Without a Sound

Disclaimer: I don't own… except for the plotizzle.

SORRY!

Chapter 39

Evidently in preparation for this party, a lot of secrets were shared. Zell had asked Leon personally if he could tell the rest of the starter team about Leon and I.

Leon agreed, he also let Roxas tell Riku about it too.

Seifer thought it was cool of me to be dating a teacher.

Rude and Raijin didn't really care.

And Tseng was fine with it too. But he would disapprove the minute it started interfering with basketball.

Riku, being the sweet kid that he is, was fine with it as long as I was happy. Riku was also relieved.

You see, I wasn't the only one that was suspicious of Roxas and Leon. Riku was put off by Roxas' sudden interest in his brother's math teacher and also overheard some phone calls to said teacher about reservations and keeping everything a secret.

He actually confronted Roxas about it and it finally gave Rox a chance to confess his feelings. So now they were a couple and everything just seemed to be right again.

After all the food was eaten, Roxas and I sat and watched the rest of the starter team and Riku play a game of basketball. I would smile at how Roxas would mumble a 'Yes!' every time Riku made a basket.

How could I have ever doubted my brother like I did? Looking at him now it just didn't make sense that I would come to a conclusion like that.

'You know, I really don't blame you for thinking the way you did. The stuff that you saw made us seem really suspicious… but I wonder why you didn't confront me about it? I mean, you certainly punched Leon in the face… but that was after it seemed like the jig was up. Why didn't you approach me with your accusations?' Roxas signed as he watched the players on the court.

I sighed. It was a good question… but I did know the answer. 'I didn't want to confront you about it… if I did, that would mean that I really believed that something was going on… if I had approached you, it would have meant coming to terms with the idea that Leon was cheating on me… and when I did come to terms with it, even though it didn't actually happen, I had never felt so lost and hurt… I'd never wish a feeling like that on anyone.' I replied with my hands.

Roxas placed his arm around my shoulders and conked his head softly against mine. 'I think you should have a little more faith in your boyfriend, Sora. He may not act like it all the time, but he really, really adores you. And when he came to me during lunch hour earlier today after your argument… I thought for sure he was going to break down and cry. He is by far one of the strongest persons I have ever met… he really knows how to keep his shit together.' I watched Roxas say.

I looked over to Leon who was standing with Cloud and Mr. Sephiroth and frowned… to be honest, I didn't even think about how he might have felt. I really hoped that by the end of this we could all just move on.

I caught Roxas wave in the corner of my eye and I turned to him. 'I just want you to know that I would never do that to you. Hurting you, is essentially hurting a quarter of myself.' He said.

I gave him a puzzled look. 'You're my twin brother, man!' he explained.

'But wouldn't that mean that I'm your other half?' I signed in question.

'Well, my other half is spilt into half… you have one quarter and Riku has the other quarter… but don't tell him that. The last thing he needs is someone to boost his ego." Roxas said with a laugh.

I smiled.

'So yeah, don't ever think that I would do that… because I can't live without you. Seriously, try living without a quarter of your body. That would mean missing an arm, a lung, a chunk of your heart, an eye, an ear… that would just be one fucked up li-' I interrupted his speech to hug him. I couldn't help but feel like the most disgusting pile of shit for even thinking about doubting my twin.

He pulled from me. 'I know your feeling like shit right now. But I think you should talk to Leon about this whole two-week period. A lot of shit happened. I wasn't talking to you because I was jealous of your relationship, and Dad was all weird about Leon… the tournament, this whole mix up.' Roxas said.

'A lot more than that happened…' I signed.

'Really?' Roxas asked with his hands.

'Yeah, I had a Brian situation too…' I signed knowing that Roxas would understand.

'Ohhhhh, that's some dramatic shit going on in the life of Sora! You must have turned him down, and that's why he politely declined the invite to this party.' Roxas put it together.

'I did turn him down… but not before I kissed him.' I confessed.

'OOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sora you are BAD!' Roxas exclaimed.

'So yeah, I really do need to talk to Leon about it all…' I signed.

'I agree.' Roxas said.

I smiled at Roxas and gave him yet another hug. 'You're a fourth of me too.' I mouthed before giving Roxas a big smooch on the forehead.

Roxas giggled and I stood. I didn't want to interrupt Leon's conversation but I figured it wouldn't hurt to walk over there. And I couldn't help but feel the biggest urge to just wrap my arms around Leon.

But I paused in my approach. What if he didn't really want me to be around him right now? I mean… I did sort of rip his heart out and step on it…

Sure I picked it up and dusted it off afterwards but I'm sure it might still hurt.

I felt really, REALLY bad about it… I was even having a hard time forgiving myself for doing it. As much as I could say that what I did was justified, it really wasn't…

Leon and Roxas would never do that to me. I should have known that and I shouldn't have hurt them by accusing them of doing something as bad as dating behind my back.

I took a breath and walked over to Leon slowly… that way he would have plenty of time to shoo me away if I was unwanted.

-Without a Sound-

Leon's POV

I was relieved when all of this turned out okay. There were points down the road where I thought this party wouldn't work out due to issues with Sora and I… but the misunderstanding was a cleared now and I felt like a giant weight was off my shoulders.

Cloud and Sephiroth seemed to find it very amusing that I was punched in the face. I didn't think it was all that funny. Especially under the circumstances it was under.

"You have to admit that it's kind of funny… I think it serves you right. I mean the poor kid thought his heart was being rip to shreds. You should have seen this coming, Leon. You don't keep secrets from your lover… no matter how innocent they are." Cloud chastised with a chuckle.

"Personally, I hate surprises… they are never what they are hyped up to be. Although, the gesture is appreciated in this case, it still lead to misunderstanding." Sephiroth added.

I nodded. They were right. And if I ever decided to plan a surprise party, I wouldn't shut Sora out like I did… I would just have to be really careful about what I say. "I don't think I like parties to much… I would have preferred a private celebration." I said.

"Of course you would Leon… but this is Sora. After all his hard work, he deserved something like this." Cloud said.

I nodded. "I know. I just wish this whole mishap could have gone differently. Sora probably feels terrible for thinking the way he did. In fact he's most likely trying to talk things over with Roxas right now." I said as I looked over to my left to see Sora hugging Roxas.

"Wow, you really just called that… impressive." Sephiroth said.

I sighed. "I love the kid… it's like I have to know what he's doing when he does it or I might lose it." I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose to fight the oncoming headache.

"Awwwwww, you are so sweet, LEON!" Cloud squealed and I punched him I the arm to get him to shut up.

I smiled when Sephiroth rubbed at his temples to fight his own headache.

"I need to make a mental note… boyfriend equals perpetual headache." I said.

"Yeah, but you still can't get enough. You know if Sora had really decided to dump you today… you would be so torn up about it." Cloud said.

"Thank you for summing that up for me… you really live with this psychoanalyst? It's like he says all of the things I'd like to keep at the back of my brain." I grumbled.

Sephiroth nodded. "I've gotten used to just telling him everything so he doesn't have to do it for me." He said.

I chucked and Cloud suddenly made a 'psssst' noise so I looked at him.

"Sora approaching slowly to your left. The poor thing seems to be having an inner battle." Cloud said.

I felt my heart twinge at this. He looked so guilty. I could tell what he was thinking.

Leon probably doesn't want to have to deal with me after what happened today. I feel terrible… I probably really hurt him.

I'll just walk up to him slowly so that he has time to send me away.

"Damn it Sora, don't be afraid to approach me…" I mumbled.

"Leon, go get him… he's breaking my heart." Cloud said.

I waited for him to look over at me. When he did, I beckoned him over with a hand gesture and he quickened his pace over to me.

I pulled him into an embrace and placed my chin on his head. I could feel the muscles in his back start to relax and I just held him as I continued to talk with Cloud and Sephiroth.

"He and I are going to have a long talk after this is over. That way once everything is all out of the table, we can move on." I said.

Cloud nodded and smiled at Sora. Sora, however, was still hiding his face in my shirt. I could feel his breathing in an out. I think maybe he thought that by holding me tightly I would understand that he didn't want me to leave.

And I didn't want to leave. I didn't want him to leave either so I rubbed my hand up and down his back. Hopefully, he would understand what I was trying to say through my gesture.

"So I guess since you two are going to have your talk, it will be up to us to return this large table and basketballs to the school and give the banner to Sora's parents." Sephiroth grumbled.

"You know I wasn't really thinking about that but, yes. Thank you so much for offering." I said with a cackle.

Cloud shook his head and put an arm around Sephiroth. "You set yourself up for that one, love. You're very lucky we like you, Leon." Cloud said with a smile.

"I know I am. Thanks guys. And if it's any consolation, I like you too." I said with a smile.

After an hour of talking, I suddenly felt Sora let go of me and start slipping form my arms. He actually fell asleep against me.

"Wow! I didn't really think someone could fall asleep standing up." Cloud said in surprise.

"He's had a long day Cloud… and he's probably emotionally drained." Sephiroth said.

I nodded in agreement and lifted him onto the table so that he was sitting on the edge. I then turned my back to him, pulled his arms around my neck, got my arms securely under his legs, and made sure he was leaning against me before lifting him so I was carrying him on my back.

It wasn't the greatest option, but I think it was better than laying him on the table or on a public bench.

"So I guess he's knocked out, huh?" I turned to see Aerith looking at her sleeping son with a soft smile.

"Yeah, it's been a long day for him. Actually, I was hoping that I could take him with me. I'll have to wake him up for a couple of minutes on the drive back but he and I really need to-"

"I understand. But I expect him back tomorrow afternoon by the latest. " Aerith said and I smiled.

"Thank you. My friends Cloud and Sephiroth here were going to take the school stuff back. But that banner, if he wants it, is for Sora. So feel free to take it home." I said.

"Yeah, even if he doesn't want it, I want to keep it. It's really a nice keepsake." She said.

Slowly but surely, the number of people at the basketball court started to dwindle. It was around that time that Sora woke from his nap.

I set him down and he rubbed at his eyes a little before taking my hand and pulling my to the farthest corner of the court.

'I need to tell you something…' Sora began to sign.

He took a breath and began to sign his apologies. He was so sorry about doubting me and felt like an asshole for punching me and breaking up with me when really all I wanted to do was throw a party for him.

'But I think it's only fair that I say that the past two weeks have been pretty tough for me. I just… I love you so much that I have trouble being happy when your not around and when your not responding to me.' He signed.

I gave him a puzzled look. I knew that I distanced myself from him, but it's not like I gave him the cold shoulder or anything.

'It might not mean much to you… but when I told you that I made the starter team and in response you patted my head like a dog, it really hurt. And then it hurt me even more when Brian, who had just recently become my friend, shows up at my house ready to congratulate or comfort me depending on the results of the tournament… I didn't even tell him about it. I didn't even think he knew I was even in the basketball club!' he signed, his eyes were shimmering with emotion and I could see the hurt he was feeling at recalling the incident.

But I felt my anger twitch at the thought of that Brian kid at Sora's house. That kid definitely had a thing for Sora and I didn't like the idea of him visiting Sora whenever he pleases.

'I never told you this, but Brian had been pursuing me since the day I started to come out of my shell. He knew I had a boyfriend and he had actually hoped to meet him when he came to my house…' Sora's hands paused and let out an amused huff that also sounded a little sad. 'he was so sure my boyfriend was going to be all over me because it was my big day and all. He was disappointed when I told him that my boyfriend wasn't there.'

I really didn't like where this was going.

'He noticed that I was sad and I just told him everything… not your name or anything but the kind of person you are. I had told him that I went into the relationship knowing I would have to sacrifice some of the things I might have wanted, like being affectionate with you. But he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around it… he said that I really shouldn't have to give up anything… he seemed kind of mad at me for settling.' Sora signed but paused, probably to let his hands rest for a second.

I could actually start to feel my blood boil… I really, really didn't like where this seemed to be heading.

'He said that... if I was with him I wouldn't have to worry about sacrificing anything. He said he would be all over meif he were my boyfriend.'

I was glad that Sora couldn't here me growling in anger at that moment.

'I don't know what happened… he was being so sweet and I was just so upset… when he kissed me I almost didn't have the heart to push him away… ' He paused again to wipe at his tears that started to spill over. 'but I did and I told him straight out that I wouldn't ever stop loving you, Leon. And even though my mind kept telling me I was making a mistake… I knew in my heart that I wouldn't ever be as happy with him as I am with you, sacrifices or not. My dad told me I was making a mistake… evidently he was listening in… and I just…' he let out a breathy sob. 'I just don't want it to have to be that way. I don't want my mind and my dad telling me that I deserve better… because all I want is you. And I want to be able to kiss you and love you without getting pushed away or dismissed with a pat on the head.' Sora then covered his face with his hands and cried.

I wasn't really sure how I was supposed to respond to what he said. But in all honesty, I was angry and upset.

Furious because that Brian boy tried to get with Sora while his guard was down. It was obvious that he was taking advantage. And then I couldn't believe Sora almost fell for Brian's little spiel.

Upset because I was felt terrible for putting Sora in a position where he felt it was almost better to fall for something like that. But it was true… Sora shouldn't have to sacrifice things and his mind and father shouldn't have to tell him he deserved more. And that's when I started to feel inateqite as a boyfriend.

Sure I didn't really like being openly affectionate with Sora but that didn't mean that I wouldn't or that I didn't want to.

I mean, I had Sora sleeping against my back for a few hours, in front of everyone, in broad daylight. I was perfectly capable of being affectionate…

I just don't like feeling so exposed and vulnerable to outside opinion. It's not that I cared about outside opinion, but I'd really rather not have to deal with that.

With a sigh, I grabbed Sora's hand and pulled him towards my bike. I didn't really think we should continue talking in public.

I also didn't really think that Sora was calm enough to hang onto me if we drove to my house. So I started to walk my bike back home. Sora seemed to understand that I wanted him to come with me so he followed. I could hear him sniffling as we walked.

It was maybe a five minute walk back to my house so when he got there I parked my bike and took Sora's hand again. It was only after I pulled him into my house and closed the door that I let go of his hand.

Sora looked down at his feet awkwardly and I grabbed his chin gently to get his attention.

His eyes were red and puffy and I could help but feel my heart tighten at the sight. "I want you to know how sorry I am for making you feel unhappy." I said and he nodded.

'I am so, so, sorry Sora. And if you feel like you need to give up things that make you happy in order to be with me then that means that I'm the one that's falling short, not you.' I signed.

I watched as a couple of new tears fell down his face. He was probably still feeling guilty and blaming himself for everything.

"As you know… I'm a very private person. I don't like it when people are in my business and I'm not the most expressive person around. You can tell by the barreness of my living space that I don't really like homey touches. But because I love you I try to meet you half way… was it not enough? Baby, I'll push a little more if it'll make you happy. Because the one thing that I hate the most in this world besides being emotionally vulnerable, is seeing you cry and hearing that someone trying to stake their claim on you." I continued to sign as I spoke the words.

'It's not like you don't try hard enough… I'm saying that you can't be sweet and open with me one week and then be completely cold the next… I felt like maybe you didn't love me anymore… I can't help the way I feel and after you indulged me and showed me that part of you, I didn't want you to revert back to being cold again… I know there was a reason you were keeping your distance, you didn't want to let it slip about the party, but that change threw me completely off balance… and I don't-' Sora paused and put his arms down as if he were unsure of whether he should sign what he was thinking.

"Tell me Sora. Believe it or not, I care about your concerns." I said.

Sora moved over to the couch and sat… I didn't follow. It was obvious that wanted some space.

'I don't want you to feel obligated to do something you don't like just because I'm your boyfriend and that's what is expected of you… I just really wish I could make you want to do those things… I don't want you to be unhappy and I don't want to force you into revealing a part of you that you don't really feel comfortable showing. Is it so wrong that I want you to want me and kiss me and hug me and hold my hand? I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do… and I'm not most attractive person or the most fun to have around… This is where I feel like I'm falling short… I'm more trouble than I'm worth.' Sora signed and I watched him begin to curl up into himself.

He's so insecure.

He's completely unideal.

He's ridiculously self-depreciating.

But… he loves harder than anyone,

He's goofy and friendly.

And when he's happy he makes my head spin and my heart flutter.

I really can't stand it but I don't want anything else or anything more.

I sighed and moved over to the sofa. I sat on it so my back was against the armrest and I pulled the little ball of low self-esteem towards me.

"That is not true… Sora, I spend more time with you than I spend with anyone else in I know… you know why, because I love having you around. I'm telling you this not because it's my duty as your boyfriend but because it's true and because I love seeing you happy. When you love someone, you want to see them happy. And if sharing all of myself with you will make you happy than I'll do it. I'm not obligated to, I want to, even if it makes me a little uncomfortable. Believe me, I'll get used to it. Seeing you smile and laugh and blush is worth it. You mean more to me than anything else in the entire universe. The thought of losing you makes me want to cry… and the thought of someone taking you away from me pisses me off to no end. And that Brian guy is so lucky that you turned him down because otherwise I'd be at his house ready to throttle him. I want you to know these things… but only you. You are the only one who will ever hear this coming out of my mouth." I said.

'I can't hear.' Sora signed simply.

I growled. "I can't believe you just ruined my speech that I dove deep into my heart and soul for… you get what I mean Sora!" I said and pulled him into a hug.

I chuckled when Sora took a blatant whiff of me before snuggling into my neck.

'I like this.' He signed and looked up at me.

"You know, I like it too." I said and pulled him closer to me.

'I'm glad we talked.' Sora signed.

'Me too.' I replied with my hand.

'Can I stay here?' Sora asked and I could feel the heat rising up to his face.

I pushed him back as I moved to hover over him. He looked up from under me with a deep blush on his face.

I looked down at him. "Only if you promise to remember that you're mine and that I don't want other dudes touchin' up on my shizzle, ya dig?" I said.

There was a moment of silence before Sora started gasping with laughter. 'I would never let anyone ever touch your S-H-I-Z-Z-L-E.' He spelled the last word because there probably wasn't a sign for it.

I smiled at him before letting my hands sneak under his shirt. Sora jerked when I tickled at his sides. With a sigh, I finally decided to relax on top of him, my arms hugging him as if I were hugging a long pillow. "I love you, Shizzle." I said.

Sora shifted to get more comfortable before signing that he loved me too.

Then we both fell asleep.

A/N: Oh my god, I am soooo sorry! I had so much going on that I had no time to write. I promise, I am currently typing another chapter of The Pack and after that's updated, I'll start on Fire. If you guys are still out there, please review!