New chapter! LOL I'm so sorry. I keep torturing Connor way too much. I'm a horrible writer. Really. But meh. It's the Walking Dead.
It's the end of the world. People ought to suffer :D Shit's about to go down from now on. Dooowwwn doooownnn dooooown.

setting: episode 8 "Nebraska"

Salvation

Chapter 21 - Outburst

It had been hours since they'd found Sophia. Daryl and Carol had left soon after the shooting had stopped. Connor considered going after Daryl but when Shane, Andrea and T-Dog asked him to help them with the bodies he gave in. They spent quite some time moving several corpses. Only some of them were meant to be buried whereas the other half was put on the back of Shane's truck and driven away. Connor was sitting next to Shane in the car when the latter suddenly spoke.

"Sorry I brought your brother up" he said and Connor shrugged.

"Ye were right. Those people needed ta understand. Including Rick."

"So you think I was right?"

Was Shane actually doubting his deeds?Connor looked at him in surprise. Most of the time he quite hated the cop, simply because he was such a hyped up asshole and kept treating Daryl like trash, but right now he saw that his tough side was falling apart. The Irishman nodded and grabbed a smoke.

"Aye. I shot most of te fuckers, didn't I? I mean it's shit fer the girl an Carol but ye were being realistic. I mean fuck, I told Daryl she was dead. Weeks ago.
I called et."

"We need more men like you" Shane muttered and Connor snorted.

"Hey. Can I ask ye something?" the Irishman muttered after a while and looked out of the window. Shane nodded.

"Sure buddy. Spit it out."

Connor sighed and turned his head to look at the man next to him.

"Is it true? That ye sacrificed that one guy?"

Shane looked at him and snorted.

"What, you, too?"

The blonde just looked at him and the policeman looked away again and shook his head.

"I just did what had to be done, man. I had to save Carl's life."

Connor nodded.

"Aye. That's true. But still, you put anyone in danger again, like today...don't think I'll handle shit like Herschel and Rick."

Shane frowned and looked at him.

"Dude, are you actually threatening me?" he asked and snorted.

The other shook his head.

"No. 'm just warning you. That's all."

They buried the dead in silence. As Connor dug a hole he eyed Daryl nervously. His friend pulled a face with every move and placed his hand on his injured hip from time to time. When Connor saw blood running down his leg, he let go of his shovel, wiped the sweat off his face and approached him.

"Don't you think ye should stop now? Yer pullin the stitches. Yer bleeding."

Daryl didn't look up and kept digging.

"Yer fuckin hurtin yerself. Let me finish et fer you."

He grabbed the shovel but Daryl wouldn't let go. He glared at Connor.

"I dig the hole."

"Murph, I think.."

"My name is not Murphy, okay?" Daryl spat and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"Right, sorry, Daryl, it's just that.."

"I said I dig the hole. Now fuck off or I beat the shit outta yah with that shovel."

Connor eyed the shovel and then Daryl. He knew his friend meant it. He sighed and nodded.

"Right."

He walked back to his hole and continued digging. Every time he heard Daryl groaning his body ached as well. Daryl insisted on burying Sophia himself.
Carol wouldn't come out of the RV to join them, so Daryl buried her alone. When every body was buried, Connor prayed for all of them in silence.
Especially for the girl.

Once Daryl was done, he walked away and Connor followed him. He did not dare speaking after the shovel threat but he didn't want to leave him alone either.
Daryl walked right past the camp until they were walking down the path that lead towards the highway. When Connor kept following him he turned around.

"Fuck off" he growled and Connor looked at him.

He shook his head.

"No. I'm nat leaving ye after that."

"I said fuck off and leave me be!"

He shoved Connor who stumbled backwards but shook his head.

"Daryl, I know ye spent weeks looking fer that girl but I told you before. Besides, she ain't yer kid and.. it wasn't yer fault after tried yer best.
Sometimes shit like this just happens. It happened ta me as well. I tried ta save her and...Just..nothing we can do about it."

Suddenly Daryl punched Connor in the face. Connor gasped in surprise and almost fell.

He took a deep breath and then looked at Daryl again. His mouth was bloody but he didn't fight back. Daryl just stared him down.

"Fuck off I said" he growled again and Connor shook his head once more.

"No."

He earned another punch in the guts for that, but after a moment he pulled himself together and kept looking at Daryl.

"Go ahead if ye want. Fuckin beat the shit outta me if ye must."

Daryl glared at him and growled. He turned around and tried to walk away from him. But Connor kept following.
After a couple of minutes Daryl turned around again.

"I'm fuckin warnin yah, back off or yah won't see the rest of it."

"I know how you work ye stupid prick..." Connor said but was interrupted when Daryl punched him again.

The more often he did it the more it hurt the Irishman. But even that wouldn't make him leave.

"I know why yer fuckin doing this.." he went on and Daryl got even more furious.

Why wasn't Connor just fighting back? He needed a fight now. Because he was so angry.

"Now that the girl's lost ye wanna switch off yer stupid brain again.." Connor groaned when Daryl hit him again.

He was so angry because they'd found Sophia dead.
Because he had promised he'd return her alive and save and had failed, just like he hadn't been able to find his own brother.

" Ye don't wanna care because caring fucking hurts..."

Another punch. Daryl just wanted him to stop.

"I fuckin know ye just wanna run away cos ye think yer nat fuckin worth it."

"Shut up!" Daryl spat and hit Connor so hard that he fell to the ground.

When the Irishman just laughed he got even more furious, so he kept punching him.

"And now yer takin it out on me because I'm the only one that's in the way.
Cos I'm the only one that keeps ye here and that keeps you from being the uncaring bastard ye wanna be. And you fucking know it."

Those words felt like a slap to Daryl's face. The fact that this stupid freak was speaking the truth and knew him so well made him so angry, so furious.
He didn't want to hear the truth. But of course. Connor would be the one saying it. Because that stupid ass had it tattooed on his hand.

Goldyface said it, yah weak, yah need someone, yah can' run off on yer own baby brother.
Yer a loser. Couldn' find th'little brat, couldn' find me, can't run off, can't survive on yah own. Loser. I told yah. Even the little faggot's laughin at yah.

Merle kept mocking him inside his head. And it was all it took to make Daryl snap. He wrapped his hands around Connors neck and squeezed hard.

"I said shut up!" he yelled.

In a matter of seconds his mind just stopped working. He was so furious at the world, at Merle, at Sophia, at Connor who wouldn't shut up. He hated how everyone was assuming they knew him, how he worked, what was going on in his mind. The truth was that they had absolutely no idea. The hunter just wanted them all to shut up. Especially the Irishman, who was struggling underneath him and fighting his hands, but he wouldn't let go. Couldn't let go. "Daryl!" he heard someone shout and looked up in surprise. Rick, Shane and Andrea came running for them. When he heard them calling his name once more he realized what he was doing and why Connor was grabbing his wrists like that. He was actually chokinghim. The hunter let go of his friend in shock and widened his eyes. Shane and Rick grabbed Daryl by his shoulders and dragged him away from Connor who was gasping for air and started coughing heavily. Andrea knelt down next to him and took a look at his injuries.

"What is wrong with you?" Rick spat.

Daryl just looked at Connor who was still struggling and coughing.
His face was bloody and beaten up, and when he curled himself up and groaned in pain the hunter realized what he'd been doing to him."Andrea?" Shane shouted and she looked up.

"Looks like nothing's broken."

"Is he ok?" Daryl asked then. He felt horrible all of a sudden.

Shane punched him in the face. Daryl grunted and then eyed the policeman in surprise.

Andrea and Shane helped him up and tried to get him away from Daryl.

"It's alright, just a scratch, really. It's fuckin ok. 't was my fault, I was provokin him" he heard Connor murmur.

When Daryl wanted to follow them Rick held him back.

"Daryl!"

"I didn't mean to punch him..I just.. Christ, I just snapped, is he alright?"

"We're all devastated and stressed but that's not a reason to try to kill someone!"

"I didn't try to kill him! He's the only goddamn friend I have! Really, I just snapped..the stuff with Sophia and.."

Rick let go off him.

"Now listen up. This group is falling apart, we can't have people behaving like you do all the time.
We accepted you to the group because you're a decent hunter, because you put food on our table but.."

"I said I didn't mean to hurt him!" Daryl spat.

"We've warned you. Now stay away from him! I won't tolerate you around him any more if you can't control your temper! You would've killed him, whether you wanted to or not!"

"I said yah ain't bossing me around no more Grimes!"

"And I said stay away from him!" Rick spat.

Daryl just looked at Rick and then kicked the dirt.

"Whatever, I don't need any of yah anyway!T'hell with all of yah!" he growled and walked away.

When they wanted Herschel to check on Connor's injuries they were informed that he'd run off into town. Rick and Glenn left to find him as his daughter had gone into shock as well. Andrea and Shane brought Connor inside the RV and sat him in the back. They gave him some wet towels to wash the blood off his face and cool the bruises. When they left him alone after a couple of minutes, he let out a loud groan. Christ, his whole body ached. Daryl had done a pretty decent job with his beating. But in the end it was his fault. He could've walked away. He hadn't done it because he knew that this was what his friend wanted. He just knew the redneck too well by now. It was so typically Daryl. But no matter how hard he tried to isolate himself, he just wouldn't let him slip away. Connor coughed and groaned again. So much pain. He remembered Daryl's hands around his neck. He remembered his fists in his face. He remembered not being able to breathe again. He remembered staring into those blue eyes. Murph, he'd thought, do it. Please do it. I'm begging you.

And he had welcomed the nothingness. But once he'd heard Shane and Rick he'd known that he wasn't going to die. He'd known that Daryl wouldn't kill him then.
He tasted blood in his mouth. His whole body burned with pain. But that didn't really matter. He wondered why he was still alive. He'd been so close.

"Fuck. Look at ye" he heard someone say and turned his head.

Standing there in the hallway was his twin brother.

"Murph" he croaked and his twin smiled.

"Heya Con."

He sat down next to him and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder who winced in pain.

"Didn't I tell ye ta stop tha shit? Yer better than him. Stronger. Ye were even stronger than me. You could always win if ye want ta, brother."

Connor just shook his head and looked at his brother.

"Con. Ye need ta stop."

"Deserve et."

"No ye don't. It wasn' yer fuckin fault I died. And even if it were, I'd never do this ta ye. How can ye believe I'd want this?"

"Aequitas" Connor said and took his brother's tattooed hand.

"That's fer evil and corrupt people."

"Aye."

"Yer not one of them! Stop that shit. Yer the best fuckin person I've ever known."

"You mean I was."

He squeezed his brother's hand and then winced because it hurt.

"You need ta stop thinking ye deserve punishment."

"But I do."

"Shut up."

"Why, Murph?"

"You mean why yer still alive?"

Connor smiled when his brother just knew what he meant. Then he nodded.

"Because ye still got things ta do. People ta meet. People ta help. Things ta happen."

"Please allow me ta die."

"Never."

"Fuck you."

Murphy smirked.

"See it as a final task. A final job. And yer reward's me."

"How do I know when it's done?"

"You know when ye don't expect it."

"Fuck ye."

Murphy squeezed his hand then and patted his shoulder gently.

"I'm proud af ye, little brother."

Connor smirked tiredly.

"Yer the little one."

"We both know who's the older one."

"Aye. Me."

"Then fuckin act like it Con."

"Killing yerself takes balls."

"Living through shit and life even more."

Connor sighed.

"Then come back ta me so we can live through it tagether."

"Ye know I can't. I'm dead."

For a while they just looked at each other. Murphy just looked sad.

"Ye look fuckin terrible."

Connor snickered.

"Ye know I'm the prettier one."

Murphy laughed.

"Fuck you."

Suddenly they heard voices outside and Murphy squeezed his hand again.

"Time ta go."

"Please stay."

"Can't."

"Af course ye can."

"Love ye Connor."

"Love ye too Murph."

With that Murphy got up and before Connor managed to say anything he was gone.
Connor's eyes snapped open when he could hear how someone kept knocking on the door.

"Come in" he murmured and sat up.

He couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep. Maybe he'd passed out. Lori entered the RV and he smiled at her.

"Came here ta tell me how horrible I look again?"

She smiled a little but then looked worried.

"How are you?"

"Been better. But that's alright. Had worse."

She nodded and leaned against the kitchen counter. When Connor saw how she kept scratching her neck nervously he knew something was wrong.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just...god, I shouldn't even be here."

"It's alright. Tell me what's buggin ye. I don' bite."

"It's about Rick.."

"Aye?"

"He left hours ago. Headed for the town to get Herschel. But they're not back yet."

"So?"

"I'm worried. Maybe they need help. And I would go after them but I've got to look after Carl.."

She swallowed and looked down.

"I asked Daryl to go and help them but he refused. He told me to go myself but..." Connor sighed.

"Af course he's all bitchy now" he murmured and then looked up.

"You want me ta look fer yer husband?"

She nodded. He looked at her for a moment. She looked so worried and scared that he just couldn't say no. He nodded.

"Aye. Af course. I'm going ta find yer husband."