Chapter three
He usually reveled in the feeling of security and warmth Dereks arms provided but tonight it was more of a confinement. He had been trying to control the tossing and turning but his mind was racing and the stiffness in Dereks hold told him that he wasn't the only one.
"Baby what's wrong?" He'd been drifting when he felt Spencer tense, at first he had thought it to be the beginnings of a nightmare but when he pulled him closer trying to provide comfort he realized he was still awake. Trailing his fingers lightly over Spencers scalp he continued his thoughts on what could be bothering the man, he knew neither would be resting until it had been dealt with.
"I can't sleep." Derek nearly rolled his eyes at that. "So I've noticed, but why?"
"Don't know." He shrugged flipping so he was on his stomach. "Just can't seem to clear my head tonight." Adjusting his position so he was comfortable, or at least as comfortable as he would get Spencer whispered, "You should try to sleep, I'm sure I'll follow soon enough."
Lying there silently rubbing soothing circles along Spencers back Derek waited. He knew if given enough time Spence would sort his thoughts and share. It was about fifteen minutes later and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open when Spencer finally said something. "Derek?"
"Hmmmm"
"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
"With you." He siddled closer until they were sharing a pillow. If this was insecurity he sure didn't know where it came from let alone why.
"I didn't mean like that." Spencer pushed himself up a bit turning on the light as he did so.
"Well then how did you mean it?" Derek propped his head up on his hand turning slightly to look straight at Spencer.
"Where do you see your life, your career?"
"You already know that I want a family babe."
"Yes and I know we've been talking about starting a family alot lately but we've yet to breach the topic of how we're going to obtain those children let alone what the plan would be for raising them." Derek was more of a go-getter but Spencer liked plans and reasoning and it had been bothering him that they'd yet to conceive one.
"I see us adopting a few kids." Derek began as he started putting concentration behind the question.
"You don't want them to be biologically yours?" Whenever Spencer invisioned them starting a family it had been with the thought of a surrogate.
"No matter what they'll still be mine and I like the thought of helping a child, providing a much needed home." Morgan shrugged it off, he fully believed that he had enough love to give a child and wouldn't deny it for something as trivial as DNA. "If we're allowed maybe we could even foster a few."
"If I'm the one expected to stay at home with half a dozen kids I can tell you right now there's trouble ahead." Spencer half joked. He wanted to know what Dereks expectations were though, if they were realistic, if he agreed with them, and if he could meet them.
"As much as the BAU has become a home to me we've started a new one Spence." Derek sat up against the headboard completely serious in what he had to say next. "I don't like the idea of getting on a plane and leaving my family for days or possibly even weeks at a time. That's yet to be a problem and you'll have to make this decision for yourself but I want to be able to come home at the end of every night, to actually be there for are kids everyday and not worry about bringing psychos around that would try to hurt them."
"You'd quit the BAU?" He was beyond shocked and he knew his facial expression was reflecting as much.
"Not right now and it wouldn't be quitting. I'm... It's been... I'd..." Derek sighed trying to find the right way to explain. "Have you ever seen power rangers?"
"A time or two." Spencer was confused as to where this new subject fit.
"Well it's sort of like that. You've got your team and eventually a mission or something along those lines appears for you. Right?" Nodding Spencer had a questioning expression as he waited for Derek to continue. "Well if you've seen it completely through you know that each member has their own personnal goals and dreams, they just have to finish the task at hand first. They battle the monsters and demons that appear and eventually they finish the mission, but that's when they realize it was more of a mini-mission and they only have a small piece to a very big puzzle." Derek hoped that made sense.
"So they continue on." Spencer rationalized.
"No most of them don't Spencer, that's my point. There job was to find that piece and they accomplished that."
"Who finishes the puzzle then?"
"Not us." Derek quickly answered, he should have known better than to use puzzles as a metaphore. "What I'm trying to say is there will always be another unsub no matter how hard we wish otherwise but eventually it's time to move on and let another take your place."
"The battle was ours but the war runs free, we'll take the battle but the war will always belong to he." Of course Spencer could sum it up that easily while he was left tripping on his tongue. "So you'll be a stay at home daddy if I decide to continue chasing the bad guys?" Spencer joked.
"Did you just call me daddy?" The devilish smirk and raised eyebrow had Spencer groaning with regret. "I think I could get used to that."
"Derek" He whined indignantly.
"Seriously though," He laughed as he pressed a quick kiss to the pout Spencer was sporting. "I don't know about the whole stay at home dad thing but I'm sure I can find something that will give me the hours needed to be able to still care for a family, but if you still want to be part of the team I'll support you in it."
"So you don't think you'll stay at the FBI either?"
"I don't know... but one thing I do know is that none of this has to be figured out tonight." Derek yawned reaching over to turn out the light.
"True" Spencer agreed as he too layed down, his head resting on his husbands chest an arm slung over his waist. "If we wanted though between the research papers and some of the book deals I've been offered we'd never really have to work again."
"That good huh?" Derek mumbled knowing Spencer was only theorizing, neither of them would be happy doing virtually nothing.
"Well the rent from your houses nearly has this one paid off and depending on the topic two articles would probably cover the months bills. Then doing a book, well you've seen how obsessive the crime fanatics are plus mathematics is another hot topic."
"Is it now?" That was something he'd never believe.
"Yes and between those I think we'd be able to manage modestly wi-"
"Spencer" Derek spoke sternly.
"Yes"
"We're still working and I doubt either of us will ever stop completely, now stop with the money talk that's not something we need to worry about right now."
"But children are ex-"
"Don't say it." Derek warned as he barely stiffled another yawn. "There's no fun in life if you plan it until retirement."
"Well when you're talking about quitting said job I think a little financial security is in order."
"I already explained the reasoning behind that and there's still alot to figure out there but that's still a few years away. By the time we start a family I'm sure it will all be worked out. Now go to sleep." Spencers continuing of calling him a quiter was starting to get under his skin, you'd think he'd be happy that he wanted to have a relatively normal life and not just expect Spencer to take care of the house and kids while he ran around doing as he wished.
"What if I said that was my intention with this conversation." Spencer lifted his head trying to gauge his lovers reaction.
"To sort thing out?" Derek clarified.
"Mhmmm"
"And right now was the best time to do that?" He sighed feeling the crankiness creep up from the sleep deprivation.
"I wanted to make sure we really had a solid plan or at least a sensible idea of what we're doing exactly." He explained as he rested his chin on his forearms that were splayed across Derek.
"Like I said we've still got plenty of time." Why was this bothering Spencer so much tonight?
"Derek" Spencer knew he had gotten his full attention, he always did when he sprawled ontop of him, so they could have direct eye contact. "What would you say if I told you the purpose of all these questions was because I don't want to wait a few years?"
"You don't want to wait a few years?" He repeated, the meaning slowly surfacing along with a smile. "You don't want to wait a few years." This time it was said happily with clarity.
"Well we keep on talking about it but it's always in future context and with the time it takes for an actual adoption to go through not to mention finding an agency willing to help out a homosexual couple I figured at the very least we'd be looking at a years process so why not start now." That had been what was keeping him from rest, if Derek would have said he wanted biological children the subject would have been dropped but now knowing that adoption was the route they were going he couldn't help but think of the obstacles they'd face and knew the earlier they started the better their chances would be.
"You want to adopt a baby now?" It was both a scary and exciting thought.
"Now doesn't really exist in the world of adoptions and it doesn't have to be a baby but I'd like to start the process." An infant in the house was a terrifying thought, he had been thinking maybe a child on the closer side of one possibly even two.
"My baby wants a baby." Derek sing-songed enthusiastically. Apparently he'd have to adjust to the idea because Derek didn't seem to be changing his mind about a baby.
"What do you think?" His smile was wide but he'd swear Dereks was lighting up the room.
"I think that we do indeed have alot to figure out and that we've just made alot of people happy me being first and foremost."
"That's good." Spencer placed a lazy kiss to the jut of Dereks jaw, his head resting on a shoulder that he could already feel relaxing. The day had been a long one and he knew he probably shouldn't have kept them up so long, his own exhaustion starting to weigh his eyelids.
"Love you" Morgan mumbled letting himself become victim to sleep. He was beyond excited but didn't have enough energy left to convey it properly, tomorrow would have to do.
"Me too" was barely spoken.
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What only felt like moments but was probably closer to an hour later Spencer found himself groaning at the sound of a phone going off. "Baby" It was a word he had picked up from Derek, one that he only used a handful of times and never intentionally but right now he wasn't really thinking and didn't really care.
Already knowing what Spencer wanted he didn't even bother answering as he searched for the offending object. " 'ello" He tried clearing the fog from his mind already knowing what was coming but still feeling the disappointment when he actually heard it. "Alright, we'll meet you there." Taking another minute to wipe the sleep from his face with his free hand he then took too trying to get his other arm free. "Babe get up." The reply he received was mumbled syllables but they were clearly a protest. "Spencer come on, we meet in forty minutes."
Letting out another indignant groan he rolled over to his side of the bed. "I'm starting to agree with your reasoning behind the puzzle and its pieces."
"Up" Derek pulled on his husbands arm taking his own advice as he turned on the light. He wasn't sure how he ever managed making it to any of their other inconvenient briefings before they got together, the team had taken to only calling one of them if it was the middle of the night and a few times when Spencer had answered he had fallen back asleep before saying anything leaving Derek to answer one angry Hotch not to long after.
"I am." He already knew the ritual, he'd go make coffee for them while Derek took a quick shower and then they'd switch, by the time they were finished there'd be a stolen moment for themselves before they were out the door becoming Agents Morgan and Reid once more.
E/N: Sorry this took so long but as I promised a longer chapter. I'd love to hear what you're thinking. Suggestions and criticism are also welcome.