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It was Sunday morning and Sirius woke up, yawning and sitting up in his bed. He peered around the room through sleepy eyes and saw two empty beds.
"Hey," said Peter, smiling slightly at Sirius from the bed opposite. Sirius stood up and stretched.
"Hi," he replied, heading to the bathroom.
"Sirius wait," said Peter uncertainly. Sirius stopped in his tracks and turned around. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I said to you yesterday-"
"- It's fine," Sirius answered, smiling. Peter didn't look convinced.
"Are you sure?" he asked. "What I said really wasn't nice..."
"But it was true," Sirius said, moving over to sit with Peter. "I was a little out of it, wasn't I? I think if it had gone on any longer, I would have had a complete meltdown, and I didn't even listen to your advice..."
"It was that bad?" Peter gasped, looking at Sirius with worry in his eyes. Sirius nodded, feeling depressed even from the memories of how he was feeling yesterday.
"You don't even know half of the stuff that was going through my head," he muttered, sagging a little.
Peter bit his lip and leaned forward to hug Sirius awkwardly. Peter never hugged anyone unless he really felt it was necessary. Sirius felt a rush of affection for his friend.
"But you're OK now?" Peter asked him as they pulled apart. Sirius let out a breath and nodded, smiling.
"I'm good," he replied, his smile growing larger.
"Why the sudden change?" asked Peter.
"I'm... I got back together with Regulus," Sirius said, grinning. He couldn't help it – he was just so happy. Peter laughed.
"Your life is like a soap opera!" he said, shaking his head. Sirius stared at him blankly.
"A what?"
"A soap opera. Oh, you wizards suck. A soap opera is a TV show that follows the life of normal Muggles, but it's usually full of drama," said Peter, with a small smile. "Just like your life."
"A TV? That's the box thing that they have, right? It plays photographs with words?" Sirius asked, a little confused. Peter couldn't stop himself from laughing.
"Yes, that's a TV," he answered, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulders. "You really should have taken Muggle Studies, mate."
"Yeah, I know," nodded Sirius, laughing a little. "So when did James leave?"
"About half an hour ago, with Remus."
"Any idea where they went?" he asked. Peter shrugged.
"They didn't tell me. I think Remus just wanted to get away from... er... you."
"Oh," said Sirius, looking down. "Well, I'm going to get ready and go down for breakfast. Wait up for me?"
"Sure," said Peter.
##
"So will you fix it with Remus, then?" Peter asked through a mouthful of food at breakfast. Sirius scrunched up his nose.
"That's gross, Pete. I can see all your food..."
Peter swallowed and rolled his eyes. "Well?"
"I don't really see why I should," Sirius said. "He brought it on himself..."
"But he's so upset!" said Peter.
"His fault," Sirius said simply, waving his hand dismissively. Peter's mouth opened exasperatedly.
"He's your friend!"
"He was my friend. Look, if I had it my way, we'd be friends. How it is, Remus decided that he didn't want anything to do with me. What can I do about it?" Sirius asked, sighing. "I can't change his mind."
"Yes you can!" Peter said, smiling. "He listens to you more than he listens to us! He always gives in when it's you! Just do something nice for him... he probably won't talk to you straight away, but give it time. If you leave it like this, you'll lose him forever, and do you really want that?"
"Of course not," mumbled Sirius, staring down. "I don't want to lose him."
"Then at least try to fix it," Peter said. Sirius smiled.
"I was speaking to James about this very thing last night. I told him I'd try, and I'll tell you the same. If you both think I can do it, then maybe I can..."
"Good," said Peter, taking a gulp of his pumpkin juice. He was interrupted by a girlish squeal, almost spitting his juice out all over the table. He turned to look for the source of the sound.
"That was so sweet!" Mary McDonald said, staring at Peter with fascination. "You're so sweet!"
"Huh?" he asked blankly. Mary shifted towards him and smiled up at him.
"That was very thoughtful of you, Peter. I think you give wonderful advice," she said, her eyes boring right into Peter's.
Sirius smiled when Peter's face lit up at the comment. "He's great," he said to Mary. "A great friend."
"He is?" Mary asked in interest. Sirius winked at Peter and walked off, leaving him blushing furiously next to Mary.
##
He made his way up to the Gryffindor Common Room, where he sat down by the fire and waited. Surely Remus would walk in soon? He needed to fix it...
And not just for him and Remus, but for James and Peter too. They had both got sucked into this horrible mess, and Sirius didn't want them to have to pick sides. Something had to be done...
Ten minutes... fifteen minutes... twenty minutes... twenty two minutes...
Where was Remus? Sirius sighed.
Half an hour...
Sirius jumped up and smacked himself in the face for his stupidity. He ran upstairs to the dormitory and pulled out his wand. "Accio Marauders Map."
A piece of parchment came flying towards him and he caught it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he said, pointing his wand at the piece of parchment. The words and drawings appeared suddenly, showing him the map of Hogwarts that he and his friends had created a year previously.
His eyes scanned the map. Finally, after a lot of searching, he saw the small dot labelled 'Remus Lupin', alone in the astronomy tower. Sirius felt a wave of pity wash over him as he thought of Remus sitting all by himself.
"Mischief managed," he said, stuffing the map into his robe pocket and making his way out of the room. As he was about to leave the common room, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
"Where are you going?" James asked him.
"I'm going to talk to Remus," he replied, and James nodded.
"Good luck."
"Thanks," muttered Sirius, smiling and leaving the common room.
The walk up to astronomy tower was very long and nerve-racking. Sirius didn't have a clue what he wanted to say to Remus – their last encounter hadn't been very friendly. He pushed it from his mind and decided he's just say whatever came at the time.
As he came to the final stairs, he slowed down, walking quietly up to the room. He peered around and walked towards him.
"Rem?" Sirius croaked, making Remus turn around swiftly, wiping the tears from his face.
"W-w-what do you w-want?" he asked, trying to sound strong, but failing. Sirius moved a little closer, so they were both staring over the top of the balcony.
"I just wanted to talk to you," said Sirius quietly.
"We talked yesterd-day," Remus replied, not looking at him. They stood in silence for a minute.
"I messed up," said Sirius finally. "But so did you. We both did. I don't like us not talking, Remus."
"N-n-neither do I! But it hurts more to be your friend and remember everything that happened!" Remus blurted out, falling to the ground and putting his head in his hands. Sirius dropped down next to him and put an arm around Remus' shaking form.
"Remus, dont' push my arm away. You need it," said Sirius, as Remus tried.
"I d-don't need you," said Remus.
"Are you sure about that?" Sirius asked. Remus looked up and nodded. Sirius sighed and spoke again. "Because I definitely need you."
"You don't need me," Remus sobbed. "You've been fine without me."
"Fine? I've been upset. Rem, nobody could lose somebody like you and be fine about it."
Remus laughed. "No, they'd be over the moon about it."
"Don't talk like that," said Sirius seriously. "You're worth so much. Don't think... Remus... please listen to me. I miss you like hell."
"I miss you too," whispered Remus. "I said I don't want anything to do with you, but that's only because I'm scared."
"Scared?" asked Sirius.
"Scared of getting hurt again."
"I'll never hurt you again," promised Sirius. "I promise."
Remus looked into Sirius' eyes and looked away again quickly. "I wish you loved me," he said hopelessly.
Sirius felt his heart break. He could see how much Remus loved him, and it killed him not to be able to say 'I love you' back to him. "I do, Remus. As a friend. Isn't that enough?"
"I j-just love you so m-m-much," said Remus sadly, looking at his hands. Sirius couldn't help it. He pulled Remus in for a hug. It was the least he could do. Remus had looked and sounded so upset, and Sirius felt like the most horrible person ever. He couldn't just leave him sitting there like that. Remus cried into his shoulder, and Sirius rubbed his back.
"I wish I could tell you I felt the same way," whispered Sirius. "But if I told you that, I'd be lying. You wouldn't want me to lie, would you?"
Remus pulled out of the hug and shook his head. "Y-you. You're with h-h-him again, aren't you?"
Sirius decided he'd better tell the truth. "Yes," he replied. Remus looked hurt, but nodded.
"I thought you l-looked a b-b-bit happier," he said. "I'm not saying this b-because I'm j-jealous, but I d-d-don't think he's good for you, Sirius."
"Why not?" Sirius asked.
"I just don't," said Remus. "It's your choice. I can't change that."
"Remus, you have to understand that I love him. Like you love me. I bet you think I'm bad for you, but you still love me."
"That's true," Remus sighed, looking up at Sirius. "OK, fine. I'm sorry I was so nasty to you the past couple of months. I was just so hurt and jealous and angry. I shouldn't have acted that way. I'm sorry."
"Really?" asked Sirius in surprise. "I'm so sorry, too. I really messed everything up."
"Yeah," Remus laughed a bit. "But... c-can I, you know? Just maybe... one more k-kiss?"
"Remus, I don't know about-"
"Please," Remus begged, and Sirius bit his lip. He knew he shouldn't, but one little kiss wouldn't hurt would it? He closed his eyes, and pulled Remus in for a kiss.
Their lips were inches apart...
"No!" Sirius said, snapping his eyes open and backing away a bit. Remus opened his eyes too and he looked as though he was trying to fight back tears.
Sirius just couldn't do it. One harmless kiss... as if that was what it was...
It had all started in the first place with a 'harmless kiss'. A kiss that led to so many things, and Sirius couldn't risk that happening again. He needed to learn from his mistakes.
"Remus," he said quietly. "I cheated on you in September with Regulus and you've only just managed to forgive me. You're asking me to do the same thing right now. You're asking me to cheat on him with you. I can't do it. I know how much pain it causes people. I can't do that twice. It's a mistake I need to learn from."
Remus blinked a tear from his eyes and finally nodded. "Y-y-you're right. I'm sorry. I w-wasn't thinking."
"It's OK," said Sirius, putting his arm around Remus again. "It'll be fine."
Nothing else was said; they sat in silence, keeping each other warm up in the astronomy tower for the rest of the day. Both upset about everything that had happened over the past couple of months, but both happy that they were friends again.
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