I Need To Find Myself
Song Inspired: Mary J. Blige- All That I Can Say
A whirlwind of mixed emotions ran through Aang as the diplomat told him those very words, "This is your ultimate duty to the world, Avatar, and it is one that must be completed by the winter of next year"; those very words hit the young Avatar hard as he realized the seriousness of the situation. He knew that he couldn't run away from this duty, but he wished greatly that he could. He's always wanted to bring back the people that was once the great Air Nomads, his people, but he never thought that it would be asked of him in such a cold, insensitive way. His nerves shot to an all-time high as he placed both of his hands on his forehead, elbows bent on the table in front of him. How is he supposed to provide a child by the end of next year?
"You are now of legal age to father a child and it is important that you try to reproduce as soon as possible" implied Arnook.
"What am I, some kind of baby-making machine?" thought Aang to himself angrily.
"We are all aware that you have a current relationship with the Water Bender Katara who hails from the Southern Water Tribe. Have you both been sexually active with one another as of yet?" asked Arnook carelessly.
Aang felt a bubbling anger deep inside him, how dare he or anyone ask about his personal affairs, especially when it came to his 'physical' ones, "No we haven't, and shall never be; our relationship as a couple is no longer." declared Aang with a sad expression on his face.
Zuko was taken aback by the young Avatar's declaration, and couldn't help but look in concern at Aang's somber expression as he said that he and Katara were no longer together.
"Well Avatar, if you are no longer an item with this woman, then we have no choice but to offer you escorts." said Arnook.
Aang's eyes shot wide as he gave a menacing glare to the Chief.
"They can harbor your children; then, six weeks after birth they shall be given to caregivers specialized in mothering distant children after the infants are finished nursing from their biological mothers. We will pay them well and the children will be well taken care of; as long as you're willing to continue with the idea." implied Kuei.
Aang was shocked, "Escorts? Caregivers? Are you people for real!" Aang asked angrily.
"Aang, I know this isn't an easy task for you, but it's necessary that you comply with what we're asking of you." said Kuei.
Aang jumped out of his seat and slammed his hands on the table, "But why so soon! Why is it that you people are asking me to do this now and j-just expect me to go along with your idea, as if I'm some sort of puppet void of all feelings!" asked Aang furiously.
"Avatar Aang, it's nothing against you, really it isn't, but the Avatar cycle needs to continue. Anything can happen at any time to you. Heaven Forbid, if you were to somehow pass before you ever had the chance to conceive, there wouldn't be any airbenders that the Avatar Spirit can reincarnate in; thus, breaking the Avatar cycle forever. We can't take that chance, so we must act as soon as possible." said Fire Lord Zuko.
Aang couldn't believe what he was hearing. "They planned all of this; Without even consulting me, don't I have a say in any of this?" thought Aang; just then, Katara's words passed through Aang's mind, "You always act like wallpaper, just hanging around with no real purpose but to decor the scenery!". He couldn't contain his anger any longer; and with an elevated fury he punched the table, breaking right through it as it smashed into pieces and elevated all over the room. His tattoos soon began to glow and his eyes soon followed suit; the rage he felt inside of him was one that he was having a hard time containing as he slipped into his own anger. Aang's tattoos and eyes suddenly stopped glowing as he came down from his fit.
The Avatar looked up at all the attendants, his awesome power displayed right in front of them, "There's absolutely no way, and I mean NO WAY that I'm allowing ANY kind of loose woman to bear my child." declared Aang, his terrible power still in display.
"Th-That's absolutely fine A-Avatar, all we need from you is one airbending child, just one, that is all. If you are w-willing to find the right woman to take on this mission with you then by all means have the mission carried out the way you want, but r-remember that this must be done." finished the diplomat, terrified by Aang's frightening power.
Aang's angry expression fell; he took a deep breath and finally relaxed. "Ok..." said Aang. "I'll do it, but it's going to be the way I want it to happen and with who I want, not what everyone else wants me to do." said Aang, still disgusted by what the Nation Leaders and diplomats were trying to have him agree with. He gave Zuko a distant look, Zuko returning a concerned look back.
Aang closed his eyes as he gripped his hands, "Why I am I so angry about all of this?" asked Aang to himself, "I mean, I don't have any real problem with bringing a child, to preserve my race is truly an honor to me, then why do I feel so awful?" Aang released the grip on his hands and opened his eyes to face everyone in the room; he soon realized how frightened everyone was.
Aang suddenly felt ashamed at what he had done; he let out a sigh, "I'm sorry if I frightened everyone, but you must understand the kind of predicament I'm in right now; this isn't an easy task for me to allow." he said.
Everyone exchanged glances at one another and said, "All is forgiven Avatar, but you must remember that this duty must still be carried out." said Kuei.
Aang looked at the King defeated, "I'm well aware of that, Earth King Kuei." said Aang.
"This meeting is now dismissed" said Fire Lord Zuko.
Everyone departed from the room, everyone but Zuko and Aang, starring into space as if waiting for a magical answer to all of his problems. He shut his eyes, upset at himself for displaying his Avatar state the way he did.
"Hey, come on; Let's talk." said Zuko.
Aang gave a compliant nod and followed the Fire Lord down the palace hallway.
"Man, what a quarrel I'm in." said Aang, his eyes looking down to the ground as he walked down the luxurious palace.
Zuko looked at Aang, "Aang, what happened between you and Katara?" asked Zuko.
Aang hesitated, he really didn't know what to say, "You know how Katara and I have been the past couple of years, I just couldn't do it anymore." said Aang.
"Wow, I guessed that since you guys have been together for so long, that you both were just accepting of it." guessed Zuko.
"I wasn't, I mean I was, well, uh, I don't know..." said Aang, acting extremely confused.
"Aang, you WERE sure about breaking up with her, were you?" asked Zuko.
Aang didn't know how to reply. Of course he was sure, I mean, why would he just break up with her so that he could try with Onji if he wasn't sure?
"Onji, she never fights with me, she's the girl of my dreams." said Aang quietly.
Zuko couldn't believe his ears, "What? Wait a minute, are you telling me that you broke up with Katara to be with another girl?" asked Zuko.
"No, I'm not, I broke up with Katara to find my own happiness, and for her to find hers as well." said Aang somberly.
Zuko was surprised, "What? What did this girl do for you, grind herself on your crotch to the point that you couldn't control your own hormones? Aang, couples have their problems, it happens, do you really think things will be better with this Onji girl?" asked Zuko, genuinely concerned about his friend.
Aang gave a worried expression, then angrily looked at Zuko, "Yes, as a matter of fact I think it will." humphed Aang. "And just so you know, Onji and I have only kissed, so the whole 'grind on my crotch' thing was way out of line." said Aang sternly.
Zuko sighed, "Alright, if this is what you want Aang, then I'll support you." he replied bitterly.
"Thanks Zuko" said Aang.
Zuko smiled at the young Avatar, then turned his expression into a serious one, "Well Aang, you're aware that this mission needs to be carried out, are you going to plan on asking Onji to take on this task with you?" asked Zuko coldly.
Aang was completely flushed, he didn't really think of Onji being involved in his first sexual experience until now, "We'll, I mean, since we're together...but I don't want to take it so fast, slow slow!" Aang said to himself.
Zuko observed Aang's confusion, and didn't know what to say.
"Aang, you have time to come up with your decision, and you can always consider the Leader's option if you truly don't know what to do." said Zuko.
Zuko wasn't helping; Aang was in a real mental predicament as to what to decide, and all Zuko could do was offer prostitutes.
"Zuko, this isn't an easy decision; I envisioned having a family, a wife and children, living a normal life like everyone else." said Aang sadly. Zuko listened to the young Avatar, "I've been raised by monks...all of my life, and as a monk, I never comprehended nor did I care about having a family of my own. I was raised in an environment in which self-freedom was of great importance; reaching spiritual enlightenment was our way of reaching this kind of freedom." Aang closed his eyes, "When I ran away, and woke up in an iceberg in the South Pole, Katara and Sokka found me. As we journeyed together, I began to realize the importance of being with your kin, people you really care about, not some monk teaching you fancy tricks with wind." said Aang as he opened his eyes again.
"Wow, that's deep" said Zuko.
Aang smiled, "I saw the connection that Katara and Sokka had with their own father, and it emanated towards me. I always thought of Monk Gyatso as a father figure; he cared about me for me and watched over me like a turtle hawk watches over it's eggs. Seeing my friends with their family that way made me realize that this is what I want in this life. Someday I will give someone my heart as Katara's and Sokka's father gave their mother and vice versa; Someday, I will give love to my child the way Gyatso gave me. You can say that they inspired me, inspired me to love; but this mission, it's getting in the way of that." said Aang.
"Aang" said Zuko "You're the Avatar, living a normal life will be difficult for you, and these are the kinds of decisions that you will be making for the rest of your life regardless of what you want or desire." said Zuko apologetically.
Aang turned to face Zuko, "I want to have control of at least one decision, this decision." said Aang.
Zuko placed his hand on Aang's shoulder, "Allright then; if this is what you want Aang, then it will be as you wish, just remember you need to come up with your decision within the upcoming year. They're asking for a child by next winter, which only gives you several months to make up your mind." said Zuko.
Aang, smiled, "I know, thanks Zuko." said Aang. "Well, I better go" he concluded.
Aang was about to make his way out until he was stopped by Zuko.
"Oh, Aang wait!" yelled Zuko.
Aang stopped and turned around, "Yeah?" asked Aang.
"I'm having an event, here in the palace on the first week of the first month of the upcoming year. It's more of a new Fire Nation tradition I started, you know, celebrating fire and stuff." said Zuko, "I am personally inviting you to attend." declared Zuko.
Aang felt honored, "Wow, thanks Zuko, I'll be more than happy to attend." said Aang.
"Now, here's the hard part" said Zuko.
"There's a hard part?" Asked Aang sarcastically.
"Yeah, well, I want you to personally invite the old gang to this event; but in light of your personal situation with Katara, I'll understand if you don't want to personally invite her."
"Pfft, what? Of course I'll invite Katara, it's not like we broke up on bad terms." said Aang as he chuckled nervously. "Besides, she's a part of our group and helped me end the war; it would be wrong not to invite her myself." concluded Aang.
Zuko raised his eyebrow, "Ok, good, then I expect you to carry this personal task out for me, oh and no children are allowed, it's more of an adult-themed event, just in case someone wants to bring their younger sibling or cousin." said Zuko.
Aang nodded, "No problem" said Aang, then it hit him, "Wait a minute, adult-themed? What's that supposed to mean?" asked Aang, a bit intimidated by what Zuko just said.
"Heh, you'll see." said Zuko sneakily.
Aang looked at Zuko weirdly as he waved goodbye to Zuko and departed the palace by air.
Zuko looked on proudly as Aang flew away from the palace and was soon interrupted.
"Well, how did it go?" asked Mai.
Zuko turned to face her, "The meeting didn't go so hot; Aang scared the attendants, but I don't blame him." said Zuko.
Mai got a kick out of the Nation Leaders and diplomats being afraid, "Good, probably knocked them out of their high horse" said Mai.
Zuko smiled and grabbed his lover's waist, "I love you, you know this right?" asked Zuko.
Mai gave a worried expression, "Yeeeaahhh?" said Mai.
Zuko was a little nervous about continuing his insinuation, and he knew it was too risky to go on, "I just wanted you to know that I love you." said Zuko.
"Okay..." said Mai.
There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a couple of moments.
"You know I love you, right?" said Mai, almost as if disinterested.
"Yeah" said Zuko just as disinterested.
"So then why are you acting so weird?" asked Mai.
"Nothing! it's nothing. " said Zuko nervously.
"Alright then; Well, why don't we make our way up to our sleeping quarters? I'm feeling a bit tired." said Mai as she playfully traced her finger up and down Zuko's chest. Zuko leaned towards his lover and grabbed her waist, "Sounds like a plan" said Zuko as his lips landed on Mai's.
Katara finally made it back to Ba Sing Se a couple of days later, ready to start life a new. She took a deep breath of the city air and departed from the ship. She knew where she was going, but wasn't sure if he would help her out, so she brought extra money just in case. Her father's thoughts still played in her head as she walked down the busy street, "You just got out of a relationship, and you need to sort your feelings out before you can become involved with someone else." These thoughts somewhat angered Katara, "It's not fair, he can move on with a drop of a hat and somehow I'm not allowed to do the same? I'm fine, I can totally do this." said Katara to herself in an unsure tone. Suddenly without warning, Katara walked right into a total stranger; both collapsed from the impact.
Katara brushed herself off and got up, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, really I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and my mind was so occupied and-"
Katara 's apology came to a sudden halt as she blushed at the stranger in front of her. A young man, about six feet tall with jet black hair and fair skin; his eyes glowed an amber color as the sun glistened from the side of his face.
The stranger chuckled, "That's ok, I wasn't paying attention much myself." said the mystery man.
"O-Oh, well then, ok, but I'm still very sorry." said Katara embarrassingly.
"It's alright, really there's no need to apologize." said the mystery man.
The mystery man looked at how beautiful Katara was, observing her from the tip of her head to the soles of her feet. His face blushed as he realized the enchanting beauty standing in front of him.
"My name's Lee; it's really nice to meet you." said Lee.
"Katara; the pleasure's all mine." said Katara awkwardly.
"Katara, what a pretty name for a pretty lady." said Lee sweetly.
"Why thank you" said Katara.
Katara and Lee stood there for a couple of moments in awkward silence.
"So, you from around here?" asked Lee.
"Not necessarily; See, I've traveled here before many times, but this time I'm here to stay. I'm looking to start my own life in a new place, a place out of my element." Katara didn't know how right she was.
"Why would you want to be out of your own element?" asked Lee.
Katara hesitated, "I just want to try out new places, new experiences, and new people." said Katara as she blushed.
Lee blushed at Katara's words, "Well you came to the right place, Ba Sing Se is a place of new beginnings so you're right at home."
Katara smiled and looked at the young man, "You don't look like you're from around here yourself." said Katara innocently.
"Well actually, I'm not. I came here to take home some of Iroh's famous tea back to my home, the Fire Nation." said Lee.
"Really? That's a strange coincidence; I was just making my way there right now." said Katara.
"Oh yeah? You don't strike me as a tea lover." chuckled Lee.
"Well, it's not really for tea; It's for more of a personal thing." said Katara.
"Oh, please forgive me, I don't mean to be intrusive." said Lee.
"No no, really it's alright. I just need to talk to Iroh about some things." said Katara.
"You know Iroh himself? Personally? That's fantastic!" said Lee.
Katara chuckled. "Yeah, he's a good man, and I think he can help me out with a problem I have." said Katara.
"Forgive me for my curiosity, but what problems can someone as beautiful as you have?" asked Lee.
"Guy problems; it's complicated." said Katara nervously.
Lee's face turned serious, "You? Have guy problems? Whoever this guys is that's messing with you doesn't deserve you. Love doesn't hurt." said Lee.
Katara blushed and smiled at her new friend, "Thank you Lee" said Katara.
"I can walk you there, if that's alright with you?" asked Lee.
"Thank you" said Katara, and they both walked together to Iroh's tea shop.
"Man, when did I become a messenger pigeon?" thought Aang to himself as he flew back to Onji's home; he was still thinking about Zuko's party and the fact that it's adult theme, but he was more than happy to send the message to his old friends.
Aang flew over the city as he made his way back to Onji's house. He soon reached his destination when he spotted Onji rubbing Appa's belly on the beach and folded his glider as he made his way to the ground.
"Aang!" said Onji.
Aang ran up to her and gave her a big hug, "Onji.." said Aang.
He let go of her embrace and looked at her eye to eye.
"Aang, how did the meeting go?" Onji asked.
Aang didn't know how to tell her this, he didn't think she was ready for something as huge as bringing back a Nation, and neither was he, "Onji, this meeting was important for a reason, and I don't know how I should tell you this..." said Aang.
"What? Tell me what?" asked Onji desperately.
"They want me to...have a child." said Aang.
Aang thought Onji would react negatively, but on the contrary, she couldn't be more thrilled about it.
"Wow, seriously? Just that?" said Onji, relieved that it was only bringing a child to the world and not something menacing.
Aang was confused as to why she was so happy about it, "Onji, we just started dating; I wanted to go slow on this remember?" asked Aang.
"Yes, Aang, but this is your duty, and I'll be more than happy to help you in any way I can." declared Onji.
Aang was a big worried that she wouldn't react so well to the news, but seeing as she was happy about it, he felt sort of relieved. But he didn't want to rush the idea of making a baby with her; atleast not yet.
"Onji, I don't want to rush this; I know people are counting on me to bring an airbending child into this world, but I don't want to ruin what we have now." said Aang.
"Why would anything between us be ruined? If anything it may strengthen our relationship, and our feelings for one another" said Onji, struggling to convince Aang to go along with the plan immediately.
Aang hesitated, "Onji please, now is not the time; I was given until the end of next year to present a child, which gives us 6 months to conceive; by that time I'll be ready to do this, with you." said Aang, unsure of himself.
Onji smiled at Aang, "Ok Aang, just so long as I'm the one to give you your child." chuckled Onji.
Aang smiled haphazardly,"Of course it'll be you, and no one else." said Aang, feeling strange about saying those very words.
Aang gave her a hug, sympathizing with how hard this may be for her, but he knows that it's best that he not rush anything too soon, for fear that it may backfire on him.
"There's something else I want to tell you, good news!" said Aang.
"What is it?" asked Onji.
"Fire Lord Zuko's holding a Fire Nation event on the first week of the beginning of the following year. He invited me and the rest of 'Team Avatar'. Zuko wants me to personally invite everyone and I agreed." said Aang joyfully.
Onji wasn't so joyful, for she knew that Katara was part of that very team. A sense of jealousy coursed through her veins as she thought of Aang asking Katara to the Fire Nation event. Aang didn't remain oblivious to Onji's feelings; but he had to admit, he was nervous about seeing Katara again himself not knowing what to expect on their encounter; he quickly did damage control.
"Well, Zuko wants me to invite everyone for him; it's not like we're all going together." said Aang.
Onji humphed at Aang's remark.
Aang sighed, "I know how you may feel about me asking Katara, but I assure you, there's nothing between us; that part of us is in the past. Besides, I have you, and I think that's more than enough for me. And it's not like I'm going to leave you behind; you Onji are going to be my date." said Aang sweetly.
Onji smiled, "Ok Aang, I trust you." she said as she leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek.
Aang prepared Appa for the long journey ahead of them.
"Alright buddy; you ready to go" asked Aang to Appa. Appa groaned in agreement.
"Aang, wait!" yelled Onji.
"What is it? " asked Aang.
"Here, some fruits and vegetables for your trip, I know how you don't like to eat meat." said Onji.
"Wow, thanks Onji" said Aang. "This sure beats sea prunes!" he pointed out.
Onji smiled, "Oh and here's something else for your journey." said Onji.
She leaned towards Aang and gave him a soft peck on the lips.
"That ought to hold you up until the next time I see you." said Onji.
Aang smiled and did a huge jump as he landed on Appa' s back. He yelled "Yip Yip!" and he was soon soaring through the air on the back of Appa on his way to his first destination, The Southern Water Tribe.
"Of course you can work here Katara, you are family to me and I'd be more than honored to provide you with both work and shelter if you like." said Iroh.
"Thank you so much, Iroh. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for your generosity." said Katara thankfully.
Iroh smiled, "It is my pleasure, but I must ask Katara, are you sure that this is what you want to do? This doesn't seem like something you'd do is all I'm saying." asked Iroh.
"Of course it is; this is what I want to do." said Katara.
"Yes, but are you ready to move on so soon Katara? This is a big step; you are moving on your own, and pretty quickly. Are you sure that you're ready to embark on a new life?" asked Iroh cryptically.
Katara paused, "Yes Iroh, I need to do this for me. I can't spend the rest of my life moping about what could've been. I need to take action, move on and grow." said Katara determinedly.
"Yes dear, but are you sure you're completely and fully healed enough to do this? Do you really think that running away is the right way in order to find happiness? asked Iroh.
"I'm not running away Iroh, and my answer won't change." said Katara.
Iroh smiled, "Very well then, this will be your new job and your new home." said Iroh.
Katara smiled and gave Iroh a hug as she left the tea shop with bags full of tea in her hands. Lee was waiting outside of the tea shop in respect to her personal conversation with Iroh.
"Here you go." said Katara.
"Thank you Katara" said Lee.
"For what? They're bags of tea, it was the least I could do." said Katara innocently.
"No Katara, I'm thanking you for allowing me to be your friend. You're such a great woman, and whoever that guy was that broke your heart, he's a jerk and doesn't deserve you anyway." said Lee.
Katara blushed at Lee's indication, "Wow, thank you Lee; that's very sweet." said Katara smoothly.
"Katara, I don't want to rush you or anything, but do you think I can take you out sometime?" asked Lee.
Katara was in awe. She came to Ba Sing Se to try her luck in love, and here it is, serving itself on a silver platter.
"O-Of course you can." said Katara as she smiled.
Lee reached for her hand and gave it a kiss, "Thank you Katara, for gracing me with your gorgeous presence." said Lee seductively.
A thought came across Katara's head, "How will I be able to see you Lee? If you live in the Fire Nation?"
"I can come visit you of course." chuckled Lee.
Katara smiled and felt giddy inside as Lee said those words, but she couldn't help but feel strange at starting this relationship, It's just post-breakup jitters, besides this guy's not half bad looking. I'll give him a shot." thought Katara to herself.
"Great, so can I take you out tomorrow then?" asked Lee.
"Sure!" said Katara enthusiastically.
As Lee said goodbye, Katara couldn't help but think how well things were going so far in Ba Sing Se; and it's only been her first day, "Wow, I already have a home, a job, and now, a potential guy" said Katara to herself. Katara looked out at the sunset fully knowing that she has finally found herself. "Things can only get better from here"
I'm posting this chapter rather quickly so that I can get back to my daily routines and continue on with the next chapter, which will be pretty interesting to write since Aang will see Katara for the first time since their break-up, or will he? D: . I love awkward moments! Stay Tuned...