That Night
I was sitting in the common room, resting my back against the couch. I had a Divination textbook open in my lap, although I knew I wasn't planning on studying.
"Do you think we still have a chance?" I knew who it was as soon as he came rushing down the stairs.
"What?" I asked with a scoff in my throat.
"You and Seamus aren't together anymore. And we both know we like each other. I mean-" I immediately cut him off.
"It never seems to work, me and you." I closed my book and let him sit beside me.
"So no?" he asked. "So there isn't ever going to be a chance?"
"No! I mean, no as in there still might be. I don't know. What if I said there was?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Then I'd ask for us to be the way we used to." I paused my thoughts for a second and looked back up at him.
"Oh," I slowly pronounced. "Do you not remember anything that happened in our past relationships? We didn't work. No. We're better off as friends." I shook my head.
"Why can't we try it again? The more struggles we go through the better we are together. Just one more time. If it doesn't work, I'll stop asking. I'll move on, I promise."
I looked at him again.
It was completely silent for a good 10 seconds.
"I know. Just- give it a day or two. I mean, Seamus and I just broke up. Maybe though, Harry."
He nodded, a small smile on his face.
"Okay." He nodded a few more times, energy radiating from him.
"I have to go upstairs. I'll talk to you later-" I wasn't expecting to be cut off; especially in the manner he always thinks to be appropriate... His lips were pressed against mine, tongue and everything incorporated. His hand pushed against my cheek, our lips still connected.
It lasted for maybe 15 seconds.
"We really need to stop doing that," I said, a giggle instinctively letting from my lips. He smiled, and waved to me. I felt crimson burning through my cheeks.
I walked upstairs, almost tripping over my own feet.
"Bulbadox powder." Snape wrote it up on the board. "A white powder that will give the human species boils if touched." The last letter in 'touched' was spit out with such disdain...
He magically passed out a worksheet. It had a few terms he's taught this week and a few definitions to the other column. They were to be matched.
"I want this pop quiz finished in five minutes. Start now." We each finished it and left them on our desks. As much as I disliked Snape, I respected the way he acted, especially at the end of a quiz or test. He'd magically have the tests dissolve from off our desks and into a pile on his desk at the end of the five minutes, no time warning included.
I felt something light hit my arm. It was a balled up piece of paper. I opened it, making sure I dodged Snape's view.
Who did you tell?
-Seamus.
I grabbed my quill and wrote back.
Nobody.
I threw it back at him.
Then how does Malfoy know?
-Seamus
He saw it. What does it matter to you?
I don't want my reputation to be held as the douche that hit his girlfriend.
-Seamus.
Well doesn't that describe just what you are?
-Annie
He rolled his eyes. I felt accomplished telling him off like that; like I've been waiting for an opportunity to do that and it finally came along.
There was never anything between us. I only wanted you for your body. I've always disliked you and your personality.
-Seamus
I hope you know I'm indifferent to the matter.
-Annie
Yeah? And why's that?
-Seamus
Harry makes me happier than you ever did. It makes you angry, doesn't it? That you can't please a woman? Hah, Harry's probably likely better in bed, too.
-Annie
I knew that'd get him worked up. You tell any guy he's bad in bed, whether or not you've even slept with him to begin with, they get angry. Especially if you compare him to his enemy.
I looked at Seamus with a devilish smirk and saw him flip me the bird.
The bell conveniently rung right as he got the note. I stormed out the room, not willing to speak to anyone, especially that dog Seamus.
I'd decided that tonight was the night. Tonight was the night to leave.
It was the last day of Dumbledore's Army's classes before Christmas break started. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I was going to ask him to come with me. He asked me to be with him yesterday; to be a couple, and I told him I wasn't sure.
I was going to tell him though; I was gonna tell him I wanted to be with him.
"Annie?" I heard someone call me. I turned, spotting Draco Malfoy walking my way. "I wanted to say thanks."
I looked him in the eyes, a confused look coming across me.
"A Malfoy with manners? Why am I surprised?" I joked. I put a smile on my face. "What are you thanking me for?"
"My arms all better." He showed me a scar. "It's not screwed up anymore."
"You're welcome." I started walking back away. I really wasn't in the mood, no matter who it was.
"I can't at least reward you with a small hug as a token of my gratitude?" I paused and looked back again.
"You want a hug?"
"Well, I want lots more than a hug, since we're on the topic..." he smirked. "But a hug would be just fine, yeah." I turned around and gave him what he asked. His hands wrapped around the small of my back while mine wrapped around his broad shoulders and neck. I tried to pull away, but he didn't seem to want to. He stood there with me for nearly five seconds until he loosened his grip.
"Bye Draco." I smirked and started walking to my room.
I was going to London. I was going to get myself into trouble to attract Voldemort's attention. I was going to kill the death eaters that got in my way, and I was going to find my mum.
"You're leaving aren't you?" I was stunned. He knew? I turned my head around and stared at him. He had a smirk on his face.
If I answered him, I'd consider myself a fool. He didn't need an answer, he didn't deserve one.
I kept walking. I wished he would have been quieter about it all. I didn't want the whole world knowing of my plans.
"I know where she is," I thought I heard from behind me. Of course he was lying. He was going to bribe me. Sex for information.
He'd probably just take the sex and not give me any information. How was he supposed to know?
His parents are death eaters though.
But I need this... I thought. I need a lead, somewhere to start.
No, I decided. I'm fine without him and his sex.
-
"Hey, Annie, I think we need to talk." Hermione walked and sat on my bed.
"What's up?"
"It's about what happened with you and Cho. It's because of Harry. You're jealous," she said.
Excuse me? Did she switch sides? She's on Cho's side now? She thinks that all the drama that happened between Cho and I was because of my jealousy? Was she insane?
"What are you talking about? I'm not jealous of Cho! She's jealous of me!" I spat. Is this really all Hermione had to say?
"No, no, Annie-" I interrupted her.
"You have no right to talk to me about this on Cho's side." I said through clenched teeth. "How dare you."
"Annie listen to me! You were born with this curse! It lets you unintentionally hurt other people! You can kill without even thinking about it!"
The fuck is this girl talking about? I'm cursed now? Who is she? Professer Trelawney?
"Wow, you've gotten me angry in the past, but I've never ever been this pissed at you, Hermione. Don't lecture me about my so called jealousy of Cho, and how dare you tell me I'm cursed." I closed a few of my drawers and climbed up in my bed.
"I'm not lying to you. I'm telling you the truth. You have this enchantment called Zelu-"
"Don't talk to me about this or anything else ever again. You're beginning to disgust me."
We stayed there in silence for a few seconds.
"Fine. I won't"
"Today's the last time we'll be practicing until the end of the break," Harry started. It was our last meeting of this year.
Harry wanted an answer yesterday; an answer on whether or not I'd be with him.
I told him I'd let him know today. I was kind of indecisive. I was going to wing it as I went along.
I had a few options to choose from:
Say yes, include him on my plan of leaving tonight.
Say yes, don't tell him of my plan and just send him a letter after I'm gone.
Say no, tell him my plans, and say hurtful things so he won't worry about me when I'm gone.
Say no. Don't tell him anything.
Hope I don't come face to face with him tonight and just leave.
If I were to choose A, there's a damn likely chance he'll hold me back from leaving.
If I choose B, that'd hurt him like there was no tomorrow. He'd probably find out where I was and go bring me back regardless.
C, no. I couldn't bring myself to do that.
I wasn't listening to the words Harry was saying anymore. I was too nervous to focus.
After a little bit of practicing, he asked us to go back to our rooms. I picked up a few pieces of trash from off the ground to buy time. I waited till everyone cleared out. Harry was in the back. I took a deep breath and walked to him. I contemplated exactly what to say, and I decided to do it with my head held high.
Worst mistake of my life.
There I was, all happy and determined, until I saw Cho initiating conversation with Harry. I stopped walking and hid behind a wall. I could barely hear them, but I could see them just fine.
I gaped when I saw what they did. The two of them leaned in and locked lips.
I was trying to decide what to do in that situation. I wanted him to know I saw that, but I didn't want to intrude their... intimacy.
I felt a tear fall. Even today I'm not sure if that was a tear of frustration or of sadness.
Maybe it was both...
Harry began walking to the common room. I stomped behind him and unintentionally began to whimper. My vocal chords were letting out a helpless cry of grief. Tears were falling like rain and my attempts to hold in my angst were failing. I ran to his side and did what I did best.
I yelled.
"How dare you do this to me, Harry? How dare you!"
His eyes widened in shock. His mouth was open but he didn't allow any words out. I let out a sarcastic laugh through my tears. I felt my lips curl into a scowl. "Annie I'm so -"
"How stupid are you! Harry, you told me not to come back into your life until I was ready to be with you! You never included that you weren't ready to be with me!" I screeched. "I was going to get us back together! I was going to accept your stupid offer!"
"I- Annie please don't cry," he said. "Don't cry. I don't know what I was doing! She teased me! Oh you know how she teases-" I pushed the palm of my hand across his face with as much force as I could muster. I've felt horrible agony in the past, but this type seemed to have been the worst.
"No. I'm not taking your silly excuses again. I heard the same ones last year, didn't I?"
Harry stood with his head hanging. He put a hand up to the cheek I'd just hit.
"Please, Annie. Please don't do this to me-"
"Don't do this to you? You're asking me to not hurt you?"
"But I love you." I paused. He hadn't said that since when we were together. It hit a nerve.
I shook my head and tried to keep myself from crying. I wanted to be as serious as possible when I said what I was going to.
"We're done forever."
"No, don't say something so harsh. We can't be done forev-
"Harry James Potter, you listen to me right now. If you ever try to come back into my life and take away the bit of esteem I still have, I'll..." I couldn't say what I wanted to. I would kill him? No, I couldn't. I couldn't even think about that. Just thinking about Harry dead made my heart fall.
I couldn't take all of that at once, and of course, I broke back down.
Harry put a hand on my shoulder and snaked it around my other shoulder. He pulled me into an embrace. As soon as I realized where I was, I stepped back and began to speed walk toward the common room. Tears were still spilling down, and my heart was still pounding, even faster than it was before.
I took out The Notebook and wrote in it.
Ways to Set a Friendship on Fire:
...
...
3. Never trust someone who broke your heart in the past.
One of the reasons I declined Malfoy's information was because I assumed Harry had a lead he wasn't sharing with me. I assumed that once I got with him, he'd tell me more.
But now that I'm not with Harry, I have nowhere to start. The only way I could get any information at all is through Draco.
Maybe Draco doesn't even want sex in exchange. Maybe he'll be considerate and just give me the information.
Only one way to find out.