Oh my. Why am I doing this. It's like I'm cutting my heart out with a blunt bread knife.

setting: episode 13 "Beside The Dying Fire"

Salvation

Chapter 37 - Infected

They were still waiting for the others to come back. Rick still wouldn't leave with Carl, no matter how many times Herschel told him to leave. Connor felt really sick now. It wasn't even the bite itself that was worst. It was the fever that was killing him. He felt like he was burning up, like his bones were made out of glass. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. Rick and Herschel's endless discussion got interrupted when they heard another walker. They all looked up in surprise and hid behind their car. Connor leaned against it for a moment and tried to muffle his groans and gasps because he didn't want to attract it to them. The walker just passed them but didn't seem to notice them. They watched him leave and let out a relieved sigh. Herschel wouldn't let it go though.

"I don't know how much longer we can stay here" he whispered and Rick looked at him.

"I'm not leaving without mom" Carl muttered and looked at his father.

"So we're just gonna walk away? Not knowing if my wife, your girls are still out there? How do we live with that?" Rick whispered back.

"I ain't going anywhere" Connor muttered and watched the walker.

"You've only got one concern now, just one. Keeping him alive" Herschel said to Rick and looked at Carl.

"He's leaving. He didn't see us" Connor said and put his gun away because he couldn't hold it any longer.

It was getting too heavy. He could hardly keep his eyes open any more. Rick and Herschel were too busy arguing to see how he was.
Only Carl looked at the Irishman. At least he looked worried. Connor smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"Nature may be throwing us a curveball, but that law is still true" Herschel said and the expression on Rick's face changed.

He looked like he was really considering it now. He knelt down in front of Carl and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Carl. It's not safe here. I'm sorry. We'll..."

The little boy started sobbing. When Rick tried to explain it to him, Carl just turned around and buried his face in Connor's pea coat.

"Please tell them. We can't leave. Please."

The Irishman looked at the boy in surprise and faced Rick.

He was surprised that Carl was asking him to do something.

"I.. look little fella..I.." he stammered and looked at Rick again.

He felt awkward because of the whole situation. Rick placed a hand on Carl's back and tried to make him turn him around again.

"Carl, you need to understand, please..We'll..."

They all turned their head when they heard the engine of a vehicle. It was coming from somewhere down the road. For a moment they just waited until they saw what it was. Whoit was. "Thank god" Connor said and couldn't help but smile. They saw Daryl and Carol driving down the motorway on Daryl's bike. Maggie and Glenn followed him in Shane's Hyundai. A second later they saw T-Dog, Lori and Beth in Herschel's blue truck. Rick, Carl and Herschel ran for the place where they parked their cars. Connor wasn't as fast as them. When he finally reached them they were all busy hugging and welcoming each other back. Daryl had his back turned on him and Connor smiled when he saw the wings on his back. He knew his prayers had been heard.

"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asked Daryl.

"Well, those guy's tail lights zigzagging all over the road.. figured he had t'be Asian driving like that" he said and Connor could tell he was smiling.

The Irishman was almost there behind him.

"Good one" Glenn said with a smirk on his face.

When he saw Connor he nodded.

"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl asked and Rick looked at him.

"We're the only ones who made it so far."

"Shane?" Lori asked and got up.

Rick shook his head.

"Andrea?" Glenn asked and Carol answered.

"She saved me, then I lost her."

Connor was finally standing right behind Daryl. For a moment he considered scaring the crap out of him by grabbing his shoulders, but then he decided to let it go.
He wanted him to see him first.

"We saw her go down" T-Dog said.

"Patricia?" Herschel asked and his daughter looked at him.

"They got her, too. Took her right in front of me. I was...I was holding onto her, daddy. She just..."

She started crying and Herschel and her sister tried to comfort her.

"What about Jimmy, did you see Jimmy?" she asked and Rick looked at her with a sigh.

"He was in the RV. It got overrun."

For a while it was quiet except for Beth's sobs.

Then Daryl spoke.

"What about Connor?"

The Irishman smiled when he heard that. Glenn grinned and pointed at him.

"How about you turn around?" Daryl turned around and looked at Connor in surprise.

For a moment he couldn't hide his surprise and joy but once he could he growled and nudged the Irishman.

"Didn't bother tellin me, yah stupid idiot? How long have yah been standing behind me, yah creep?"

Connor tried not to wince when Daryl hit his arm. With the infection and all the injuries it felt like a simple little blow like that could break his bones. He grinned at him nevertheless. When Daryl saw Connor his heart missed a beat. Because he'd been scared for a second. Just for a second he'd thought that Connor was gone, but there he was, standing right in front of him, with bloody face and so pale it almost looked creepy. And when he saw how Connor smiled and looked at him, he knew something was different. That Connor was different. It made him frown.

"Looks like yer still in once piece. Maybe yer not as whiny as I thought" Daryl said and offered him a hand to welcome his friend back with a casual handshake.

Connor took his hand and pulled him into a hug with a soft giggle.

Daryl growled and tried to shake him off.

"How many times have I told yah t'get yer stupid hands off me? Could yah be any more gay?"

Connor let go of him and smirked.

"Just glad ta see you made it, man" he said and Daryl frowned when he saw his shoulder.

"Course I made it. What the hell happened to yah?"

"Herschel shot me. He mistook me fer a walker."

Daryl snorted.

"Can't blame him. You look like shit. Will yah ever learn t'watch yer ass when I'm not around? Good lord. Pathetic how yah still need a babysitter at yer age."

Connor sighed and pulled a face. It made Daryl even more suspicious. He could have sworn that it had looked like his friend was in pain. Real pain.

"Can we please stop all that fuckin mocking and insulting each other fer once? Please? Just fer today?"

This made Daryl frown.

"What the hell is wrong with yah?"

The Irishman just smirked and leaned against the car.

"Just a bit tired, that's all. The gunshot wound, all that fucking chaos...kinda wasted me."

Daryl snorted.

"Yer such a girl."

Daryl was so clueless. Connor couldn't really tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It didn't really matter in the end. Sooner or later his friend would figure it out. He knew Daryl was smarter than everybody thought. He just wanted to keep pretending for a little longer. Pretending that he was alright. That he wasn't dying. That they had enough time to enjoy their friendship. That he had enough time to help Daryl change for the better and become that remarkable human being that he could be once he got rid of his inner demons. But he knew it wasn't going to happen. His time was running out. Their time was running out.

"Did you see Andrea? Really see her?" Carol asked after a moment and they both looked up.

"Well no, but there were walkers everywhere" Lori said and Daryl moved.

"I'm gonna go back" he said and Rick turned around.

"No" he said and Connor placed a hand on Daryl's shoulder to pull him back.

"No fuckin way."

"We can't just leave her" Daryl said and frowned.

"We don't even know if she's there."

Connor wouldn't let go of Daryl which made the latter turn his head and look at him. He stared at Connor's bloody hand, the one with the Veritas tattoo. He was just about to say something again when he saw how his hand was shaking. He realized that the Irishman wasn't only holding him back, he was also holding on to him. Somehow the whole scenario scared the crap out of him.

"She isn't there. She isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her" Rick said.

Daryl turned around again because he couldn't believe that Rick Grimes would say something like that. It was like he was turning into the new Shane.

"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn asked and Rick shook his head.

"We gotta keep moving." Daryl snorted and turned around with his motorbike.

"Where te fuck are ye going?" Connor asked and Daryl moved his bike back on track.

"We can't just leave her there. Someone's gotta get going if yah haven't got the guts."

He bent over his bike to adjust something when Connor saw the walker from an hour ago coming from behind a truck right next to Daryl.

"Watch yer back!" he shouted and pulled his gun.

He was there in no time. He was quite surprised that he could still run, but before Daryl even managed to grab his crossbow or gun Connor was there and shot the walker in the head. They both panted heavily because of the shock and stared at each other. And as Connor looked at the walker and the gun in his hand he remembered. Yer job's nat done yet, Con. You've still got a purpose. Some shit you've gotta do. He knew he had just saved Daryl's life. If he had given up back inside that kitchen yesterday, his friend would have died today. "Thanks" the hunter murmured and looked at the dead walker to his feet. He kicked it and turned around to face the others. Rick pointed at them.

"See? There's walkers crawling all over here! It's not safe! The bigger the road, the more walkers. We're leaving now."

And here they were, sitting inside their cars again. Driving down some endless road. He saw Daryl and Carol driving in front of them. Connor just stared out of the window and looked at the trees and houses they drove past. After an hour or two he closed his eyes from time to time. Just to try it for a bit. What it felt like. Dying. The fever and pain got worse and worse. He could feel every bump, every tiny stone they crossed. It felt like his bones were breaking with every move. He leaned his head against the window pane and let out a relieved sigh when it cooled his burning forehead. He groaned when someone placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

"Connor?"

He moved his head tiredly to see who was talking. Lori was sitting next to him with a worried look on her face.

"What's the matter? Is it the gunshot wound?"

"'m all right" he croaked and closed his eyes again.

Lori placed a hand on his forehead and gasped.

"You're burning up."

" Said I'm fuckin all right, okay? Jesus" he murmured again but Lori turned around to look at her husband.

"Rick, I think Connor's not feeling well. Something's wrong."

T-Dog turned around and looked at him. Rick eyed him in the rear-view mirror and sighed.

"This isn't our only problem."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"We've been riding red for the past hour." Rick said and Connor snickered tiredly.

"Aye, me too."

"Better make sure we don't get forgot" T-Dog said and Rick nodded.

He honked and Daryl slowed down in front of them. They all got out of the car. It took Connor quite some time to get out but he tried to hurry because he saw T-Dog and Lori coming for him. He didn't want their help. He didn't want them to know. Rick ran for Daryl who still sat on his bike.

"You out?" he asked and Rick nodded.

"Running on fumes."

Connor staggered after them and sat down on the hood of their car.

"We can't stay here" Maggie said and Glenn looked at her.

"We can't all fit in one car."

"We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning" Rick said and Carol frowned.

"Spend the night here?"

"I'm freezing" Carl said and Connor looked up.

"You can have my coat. I'm melting" he said and got rid off his jacket.

He was glad he was wearing a sweater so people wouldn't see the wound. He folded his arms just to make sure. Carl put his coat on with a smile on his face.

"We'll build a fire, yeah?" Lori said and Daryl nodded.

"Connor and I will go out looking for firewood. Stay close."

Connor looked up and paled at the thought.

I can't do this. I can't fuckin take it anymore. I just wanna sleep.

Daryl frowned when he saw the look on his face.

"Only got so many arrows. How you doing on ammo?" Daryl said and looked Rick.

"Not enough" the policeman just said and Daryl turned to look at Connor.

"You?"

The Irishman tried to concentrate but couldn't really do so.

"I ..I dunno. Not much."

"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out" Maggie said and Herschel growled.

"Watch your mouth. Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick."

Daryl approached Connor and sat down next to him. He stared at his friend for a while and frowned. Connor tried not to look at him and pretended to reload his gun.
It was impossible to do so because his arm hurt and his hands shook violently.

"I'm askin yah once more. What's wrong with yah?"

"I'm fuckin fine, okay?" Connor spat and looked at his friend.

They both just stared at each other until Rick spoke.

"All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on."

"Glenn and I can make a run now, try and scrounge up some gas" Maggie said but Rick shook his head.

"No, we stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."

"Rick, we're stranded now" Glenn said and the policeman nodded.

"I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse but at least we found each other."

Connor looked at Daryl then. Rick didn't know it, but that sentence meant more to him than to any of them. Because it was true. Because it summed them up. Connor had been through hell after losing his brother and getting bit. Daryl had been through hell with his family and losing Merle. But they'd found each other. Not only today. He took a deep breath and tried to fight tears. Oh Christ, yer nat one of that lot. You won't cry like a fuckin baby now. He looked at his friend and swallowed. Jesus fuckin Christ, Daryl. I don't wanna die.

The hunter turned his head and looked at his friend with a frown.

"I wasn't sure..I really wasn't but we did. We're together. We keep it that way" Rick went on and Connor snickered sadly.

If only that were true.

"We'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place" the policeman said and Glenn approached him.

"Rick, look around. Okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify. Hunker down. Pull ourselves together. Build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it "he spat and they all looked at him.

Connor grabbed a smoke and tried to lit it shakily. It took him longer than usual. He saw how Daryl looked at him again but the hunter wouldn't say a word.

"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe" Maggie responded and her father looked at her.

"We won't make that mistake again."

"We'll make camp tonight. Over there, get on the road at the break of day" Rick said and pointed at an old lithic watergate by a small lake just off the road.

"Does this feel right to you?" Carol asked Daryl who turned around and looked at her.

"What if walkers come through or another group like Randall's?" Beth asked Rick who didn't answer.

Suddenly Daryl spoke when he remembered something.

"You know we found Randall, right? He'd turned but he wasn't bit."

Connor grabbed his arm when he heard this word and sighed shakily. He wondered when he'd turn.
He was sure about one thing though: He wouldn't make it through this night.

Rick stared at Daryl in surprise and the others kept asking him questions.

"What the hell happened?" Lori asked and Connor sighed.

"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted ta."

Lori looked at Rick with a frown.

"And then the herd got him?"

It was quiet for a while and Rick just stared down until he finally answered.

"We're all infected."

"What?" Daryl asked in disbelief and Connor swallowed.

He hated how they kept talking about that topic. He didn't want to think about it nonstop for the last couple of hours of his life.

"At the CDC Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

They all just stared at him in disbelief until Carol came closer.

"And you never said anything?"

"Would it have made a difference?" Rick said and shrugged.

"You knew this whole time?" Glenn asked and Rick snapped.

"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo..."

"That is not your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone" Glenn said and Rick shook his head.

"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know. Now get our things and guns together. Connor, Daryl, you get some firewood."

Daryl nodded and nudged Connor.

"Come on, let's go." he murmured and headed for the woods.

Carl gave Connor his pea coat back once he wore his father's jacket.

The Irishman took a deep breath and followed Daryl after a moment, stumbling and groaning with every step.