Without a Sound

Disclaimer: Nope… nada… Except the plot…

Please review. Thanks to all that sent me one for chapter four. I can't express how happy I was when I read all of your kind words of encouragement. I will keep writing and I hope you all will let me know what you think.

Chapter 5

Every morning, I woke up at five… my watch would vibrate to alert me.

My watch, though it looks like a regular watch, has my entire life scheduled in a system of alerts.

The watch has been programmed to my school bell schedule so that I always know when to switch classes. That way I wouldn't have to rely on watching to see if people are moving.

There were many things I hated… but relying on others is one of the things I hate most.

I promptly got out of my bed and entered the bathroom.

I would be in here for an hour.

The bathroom is probably where I spend most of my time, even though it's my least favorite room in my house.

Any room with a full-length mirror is a room I hate.

My life was full of contradictions.

I walked to the bathtub and turned on the water. As I waited for the water to get hot, I took off my clothes.

I hated looking at myself but of the time I spend in the bathroom, ninety percent is spent in front of this mirror.

Yet another contradiction.

My mirror complex started when I was seven…

… when I lost my voice.

Sure I could never actually hear my voice but I could feel it. I could always feel a gentle hum in my throat. The vibrations were soothing and cathartic.

People would always tell me that I was yelling, that I was noisy and I hated them for telling me.

How could they blatantly dismiss my sounds as noise? They could hear! Why couldn't they see how precious it was?

Now, I only wish someone could tell me to stop yelling.

The privilege of yelling was stolen from me.

Almost everything is stolen from me.

When I lost my voice, people around me started acting differently…

In the worst possible way.

People who knew I couldn't make a sound realized…

I would never be able to scream for help.

So every day since the first injury, at six o 'clock in the morning, I would sit in front of my mirror and take inventory of the damages to my body.

As I got older, the desire to do this task started to dwindle…

Because my injuries were cumulative.

Everyday I look in this mirror and realize that every bruise, bump, scratch, cut, burn, blemish, welt, gash, and scar would never go away.

I was ashamed.

Why couldn't I just be normal? Why do I have to look like this?

I watched as my reflection wept and shook as tears fell down.

And life wouldn't even allow me the comfort of crying out, of sobbing.

All I could do was watch as I convulsed in agony at the sight of my battered, useless body.

I hated it! I hated the people around for making me this way, and I hated outsiders because they would never understand.

But I hated myself the most for putting up with it, for allowing myself to be useless and unworthy.

I hated myself for giving up.

I looked at my upper thigh and observed the column of horizontal cuts.

I hated myself and these cuts were proof.

Nobody knew about this, not even my brother. And I plan to keep it that way.

They'd only look down on me anyway.

I quickly swiped away my tears and pushed all my thoughts to the back of my mind.

I looked at the mirror and put on a goofy smile.

This goofy smile is what's kept me alive this far.

After my shower I toweled off and put on my clothes.

The moment I stepped out of the bathroom my watch vibrated.

It was six on the dot.

I took a breath and walked out of my room. When I made it downstairs I went to the kitchen for breakfast.

I was surprised to see my mother sitting at the table reading.

'Good morning. Why are you down here so early?' I read her lips.

I signed that I was always dressed and ready by this time and pulled a package of yogurt from the fridge.

'Why don't you wake up at six like Roxas? Don't you want another hour of rest?'

I shook my head no and signed that I had a schedule. After that I smiled slightly and signed that I was going back upstairs.

'Be back down at 7:05 okay?' she signed as she spoke.

I nodded before finishing off my yogurt and throwing it away.

I bumped into Roxas as I walked to my room.

'Hey there bro! Finished already?' he signed.

I nodded and signed that because I didn't stay up late all the time I can afford losing an hour of rest.

It looked as if he was laughing and he signed 'smartass!'

I huffed before smiling and opening my door and walking inside.

I closed the door and walked to my desk. I looked at the whistle Mr. Leonhart gave me and I smiled.

A real smile.

He told me he could help me. He was going to teach me to be strong.

I wasn't going to disappoint him.

I took the whistle and hid it under my shirt.

When I had gotten home yesterday I had finished those practice questions he had assigned with ease. It was so easy to understand because it seemed like Mr. Leonhart new various ways to explain one thing.

I could see all of the concepts and approach them from all sides.

It made me happy.

Today, I wouldn't be afraid to approach life from all sides.

-Without a Sound-

When Roxas and I got to school, my brother was immediately whisked away by his friends and decided to ignore their glares.

They acted like I would give him a disease or something. You can't become deaf by hanging around a deaf person for five minutes for fuck's sake!

I huffed before quickly entering the building. If I stayed out for too long I would easily become a target.

I moved quickly down the halls, trying my best to avoid bumping or having any physical contact with anyone.

When I had finally gotten to my locker on the third floor, I had been pushed intentionally three times.

I sighed and opened my locker. When it opened three letters fell out.

I wouldn't bother reading them, they would all say the same thing:

GO DIE. END IT NOW!

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around quickly only to see my brother smiling at me.

'Hey! Are those love letters I see? Oh Sora! You dog, you! Let me read one!' I read his lips and I panicked.

I shook my head quickly ripped them all and threw them in the trashcan that luckily is right next to my locker.

'Sora! Why would you do that! You didn't even read them! That's so mean! Think about all those poor girls that you just hurt!' Roxas scolded.

I gave him a guilty look and turned away from him.

When he couldn't see my face I rolled my eyes and huffed. Roxas may be a top honor student, but he sure was stupid…

I faced him again and smiled. I signed that I had no interest in going out with anyone.

'You should tell that to those girls who wrote you those letters. It wouldn't be fair to them if you didn't' I read Roxas' lips.

I nodded.

'I gotta go now. See ya!' Roxas waved as he walked down the hall.

I grabbed my things for class and walked to homeroom.

Today was a B day. I would have physical education, my second study hall, civics and free enterprise, and art. It was more relaxed compared to my A days. On those days I had Math, study hall (aka more math with Mr. Leonhart), biology, and English.

I sighed and watched the homeroom teacher. I was watching his mouth carefully so that I could raise my hand when he calls my name for roll.

When he did I raised my hand to let him know I was here. When that was done I sat and waited for my watch to let me know when to move for class.

-Without a Sound-

P.E. was a joke.

I was never allowed to play any of the sports in class.

Coach Yuffie said that it would be too hard for me because most sports require communication and obviously I couldn't do that.

So I was official scoreboard.

I was forced to sit and watch others play while I kept score.

Of course people would always tell me I have the score wrong, or that I was incapable of keeping track of basic numbers.

If I say the score if 3 to 7, then the score IS FUCKING 3 TO 7! God if I had my voice I would not hesitate to curse the fuck out every student at this shitty ass school!

I might even yell at some teachers too.

Sadly, that is only a dream.

I was happy when I could finally leave that class. Now I could go to study hall and sleep.

I finished all my homework last night so I really had nothing to study.

I walked into the classroom and sat down. When everyone was settled down I rested my head on my hands.

After about five minutes, I fell asleep.

'Well Sora, let's take a look at your homework.' Mr. Leonhart said.

I nodded and handed him my assignment. After looking over it for a couple of minutes he looked up at me and smiled.

'Great job Sora, I knew you could do it. Let's start on the harder questions now.' I read his lips and nodded eagerly.

Mr. Leonhart wrote a question on a piece of paper and handed it over. 'See if you can figure it out. If you have questions go ahead and ask them.'

I looked at the question and judging from what I remember from the notes yesterday, the hardest part was organizing the variables in the equation correctly.

After about fifteen minutes I finally had an answer. I handed Mr. Leonhart the piece of paper.

He looked over the work and then the answer before smiling again.

'I'm not surprised that you got this right. You seem to have a natural instinct to keep attacking the problem until it's answered.' I smiled and signed my thanks.

Mr. Leonhart leaned over the desk and connected our lips. I sat stiff, shocked by the sudden action.

Mr. Leonhart traced his tongue along my bottom lip and I gasped. Mr. Leonhart seized the opportunity to enter my mouth.

I sighed when I felt his tongue graze mine.

When we finally parted Mr. Leonhart looked into my eyes and said.

'You're welcome.' Before attaching our lips again.

I jolted awake by the vibrating of my watch. After about ten seconds of registering what I had jus dreamt, I turned red and put a hand to my lips.

This was not good.

I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out of the room. I can't believe I had a dream about kissing my teacher! I also can't believe that I…

… That I liked it… I liked the thought of kissing him! That was so wrong! I need to clear my head.

Luckily it was lunch so I could get some fresh air outside.

I ran to my locker to put away my things when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned slowly this time, thinking it was Roxas.

But it wasn't him.

'Hey there buddy! Why are you out of your cage?' I read.

My cage? What was this idiot talking about?

I realized that I was now surrounded by a bunch of mean looking kids.

'Yeah, everyone knows retards should stay in a cage!' Another one said.

I started to panic. I tried to run but they caught me.

I cannot express how much I wanted to scream when I felt myself being lifted and shoved in a locker.

When the locker door was slammed shut, I really wanted to scream.

It was dark and the space was small.

My worst nightmare.

I could feel textbooks stabbing me in the back. I could barely move an inch.

I could feel tears stream down my face.

I couldn't make noise, I couldn't hear noise, and I couldn't see.

Besides my sense of touch and smell, I was completely shut down.

And that was what I feared most out of anything else in the entire world.

I wanted to sob, I wanted to wail, I wanted to scream, I wanted to get out!

I was afraid and alone.

I couldn't even hear if anyone was coming near.

There was nothing I could do.

My eyes were pouring buckets of tears and my body trembled slightly.

What could I possib-

THE WHISTLE!

Luckily, they shoved my arms against my chest so I didn't really have to move to get it.

I managed to pull at the lanyard until the whistle was in my hand. I moved my head down and got my mouth around it.

I blew the whistle as hard as I could.

I kept blowing and blowing. I wouldn't stop until someone opened this locker door.

When I thought I would never get out, the locker was wrenched open and I fell to the floor.

I felt hands at my shoulders and I jumped. I scrambled to get up.

I was going to run away but then someone grabbed my arm and I was face to face with an angry teacher.

This teacher had spiky blond hair and was yelling at me.

He was talking to fast! I couldn't tell what he was saying.

I just shook my head and let more tears fall as he yelled.

This only seemed to make him angrier. He grabbed my shoulders again and shook me a little.

I started to tremble. The teacher continued to yell.

I did the only thing I could think of…

I started to sign.

My hands moved frantically as I formed words.

I can't hear you. I can't speak. Please stop yelling and talk slowly. I'm scared.

The teacher finally seemed to realize what was going on.

'Oh my god I am so sorry! I had no idea! You must be Sora. I didn't mean to grab you so harshly. Please forgive me.' I sighed in relief. He started talking slower.

I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes, which I imagine were red and puffy.

'I just wanted to know who shoved you in this locker. I was irritated because the whistle was piercing and interrupting my work. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. When you shook your head at me I thought you were just refusing to tell me so I got angrier.' The teacher explained.

I shrugged and shook my head. I don't know.

The teacher sighed. 'I can't punish anyone if I don't know who it is. I'm sorry Sora. The kids that did this to you are gonna get away with it if you can't tell me who they were.'

I slumped and shook my head. Forget it.

'That's a shame. My name is Mr. Strife. But since you're not my student, you can call me Cloud.' He smiled.

I shook my head and started to walk down the hall. I can't speak. I'm not going to 'call' you anything!

Cloud seemed to notice his mistake. 'I'm sorry! That was really insensitive of me. Please forgive me.'

I waved. Forget it. And I walked away,