I Need To Find Myself
Song Inspired: Amerie feat. Fabolous- More than Love (Seriously listen to this song, it goes hard and the beat is sick)
After having been gone for over a week, Katara was just beginning to get settled into her old work routine. As she cleaned the tables after a long day of waiting on satisfied customers, her thoughts drifted to the many events that occurred to her while she was in the Fire Nation. She thought of the wonderful time she had with Suki and Toph; loving the time she shared with her close friends. She remembered the fun times she had shopping with them, exploring the Fire Nation, and comforting her; helping her come to terms with the reality of Aang being with someone else. Her thoughts then shifted to the great time she had with Lee, and the amazing time she spent with him on the last night of her trip, reminiscing his hands dexterously guiding his paintbrush on a blank canvas, finishing a beautiful portrait of Katara, Toph and Suki huddled together as their arms overlapped one another's in testimony to their eternal friendship. Katara stopped her daydream for a moment; her focus turning to the same portrait of herself, Toph and Suki she remembered Lee craftily painting, hanging high behind the back counter of the Tea Shop for all visitors to see. She took in a soft breath of satisfaction as she began to sweep around the tables, cleaning up the little debris earlier customers brought in as she focused at the elegant painting of her friends.
As she hummed a cheerful tune, Iroh appeared from the entryway behind the tea counter, holding a tea pot and two small cups on a metallic tray, "Katara, please close the doors; we're done for the day." asked Iroh kindly as he carried the tea set onto a freshly cleaned table in the middle of the Tea Shop.
Katara smiled and nodded in compliance as she put her wooden broom to the side, approaching the doors and locking them with a brass padlock. As she turned around, Iroh gestured her to take a seat across from him, "Please." said Iroh, his hand still gesturing to the empty seat.
Katara raised her eyebrow curiously, "Okay." Said Katara as she walked towards the empty seat, tossing the keys to the padlock to Iroh as she sat down, "What's going on?" asked Katara as she folded her hands together.
Iroh couldn't help but chuckle at the young water bender, "Why, nothing child; can't an old man offer someone as kind as you tea without it having to mean anything?" asked Iroh as he continued to chuckle at Katara.
Katara lightly chuckled, kindly smiling at the former general as she grabbed hold of her tea cup. Iroh proceeded to pick up the tea pot and pour her freshly brewed ginseng tea into her cup, "I just wanted to know how things were with you." explained Iroh as he finished pouring tea into Katara's cup, placing the tea pot back into the metallic tray.
Katara carefully picked up her cup, "Thank you, Iroh." said Katara as she sipped some tea.
Iroh smiled thankfully, "The pleasure's all mine." said Iroh innocently as he took in a sip of his own tea.
Katara put her cup down, her eyes meeting Iroh's, "Not just for the tea." said Katara.
Iroh gave Katara a questionable look as he put his tea cup down, raising his eyebrow in curiosity as he waited for Katara to finish.
Katara continued, "I wanted to thank you for everything Iroh; you helped me out so much in a time in which I was in great need." said Katara as she relaxed her hands on her thighs, "I could've stayed in the Water Tribe; I could've just moped around, but I wanted to prove to myself and to everyone else that I can fend for myself without Aang." explained Katara.
Iroh took another sip of tea, then placed his tea cup down, "Katara, I think you have done a fantastic job in doing just that, really I do; You have continuously proven yourself to be strong, independent, and most importantly loyal to your word and your works. I have seen you transform from that hopeless looking young woman that walked into my shop into a determined being, ready and willing to show the world that you are your own person, and not just an asset to the Avatar." said Iroh as he let out a small smile,
Katara let out a half smile, taking in another sip of tea as she continued to hear Iroh's praises of her.
Iroh's consolable expression then turned stern, "But I think that you're avoiding something else, something much bigger, and you don't want to meet the reality of it face to face for fear of disappointment, fear of regressing back to the grief stricken woman that you were once before." finished Iroh cryptically as he took in another sip of tea, glaring at Katara almost as if he were glaring into her soul.
Katara didn't know what to say; she raised her eyebrow, questioning Iroh's sanity. "What the heck is he talking about?" thought Katara to herself, feeling a bit intimidated by the conversation. She nodded her head in confusion, "Um, well, ok?" said Katara as she nervously giggled.
Iroh smiled, "I don't think this is something you need to talk to me about." chuckled Iroh as his belly jiggled up and down, "How was your trip?" asked Iroh.
Katara rested her head onto her hand, "It was fun; Suki, Toph and I shopped around, we saw Lee, and unfortunately, saw Aang." said Katara as her eyes focused on her half empty tea cup.
Iroh was taken aback by Katara's distasteful mention of Aang, "What's wrong with seeing Aang? I thought you two were good friends now." assumed Iroh, aloof to the whole 'Aang and his new girlfriend situation'.
Katara took a deep sigh, "I don't want to talk about it…" said Katara as she lightly bended her tea, swirling it round and round as her thoughts took her back to that day. Immediately she imagined Aang, kissing the seductive beauty he embraced in his arms. She felt almost cheated, as though the feelings he professed to have for her since the day he first laid eyes on her at the tender age of 12 was a complete and utter lie; as though the entire course of their relationship, from the first consensual kiss they shared back in Ba Sing Se several years ago, to the abrupt end of their relationship on that very same balcony was all a big joke. She felt hurt, not for the reason Toph and Suki thought, but for feeling that Aang betrayed her, took advantage of her vulnerability, just to run off with the next girl who flashed her good looks and perky personality. "I thought what we had was real." thought Katara to herself as she continued to bend her tea, but then again, it's not like she ever told him she loved him, "I moved on, found a great guy who is willing to profess himself to the world that he is mine and I'm his, yet, here I am; bitter about the loser guy who dumped me." thought Katara sarcastically to herself as she looked up to meet Iroh.
"Iroh, I-"
Before Katara could continue, she noticed Iroh's hand rise, gesturing that she needn't continue if she didn't feel comfortable in doing so. Katara smiled at the gesture, feeling somewhat relieved that she didn't need to speak of her encounter with Aang back in the Fire Nation, "Thank you Iroh." said Katara as she respectfully bowed to the man who assisted her during one of the most tumultuous times in her life.
Iroh nodded compliantly, "Don't worry about it." said Iroh caringly, "So tell me everything else about your trip, you went shopping?" asked Iroh cheerfully as he took another sip of tea.
Katara's face soon brightened, "Yeah; the girls and I went shopping for dresses to a Fire Nation Event Zuko's holding in a couple of months." explained Katara as she took another sip of tea.
Iroh rubbed his chin, "Ah yes, I remember my nephew told me about it a couple of months ago." said Iroh.
Katara tilted her head, "Oh, and you're going?" asked Katara.
Iroh's eyes seemed as though they were about to bulge out, "Oh, of course not." exclaimed Iroh strangely.
Katara gave Iroh a worrying look, "Why not?" asked Katara.
Iroh began to rub his thumbs together, "Well, let's say it's just not my scene. This is more of an event for you young people." said Iroh as he let out a huge grin.
Katara raised her eyebrow in curiosity, "Should I be worried?" asked Katara as she took another sip of tea.
Iroh chuckled, oh of course not child; this is more of an enlightening event.
Katara shot a questionable glare at Iroh as she put down her cup, "Enlightening event?" asked Katara.
Iroh noticed that Katara's cup was almost empty, "Care for another cup?" asked Iroh sensitively.
Katara nodded her head up and down as she offered her empty cup to Iroh, "Please." said Katara as Iroh began to pour, "Do you know anything about what goes on in these types of events?" asked Katara curiously as she took another sip of tea.
Iroh took a sip of his tea, contemplating how he will explain to Katara the nature of the Event without giving too much away, "I've attended a couple of events quite similar to the one that Zuko's throwing; mind you, back in my day we didn't make it such a big hullabaloo. It was less extravagant, and more of an intimate ceremony with only the people you feel most comfortable with. It was a time to contemplate and think problems through, clear your head and imagine the possibilities. And, of course, put in a few jokes and laughs." explained Iroh as he lightly chuckled, remembering his past encounters.
Katara placed her cup down, "So what does happen in these things?" asked Katara analytically.
"Diuh…you'll see." said Iroh as he chuckled nervously; trying to compose himself in front of the young woman, "Zuko's doing a commendable thing in attempting bringing the next generation of the Fire Nation together this way;" said Iroh as his face became relaxed and serene, "Too many years of war left this nation incredibly divided, and throwing this event I believe will do just what Zuko's planning to do, unite everyone within the Nation in harmony, teach the young adults that it's ok to relax and enjoy the labor of the Earth." finished Iroh as he squint his eyes happily delightfully.
Katara pushed her head back and raised her eyebrow, "Labor of the Earth?" asked Katara dubiously.
Iroh immediately realized that he almost gave away a vital part to the Event, his face twisting in slight panic as he waved his hands maniacally, "Uhh, w-well yeah, I mean, metaphorically speaking, aren't we all part of the Earth?" recovered Iroh as he chuckled apprehensively.
Katara remained aloof to the former general's discomfort, placing her index finger and thumb around her jawline, "Sure, I guess…" agreed Katara as she took another sip of tea.
Iroh turned his head so Katara wouldn't see him take a deep breath of recovery, his hand holding his chest as he wiped off a bead of sweat from his forehead, "Let me not delve further into this; I don't want to spoil everything for you and your date." said Iroh as he turned around to face the your water bender, "I take it it's his first time going to an event of this caliber?" asked Iroh conspicuously.
Katara put down her cup and nodded her head in agreement; "Yeah, at least that's what he told me." said Katara as her eyes wandered dreamily around the ceiling, thinking of the fine, raven haired young man she called 'hers'.
Iroh chuckled, 'Oh trust me; you two will have a great time, especially since you both will experience that night together." said Iroh as he took one final sip of his tea, leaving it nearly bare with but a few drops of tea.
Katara smiled elatedly, and nodded in agreement as she took one final gulp of tea, "Thanks Iroh." said Katara gratefully.
Iroh bowed his head slightly, "No problem." said Iroh has his head rose up to meet Katara, "Now, try to get some sleep; tomorrow's the first of the month, and you know what that means." said Iroh with a huge grin plastered on his face.
Katara giggled, "Lots and lots of tea lovers." said Katara as she rose from her seat, grabbing hold of the handles to the tea set and walking towards the back counter as she placed it down for a wash. Katara then made her way up the stairs, disappearing from sight as Iroh chuckled; putting his hands behind his head in a relaxant stance. "Exactly." said Iroh quietly to himself as he closed his eyes in ease, envisioning eagerly the swarm of people that will walk through his doors first thing in the morning.
Onji sat down in her wooden love seat; still deathly afraid of what she bargained for just several days go, and who she bargained with. And yet, it felt like an eternity of turmoil; she could feel the anxiety bulging through her veins as though trying to seep through her pores as she nimbly rubbed her arms, "I did this for us Aang, for us." thought Onji to herself erratically as her thoughts continued to fly from Aang to Azula to Katara, "Katara, I can't risk you taking Aang away from me. You had your time, but now, now is my time." thought Onji deliriously as she began to rock back and forth in her chair. Suddenly, the thought of Ai, innocent and gullible, passed through her mind; haunting her since her return to the Fire Nation. Onji gripped her face as though it was going to fall off, the immense amount of guilt taking over her mind over the death of her young nomad guide. She felt herself slowly slipping into a downward spiral; the room seeming to turn on itself as she sporadically skimmed her eyes throughout the room. Onji began to heave as the thought of Ai's piercing blue eyes continued to replay in her mind like a broken record player; as she began to tremble, she tried to get a grip of her unraveling emotions, "Calm down Onji, it's not like you're the one who's going to kill her. All you did was give a tip is all, no worries. Katara and Ai's blood is in Azula's hands, not yours." consoled Onji to herself; her breathing slowly returning back to normal as she released the tight grip she had on her arm rest.
She took in one final deep breath to release the bit of tension she harbored, but before she could exhale, an unexpected voice echoed in the room.
"Hey Onji!" said Aang excitedly as she poked his head in through the doorway.
Onji jumped out of her seat; her heart rate returning to the erratic speed it had several moments ago. Onji's eyes widened as she turned to face the stranger by the door, "Aang!" asked
Aang smirked, "Yeah, who else were you expecting?" asked Aang kindly as he proceeded to enter the home.
Onji tried to recover herself, "No one, it's just that….I didn't hear you come in." explained Onji nervously as she fidgeted with her fingers.
Aang rubbed the back of his head and chuckled innocently. "Heh, yeah; my earth bending teacher always said I was light on my feet." said Aang as he grinned; referencing the many times Toph pointed out his featherweight footsteps when he and his 'Team Avatar' gang traveled the world.
Onji looked at Aang's happy expression, relieved that he remained completely oblivious to her inner turmoil, "Oh…" said Onji as her eyes focused to the wooden floor underneath her feet.
Aang smiled caringly to Onji as he walked towards her, taking a seat next to her, "Sooo, what did you do during the time I was away?" asked Aang as he placed his hand on her shoulder.
Onji turned to face Aang, worry and sadness defined in her watery eyes as she gazed into Aang's, "No-nothing, absolutely nothing…." said Onji as she fought the urge to let her tears flow from her deep amber colored eyes. She then turned her head so that Aang wouldn't notice her dolorous appearance, grabbing her arms as they began to slightly shake.
But he did notice; Aang's face transformed from happy to fearful as he looked on apprehensively at his girlfriend, "Onji, what's the matter?" asked Aang as he leaned closer to console her.
Onji wasn't responding, her expression still the same as she pressed her fingers into her scalp, "Aang, do you still care for Katara?" asked Onji as she relaxed her arms onto her lap, her eyes locking with Aang's.
Aang looked at Onji questionably, raising his brow curiously, "What? Why would you ask me that?" asked Aang suspiciously.
Onji wiped a loose tear that escaped from her eye, wiping it with the ball of her hand as she sniffed inconsolably, "I-I just need to know Aang." said Onji as she gripped the arm rest closest to her, "There's nothing between you two?" asked Onji as she bent her head towards her shoulder.
Aang was beginning to feel slightly intimidated by Onji's insecurities, "Onji, how many times do I have to tell you this?" asked Aang as he reached for her hands, gripping them in his as he leaned closer to her. He looked lovingly into Onji's eyes, "What Katara and I had….it's over, done. She will always be my friend Onji, but nothing more. You're my girl now, and that's how it will stay." explained Aang as he leaned towards Onji, giving her a gentle kiss on her blushed cheek as he smoothed it with his thumb.
Onji pushed away from Aang's kind gesture, humphing as she turned her back to him. Aang couldn't help but feel aggravated by Onji's actions, "Aagh, What do you want from me Onji?" asked an irritant Aang as he slammed his hand onto his thigh.
Onji turned to face Aang again, her eyes burning in desire and anger, "I want you to prove it; prove to me that you're over her Aang." demanded Onji as she began to lean towards Aang, wrapping her legs around his waist as her hands held on to his shoulder and beck. Aang was taken aback by Onji's forcefulness, not knowing how to react as his eyes widened in shock, her mouth leaning closer to Aang's, lightly hovering over his lips as she let out a whisper, "Make love to me Aang; make me yours, for life…." whispered Onji as she finally landed her lips onto Aang's, kissing him with ferocity as she lightly grooved herself on his manhood. Their mouths then became interlocked in a fierce dance as Aang's hesitant hands relaxed; landing on her hips as Onji slightly giggled in his mouth, causing Aang to chuckle in compliance. He began to push Onji harder into his growing erection, rocking her lower torso back and forth on his member as she pressed her lips harder into his mouth. Aang's hands then traveled from her hips down to her thighs, grabbing the curled bottom of her silk dress as he began to pull it up to her bottom, "Aang…" whispered Onji dreamily towards Aang's assertiveness as her short sleeves began to loosen in the heat of the moment.
Just as Aang was about to proceed to push her dress up further, a sudden flashback passed through his mind, one he wasn't pleased to see…
Aang's lips departed from Katara's neck lovingly, his hands gently gripped on Katara's waist as his eyes lustfully gazed into hers.
"Katara, I need you to be sure...to be sure that you're ready for this; are you ready, Katara?" asked Aang lovingly.
Katara gripped her bindings to her chest, "Aang...I can't...not now..." whispered Katara painfully.
Aang's fiery desire immediately dissipated, backing away from the ebony beauty that stood before him, half naked, ripe, and unwilling.
Aang's passion soon turned on itself, manifesting into anger, "I don't understand Katara; It's been three years already! When do you think will be the right time?" asked Aang, heavily fueled in bitterness over Katara's hesitation to his physical proposal.
Katara's face transformed from questionable, to anger ridden at Aang's thoughtless words, "What do you mean 'when will be the right time'?" asked Katara as she bent her left index and middle finger, her other hand still gripped to her loose chest binding, "Aang, you don't understand; it's not that I don't want to, it's just that…" Katara hesitated as she turned her body from Aang.
Aang looked lustfully into Katara's revealed side, the curve from her left breast slightly exposed as Katara's chest bindings dangled from her sides. Katara then turned her head sharply, her eyes angrily gazing into his; her action startled Aang, taking a step back from the water bender, wondering what she was going to say, or do, next.
All Katara did was bend her head down, seemingly saddened by Aang's misunderstanding, "You don't understand Aang…" said Katara quietly; her voice quivered in sadness as she gripped her bindings even tighter.
Aang bent his head down as well, feeling very upset for having let Katara feel this way. He let his guard down, and put his issues with her aside and approached her, lending his hand to her devotedly so as to let her know that he was there for her.
Katara swished her shoulder away sharply from Aang's kind gesture, turning her back on him as she walked to the window of the room without any regard or concern for Aang.
Aang was completely insulted; his body and mind filled with rage, "What? I'm trying to console you!" yelled Aang as he balled his fists in fury.
Katara slightly turned her head to Aang, her back completely exposed to him, "I don't need you to console me; just get out!" yelled an unconcerned Katara as she proceeded to wrap her bindings around her chest.
Aang bit his lip, reluctant to say something that he might later on regret, "Fine!" yelled Aang as he turned his back to her; his hand swished towards her direction as he proceeded to walk out of the room, his blood swimming in anger and hurt as he slammed the door behind him.
Aang immediately snapped out of it, noticing Onji's eyes locked onto his, "Aang, why did you stop?" asked a concerned Onji.
Aang looked to the side of his shoulder, his hands still locked onto Onji's dress, in the same position that they were since the intrusive thoughts began. His mind was still focused on the thoughts that ran through it just moments ago. Without saying a word, Aang closed his eyes shut, picked Onji up by her thighs and stood up; landing her gently on her feet as they both stood facing each other. Aang opened his eyes, "Listen to me, I went to see an old friend, a Guru." explained Aang as he looked down to his feet. Onji looked on annoyingly as Aang continued his explanation, crossing her arms as she lightly tapped her foot, "Uh huh." said a bothered Onji as she fixed her silk dress. Aang tried to ignore Onji's peeved gesture, then let out a sigh, "He explained to me that we would conceive in the right time; that I would know. Onji, I know that now is not that time." Aang explained as he looked up to face Onji, giving her a kind smile as he reached for her hand.
Onji's simmering anger and disappointment soon died out, leaving way to calmness and understanding at what Aang was trying to say to her, "So, it's not that you still care for Katara?" asked Onji as her eyes glistened eagerly for an answer.
Aang pulled her closer to him, "I will always care for Katara, Onji; as a friend." mentioned Aang confidently.
Aang's words stung Onji, causing her to turn her face in disgust from Aang, displeased by his friendly care for his old girlfriend.
Aang chuckled as he turned her face to his, "And nothing more; you can count on that." said Aang, assuring her as he entangled her in his embrace. Onji obliged, holding him tightly in her arms as if it were the last time she would ever see him.
Aang slightly pushed her back, bending his face a little closer to hers, "I think the only thing you need to worry about right now is figuring out what you're going to wear to the dance." said Aang cunningly as he smiled at the Fire Nation beauty, "You didn't really buy anything in that boutique." said Aang as he gazed lovingly into Onji's eyes.
Onji's face beamed, "Definitely." said Onji slyly as she lent her body back into Aang's embrace, "We need to find yours as well." said Onji as she nestled her head on his chest, making Aang lightly chuckle in her comfort. Her thoughts then overtook her, distracting the special moment she was having with her lover, "I can't risk losing you Aang…"
Stay Tuned...