"Unfortunately, my dear friend has already passed away. Sometimes, this can cause the port-key to seek out a signature similar to the one that now no longer exists. That shouldn't have even had the chance to happen, for he was the last great Alchemist of this world…Or so I thought." The excited twinkle was suddenly back full-force.

"Now, you two wouldn't happen to know anything about Alchemy, would you?"

Silence.

Not a sound came from the two brothers.

Minerva coughed. "Ah, Albus, perhaps you would consider removing the freezing charm before you began asking questions?"

"Oh, of course. My mistake, apologies to the two of you." The old man nodded towards Ed and Al. "I do hope you'll forgive me for that, although I'm sure you can see why I chose to freeze you in the first place. After all, strange people suddenly appearing in your office and assaulting of your professors, well, I'm sure you would have done the same in my place." Cue the creepy I'm-just-a-harmless-old-man smile.

The old man raised his stick and spat out some more jumbled up phrases in Latin and suddenly Edward and Alphonse found themselves sitting in two rather overstuffed armchairs. Ed eyed the old man speculatively, eyes narrowed warily. This was getting a little too out there for him. Obviously the man before him was using some kind of Alchemy. There was no other way for him to have created the chair he was now sitting in, and yet he claimed that the last Alchemist 'of this world' was dead. Ed sighed heavily. Old people were all crazy. There were all kinds of alchemists. Heck, he was one, and the old man knew it. What kind of crazy people was he dealing with here?

"Now, boys, If you please-"

"If we please. Those are some pretty words you're using old man, 'If we please?' as in, 'If it pleases you'? Well you know what doesn't please me? Being dragged who knows where by a crazy old lady who changes into a fucking CAT at will!" Ed's eyebrow was twitching, and his hands had gripped the arms of the armchair so hard that his metal hand had splintered the wood.

Not that he noticed. He was too busy plotting revenge on the stupid cat that had dragged him and his brother into this mess. A cat, which, by the way, he was fairly certain had nothing to do with Envy. He'd had the chance to look in her eyes before the 'port-key' had gone off, and (although he'd never spent a particularly long time staring soulfully into Envy's eyes) He was certain that there was a difference between the two.

Something always seemed…off…about Envy. Like he was unstable. This Cat-woman had no such air about her. No, this cat woman was not unstable or even the tiniest bit crazy. She was just an EVIL old woman who was currently glaring at him with the promise of pain in her eyes. Nope, nothing unstable about that at all. Winry did it all the time.

Then again… Ed wasn't exactly an expert on reading people. Psh. Who was he kidding? He was Awful at reading people. He shrugged mentally. Better just keep quiet about Homunculi or anything related. He was pretty sure neither of the (crazy) old people in the room had anything to do with the inhuman creatures…but whatever. He'd keep his mouth shut.

"Oh yes. Terribly sorry about that my dear boy, but you see, it was purely an accident. As I explained earlier, the port-key-…" Ed stopped listening.

'Blah blah blah blah blah…I guess I have to be a little clearer when speaking with crazy people.' He cleared his throat and held up a hand. The old man paused in the midst of reiterating his earlier explanation and Ed took the chance to bluntly ask a fairly simple question.

"Who the Fuck are you?"

"Ah! Now that, my dear boy, is a very good question, although I must confess I have never had the pleasure of hearing it phrased as such before." The old man chuckled. "My name is Albus Dumbledore. Of course, there are numerous other titles I have the pleasure of being known by, but for now, you may know me as Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry." The old man, Albus, sat back down in the chair behind his desk, while the woman waved her stick and sat in the chair that appeared before her. "And this is the deputy headmistress, Minerva McGonagall." She nodded at them.

Al was appalled. 'These poor people…' Obviously the two before them were mentally incapacitated in some manner. They seemed to think they were performing magic! Obviously it was some form of advanced alchemy. Brilliant, to be sure…for heaven's sake the man before him had simply waved a stick! They had obviously put a whole lot of work into this so it seemed like the y were actually using the sticks, but Al doubted that they really needed them; it was most likely just another part of the insane web the two had woven to go with their delusions of witches and wizards. Ideas and speculations rushed into his head a t light speed as he puzzled about this strange new conundrum he and his brother faced. Perhaps the man had created some sort of remote activated circle? Maybe there was an original one on the stick and he simply activated that one when he wanted to activate a pre-made circle…no. That would never have worked. He and his brother hadn't been around long enough to give this 'Albus' a chance to place a circle on them, even if it was pre-drawn…

As Al lost himself in countless calculations and hypotheses, Ed continued his conversation with the crazy old coot.

'Dumbledore…What the fuck kind of a name is that?' Ed tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair that hadn't been crushed into splinters.

"Okay old man, So…lets say I believe you. You run a school for magic." Ed leaned forward, eyes sharp. "Prove it. Let's go meet some students." Inside he was cackling. 'no way is this place really a school, no sane person would come here to learn "magic"!'

"Ah, well, I'm afraid the students have gone home for the summer. They can't stay here all year, now can they?"

'Hmph. Of course. So enveloped in his own delusions that he can't see the truth.'

"Right. And I suppose this magic of yours is the real thing, hm?"

"Why yes! Of course." Dumbledore eyed him speculatively. "Perhaps… No. It can't be…Then again…" Dumbledore stared at the two. "I suppose you wouldn't happen to be Nicholas's students or some-such, Hm?"

Ed shook his head, one eye brow raised and Curiosity rising.

"My, this is a puzzle. Hm. Well, I suppose it is possible, Nicholas did have quite a bit of power..." Ed twitched impatiently. Albus nodded resolutely to himself, seeming to have reached a conclusion. "You know nothing of Magic, Correct?" Ed rolled his eyes and nodded.

"And yet, the port-key came to you two. I ask you again, Do you know of alchemy?" Ed narrowed his eyes and glanced at Al, who seemed to be spaced out completely, murmuring to himself. Ed's eyes darted back to Dumbledore.

"yes. We're Alchemists."

"Fascinating. You see, in my experience Alchemy has been an art that can only be pursued by those who use magic. If that is not the case, then I suppose I was right about the fact that Nicholas was the last great alchemist of this world. You, my boy, are from another." The old man sagely nodded his head, as though he had bestowed some great bit of wisdom on the two brothers.

Ed stared at him incredulously.

'Oh for fuck's sake. They're all crazy.'

Woot. Finally chapter three. HAH. not much action, here, but don't worry, it'll catch up later. TEll me if you see any mistakes, Constructive Criticism welcome! I LOVE ANYONE WHO REVIEWS. Yes. i do indeed.

I get the feeling this one is a little confusing. Tell me if you think so too, and give me thoughts on how to fix it if you agree! ^_^