sin, right?"

"Well, I ain't dead yet, 'm I. Looks like it didn't work."

Connor took a deep breath and just stared at his twin. He did not dare blinking because he was too afraid of him disappearing.

"I miss you so fuckin much" he said and swallowed hard.

"Aye,ye better do. I'd haunt yer ass if ye didn't."

"Aren't yer haunting me ass right now?" Connor murmured and his brother snorted.

He wouldn't say anything, they just stared at each other for a while. Then Murphy reached out to caress his brother's bruised neck.
Connor sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, surprised at the touch. His whole body ached, because he had missed the feeling of these hands on his skin.
He placed his hand on his brother's hand and squeezed it hard.

"Ye look like shite" Murphy stated and Connor snorted.

"Af course I do."

"I kinda welcome that stupid redneck ta replace me, and we've been inta many fights ourselves, but that fucker needs ta stop beatin you that much.
Yer black and blue Con. You shouldn't let him do that any more."

Connor snorted.

"He ain't replacing you. How can anyone ever replace ye?"

"He's got my face."

"But he's nat you."

"But he's doin ye good" Murphy murmured.

Connor sniffed and looked at his brother.

"Fuck that. You're my brother. Yer more than that, ye're my twin brother. Yer part af me. You're my soul mate fer Christ's fuckin sakes."

"Yeah, bout that. Af course I was. But I'm fuckin dead Con."

"No, you're not" the older said and shook his head stubbornly.

"I got bit, I died, I turned and you freed me" Murphy reminded him, but Connor wouldn't listen.

"Don't fuckin talk about that."

"You need ta fucking understand Con."

"Fuck ye, I don't wanna."

"Yah think killing yerself or talking t'yerself and imagining shit's gonna do ye good?"

Murphy rested his forehead on his twin brother's and took a deep breath. Connor placed his hand on Murphy's shoulder and patted and stroke it shakily.

" I just want ye t'come back ta me, 's all" he demanded and Murphy chuckled.

"You know that's impossible."

"Jesus Christ came back" Connor murmured.

"Aye, but I ain't him."

"I fuckin need ye."

"No, you don't. Nat any more" his younger half said and shook his head.

"Af course. It's always you and me Murph, don't ye get that?"

"Yer job's not done yet, Connor. I did mine. I became a saint. Next ta ya. We saved people and made evil men pay. That's why I was fuckin born.
I served my purpose. I died in peace. I fulfilled my destiny."

"My fuckin destiny's nothing different. We're twins. We were born fer the same purpose" Connor said and frowned.

Murphy shook his head and smirked.

"Ye know we're fraternal."

"Fuck that, we're still one and te same."

"You meeting that fuckin redneck, him looking like me, that's a sign Con."

"Yeah, a sign af the devil. Ta mock me and torture me. It's fuckin hell, Murph."

Murphy hugged his brother then and Connor wrapped his arms around him as well. He couldn't believe that he was holding a firm body.
He buried his face in his brother's shoulder and inhaled deeply. There it was, the scent that was so typically Murphy. Smoke and soap.

"I wanna be with you. I wanna join ye Murphy" Connor murmured after a while and Murphy stroke his back even more.

"You can't" he answered quietly and his blonde brother shook his head.

"But I can."

"I don't want ye ta kill yerself brother. Ye promised. Suicide's a sin. Don't be such a pussy. That ain't ye."

"Fuck ye."

"Promise me again, Connor."

"I can't."

"You can, yah fucker."

"I won't."

"Right. Talking ta you's no use then. Might as well just fuckin leave" Murphy said and tried to get up.

"Don't!" Connor wrapped his arms desperately around his brother.

"You need ta let go."

"No , I fuckin won't. Never again. Nat again. You can't do that ta me all over again.."

He felt how Murphy started stroking his back again.

"Oh Jesus fuckin Christ, ye've got no idea how much it freakin hurts Murph."

"I do, Con. Cos I felt te same the last few seconds af my life. Didn't wanna lose you, too."

"Why would god do that ta me? What did I do wrong? Why would he punish us like that?
Was it all wrong in te end, what we did?" Connor asked and looked at his brother questioningly.

"No 't wasn't" Murphy said matter of factly.

"Then why is he turning his back on me? "

"He's nat."

"He doesn't want me any more. He lets me whither, commit sins..."

"He loves ye Con. Just as much as I did. An he has his reasons. He works in mysterious ways, aye? There's still a path fer you. It's nat over yet."

"I can't go on. Nat without ye."

"But I'm still with ye."

"No, there's just someone who looks like ye" the blonde twin said and sighed angrily.

"I don' mean like that. I mean I'm still with ye" Murphy responded and let go of Connor, who looked at him in confusion.

Then Murphy placed his hand on his chest.

"In there. With ye. I'll always be in there."

"No."

Murphy frowned.

"Cos I'm fuckin empty in there. You ripped it out and took it with ye" Connor said and just stared at his twin with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Then I'm giving it back ta ye. I gave it back ta ye. The moment you saw that redneck."

"Fuckin stop et. Now ye sound like a stupid chick flick."

Murphy smirked. "Yer the one crying like a fuckin girl."

"Fuck you, I ain't" Connor retorted and wiped his face.

"Murph?"

"Aye?"

"It's just a fucking dream, right? Yer nat a ghost or some shit like that?" Murphy chuckled but didn't answer.

"This is like some shitty movie. Swayze all over" Connor murmured and took a deep breath.

"You've been watching too much tv again, haven't ye. You and yer stupid fucking films."

The younger chuckled.

"Haven't seen one in years" Connor answered and smiled.

"That's cos there's no electricity in zombieland, smartass."

"Fuck ye" the older muttered but hugged Murphy even more tightly.

The other twin sighed after a while. He shifted and tried to get up. Connor looked at him and frowned.

"Where are ye going?"

"Nowhere."

"Don't fuckin leave me again."

"You should sleep Con. You look like shit" Murphy said and smiled.

"Fuck ye, I won't close my eyes just so ye can magically fuckin disappear again" Connor growled and glared at his twin.

Murphy sighed and lay down. He just looked at his brother and waited for him to lie down as well.
It took Connor a while, but in the end he gave in and placed himself right next to his twin.

"You'll be the death af me, stupid" Murphy said and wouldn't stop looking at him. Connor's face fell.

"Turns out that's true."

Murphy took his brother's head then and pulled him to his chest. He wrapped one arm and leg around him and ruffled his hair forcefully. Connor groaned and fought back with a giggle. After a moment of scuffling he calmed down and rested his head against his twin's chest. He was surprised to hear a heartbeat.

"Murph?" he murmured after a while and stroke his twin's arm.

"Aye Con?"

"How much did it hurt? Did ye feel te bullet?"

He looked up to see Murphy's face. The dark-haired MacManus just stared back at his brother with his tired but somehow still so childish blue eyes.

"Af course nat stupid."

"So it's just te bite."

"It hurt like crazy, but that's nothing compared ta the other pain."

"What kinda pain?"

"The pain I caused you. Knowing I'd leave ye alone? Fuckin seein ya like that."

"Aye."

Connor rested his head against his chest again and sighed. They lay there perfectly tangled, the way they were used to since the day they had bodies in their mother's womb. Connor fought sleep for hours. He just stared at Murphy's rising and falling chest and tattoos. He inhaled his scent and stroke and touched him all the way he could.

"Night Con" Murphy said then and Connor yawned.

"Nah."

But he was so tired that he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

"I fuckin love ye more than anything in te world, brother" he murmured and finally closed them.

"I know. Same here. Love ye too Con."

And with that Connor fell asleep.

When Connor woke up the next day, Murphy was gone. Some noise and movement had woken him up, and when he finally opened his eyes he saw what had woken him up.
Daryl was fighting his tight grip.

"Let go off me, yah prick!" he complained and Connor let go in surprise.

Daryl moved away from him and growled.

"Jesus, what are yah, fucking girl?" he growled and sorted his clothes.

Connor rubbed his eyes and frowned. At some point he must've confused Daryl with Murphy, and now that he thought about it he realized that everything had just been a dream. He tried his hardest to keep it together and was glad when Daryl was too busy complaining and shouting at the world to notice how heartbroken he was all over again. It was like he could still smell the smoke and soap all over his body, like everything was screaming Murphy at him. He could still see him sitting there, grinning at him like he had just thought of something extra funny and outrageous. Daryl was still muttering something, and when he turned his back on the Irishman after a while Connor silently wept all over again. He did not dare making any noise, simply because he knew how much Daryl hated that, but the tears kept coming nevertheless. Murphy was gone. Again.

"Yah alright?" Daryl asked after a while and Connor snickered miserably. Of course he had heard it.

"Why, ye gonna punch me black and blue again if I say aye?" the Irishman murmured and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

"Ah screw yah. I didn't mean like that but fine, fuck yah" Daryl growled and shifted.

"Ye know fer someone who keeps pretending that he can't stand me, yer askin me that a lot."

Daryl snorted.

"Screw yah."

Connor got lost in thoughts for a moment. He thought about everything he had seen, everything he had dreamt about.

"Daryl?" he murmured after a couple of minutes and heard the hunter growl.

"What is it now, yah annoying freak."

"Ye believe everyone's got a purpose in life?"

Daryl snorted.

"What kind of question is that?"

"Forget et."

They didn't say anything for a while until Daryl sighed.

"If there was, what could possibly be mine. I've got none."

"Me neither."

Daryl snorted and turned around to face Connor.

"You? I thought yah calling was killing the baddies, saving the world from evil and all that shit."

"Aye, but that's not te matter any more. So whyam I still alive. I'm no use any more."

"Fuck you, is that another one of yah suicidal bullshit fits? Stop that shit, will yah."

"It's nat. I ain't thinking about killing meself."

"Then what is it?"

Connor didn't say anything because he didn't know whether to tell Daryl or not. When Daryl didn't get an answer he grunted angrily.

"I told yah t' fuckin tell me instead of letting it eat yah all up again and yer stupid crying and suicidal shit's annoying the.."

"I think I saw Murph tonight" Connor interrupted him and Daryl shut up.

"I know that sounds fuckin crazy and bullshit, but I'm nat pretending this time. Maybe 't was just a dream but it was so fuckin real."

Daryl didn't say anything. He remembered his Merle hallucinations from the day he got injured and chewed on his lower lip.

"What happened?" he asked quietly and Connor turned around in surprise.

"You believe me?"

Daryl looked away.

"The day I fell off that stupid cliff and climbed back up..I saw Merle. Maybe just an illusion because of the blood loss stuff going on but.."

He shrugged and Connor eyed him.

"Right. What did he say?"

"Same shit as ever. Mocked me. Because of yah and so on."

"Right."

"Did he say anything t'yah?" Daryl asked after a while and Connor snorted.

"Same as ever. He wouldn't allow me ta kill myself. Said I've still got things ta do. A purpose. Told me he didn't feel anything any more when I shot him, that he was already dead. I mean i could fuckin touch him, hear his heartbeat,smell him, hold him an shit. It was so fuckin real. I mean at first I thought it was you but when he talked..that was his voice and accent, his tattoos an clothes.'T was him."

He swallowed and then sighed.

"Guess my mind's just fucking with me. Just a dream I sappose. Still. Fuckin real one."

Daryl just looked at him for a while.

"But did it help yah in the end? What he said?"

Connor snorted.

"No. He made me promise I'm never going ta try ta kill myself and he said tha we should stop beating the shit outta each other though."

Daryl snorted.

"It's simple. Don't say or do anything that encourages me t' punch yah for it."

Connor smirked.

"I kinda want that, though. There's a reason I hold back and let ye win all te time."

Daryl groaned. "Yeah, I know yah want me t' kill yah so it's not suicide, but I know when to stop."

"It's not even that."

"Then what is it?"

"Aequitas."

Daryl frowned.

"What did yah call me?"

The Irishman rolled his eyes and looked at Daryl then.

"Justice. You look like him. So you kinda represent him fer me. I let yah beat me black and blue so I feel the same amount af pain I caused him when he got bit because I let him down that day. He told me it hurt like crazy and didn't fucking do anything about that. So it's up t'you to act as hammer af justice and cancel it out, so to say."

This made Daryl angry.

"Ever thought about asking me how Ifeel about that shit, asshole?"

"You look like ye kinda enjoy it, lettin yer steam off and everything."

"Christ, dammit. You're fucking nuts. Really, yah lost it now" Daryl growled and turned around.

Connor didn't say anything and just stared at the ceiling. The hunter moved and turned his head to glare at him once more.

"And yer calling me an egoistic fucker. The truth is: you are! You don't care about a single fuckin thing except for yah stupid dead brother and your whiny feelings about that. Yah fuckin pussy."

"I'm nat a pussy!" Connor growled and kicked Daryl angrily. The hunter got up and kicked back. Soon they were fighting and beating each other all over again. For a while they just fought and kicked until Connor ended up on top of Daryl and pinned him down, with nothing but a terrifying angry grimace on his face. He looked like a lunatic like that, with blue eyes gleaming and blonde hair pointing everywhere. Somehow he had managed to grab his gun and pointed it right at Daryl's forehead. When he remembered the scenario he let go of the gun in shock. Then he noticed the blood.

"Yer bleeding" he said when he saw the big damp spot on Daryl's shirt right where he'd impaled himself on his arrow.

"Yeah thanks for hitting me there, yah asshole."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

He grabbed Daryl's shirt and lifted it up to check on his injury. Daryl automatically tensed and tried to slap his hands away.
Connor frowned at sight of the wound. He found a piece of cloth and started to clean it up. Once he was done he climbed off Daryl and fell down next to him.

"We're going ta kill each other" he murmured and sighed.

Daryl snorted.

"Try me."

"I grabbed te fuckin gun."

"So?"

"I could've pulled the fuckin trigger."

"You didn't, did yah?"

Connor didn't say anything then and turned around to sleep on.