Tony paced.
The whole length of the warmly decorated waiting room.
Until Gibbs couldn't take it anymore.
"DiNozzo," he warned.
Tony didn't stop but snapped his head up, "What's taking so long?"
"I didn't think you were that excited to see the Doc."
Tony took a deep breath. "I wanna' get this over with."His tone was a little dark.
"Not gonna' be that quick. It's not a one shot deal." Gibbs tilted his head, thinking. "You expecting her to declare you insane, or something, Tony?"
Tony looked at him, and sat down, dropping heavily into the chair.
He folded his arms over his chest, and looked away from Gibbs.
"Oh…I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed, Boss."
He sighed, in defeat while Gibbs looked at him with concern.
"Unless you know how this kind of thing usually ends up, I would keep my options open. Don't write yourself off just yet."
Tony just scowled.
"Ow!" the headslap came at lightning speed. "Okay!" Tony said a little angrily. "I'm not crazy, but maybe you are…ah, Boss…" he tried to catch himself as Gibbs glared at him.
Just then the door to Rachel Cranston's office opened.
A sandy haired woman with a ponytail, in her early twenties, and a jogsuit, walked out with Cranston following her.
She had a comforting hand on the young woman's elbow as she spoke.
"I'll see you next Tuesday, Emily. Just remember the exercises we talked about."
The woman shook her head, and croaked out a "Thank you," before she left the waiting room with her tear swollen eyes, barely looking at the two men.
Tony suddenly felt a little guilty about being impatient. Obviously, that girl had issues.
Rachel looked at them, and gave them a warm smile, "I'm sorry for keeping you two waiting. Emily needed a little more time, but, I'm clear after this, so we can take as much time as we need." She motioned for them to follow her into her office.
Gibbs plopped right down on a small couch against the wall, while Tony looked momentarily confused as to where to seat himself.
"Right there, Agent DiNozzo," she pointed to the seat right in front of her mahogany desk.
She sat down herself, and looked at Tony.
"Do you want Agent Gibbs here for this session, Tony?"
Gibbs looked vaguely irritated by the question, but then seemed to think better of it, looking interestedly at Tony for his response.
"Ah…yeah, I don't mind if he's here. I can't imagine there's too much I would feel uncomfortable discussing in front of him."
"Well, this appointment is for you, and I want you to feel free to say whatever is on your mind when you need to."
Tony nodded.
She took a little breath, and leaned forward, folding her hands in a relaxed fashion on the top of her desk.
"Doctor Mallard filled me in on some of the details of what brought you here, and I have to say, you've really had an interesting couple of months." Her voice was soft and relaxing, with it's subtle purr, but her dark eyes looked into his with intense observation.
"Interesting." He said, and looked around her office for a brief moment. "Okay. I guess that's one word for it." He looked up at her. "I might describe it more as…unbelievable, completely screwed up, sickening…and..."
"And?"
He swallowed, "Really, really scary." He was amazed in a way, how fast she could get him talking.
Gibbs just watched silently.
"We'll get into more detail, but right now, I want you to tell me what frightens you the most out of all the things that have happened?"
He blinked for a moment, trying to formulate the answer.
He nervously rubbed at the corner of his mouth, and then put his hand down, nodding a little as he slowly replied.
"I would have to say…it's…it's not feeling like I have control over my mind…I don't…feel like …" he suddenly felt like he couldn't get enough air and took another deep breath. "I don't feel like me…anymore."
At the last words he let her see just a flash of the anguish he felt come across his face.
She sat back in her seat a little, composed and relaxed.
"When you feel out of control, or unlike yourself…can you describe what's happening or what that's like?"
He suddenly felt a chill go through him, and he unconsciously rubbed his hands together in his lap.
"I guess you've heard all kinds of crazy stuff, huh?" he smiled at her raising his brows for a quick moment. Her gaze remained steady as she smiled a little but said nothing.
"I-" he began, trying to let the words come out as he looked down at the desk. "I hear…things, sometimes, see things that aren't there. And I sort of…don't have a handle on what's really happening…I mean, I can't tell…what's real and what isn't. And stress seems to make it worse, I think."
She nodded. "Stress would certainly be a trigger for some of the automatic responses that were drilled into you. But," she leaned forward, looking at him very seriously, "I want you to understand something, and it's really important."
His eyes were riveted on her now, as were Gibbs'.
"You're mind was trained, to have thoughts you did not want, by other people. That makes obvious the fact, that your mind can be trained, and that you, yourself, can re-train it to divert away from, and eventually eliminate those unwanted thoughts."
Tony tried to absorb it.
"So…I can fix it?" he asked, but more like a statement.
She nodded, and smiled.
"I can fix it?"he asked it now, more hopefully, one brow raising.
"Yes," she said, "with time and some help. The drugs, the hallucinogens can have a long range ripple effect. But nothing as troublesome as the symptoms and feelings you are having now. They are more a direct result of the trauma, and the reinforcement of things you were subjected to."
"So, it's not the effects of the LSD that makes me hear and see things?"
"Well, certainly that is a contributor, but not the whole enchilada, as they say. No, I think you need time to process what's happened to you, and your mind, and if you're willing, I can help you and try to get you to the end sooner, rather than later."
He nodded eagerly, "That would be pretty awesome. I really need to get back to work-"
"In time, Tony, but please try to have patience. This isn't going to be easy. I'm going to ask you to go through everything that's happened, and try to work through it all, including starting mental exercises to help offset the…mind tampering you experienced. I think you should be prepared to be out at least four to six weeks, and see me for two hours, four times a week."
He tried to school his expression, to not let on how upset he was about the time frame she just gave him.
Gibbs saw the slump in his shoulders.
"Your job will be waiting for you. No one's riding that desk but you, okay?"
She watched the interaction.
Tony snorted. not turning to look at him. "Sure, Boss. How are you going to get things done without someone else there to cover me ? And I doubt Vance is gonna see it the same way you do." He rubbed his eyes, quickly getting a headache. "He's none too fond of me. I'm sure he has a replacement lined up."
Cranston and Gibbs were looking at each other in silent communication.
Gibbs leaned forward a little, his hand going on Tony's shoulder, as the younger man eyed it, "You'd be surprised what Vance has said, and done, since this all happened. I don't think you should worry about that. You're statement, on Kort...Vance said it can wait until you're ready. No one's cryin' over that loss. And we've all got your six. "
"I'm going to write a recommendation, with a diagnosis and a time frame, and submit it on your behalf. And I will probably be the one to then do your psych evaluation at the end. I think if you can just be patient, and are willing to work with me, you can get through this and back to what you love." She looked at Tony and smiled again, "You have quite a family, also, to help support you through this. And before you argue, remember, Agent DiNozzo, I've read all your files. And I know how many times you have put your life on the line for all of them."
Tony was a little speechless, as Gibbs sat back behind him, looking at Cranston with a wry grin.
"Hah," Tony said finally. "You always seem to know how to get me to talk, and then how to get me to shut up just as easy. Pretty good Doc."
Gibbs softly and with amusement, "Someone needs to know how to do it."