a/n: I'm soooo so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated in so long! idk I wrote this kinda in a hurry so I'm not sure its very good... siiigh.

anyway I'm going away for a month so I won't be able to post anything then, but I'll write more of this story and I might write a oneshot about Tori Goes Platinum from Jade's POV so I'll post a lot of things right when I get back

You run your hand through your knotted hair and wish you were anywhere but here. The chilly air is making your nose turn red and your bare arms have goose bumps. You blow on your fingers and then rub your cold hands together and you really hate yourself for losing your jacket at school. You wonder why, out of all the days, today had to be cold. LA isn't supposed to be cold, you think. You're angry at the weather.

Cat runs around you, her baby blue sweatshirt tied around her waist, the sleeves of her sparkly purple shirt pushed up to her elbows, her little pink shoes hitting the asphalt with loud slap slap slaps. You think she's pretending to be a superhero. Or an airplane. You're not entirely sure.

Jade and Beck walk in front of you, Jade holding Beck's hand and Beck reading the shopping list. You're really not in the mood for jealousy, so you try to focus on how cold you are instead of on Jade's tiny wrist, and Jade's pale hand, and Jade's skinny fingers wrapped around Beck's too big ones.

Beside you, Andre's quiet complaint grow louder and he turns to you and asks you why on earth did you tell him to leave his hat at school, so you say: "It made you look like a chicken!"

Cat stops twirling and stops in front of you, her hands playing with the hem of her shirt, and giggles. "I thought Andre looked cute! Like a cute little baby chicken!" She starts making chicken noises.

"Um… thanks, Cat. I think," Andre says.

Jade abruptly turns around, dragging Beck along with her. "Vega told you to ditch the stupid hat because it made you look like a freak. Right, Vega?" Her smile is menacing; you know thisisn't her real smile, it's her don't even think about pissing me off smile.

"I…I thought he looked like a chicken…" you say again.

Jade doesn't say anything. She just rolls her eyes. You're glad she doesn't respond because she always makes your head foggy and fuzzy. She takes away your ability to speak coherently and you're sure you sound like an idiot whenever you talk to her.

Beck clears his throat and starts to read off the shopping list, but Robbie interrupts him to complain about how he's really cold because his jacket got dirty so his mom made him take her old coat but he was too embarrassed to wear it.

You roll your eyes.

Beck finishes reading off the list and Andre drops his hands to his side and looks defeated. "Aw, man, I can't believe Sikowitz is making us do his Thanksgiving shopping! On a Saturday! At an outside market!" He twists his face into a scowl, and everyone agrees with him.

"So, who wants to get the eggs?" Beck asks, and Cat immediately jumps up and down and shouts, "I do! I do! Pick me!"

Beck shrugs his shoulders and says "….okay" and picks her.

"I love eggs!" Cat giggles and runs off in search of eggs.

You immediately decide that maybe letting Cat get the eggs was a bad idea because she's accident prone and she'll probably break them, but you don't say anything because you know Cat would be crushed if you didn't let her get them.

Beck and Robbie volunteer to get the ingredients for the stuffing, and Andre wants to get squash because the word "squash" makes him laugh. Jade doesn't want to get anything, but Beck talks her into helping, so she rolls her eyes and chooses cranberries because, she says, cranberries are red and red reminds her of blood and she really likes blood. You shudder and decide to get asparagus.

"Move, Vega."

You cringe when you hear Jade bark your name. You want Jade to leave you alone. Every time you talk to Jade, or even hear her voice or look at her, you end up wishing you could give her what she deserves because you know she deserves more than this, whatever this is. You know she's happy with Beck, but you're not sure if she's happy with anything else.

"What, Jade?"

"You're in my way."

Jade looks at you expectantly.

"Oh," you say. You can't think. "You want me to move?"

"Oh my god, Vega, stop being so dumb all the time! You're in front of the cranberries so I need you to move." Her eyes narrow and her hands clench the sides of her leather jacket.

"I'm sorry, Jade! I just…. I dunno.. I just…" you trail off. You're not really sure what you want to say.

This is the side of Jade you don't like. It's the side that you wish you saw less of, but you know that without it, Jade wouldn't be Jade. You just wish she would treat you the way she treats Beck, or even Cat.

"You just-you just-you just what, Vega?"

"I didn't do anything, Jade! I'm sorry for standing in your way!"

"God, you know, I thought that being nicer to you would make you less annoying, but I guess I was wrong! You're still an annoying, stuck-up brat." Her blue eyes are clouded and angry.

She turns on her heel and stalks off, the breeze blowing her dark curls over her shoulder.

You shift your weight from one foot to the other. You hear a siren and you see your friends getting food at the stand next to you, but all you can think about is Jade. You know you pissed her off, but you don't think you were being annoying.

You actually thought you two were kind of friends. You know you shouldn't have thought that, and that you should've known that Jade wasn't really your friend, but in the back of your mind, hope always tugged on you and told you keep trying and maybe Jade will come around.

You sigh.

You crave Jade's pale skin, her dark hair, her sharp blue eyes, and you hate yourself for it.

You wish you could accept that Jade won't ever look at you the way you look at her, that she won't even be your friend, or at least be civil to you, but you can't.