Chapter Ten

Tuesday Afternoon

"Do you need help with that?" Rossi offered Garcia who was clearly becoming more flustered by the minute.

"Would you?" She stepped back from the baggage claim as Rossi easily took hold of her bag. The bereau had refused the use of the jet for their flight to Chicago, the FBI saying that the funeral of a fallen agent that wasn't being honored in a special service didn't fit in with the budget. As if Morgan being a servant of the law for near two decades didn't earn him some lee-way in their eyes just because his husband had opted out of the usual funeral that would be held for a law enforcement officer.

"Did you see which way Aaron went?" Rossi asked as he placed his carry on ontop of Garcias suitcase which he was pulling, being as careful as ever not to crush the suit he'd be wearing the next day. He had accompanied them both, Spencer being the only other one to pack actual luggage, to the baggage claim but now mentioning Spencer he was no where in sight.

"Car rental. I believe we're supposed to meet out front." Garcia too was looking around for Reid but spotted nothing, not even someone with similarities.

"Yes you were." Emily agreed as she walked up behind them slinging an arm over Penelopes shoulders. "Are we ready to go?"

"Reid is M.I.A." Rossi was still looking around but came up with nothing. Normally he'd say leave the kid, that way he'd learn a lesson on fooling around but under this certain set of circumstances he was worried. The man he had seen on the plane was not the same one that had left work Friday evening and it was disturbing. His eyes were near identical to those of a racoon, appearing blood shot and the rest of him only seemed worse.

"He's out front with Morgans mom." Emily spoke quietly as she remembered the tear jerking hug Fran had delivered to him. "They already left."

"Well then we better get going too." Rossi interrupted any more that Emily could have said as he lead them both to the exit, they did not need Garcia to breakdown in the airport as well. She had insisted on having the seat next to Spencers on the plane and her first look at him had her in tears for near half of the trip.

"All set?" Hotch asked Rossi as he opened the trunk for Garcias bag.

Nodding his head Rossi glanced at JJ who had been nearly as silent as Reid wondering why she hadn't had Will come with her. "Did you get the hotel yet?"

"Yes, we'll have just enough time to get there and get dressed before we need to be at the funeral home."

"I thought the service was tomorrow?" Emily questioned as she had overheard while coming to the other side.

"The burial is tomorrow, after which Mrs. Morgans house will be open for guests. The wake will be held tonight." Those were the facts and he spoke them as such without emotion or feeling.

"Well then we'd better not be late." Emily sighed as she opened her door and got in, if only it were as easy as attending the service and being done with it.

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The Wake

"Agent Hotchner." Sarah greeted solemnly as he walked through the doors of the funeral parlor, feeling the slightest bit ashamed for having called him a bastard.

"Sarah," Hotch nodded to the woman that was standing completely in black, much like himself.

Penelope automatically offered a bone crushing hug not paying the slightest attention to the black rose in her hair that could possibly be poking Sarah in the face. "I'm sorry."

"Well you didn't kill him." Desiree spoke up as she came from the room their service was currently occupying.

"Desiree!" Sarah chastised as she turned back to the group. "It's nice to see all of you again, I'm just sorry it had to be under such circumstances." The last time they had all been together was at her brothers wedding.

"As am I." Rossi agreed as they parted leaving the girls to speak with the others arriving.

"Mrs. Morgan." Garcia smiled sadly as she offered another hug to the woman she had yet to see. The other guests Fran had been speaking to left but it had only been distant relatives that hadn't even seemed to know that Derek was married and she was thankful for the interruption. Them finding out he had a husband steered the topic straight toward religion and if they would have even as much as dared suggesting her baby was going to hell she surely would have snapped.

"I'm glad you all could make it." They nodded as much though the one she was sure to be Jennifer quickly left the group, stopping a few rows up to find Spencer sitting by himself.

"Spence?" JJ patted his knee as he was staring at his shoes, he was in complete black from his silken tie down to his socks though further inspection showed one sock to actually be navy blue.

He attempted a smile as she grabbed his fingers and squeezed. "Do you think there's any way I could get out of being here?"

That caused her to laugh slightly as she gave a weak smile of her own. "I think it goes against proper etiquette for the spouse to be absent."

"I could try, it's not like my absence is of much use anyway." He had dropped off the outfit for Derek, gone back to Frans to get dressed and since his arrival had been sitting there and no one had yet to approach him.

Watching as Garcia made her way to the open casket she waited knowing what would come, moments later she leaned down for a kiss tears glistening when she turned back around and her face was in view. "Have you.." She indicated torward Garcia. "Did you already. . . "

"I haven't seen him yet." Spencer answered as he held JJs hand tighter. "I've been avoiding going up there, I guess you'd say I'm scared."

"Do you want. . ." JJ wasn't sure if she was ready for this herself but it was something she needed. "Do you want to go with me?"

He glanced ahead, back to her, and back again before he slowly stood. They made their way to the casket still holding hands stopping right before you could really see anything. She didn't want to look, didn't want to see for her own eyes that he was actually in there and not just some weights, but Spencer squeezed her hand again and together they moved closer.

Lying completely still Derek truly looked to be sleeping, and she had the sudden urge to try to wake him but she was sure it wouldn't work. "The clothes are very fitting." She understood why Garcia had teared up now, she wanted to do the same.

Done in classic Derek Morgan style was a plain white T-shirt and dark wash Jeans. His ever present boots and the leather Jacket that always told you he meant business but under the collar of that jacket was what spoke the loudest to her, Spencers purple scarf.

"He looks. . ." Spencer nodded as he felt his throat swelling, he wanted Derek to have something of his that meant something and other than his wedding band the only thing he could think of that Derek regarded with value was that dumb scarf.

"He does." JJ didn't need the words to find the meaning as she watched Spencer run his thumb over Dereks cheekbone placing a chaste kiss in the same place. "You really do." She whispered as she offered another to the other side, sure she hadn't been as close with him as some of the others but that didn't mean she didn't care just as much.

Even though Derek had never been a strong believer in God Mrs. Morgan had still invited a priest to speak and they moved to take their seats with the rest of the group as he started calling for everyones attention. He had gone through with his prayers and had just invited anyone who wished to say a few things up when JJ realized she did, but she wasn't about to go up there alone. So eventually she, Emily and even Garcia with a little coaxing moved to the front to have their thoughts be heard.

"Derek was a complete ladies man,"JJ started off. " That was one of the first things I learned about him when I met him but it was always in a charming way that would make you feel good about yourself by the end of it." She turned toward the other two offering them a chance, she had things she wanted to say but it was only fair they be given the same chance.

"He was a complete gentleman, and it showed in everything he did." Emily continued as she became more comfortable with all eyes on them. "He was a man of nicknames and you knew you were special if you received one from him."

"He had a few dozen for me but the one I'll probably hold closest and miss hearing the most is baby girl." Garcia cleared her throat to rid the shake as she realized she would never hear him say such a thing again. "I got to be his baby girl and for that I consider myself very lucky."

"He had his pretty boy, his baby girl, but I think Emily here got the best of the lot." JJ pointed to Emily who was standing in the middle of their little group.

"I was dubbed Princess." Emily smiled faintly at Reid who even now seemed embarassed as others looked at why Derek would have called him pretty. " Derek held others with the greatest amount of respect and though I received the title he treated each and every one of his friends as royalty."

Rossi was next though his was kind of an accident, he had been moving out of the aisle to let the girls back in and the priest thought his standing was a form of volunteering.

"I wasn't as privileged to know Derek as long as some of you others were but I can tell you in the time we did spend together I learned a thing or two. He saw me not as a legend in our choosen field, not as an author, Hell I don't even think he read my books." Why that was on his mind he didn't know but oh well. "He saw me as a person, judged me as one and for that I respect him. He was a good man, a good friend and for that he'll be missed."

Fran had asked one of the girls to speak for their brother and to no ones surprise Desiree refused leaving Sarah the task though she didn't seem to burdened by it.

As Spencer listened to her stories of when they were younger and how he might have been a jerk at times, but was always there when she needed him and how she started tearing up as she told them how much she loved and would miss him he realized he needed to say a few things himself.

Rising from his chair Spencer headed to the front of the room trying to avoid the fresh tears that threatened to fall as he walked past Dereks casket.

Clearing his throat he started shakily, "Derek was a good man, he was generous and loving with his family and friends as I'm sure you all know. Most of you will remember him as strong and determined, and he was, but I'd like to tell you about the side I was fortunate enough to see.
His softer more vulnerable one.
The one that made him the person I loved enough to marry, the one I will love until the day I die.
You know I've never believed in God but now I really hope there is some kind of after life so that maybe one day we can be together again." Wiping at his eye and clearing his throat again Spencer tried to reel in his emotions before he continued.

"Our first winter together I was getting ready for bed and he was cleaning up the kitchen. The heater had gone out so I was going to the hall closet to pull down extra blankets, I found him chasing Clooney around the living room with a pair of doggie pajamas." He smiled slightly at the half hearted laughs. "I tried explaining how Clooneys fur was more than insulated enough for the weather but with one look he had me not only helping put on the pajamas, but pulling down an extra blanket to cover the floor.

He wanted to make sure the dog would be warm enough before he'd come to bed, That's just how big his heart was.

He was considerate too, I caught him pulling socks off my feet one morning and I had to ask what he was doing. You see the night before I hadn't been wearing any.

He said that my feet were ice and I kept on sticking them on his legs, that his Grandmother had once told him if your feet were frozen that the rest of your body wouldn't be warm so he had gotten a pair to remedy that." Memories of the little things Derek used to do had him wishing he had shown more appreciation. "When I asked him why he hadn't just woke me he said that he wasn't going to interrupt my sleep when the whole purpose of the socks was so I could sleep peacefully.

That was about three years ago, I thought he quit because he was embarassed I called him out on it but a few weeks ago I woke before him and there on my feet were a pair of his socks, mismatched may I add." Seeing Garcia smiling through a face full of tears was making it hard to continue but he wanted them all to know exactly who his husband was.

"Knowing that he cared enough to do such a thing it's . . . it's . . . I know it sounds silly but that was better than any present he could have given me." Making sure he caught Frans eye and attention he went on, "Derek has always been very family oriented and over the past year we have been talking about starting one of our own.

Mrs. Morgan we were going to tell you on our next visit that you were finally going to get those grandbabies you've been begging for. Derek would have been a wonderful father and I think that's what hurts the most, knowing that he had so much love to offer and not enough time to use even half of it." He felt a little bad that Fran who had been pretty stoic throughout the night was now close to sobbing.

"I just wanted all of you to know that he could be more than that playful clown he portrayed himself as. He was my best friend, my world and I know all of you are feeling this loss but I lost everything because that's exactly what he was to me. My everything."

Not caring about clearing the fresh tears from his face he hurriedly continued, "I appreciate everyones presence and I'm glad you could all make it to say good-bye."

They watched as he offered a last thank you before he excused himself completely and left the room. "Do you think someone should go after him?" Emily leaned over Rossi to ask Hotch, it was clear Reid was holding on to what little composure he had and she wasn't sure if they should let him be on his own.

"You heard him Emily," Rossi decided to answer for Aaron as he dealt with two crying woman to his left. Frans tears were more than understandable and he was sure Penelope had just started what would be a strenuous grieving process. "He's not only grieving the loss of his husband, he has to mourn what could have been too and It'd probably be best for now if we give him the space to do that." He could only imagine how much worse things would be for him when that casket was lowered into the ground tomorrow and the full weight of Dereks death was placed on Spencers shoulders.

Emily reluctantly agreed as she barely listened to the man that was currently standing at the podium. The way Rossi spoke those words had her believing he had personal experience and as much as she wanted to make sure Spencer wasn't balling in a bathroom somewhere she wanted to help him more. She didn't have a clue as to what she'd say to him right now so she stayed in her seat promising herself that she'd be his shoulder to cry on in the darkened days to come.

E/N: Next chapter we will have made it back to where we started, the prologue. After that there will be a few more chapters but the epilogue is in sight, happy was clearly thrown out of the window long ago but I'm going to try my darnedest to have an ending that isn't as depressing as these other chapters have been. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks to all of you readers and reviewers, you keep me motivated!