Chapter Eleven
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.(Winnie the Pooh)
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.(Anon.)
Funeral
The day was a perfect representation of Spring, birds singing, flowers opening to enjoy the rain that had drizzled down upon them the night before. The sun was starting to make itself known but there was no way its rays could brighten the spirits of those down below.
Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid, Uncle Mike, and Antonio Zavala were carrying the full weight of that days grief as they made their way past the other headstones and to the one that would mark their fallens final resting place.
"Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?"
JJ began reading as the casket was set down and friends and family gathered around it bowing their heads in respect as they listened.
"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him."
She nodded her head to Fran as she watched others lie roses on Dereks coffin, offering their last good byes as the next reading started.
"For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A Time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and time to speak;
A time to live, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace
I believe that Derek was needed up above, that God has a greater purpose for him to serve so for now this is our time to say farewell.
So long but not good bye because there will come a time when we'll be reunited again."
Emily had been asked to do a reading of her own but steered away from a bible verse, choosing something that portrayed her feelings on the situation instead.
"We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;
for part of us went with you the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."
"This little one is called Safely Home and I'd like to read it on behalf of Big D." Antonio had known Derek since the third grade and it was hard to believe that after three decades of raisin' kane together he'd be left on his own.
" I am home in heaven, dear ones; oh, so happy and so bright!
There is a perfect joy and beauty in the everlasting light.
All the pain and grief is over, every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven at last.
There is work still waiting for you, so you must not idly stand,
do it now, while life remaineth– you shall rest in God's own land.
When that work is all completed, He will gently call you home;
oh, the rapture of that meeting oh, the joy to see you come!
I know for a fact that Derek would tell us right now to get up and get over it. I'd probably be right behind him with it but since he isn't here to say as much and no one actually listens to me I wont. Instead I ask that as you leave today you remember to spend it to the fullest, and tomorrow as well because if anything will be learned from this it is that life is limited and it's best not to waste what we have left. We thank you for coming and hopefully we'll see you back at Mama Morgans." There was supposed to be another reading after his but he was doing them all a favor by cutting it off right there. The tears were starting to flow from people again and he could almost here Derek yelling, Tone get this movin' before Greta pops out the tissues, and he was a little late cause she already had.
"Anton,"Fran shook her head as nearly everyone moved to leave and he pulled her into a hug. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Ahh, we'll figure it out." He let her go as she stared back over to the casket. "I'm sure I can find a thing or two ta' keep us busy."
"That's what I'm worried about."When Derek and Antonio got together it was nothing but double trouble.
"Come on I'll take you home, we've got to get there before Aunt Greta starts the water works." He patted Dereks casket as Fran kissed it and they moved to leave the quickly emptying cemetery.
"Well that was. . ." Rossi stopped to look for the word he wanted.
"Quick" JJ offered, as she glanced around to see the empty grounds. It was only her team and Morgans sisters left but she guessed those were the only people that really needed to be there and it wasn't as if sticking around was going to change anything.
Desiree watched as Sarah stood with her head bowed over their fathers grave. She removed one white rose from Dereks casket moving to join her sister. "Daddy," She knelt down to place the flower in front of his grave. "you do us a favor and watch out for him. . . " Sarah pulled her closer as she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "cause God knows he's no good at doin' it himself."
"Lets go." Sarah wiped her eyes as she pulled Desiree with her to leave. They'd make it through and with another gurdian angel watching out for them.
"Spence?" JJ was worried, as far as she knew he hadn't said a word to anyone since yesterday and his eyes were absent of any real life as he stared off to something she couldn't see.
"Come on Jen," Rossi started off towards the car making sure to take the long way around.
She wanted to protest but instead she followed. The day her sister was buried her mother sat by her grave for five hours and she could understand the need for a little more time.
Spencer would leave when he was ready or he'd be like her mother and have to be dragged away but one thing was for certain he'd have to do it his way.
Aaron stood guard over Penelope and Spencer as Emily eventually left too and it was just the three of them. He wouldn't rush their good byes, he'd wait just like the men who had been hired to lower the body although he'd be more patient about it.
Our beloved brother, son, husband, and friend
Derek Morgan
June 6, 1973 - April 28, 2012
Hotch had probably read it twenty times over before Penelope moved to join him, running her fingers over the casket one last time.
They watched as two men moved to begin lowering the coffin, clearing the flowers that would later be placed atop the fresh grave.
"Can't they wait?" Garcia sniffled as she watched Spencer back up some to allow them room to work.
"They've been waiting for two hours now, I doubt Reid even notices." He might not like it but everyone had a job to do and he wouldn't guilt these two men for doing theirs.
"Well than I'm going to get him, he doesn't need to see this." Garcia didn't even make it a step before she was stopped.
"Yes," Hotch watched the casket begin to lower into the ground and with it Spencers walls. "he does. Later on he's going to try hopelessly to convince himself this was all some kind of a nightmare and this will be his proof that it happened and he just has to accept it. It'll help him to start moving forward."
"I can't watch this." Garcias tears began flowing harshly as she watched Spencer drop to his knees. She was no more than ten feet away from him but felt as useless as she would be if they were miles apart.
Hotch just watched, seeing Spencers tears shine like glitter. He had to remind himself he was doing the right thing as a sob broke from Garcia and Spencer seemed to crumble more. Spencer was on his knees right now physically and metaphorically and as much as Hotch wanted to help him back up he knew he couldn't force him to stand until he was ready.
It was another five minutes of hearing them both cry and watching the hole be covered by plank board until it would be filled before Hotch decided that he might need to say something. As soon as the thought crossed his mind though Spencer was pushing himself up, nearly falling as he did so and taking off faster than he'd ever seen the man run before.
Garcia wiped at her face as she willed herself to stop with the tears. "I think I'll go after him." No way was she going to leave her friend alone when he was hurting so much, it wouldn't be right and it wouldn't be safe.
"No, I'll go. Haley and I weren't married when she died, but I think I can relate best to losing a spouse." That was not something he wanted anyone he cared about to have in common with him but he'd try to share what he had learned from the experience.
She watched as Hotch took off after Spencer, following some to keep them in her sight. She couldn't make out the words being said but she could tell they were angry, she continued watching seeing that his mood changed from angry to broken as he stood.
Her tears started again as Hotch pulled Reid in for a hug showing some of the hurt that he had been stoically hiding. "Derek Morgan," She growled as she turned back to his grave. "you're lucky I love you so much or right now I'd be finding a way to get up there to kick your ass for all this trouble you've caused."
E/N: So I decided to give you something fresh on this instead of a re-read, so there goes Garcias point of view on Reid and Hotchs little talk.