A few weeks later….

Mac's POV

I feel like crap today… and I've felt like crap all week. No matter how much sleep I try to get, I wake up feeling completely exhausted. I need multiple cups of coffee to get through a day at work. And I'm such a grouch… I'm impatient with everyone – my students, my colleagues, the kids and Harm, and I hate it. I know something is wrong, I've known for a couple of weeks now that I should probably see our family doctor, but I don't want to. I'd never admit it to anyone (ok, maybe to Harm if he pushes hard enough), but I'm scared. With the right medication, my endometriosis pain has been under control for a while now, and I've been feeling good.

Since we adopted Jack (now aged eight) four years ago, and Katie (who's now six) about a year after that, Harm and I have been so… happy. We're fulfilled in our careers. Raising Jack and Katie, and helping Mattie navigate young adulthood, has been an amazing adventure, filled with laughter and tears (like all the clichés say – and they're all true), and overwhelming joy. At this point, the last thing I need – the last thing we need – is to find out that there's something seriously wrong with me. Wouldn't that be just my luck though? The moment everything seems to finally be moving in the right direction for me, I get some crazy hormonal disorder, or whatever this is that's making me so ridiculously tired and cranky all the time.

Harm's noticed that something's wrong, of course. When it comes to me and the kids, nothing gets past him. He's been putting pressure on me to see a doctor, and I keep telling him it's just stress, at which point he puts pressure on me to take time off work, and then I get mad and say something that I end up regretting. Like yesterday morning... Jack and Katie were eating their cereal at the kitchen table, I was standing next to the sink, drinking my second coffee of the morning, and Harm was standing next to me, putting fruit in the kids' lunch bags and something… slightly less wholesome in mine. It went something like this:

'Your brownies, noble lady,' he whispered into my ear.

'Thank you so much,' I whispered back, 'I can't believe you actually got out of bed at 0400 just to bake me some brownies. And I've been such a… witch to you lately. Why are you being so nice to me?'

'Hey, you're tired, you're cranky. We all understand. You think the kids didn't smell the brownies when they walked in here this morning? Jack told me that he knew I baked special brownies for Mommy because Mommy isn't feeling well. I told them that the brownies were for all of us, and that they'd get theirs after school. And then Katie said you could have hers too, if it would make you feel better.'

'Awww.' My heart melted into a big puddle.

'By the way hon,' Harm continued in that sexy whisper of his, 'remember the after-school program has been canceled until summer, so you need to pick the kids up at 1330 today.'

'Crap,' I say, wincing and smacking my palm on my forehead, 'I forgot all about that, and I have a really important meeting with the dean at 1300, and it's probably going to run a little long. I was going to pick them up right after the meeting. I know it's a long drive for you, but would you please pick them up today?' I almost always drop the kids off at school and pick them up, because my office is just ten minutes away from their school and my working arrangements are more flexible. Barring any unforeseen events, I can usually go straight home after picking them up, and then work from home for the rest of the day if I need to.

He looked at me with the same concern that's been in his eyes for most of the past month. I love that look, because it shows how much he cares, but right now I also hate it, because it reminds me of just how much the kids and I depend on him, and how much I want to be there for him and the kids too. God, please don't let this be some awful debilitating disease….

And then he spoke. 'Sure… I'll need to rework my schedule a bit, but I'll figure it out.'

'Thanks, I owe you one. I gotta go, or Jack and Katie will be late for school. Have a great day,' I chirped, forcing brightness into my voice as I leaned over to kiss him.

'Sarah,' he said gently, softly, and something in his tone stopped me right in my tracks, with one hand on his arm, the other on his shoulder. 'I'm worried about you. You need to take better care of yourself.'

'Harm!' I dropped my hands, suddenly angry – at him, at my forgetfulness (even after Harm had reminded me twice over the weekend and stuck a note on the fridge so that I didn't forget that the after-school program had been canceled), at the school for canceling the program, and most of all at myself. My voice came out much louder and rougher than I meant it to. 'I'm fine… so I forgot that the after-school program was canceled, big frickin' deal. What? Does that make me an unfit parent?'

Harm looked meaningfully over at Jack and Katie, who'd finished their cereal and were just staring at us, their eyes almost as wide as their empty cereal bowls. The little darlings aren't used to seeing their calm, level-headed mom mad… and seeing how shocked they were only made me feel about twenty times worse. The anger left me, and I felt deflated, and small. Harm sent the kids to their rooms to get their backpacks, and then he turned to me… and now that look of concern was mixed with one of steely determination.

'Mac, I made an appointment for you with Dr. Ross… it's for 1630 tomorrow. I've arranged for Crystal to come over and watch the kids while you're at the hospital.'

'What? Without telling me?' The anger came rushing back. Who does Harm think he is? I thought to myself, my father? I almost said the words out loud, but I tamped down my anger and settled for a more measured, grown-up response. 'Harm, I'm sorry I yelled at you, especially in front of the kids…. And I know you're only concerned about my welfare. But I can take care of myself, you know that.'

'I do know that. But no one can keep all these balls up in the air when they're not feeling well. You need to see Dr. Ross and get to the bottom of why you're so exhausted and cranky. You work so hard, Mac, to look after all of us. You deserve to be healthy and happy too. And you won't just be doing it for yourself, or me, but also for Katie and Jack. They deserve to have their mother healthy and happy, don't you think?'

When he put it like that, I had no response. I finished off my coffee, kissed him goodbye, and then quietly took the children to school (and fielded their tough questions in the car about why 'Mom was mad at Dad' – they may not have been born to us biologically, but they've somehow managed to inherit our courtroom skills anyway. They gave me a really good grilling).

Anyway, all that is to tell you why I'm sitting here in Dr. Ross's waiting room right now, hoping and praying that she'll say I'm just suffering from a mild form of the flu… or something. Her secretary calls me in, and Dr. Ross welcomes me warmly. She's a lovely lady – petite, blonde and perceptive. She asks me the usual questions, then examines me quickly, and the most curious look comes over her face. She calls for a nurse to come and take some samples, and leaves me with the nurse, saying 'we'll run just a few tests, Mac. We should have the results of most of them in less than half an hour. Excuse me while I check on a few patients, then I'll come back with your test results.'

After the nurse takes vitals and samples and leaves the room, I sit there alone feeling sorry for myself, and then my phone rings. It's Harm.

'Hey babe,' I say, trying to sound cheery, 'how's work going today?'

'As well as can be expected, considering that I can barely focus on anything except you, and the fact that I should be there with you right now. I hate that I couldn't get away, we're just trying to tie up all our loose ends before the weekend.'

'Don't be silly, it's nothing serious. They're just running the standard tests. I'll let you know what the results are as soon as I get them.'

'You'd better. I gotta go – we're re-convening. I love you.'

'Love you too. Bye.'

I sit in Dr. Ross's office for what seems like an eternity, and then she bustles in again, brandishing my file and wearing a smile the size of Texas.

'So… from the smile on your face, I guess it's good news then,' I say, feeling the tension leave my body to be replaced by a feeling of pure relief. 'What is it, Doc? Some kind of bug, right?'

'Mac, just between you and me, it's been one of those rough days for me. Most of the patients I've seen today are battling very serious issues. I've had to break a lot of bad news to people today. So I am so very pleased to have some good news to give you.'

'Huh? You mean there's nothing wrong with me? Doc, I've been feeling super crappy, I'm pretty sure that….'

'Mac, you're pregnant.'

'Say again?'

I gape at Dr. Ross in total amazement and disbelief.

'Say that again, Doc, because,' I giggle nervously, wondering if hearing things is another symptom of whatever is wrong with me, 'I could have sworn you just said I was… pregnant.'

'Yup, definitely pregnant. About two-and-a-half months pregnant.'

I sit there stunned for a few moments longer and then the weirdest sensation takes over. Exhilaration and excitement seem to fizz through my veins, filling me with what can only be described as sheer joy. I feel like I'm a bottle of champagne that's just been shaken up. And then, I wonder if it's all just too good to be true.

'Doc, are you sure? I'm pretty sure I had a period last month. It was really light, and weird, but I didn't think too much of it….'

'That happens sometimes, Mac, and yes, I'm absolutely sure. Now we're going to have to take things easy with this pregnancy – you're in very good health but with your medical history and age, we will have to be careful. I'll make an appointment for you to see Dr Mendoza, and…'

'Doc, anything… I'll make sure we do everything necessary to give our baby the best chances possible. We never thought this would happen. We thought we'd never conceive naturally with the odds we've been given, so we focused on adoption and building our family that way. I mean, we couldn't love our children any more if we tried, but I can't believe we'll get the chance to be parents again and to all share in that experience from the start.'

'I'm so happy for you Mac. I've been in this line of work long enough to know that miracles do happen, and I don't think this one could have happened to a nicer family. Do you want to take a few minutes to call Harm before we talk some more?'

I think about it for a moment. I don't really want to tell him over the phone – maybe it's selfish, but I want to see the expression on his beautiful face when he finds out. I want to be able to hold him and enjoy the thrill of that moment while it's still fresh and new. My hands hover over my belly in wonder for a few seconds, and then I pull myself together. I whip a notepad and pen out of my bag.

'Not just yet, Doc. Ok, tell me everything I need to know. I'm taking notes.'