Pretty long chapter but I really didn't want to cut it in half. Forever crying.

setting: episode 13 "Beside The Dying Fire"

Salvation

Chapter 36 - Faith

There were too many of them. And they were getting closer. Too close. Daryl decided to give it up. It was pointless. Wasting their ammo on something so stupid. The farm was lost. And he knew it. They needed to get their things together and leave. He was just about to drive off when he remembered Rick and Shane. No matter how much he hated their stupid plans, they still didn't deserve to die like this. Neither because of walkers nor because of the fire. When he saw the RV he had an idea. He knew that he couldn't just drive in there and look for them because he was on his motorbike. It wasn't safe like that, but the RV was big and solid enough to make it through. He drove towards it and Jimmy, who was sitting inside, looked at him.

"Hey you, must've been Rick or Shane setting that fire. Maybe they're trying to get out back! Why don't you circle round? Go!" he shouted and Jimmy nodded.

"Got it!"

Daryl made sure that the kid made his way and before he drove off he turned around to check on the others. He saw Herschel's blue truck and Shane's Hyundai still driving up and down the property. Glenn and Andrea were shooting the walkers, Maggie and T-Dog were behind the wheel. He could see Herschel and the women by the farmhouse. Where the hell are yah, prick, he thought but couldn't find Connor. He heard more walkers coming for him and shot some of them in the head. It was getting too dangerous. They needed to get off the land. Now. He cursed himself for doing this but after a moment he got on his bike and drove off. He didn't drive far away, just a couple of meters down the road, away from the walkers. Hoping they'd make it out alive. Hoping that Connor was still alive.

He couldn't believe how much one tiny bite could hurt.
It felt like his head could explode any minute, like someone had poured pure acid all over his arm. Connor could literally feelthe infection spreading but he needed to keep going. He had told the women to wait for him. He had promised he'd find Lori's boy. The Irishman stumbled back inside the house and held his arm under the water tap in the kitchen. The bite looked nasty but he tried to ignore it. He needed to focus. If only for just another couple of hours.

"You should put a bandage on that" he heard someone say and sighed.

He leaned against the sink.

"You coming ta get me now?"

His twin brother snickered behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Not quite yet, Con."

"Guess you were right all te time, brother. Bout te whole thing. Dying when I don't expect it."

Connor swallowed hard.

"I really didn't see that coming, Murph" he whispered.

Murphy stroke his shoulder and nodded.

"Aye. 's always like that. No one's ever prepared fer it."

Connor turned around and looked at his brother.

"I'm fuckin scared Murphy. So fuckin scared."

Murphy chuckled.

"What, te redneck's right? Yer really scared af some stupid dead pricks? You can take them on. Yer Connor fuckin MacManus."

"I'm nat talking about the walkers. Or everything that's going on out there" Connor said and groaned when the pain in his arm got worse.

The headache was killing him. He bent over for a moment and gasped. Murphy stroke his back.

"'s that how it felt like fer ye?" the older twin asked and Murphy nodded.

"Aye" he said and Connor snickered.

"Guess yer right. Shouldn't hate myself fer putting a bullet to yer head then."

It felt like he could pass out any minute now. The room started spinning and he had trouble staying on his feet.

"It's all right Con. Everything's gonna be all right."

"I don't wanna die Murph. Not after all this."

His legs gave in but Murphy caught him.

"Not now Connor. Too soon. You gotta fuckin go out there, and you gotta end it. There's still shit that needs ta happen. Yer job's nat done yet."

"Aye" Connor murmured and tried to get hold of himself.

He turned around and grabbed a glass of water to pour it over his head.

"You know I fuckin love ye. Just a bit more an yer free, brother" Murphy said behind him and Connor nodded once more.

"You go out there. You can do this. Yer fuckin strong. You won't go down. Ye're like.."

Connor snickered and finished the sentence for his brother.

"Duke fuckin Wayne."

He took a deep breath and grabbed a towel to wrap it around his arm. He pulled the sleeve of his pea coat back down to hide the injury and nodded.

"Okay, let's do this shit" Connor murmured and turned around.

Murphy was gone.

There was chaos outside. The women had vanished and there were walkers everywhere. Herschel stood a couple of meters away from the house and kept shooting. When Connor saw him he approached the old man. Now that he was bit and feverish, his leg hurt even more as well. He could hardly walk anymore, which made it even harder for him to keep going. Herschel turned around and pointed the gun at him.

"Get away from my house, you soulless creatures!" he yelled and Connor tried to signalize that he wasn't one of them.

Herschel, out of his mind, confused and irritated because of the chaos all around them didn't see that it was Connor and pulled the trigger.

"What te fuck are ye.."

The Irishman couldn't speak on because a bullet hit his shoulder and knocked him down. Connor yelped in pain and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He wasn't sure what was going on for a moment because of the shock until Herschel's face swam into view.

"Connor? Boy? I'm so sorry! I didn't see that it was you, it was dark and the way you walked..You looked like you were one of them."

Connor gasped and looked at the old man for a moment, only to squeeze his eyes shut in pain.

"You fuckin..need some glasses old man" he growled and Herschel tried to get his jacket off.

When he did so Connor suddenly grabbed his hands and shook his head. He didn't want him to see the bite wound.

"Fuckin leave it.. You need ta find the girls..they fuckin ran off. We need ta get away fram here."

He tried to sit up and gasped when everything started spinning again.
He was in so much pain because of the bite and his leg that the gunshot wound didn't really matter right now.

"I'm not leaving my farm."

"Open yer fuckin eyes! The farm's lost! We got overrun, we're going crazy, you can't even tell who's on yer side!" Connor shouted and tried to get up.

The walkers kept coming closer now that they smelt his blood. Herschel tried to help him up but Connor shrugged him off. Suddenly he saw another walker right behind Herschel. "Watch yer back! Walker!" he screamed but before Herschel could turn around they heard a gunshot and the walker fell to the ground. Connor had finally managed to stand up and looked at the person behind them. Standing there, with a gun in his hand and his son next to him, was Rick Grimes.

"Where's Lori, did you see Lori?" he asked and looked at Herschel who shook his head.

"I don't know what happened, Rick. They just keep coming. It's like a plague, they're everywhere!" Herschel said and Connor nodded, with his hand still holding his injured shoulder.

"We were lookin fer yer boy inside the house but when we couldn't find him I told them ta go outside. They were sapposed ta wait fer me cos I wanted ta get Beth and Patricia. When I came back they were fuckin gone..Then he shot me in the shoulder.. We need ta leave, Rick. It's fuckin chaos here."

"Did you see where she was going?"

Connor shook his head.

"No but I guess she took off with the others."

Rick nodded.

"We have to go. Find mom and the others" he said and looked at Carl.

When he saw another walker coming he shot him in the head.

"It's my farm!" Herschel protested and Rick grabbed him.

Connor grabbed Carl by his shoulder.

"You stay with me, little fella."

"Not anymore!" Rick yelled and tried to get Herschel, who was panicking, away from the walkers.

"Come on!" Rick spat and Connor tightened his grip.

He dragged Carl with him as they headed for one of the last remaining cars. Herschel kept shouting and screaming at the walkers and Rick and Connor shot some of them dead on their way to their car. The Irishman could hardly stay on his feet anymore because of the exhaustion and his injuries, but he knew that he had one final task, and that was to make sure that the little kid would be with his mother again. Connor placed Carl on the front seat and then got inside the back of the car. Herschel and Rick followed them a second later. They drove off at full speed and bumped into a couple of walkers before finally reaching the road.

"Hey did ye see Daryl on yer way here?" Connor murmured after a while and Rick shook his head.

"No" he said quietly and looked at his son.

He placed a hand on his shoulder and then concentrated on the road again. Connor turned his head to look at Herschel who was sitting right next to him on the backseat. The old man just stared out of the window. At his farm. His land. They saw the barn on fire, with flames growing and swallowing everything that was in their way. It looked kind of beautiful and grotesque with all the walkers in front of them. After a couple of minutes the roof gave in and crashed down. The barn was falling to pieces. Just like their idea of heaven and peace on that farm. Everything was gone. Everything was lost. He felt sorry for the old man. He knew what it's like to lose your home, something that really mattered to you. He placed a hand on Herschel's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"I'm sorry fer yer loss" he said quietly and Herschel sniffed.

"That farm was my life."

"I know."

Herschel turned around and looked at Connor.

"I'm sorry I shot you."

Connor smirked tiredly and shrugged. He hissed when it hurt.

"'s all right. Just a scratch. Really. I'm fine. You tried ta protect what's yers. Everyone would do that. Everyone doesthat."

Herschel just nodded and looked out of the window again. As Connor watched the flames he thought about Daryl. He wondered where he felt it in his guts that he was alright but part of him wondered whether he'd see him again. Just once more. Because the problem wasn't that he was afraid that his friend was dead. He was afraid that he'd be dead by the time Daryl found them again. Because he was dying. With every second they drove on, into the darkness. Into nothingness. He just wanted to see his friend one more time. Because he wanted to thank him. Because he wanted to say goodbye.

Please god. Just gimme some more time. I know I wasn't that good these days and I know I sinned when I tried to take my life.
It was stupid. Pointless. Nat me. I know that now. So please don't punish me fer it now. Nat after all this time.

He closed his eyes and started praying.

Daryl parked a couple about a mile down the road to the house and watched the barn going down in flames. He couldn't help but smile a bit. Not only because he knew that a great number of walkers went down with it but also because the place they'd found Sophia in, the place that'd been her prison, was finally going down. Just like everything else. He thought it was beautiful. It had been years since he'd last seen something as strange and beautiful as that. Part of him had hated the farm. Too much had happened there. Too many deaths. Too many questions. Too many things had changed. And as he watched the flames he thought about Connor. He wondered where he was. How he was. He just knew that his friend was still alive, but he couldn't really tell if they'd see each other again. Part of him considered just leaving for good. He had always considered the possibility of just leaving the group. Maybe he would find Merle again. He grabbed the handlebar of his bike to play around with the accelerator, but when he did so he knew what he wanted. He didn't want Merle. He didn't want this brother. He wanted the otherbrother. Maybe their leaving was some sort of new start for them now. Maybe he could finally get rid off his stupid attitude and open himself up to the others. Most importantly Connor.

Because, really. What's so wrong about havin someone that cares about yah. It's all yah can get nowadays.
Pretty much everything that makes yah something more than those dead pricks.

His thoughts were interrupted by a piercing shriek that came from somewhere down the road. He turned around in surprise and then started his engine to drive back.
He saw Carol running from a small group of walkers. She was exhausted and kept screaming.

Had they really left her behind?

He shook his head because this made him angry.

"Come on, I ain't got all day!" he yelled and Carol sat down on his bike right behind him.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and shouted "Let's go!"

He turned around and drove off as fast as he could. The group kept following them, but they were faster. He could hear her panting against his back for quite sometime after they'd left the farm. Daryl was glad he'd found her just then. It was like a sign. He knew he was supposed to stay with the group. Now that even Carol had made it. He knew that they were going to find the others. Everything was going to be alright and he knew it.

They drove on for what seemed like hours. Connor's condition got worse with every hour. Herschel began to worry after a while and tried to take a look at his shoulder.
The Irishman shook his head stubbornly and tried to move even further away.

"I'm alright, okay. Just a fuckin graze. I'm just tired" Connor lied.

Of course he was tired, but not so much that it could make him look like shit. Because he looked like shit. The infection was raging through his body. He had the worst headache in his life and he could hardly move his left arm anymore. He snorted because of the irony. His left arm. The one with the cross. The one with Veritas.

The truth hurts Murphy had said when they got their tattoos.

How right he was.

The fever made him feel dizzy. Sometimes he confused little Carl on the front seat with little Murphy, just because their hair kind of looked alike. He saw him everywhere.
When he saw a pen lying there by the radio, between Carl and Rick, he had an idea.

"Eh Carl. Can you gimme that pen over there?"

The little boy turned around to look at him. He nodded and grabbed it to give it to the Irishman.

"What do you need a pen for?" the boy asked and Connor put it in his pocket.

"Gonna need et later. Doesn't matter. Just give it to me, please."

"Need a paper?" Carl asked but Connor shook his head.

He winced when it hurt.

"Nah's all right."

He saw how Herschel and Rick just frowned but ignored them. He prayed to god that they would find Daryl in time.

They reached the highway in early morning, just after sunrise. The sunlight hurt Connor's eyes but he was feeling a tiny bit better once they got out of the car and stopped driving. They stopped just in front of an old white car with bottles of water and a blanket on its hood. There was "Sophia stay here" written on it and Connor sighed. He sat down on the hood of their car and watched how Rick and Carl walked away.

"Where's mom?" Carl asked angrily and Rick stopped walking.

"You said she'd be here! We..we gotta go back for her" the little boy said and Rick shook his head.

"Carl..."

"No! Why are we running? What are we doing?" the little boy screamed which made Connor's head ache even more.

He buried his face in his hands for a moment and gasped.

"It's...it is mom. We need to get her and not be safe a mile away!"

Rick just stared at his son for a moment. When he kept shouting the policeman placed a hand on his shoulder and hushed him.

"You need to be quiet, all right? Please."

Carl looked at his father and nodded after a moment. Connor nodded as well and looked back up.

"Aye, yer screaming the whole highway down. I'm sure yer ma's all right" he muttered.

"Please. It's mom." Carl begged.

Rick knelt down in front of him and tried to talk to him but the kid ran away. Connor just looked at Rick for a moment and when Herschel started talking to him the Irishman let out a sigh and went after Carl. He sat down next to the kid and looked at him. Carl just stared down and pouted.

"Yer just like yer ma." Connor said after a while and Carl looked up.

Connor lit a smoke and let out a relieved sigh because it did him good.

"What do you mean?" the kid asked quietly and Connor snickered.

"When she found out that you were gone she started screaming down the neighborhood as well. But in a brave kinda way. She wasn't scared af the possible danger.
She did everything she could ta get ye back. Just like you did a second ago."

Carl looked at him for a while.

"You were with her?"

"Aye. Tried ta look after her. Yer ma's a tough one, that is. I'm sure she's all right. She'll find us. Don't be so hard on yer Da."

"You're a man of god, have some faith!" they heard Rick shout and turned around in surprise.

The policeman stared at Herschel who looked down. Connor snorted.

You can have all the faith you want but you can't understand god's plan fer any af us. Believer or nat, he thought and grabbed his injured arm.

"Does it hurt?" Carl asked and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"What?"

"You're hurt. Is it bad?"

The Irishman snickered and ruffled the boy's hair.

"I'm Irish. I was born ta live with it."

"Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind" he heard Herschel say and froze.

He was surprised how much those words hurt. Because the old man was right.

"It's all right Con" he heard Murphy say and turned around in surprise.

Carl wasn't sitting next to him anymore. It was Murphy instead. Just about Carl's age. He remembered his face all too clearly.
He had always mocked Murphy because he was a little late with everything. He had always looked like a baby, childish, innocent. Snotface.

"All you've gotta do is take me hand, squeeze yer eyes shut and ask god ta take the pain away" little Murphy said and Connor snickered with tears in his eyes.

He remembered those words. Their Ma had always said that when they were little. When they had returned home from all their crazy games and when they had got hurt. At some point they stopped running for their mother and ran for each other instead. Whenever Murphy had managed to fall off a tree and hurt his knee, he had been there and taken his hand. Whenever he had managed to crash their bike and hurt his chin Murphy had been there and taken his.

It's all right Con. I'm here.

"It's all right Con. I'm here."

Both little Murphy next to him and grown Murphy in his head said at the same time.

"Aye."

The little boy placed his hand on his and squeezed it. There was no "Aequitas" written on his tiny fingers yet, but he knew that someday there would be. Connor squeezed back and nodded.

"Aye" he murmured again and looked at Rick.

When he turned his head he saw Carl sitting next to him again. Murphy was nowhere in sight.