author's note: aahhh. so much angst. I hope I portrayed Beck alright in this chapter, I love him and I wanted to capture him well... I'm not sure if I did though. ehh

You think the couch is too hard, but your back aches and your neck aches and you think that if you move so much as a millimeter your body might break. So you say you're sick (even though you're not) and you pile pillows around you so high you could drown and you watch Animal Planet all day long.

You don't want to have anything to do with anyone today, but when Beck calls to ask are you okay and how do you feel and can I bring you some jell-o after school, you squint your tired eyes, rub your sore neck, and say, "Yes."

You wish Jade had called.

The elephants on the TV screen are making soft, sleepy elephant noises and your eyes close.

You wake up to a television program about Siamese cats. You're sweaty from being trapped under a mountain of pillows while you slept. You rub your eyes and push the pillows off your body. You consider showering, but you don't want to get up (you're not even sure if your legs will work).

Someone knocks on the front door and you yell, "Its open!" You're pretty sure its Beck so you don't move your eyes from the mewing kittens on the TV.

"Hey, Tori, we brought you some jell-o. I hope you like the red kind, Cat ate all the green."

You look up and see Cat prancing in behind Beck, her little hands clutching a stuffed lamb, her eyes bright and sugary.

"Hi Tori, how do you fee—oh my gosh, kittens!" Cat claps her hands and giggles, running and plopping herself in front the TV. She crosses her legs and tucks her small feet under her knees.

Beck laughs and runs his hand through his dark hair. "Sorry, I know she can be a little… well, Cat, but I was afraid she would cry if I didn't let her come."

You smile because you know it's true. Cat's hair glows from the light of the screen.

"Thanks for bringing me jell-o, Trina and my parents are gone this week so I have to take care of myself," you say, sticking your bottom lip out and pouting.

Beck smiles and laughs and for a second you wish it were Jade, not Beck, who was bringing you jell-o. You swallow your guilt.

Beck asks you how you feel. You hate lying to Beck. So you tell him the truth: you say, "I'm just tired."

Because that is true. You're just tired. You're just tired of dealing with Jade and Beck, and Jade's sharp looks, and her snaps and barks and, even worse, her silences. You're just tired because you know that no matter how many times she smirks at you or rolls her eyes and says shut it, Vega, you'll still look at her like she's a goddess.

Beck looks like he doesn't know what to say. You think he's a little shocked.

"Whoa, Tori Vega skipped school just because she was tired?"

"Yeah, well, I was really tired. Like, really really." That's all you can say.

"Cat, tell Tori what you told me in the car."

Cat doesn't look up. The back of her head is stock-still as you watch her watch the kittens on the TV screen.

"Cat…. Cat?" you try. You lean forward. "Hey Cat? Cat! Cat!" You yell a little louder than you meant to, and Cat jumps and grabs her lamb.

"Cat, tell Tori what you told me," Beck says.

"Oh!" Cat giggles. "Beck told me that if I eat too much jell-o my teeth will turn to mush, but I don't believe him because one time my brother ate 15 packs of jell-o in 8 minutes and he still has most of his teeth!" She giggles again and smiles brightly.

"No, Cat, the thing about Jade."

Your breath hitches. You hate hearing Beck say her name because you remember that they're together, that they have been for two years, and that he's here bringing you jell-o and making sure you're okay but you're wishing it was Jade bringing you jell-o and making sure you're okay, instead. You feel guilt bubbling up your throat. You want to apologize to Beck, but you know he won't understand and you can't explain why.

"Oh yeah! Jade!" Cat's eyebrows furrow together and she leans towards you. "Today at school she said she missed you."

Your heart jumps.

"I looked at her funny because, you know, she kind of hates you, but then she said," Cat lowers her voice in an attempt to imitate Jade, "I've gotten used to the constant ringing in my ears. Okay?"

Beck nods. You just stare. Jade said she missed you. Jade said she missed you. Jade had noticed your absence. You had only been gone one day, and Jadesaid she missed you. You keep repeating that to yourself. She missed you. She missed you. She missed you.

Your heart jumps again.

The reasonable side of you knows that Jade probably just said she missed you so she could tack that snarky comment about her ears ringing on the end, but the hopeful side wants to think that maybe she really did miss you.

"…so do you know what's going on with her?" Beck asks.

You have no idea what he just said.

"Wait, sorry, what?"

Cat frowns, concern tugging at her features. "Tori, do you feel bad?"

"I'm just tired, Cat, thanks," you rush out, and look to Beck. "What?"

"We just wanted to know if you know if something's wrong with Jade, she's been acting less Jadey than usual."

You blink. You have noticed that she's been a little distant, but you that might be because of the fights with Beck.

Beck shrugs. "I mean, it's no big deal, she's just off and I thought maybe you two had another huge fight or something."

You didn't. You think back and you're sure you didn't.

Cat says that maybe Jade just ate some bad Mexican food, and you and Beck just look at her.

They leave soon, Beck saying something about having to finish a script writing project and Cat talking about squirrels eating tacos.

You sigh. You're tired but your heart won't stop doing acrobatics.

You turn off the glowing TV. You tuck yourself into your oversized sweatshirt and fold your body around the pillows.

Jade missed you. Jade missed you. Jade missed you.