Chapter Nine

It was something simple and familiar to concentrate on when nothing at the moment was as such.
The Dishes.
Crusty spaghettios and water that was a little warmer than necessary kept her in the here and now instead of wandering back to memories that seemed so distant but in all actuality were from only yesterday.

Her weekend had been interrupted by a phone call from Hotch with nothing more said than the group was to meet in an hour. Upon arrival she found Emily, Garcia, and Rossi just as curious as to why they were there and even more so with why Morgan and Reid who would usually be first had yet to arrive.

It was then, with the other two still nowhere in sight, that Hotch appeared and ushered three horrible, disgusting, horrific, utterly disasterous and life changing words.

Derek died yesterday.

Three plain ordinary little words yet when combined the devastation was worse than the after affects of a natural disaster.

Garcia had let out a near gurgled sob almost as if to warn before she all but crumbled in on herself falling to her knees. Emily sat next to Penelope on the floor with wide disbelieving eyes that eventually started to shimmer though she held tight to the tears. Rossi questioned things a bit more though he eventually joined the girls on the floor trying to calm Penelope, it was clear this action was to give him something to do as he, not as obviously, looked severely pained by the news as well.

JJ though, she found herself staring into icy eyes that just stared right back. Her first thought was of Spencer, how heartbroken he must be and how she wanted to do nothing more than hold him. That thought quickly brought her back to the times he visited looking for a comfort Derek just couldn't provide during Emilys "death". The death that left her a betrayer in his eyes, how could she offer security at a time like this without being a hypocrite?

Derek was dead and Spencer needed to mourn, he didn't need to question her motives. This thought brought her a complete other feeling of hurt but she didn't believe she deserved to show it. Hotch looked to have aged ten years since she had seen him Friday afternoon and a glance behind her showed the other three having a hard time with the news so she decided it best to just slip away. She left without a word said or a tear shed.

"Babe?" Will watched as his girlfriend scrubbed at a plate, her hands beat red and appearing to be near raw. She had come through the door to their home yesterday placing her keys down and announcing with the same casuality you would having got milk that Morgan was dead. Since then she had stayed almost completely silent and he couldn't think of any other reason than shock.

"Jen?" She didn't appear to have heard a thing as she continued to scrub at the plate that was obviously more than clean by now.

"Jennifer?" He touched her shoulder and she jumped immediately, the plate dropping into the sink with a loud clank as it shattered.

"It broke." She near whispered as she began lifting pieces with the vain thought of it being possibly mended. "You broke it."

"It's just a plate Darlin'." Will moved to grap her hands from the sink as she tightened her grip on a shard of glass that had him fearing she'd cut herself. She pulled away and kept attempting to lift the pieces that were now floating in the still running water.

Will attempted to lift a piece of his own figuring it better to clean the mess than fight with her and risk the chance of them both getting cut when his hand actually made contact with the water from the tap and he quickly pulled it back in shock and pain. His hand felt as if it had been lit on fire, the water near scalding it. "Are you trying to peel your skin right off?" He slammed his other hand down on the handle to shut it off as he pulled her away, already inspecting her fingers that were heated to the touch.

"You broke that plate." It was louder and more accusing as she looked at him with disbelief.

"The last thing I care about right now is the plate, it can be replaced, you can't!" His eyes were wide as she pulled her hands away in anger.

"No, no it can't!" She yelled. "You can try to find another one but it will never be the same as that one!"

"Jennifer it doesn't matter." She was clearly getting worked up and he knew it had to do with so much more than a broken dish.

"Yes it does. It's supposed to be strong and durable... it's supposed to last. It's not supposed to shatter and leave everything else to crumble with it! Unbreakable that's what it was supposed to be!" She began pacing as she ran wet hands through her hair.

"Baby you can't..."

"No Will don't you baby me! It's part of a set, they go together for a reason! One isn't supposed to exist without the rest. If you lose one then you might as well get rid of all of them!" It was like their team, or better yet what was left of it.

"That isn't true Jennifer, if there's no one left who will honor the fallen?" He tried to pull her into a hug but she just pushed him away.

"He didn't fall Will! We were partners, we were supposed to watch each others backs, how was I supposed to see this comin'! There was no Unsub, no guns, no knifes, no crazed psychos!" She wanted to hit something but she settled for pulling at the roots of her hair. "The last time I seen him he was happily drunk, we were all having a good time, how was I supposed to know he was going to go home and go to sleep never to wake again!"

"You weren't." Now they were getting to the root of things though it pained Will to see the hurt in her eyes. "There's no way you could have known somethin' bad was gonna happen."

"You know what the last thing I said to him was? The last chance I had to say anything of importance and you know what I said? I told him la'er, not even later! A slurred la'er, that was the last thing I said to him!" They had stumbled to her front door together and she had given him a half wave as she made sure he got back to the car. The last time she'd ever see him and she didn't even offer a real good bye.

"If I remember correctly the pair of you were laughing all the way to the door. I would have loved for me and my dads last moments to be like that Jen." He was sympathetic as he pulled her into an embrace that she actually accepted.

"Everyday I worry about staying safe in the field, about catching the killers so I can come home and be safe with my family."

"I know." He held her closer as he felt her begin to shake slightly.

"How do I do that now? He was at home, the one place your supposed to be safe. He was there with no obvious threat and yet he got snatched away just as easily. How am I supposed to feel safe when something like that could just as easily happen to me or you?" She whispered into his shoulder as her eyes began to burn.

"Nothing is going to happen to us Darlin', I'm here to stay with you and Henry."

"I'm sure he said the same thing to Spencer, there's no way to promise such things." The memory of Hotch saying he had died in his sleep had her trembling. "Can you imagine waking in the bed you shared with someone for five years to find that said someone dead?"

"My God" He breathed at the news. He hadn't received any details other than Morgans actual death and it was bothersome.

"This is going to ruin everything." A sole tear fell as she thought of all the changes that were sure to come. "Spence barely made it through everything that went down with Emily, this is going to destroy him."

"He's a strong person babe, and you need to be strong too." He rubbed her back, she thought of those men as brothers and he knew the upcoming weeks would be hard for all of them. "We'll make it through this and you'll see, the journey will make us better for it. Each and every one of us."

"I hope you're right." She clung to his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder. She couldn't imagine a tomorrow any brighter than today though she was sure it would come eventually, though she didn't know if that would be true for all.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"How are you doing baby?" Came Frans soothing voice over the speaker of Spencers phone, he was sure she was in a pain of her own but he greatly appreciated the small comfort she was providing.

"I don't think I can give you any kind of answer that would accurately describe my emotional health at the moment." He sighed as he wiped at his tired eyes. He had yet to sleep, the events of what happened the last time he went to bed having him scared to close his eyes.

"I feel the same honey, I feel the same." She had thought she had gotten a wrap on her emotions but that morning proved her wrong as she passed a picture of her son and she reduced to a ball of tears.

"I'm sorry that I didn't . . . that I didn't call to tell you personally. It's just . . . I've"

"I understand Spencer." Fran saved him from the explanation that would do nothing more than churn up fresh tears. "I'm sorry that I couldn't make it out to be with you."

"No, I . . . the body's being shipped tonight and we'll be arriving tomorrow afternoon." He avoided Dereks name trying to distance the idea of him being nothing more than a corpse.

"I can't thank you..." She sniffled as the emotion of his decisions washed over her. "enough for. . . for deciding to bury him out here."

"Neither of us have any actual family in Virginia and I think Derek would want to be close to his father." Fran had given up the burial plot next to her husband, Dereks final resting spot would be beside his father.

"You just remember that you always have family here in Chicago Spencer." The boy had touched her heart in so many ways that there was no way she wouldn't always consider him as a son.

"Mrs. Morgan?" Spencer barely whispered as he stared at their open closest, he had avoided the bedroom at all costs and only now was he there because the task at hand couldn't be put off.

"Yes" The fear in his voice had her just as scared.

"How do I . . ." He cleared his throat as he tried to get the words out. "How did you go about . . . how did you know what to bury your husband in?"

"He was buried in his uniform." She offered stiffly, she could only imagine him standing in the same place she had years ago. Though she doubted he had thrown all the clothes out of the closest landing ontop of them in a sniffling heap.

"Uniform" He laughed out the word. "His uniform" The laughter turned near hysteric as it turned to sobs.

"Spencer... Baby don't cry." She chastised as she wiped tears from her own cheeks. "Please don't cry."

"How . . . how. . . how do I . .. how do I choose what. . ." He had ended up sitting in the bottom of the closest sniffling as he toyed with the lace to one of Dereks boots.

"Baby, you look through all them memories that I know have been replayin' in your mind like a bad marathon and you pull out the ones that make you smile." She had her own going but hers started with a little boy chasing his sister around the park and continued on to a handsome young man kissing his husband on her front porch under the mistletoe as she took pictures from the window on Christmas. The smile was a stark contrast to the tears that still raced down her face. "You take a good long look through those and then you find the outfit that brings back just as many of those good times."

"The Good times." It was hard to believe those ever existed but the longer he thought the clearer his answer became. He knew what he needed to pack and it sure wouldn't be some stuffy suit Derek always grumbled about wearing. He'd make sure Derek went out with his boots on literally, he'd just have to find the other one first as it wasn't anywhere near where the first had been.

E/N: Can Derek really go out any other way? Of course he's gonna have his boots on! As for him being in Chicago I couldn't imagine him being anywhere else. I believe we'll see more of the others in the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed!