I Need To Find Myself
Song Inspired: Eric Clapton: Change the World (Excellent, excellent song that describes Aang's situation well)
*This is more of a filler chapter, but one with an eye opening purpose; just giving you guys a heads up. And yes, this one has some sketches. *
Two weeks have passed since the day Sokka and Suki exchanged vows; a day that still rings within the young Avatar's ear as if it the events that occurred were still fresh in the open wounds of his heart and mind, a day that he will never forget. That day was both the best and worst day of the young Avatar's life; for it was a day in which he finally understood where his love truly lies, and the same day his heart was shattered into a million pieces. The memory of the final glimpse he caught of Katara before she disappeared into the crowd stayed burned in his psyche; he can still see her tears seeping from her glistening blue eyes, wishing that he had the courage to chase after her. But he didn't, he couldn't; the pain of such an extreme revelation weighed too heavy in his heart; rendering him unable to even speak if he did approach her. Even if he did speak out, Katara already made it evident that Lee was the one who held her heart, and Lee's proud declaration of their expectancy proved it. Aang also knew that his unwanted presence could further aggravate her delicate condition; with so many things that have occurred between them and the potential risks that could follow if he were to ever interfere, Aang decided to just let things be and not intervene.
That wedding was an event that Aang tries very hard not to think about, because since that day, he has been but an empty hollow of a human being walking amongst the living; he walked amongst everyone as though all was as it should be in his life, yet his inner turmoil couldn't be more obvious to those around him. Even his lover saw his disquiet whenever they spent time together; whenever they traveled, he was blank, whenever they shared a meal, he was absent, even when they shared intimacy it seemed as though his mind were barren. She was unsettled by the young Avatar's troubling behavior; for since they first began to try and conceive, Aang wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of looking her in the eye with appetite. There was no hunger, no need or desire; there was only lifelessness in the stone cold eyes that looked back at her whenever they shared their bodies with one another, withdrawn and devoid of any emotion for her. And as soon as Aang would finish his duty, he would just slide his limp length out of her depths, get up, and walk away from her side; he would then walk towards the door and leave her room without looking back as though their intimate encounter was just a matter of convenience. How it bothered Onji to see such staleness in his demeanor whenever they made love, and how she wished that he would return her affection; but once again, she failed to recognize the silent chaos that dwelled within him. Whereas a concerned lover would attempt to provide their ailing partner in their comfort, she would simply roll her eyes in frustration and desperately hope that with time, Aang would return her ardor.
But Aang could care less about the status of his relationship with Onji; his mind was already filled to the brink in his own woes. With every day that passed, it became more and more of a struggle for him to do even the simplest things; his distance was evident even when he tended to his humanitarian duties; the people that believed in him could see that something was not right with the young Avatar. That's because in between all of his usual responsibilities laid a painful regret; regret for not coming to the realization of his true feelings sooner; for having ignored his undying love for the young woman that hailed from the Southern Water Tribe. And how he lived his days, consistently being plagued by the thoughts of what could've been if he had only listened to his heart's pleas beforehand; if only had he given his heart attention, he wouldn't be in this ignominious situation. It followed Aang, it ate and slept with him, it breathed with him, saw and heard with him, and he would find no alleviation or escape from his distress. Yet, that is the last thing the young Avatar wanted; he wanted to think of that ebony beauty; he wanted her memory to be forever branded in his mind so as to give him the strength to live another day, even if the realization of having lost her forever agonized him at the same time.
Just so long as she remained in his memory, he was fine. Although he was too late to claim her love, provided that her face remained carved within even the smallest and simplest vessels in his heart, he would have solace and remain sane; or at the very least, he hoped so.
That very idea sustained the young Avatar as he walked down the old, eerily quiet outskirts of the Main Plaza; surrounded by nothing but the howling breeze and away from it all, and away from everyone; including Onji. He needed some time to unwind and think; just to have a moment to himself and at least pretend that he was at peace with the idea of Katara being happy with another, but knowing well that as much as he wanted to believe it, the idea was just too revolting for him to accept. Aang walked down the grungy, soot and stone embellished streets; passing old, deserted homes as his attention remained immersed in his continuously exhaustive attempt to come to a truce with his situation. How he loved to pass by the abandoned dwellings that stood by the sides of the road; dark, still and without life inside of them, how well he could related to these empty shells that once homed souls.
Suddenly, he found his profound reflections interrupted by a loud, shrill voice.
"AAAHHHHHH!"
Aang's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as the shriek pierced through his eardrums like a sharp needle. He quickly spread his legs and positioned himself in a fighting stance; under the assumption that he was about to be ambushed, but nothing happened. Aang relaxed his stance a bit; his eyes darting towards every direction as if expecting someone to just pop out of one of the abandoned homes or alleys. But as he stood in wait for the source of the yell; he saw nothing nearby, nothing but a single leaf dancing about in the breeze.
"Okaaaay; that was weird..." said Aang to himself as he rubbed the back of his neck.
Aang raised his eyebrow in confusion as he frantically turned to every direction surrounding him, but was still unable to tell where exactly the banshee-like scream was coming from.
A determined look then formed in the young Avatar's expression, "Okay, if I can't find you with my eyes, I'll find you through the earth." said Aang slyly.
And with that said, he closed his eyelids shut and relieved his posture as he began to examine the ground around him with his seismic sensing abilities. He listened quietly for any source of movement around the area; patiently waiting for even the slightest brush of human contact. He then took a deep breath as he continued to concentrate on even the most minor vibrations, but was unable to find any.
"Man, I'm getting rusty." whispered Aang as he pressed his lips and continued to search for the source of the scream through the cobblestone below his feet. Suddenly, he heard the shriek once again; only this time it was accompanied with words.
"LET GO OF ME YOU WRETCHED BUFFOON!"
The invisible vibrations of the shriek traveled through the air and while still in deep concentration, reached the young Avatar. Aang actively shot his eyes open and sharply turned his head towards the direction where the scream was emitting from; aiming his focus to a dark alley on his right side. And without a moment to spare, Aang began to run quickly towards the source; panting heavily as he dashed to the obscure pathway until he saw a wooden crate fly out of its depths.
Aang didn't see the object coming until the very last second; and without another second to waste, he lunged himself back to avoid collision. He felt his adrenaline rush and his heart accelerate as the crate barely grazed the surface of his cheek; a terrified expression in his face as his pupils contracted and clenched his teeth. As the air born crate passed by him, he then got on his left hand and knees in a defensive stance as he witnessed the crate crash and shatter onto the desolate street. Aang looked on as pieces of wood flew into every direction, decorating the cobblestone street with remnants of sharp scraps and pieces of what used to make up the wooden crate; and with that scene, he then took a deep breath, relieved that he managed to dodge from the inanimate object by only a millimeter and having barely missed the crate coming into contact with his face.
Aang squint his eyes, "What the…" whispered Aang as he then turned towards the dark alleyway where the crate flew from. There, right in front of him, he saw the source of the screams; a young woman being held in the air by her shoulders in the air by a heavy set man.
The large man sported baggy, blood red pants, a shirt so tight that it would break by its seams at any moment; bald in the head, and a long, raven colored, thick beard tied in a tight braid that reached his collarbone. He gazed at the woman he held in his grasps maniacally as blood vessels began to protrude from the whites of his eyes. "Give me my money, and we won't have any problems" said the man as he tightened his grip on her shoulders; his ember gaze full of rage as a bead of sweat trickled from his brow.
It was apparent to Aang that the young woman who was at the mercy of the giant was not from around the area; as a matter of fact, judging by just her outfit, he could immediately tell that she wasn't the Fire Nation either. No, it was obvious that she couldn't be; for she wore clothing traditional to the Earth Kingdom, but if that was the case, why was an Earth Kingdom native doing in the middle of nowhere? And in the Fire Nation? She let out exhaustive grunts as she continued to struggle to break free from the heavy man's grasps , but without success; "I tooooold youuuuu…it was 25 gold pieces for MY SERVICES!" hollered the young woman as she dug her fingernails into his thick, fatty infested flesh.
Aang was appalled by what he was seeing before him, unable to process how a man, any man could treat a woman with such disgrace; obviously a man with no moral standards and no respect for the delicacy of a woman in the eyes of the young Avatar, a pathetic man.
The heavy man growled in frustration as the crooked veins on his neck bulged out, "YOUR 'SERVICES' WERE ONLY WORTH 10 GOLD PIECES, YOU VIIILE WOMAN; and you're going to 'give' me what I paid for whether you like it…or not." hissed the large man as his biceps became more apparent underneath the massive amount of fat in his arms; a sinister chuckle escaping him as he clenched his teeth and eagerly consumed her body with his gaze.
The woman bellowed in desperation as the man pressed his blubbery body against hers, and as her wail reached Aang's ears, he could no longer care less as to the reasoning of their quarrel; all he knew was that he couldn't stand to witness the outrageous scene any longer.
The young Avatar slammed his foot onto the cobblestone ground; breaking through it as easy as if he were digging through sand as the ground around all of them shook. The giant snapped out of his fervor as he felt the vibrations of the earth tremble around him, "Huh?" said the man as he searched frantically for the source of the shake. And it didn't take long for him to find it, for as soon as he laid eyes on the figure that stood across from him; his tight hold on the young woman loosened and his eyes widened in astonishment. The source of the quake, the individual was THE Avatar; standing by the entryway to the alleyway he stood in; his stone grays blazing with anger.
"Let her go…" said Aang with as he pointed his index finger towards the young woman. "NOW!" demanded the young Avatar as the powerful echo of his voice bounced on the walls of the narrow alleyway.
The heavy man cowered back by the sheer rawness of the Avatar's command as his hands began to tremble with fear, but although he was intimidated by the Avatar's authoritative presence; he wasn't about to back down from the deal he made with the young woman, who remained in his grasp engulfed in terror.
"This…." hissed the gargantuan giant as he lunged his chin towards the young woman; his lower lip stretched down to his jaw as he grinded his teeth. "Woman," said the hefty man as he then darted his frightening focus towards the Avatar; dropping the object of his hatred onto the ground as her weakened body landed on the stone ground with a loud thump, "ROBBED me. She owes me!" exclaimed the large man hoarsely as he pounded on his chest with his fist.
The young woman pleaded with the young Avatar as she strained to reach the young Avatar, "He's lying! We agreed at 25 gold pieces; nothing more, nothing less!" exclaimed the young woman as she pointed her trembling finger to the man that was accusing her of thievery.
Aang then got into a fighting stance, "Doesn't look that way to me." said Aang as he positioned himself in a combat stance, "I don't care what you think this defenseless woman owes you; you're not going to TOUCH her, because if you do…"continued Aang as he spread his legs wide in his stance and positioned his hands over his face, "I'll personally make sure YOU pay." hissed Aang as he bent his eyebrow; forming a threatening expression in his eyes as he scowled at the heavy set man.
The large man became incredibly frightened; he knew he couldn't do anything about the situation, let alone stand up to the Avatar. Sweat began to trickle as anxiety soon crept within his nerves at the thought of combating him; his lower lip dribbling with apprehension. He surrendered at once; shutting his eyes as he knelt before the Avatar.
"P-p-please Avatar; have mercy." begged the giant man as sobs escaped his plea.
Aang nodded his head at the difficult sight; he knew he could easily run circles around this guy, but it wasn't in his nature to humiliate and make an example out of those who oppose his will. On the contrary, he felt great sympathy for the man; if he was able to put aside his pride and bow before him in surrender, then maybe there was a bit of decency in him. "You know, you're pretty strong; you should really think about putting that brute force to better use." said the young Avatar as crossed his arms and smiled warmly to the hunched man.
The young woman couldn't help but look at the young Avatar's merciful actions in repulse as the heavy set man got up from his bowing position and smiled crookedly to the young Avatar, "Y-y-yes; I…guess you're right." agreed the large man as he grinned benevolently, "I mean; I've always wanted to involve myself in construction or something of that nature, but I never thought I had the strength to do it." said the heavy man dumbly as he rubbed his chin with his index finger and thumb; an expression in his face as though he were deep in thought, "You think I can do it?" asked the large man as he balled his fists in anticipation and a grin so large that it consumed half of his face.
At first, Aang stared at the large man with a skeptic expression in his eyes; "Is this guy serious?" thought Aang to himself as he visually analyzed the heavy man. It was very clear this man had the brute force and physical stamina for any hard, manual labor; let alone construction, but the innocence in his eyes was enough to convince the Avatar of his blamelessness. Aang could only smile kindly to the chunky man's excitement, "You do; now go..." said Aang good-heartedly as he gave the heavy set man a sympathetic smile, "Be productive." said the young Avatar as he stretched his arm with compassion; gesturing the large man to part from the young woman's side.
The large man couldn't be more thankful for receiving the Avatar's encouragement, "Oh thank you Avatar; thank you thank you thank you thank you!" repeated the beholden man in a high pitch tone of voice as he continuously bowed his head in gratitude and ran his way out of the dark alleyway; an expression of sheer enthusiasm in his face as his motivation fueled his dash while he disappeared from the young Avatar's sight to pursue his dream.
Aang couldn't help but chuckle at the comical sight as he nodded his head from side to side and rolled his storm grays; his focus then turned to the young woman who was now standing on her two feet in the dark alleyway, brushing off the bits of dirt and dust that caught onto her attire.
A friendly expression formed on Aang's face as he watched the young woman before him collect herself from her temporary fiasco, "Don't worry ma'am; you're fine now." said Aang kindheartedly as he began to approach her.
The young woman crossed her arms as she watched the young Avatar walk towards her, "What a jerk that guy was huh?" asked the young woman as she lightly tilted her head to the side; a crooked smile formed on her mouth as she placed her hands on her waist.
Aang took a deep breath; pressing his lips together and raising his eyebrows as he nodded in agreement, "I guess." said Aang as he exhaled his breath. "But it goes to show that battles don't have to always be resolved with fists; a few encouraging words can be all you need to relieve even the most insoluble conflict." said the young Avatar cheerfully, only for his expression to become solemn soon after. "He kept insisting that you owed him money; what was up with that?" asked the young Avatar as he proceeded to draw near the young woman.
The young woman squint her nose in agitation as she gripped her arms, "Yeah well, I didn't owe him a single copper piece!" roared the young woman as she turned her attention away from the young Avatar.
Aang backed away slightly as he held his hands up in defense, "Okay okay." said the young Avatar with a light grin as he finally came within reaching distance of the young woman; "If money wasn't the case, then tell me what you DID do to make him so angry." asked the young Avatar.
The young woman sighed in frustration, "He wanted me to…do something that I didn't want to do; let's leave it at that." said the young woman indifferently as she once again turned her head slightly; exchanging a light glance with Aang, who stood his ground with a dumbfounded expression on his face.
The young woman then puckered her lips from its side as she raised her eyebrow slyly, "By the way, my name's Xin." said the young woman as she skimmed Aang from the tip of his head to the bottom of his feet; turning her entire body towards the young Avatar as she placed her hands on her waist and stood before him in a seductive pose.
Aang, however, remained oblivious to her tantalizing attempt, "Nice to meet you Xin." said a bubbly Aang as he waved gullibly to his new acquaintance.
A cunning smile formed on her lips as she discerned the young Avatar's simplistic nature, "So, what would you like me to do for ya?" asked Xin.
Aang jerked his head back slightly, "What would I 'like'?" asked Aang; a befuddled look in his eyes as he raised his brow.
Xin took a graceful step towards the young Avatar as she nodded her head agreeably, "Yeah…you know, as payment for saving me." said Xin as she entangled her fingers behind her back.
Aang squint his eyes as he took a step back from the woman's advances, "I don't understand." said a very confused Aang as he held his hand up in defense.
Xin sighed frustratingly as she slammed her hands to her sides and darted her widened, dewy eyes towards Aang's crotch, "You know….oral, penetration, I'll even let you go anal after saving me from tubby if you'd like." suggested Xin as she moved her head lightly from side to side with intent.
As soon as Xin uttered those suggestive words, Aang finally began to notice the young woman's 'revealing' attire; her cleavage in full view from her Kimono and pants so tight on her legs that it seemed as though it would cut off the blood circulation on her legs. She wore Earth Kingdom clothing because she WAS a native of the Earth Kingdom; called to the Fire Nation to 'fulfill her duties' with the man that held her in the air by the shoulders not too long ago. It hit Aang swiftly like a ton of bricks as shock settled in his expression; it was then that he realized that this was no ordinary woman. The woman he saved was a tramp, an escort, this woman was a prostitute.
It all began to make sense to the young Avatar as his face twisted in disgust; his tongue hanging out as if he were to regurgitate by the mere thought of this woman's proposition. It was bad enough that Aang had to continuously force himself on Onji, but the thought of himself being with this woman, or any woman was enough to repulse him; and to see this loose woman freely giving herself away as some sort of reimbursement for his duty was enough to make the young Avatar want to gag in repugnancy.
But Aang tried to hold in his detestation so as not to embarrass the young woman; he simply nodded in disagreement to her offer as he struggled to contain his displeasure, "N-no, please; there's no need for that kind of." continued Aang as he looked at Xin up and down in abhorrence, "Payment." finished Aang as he turned his back to Xin and proceeded to walk away from her; knowing well he wouldn't be able to hide his disgust any longer if he continued to linger in the loose woman's presence.
Xin chuckled at Aang's conspicuousness, for she would be able to see Aang's uncomfortable demeanor from a mile away no matter where he went; she snapped her left thumb and middle finger cleverly while her other hand remained on her waist, "Oh yeah, I forgot; the Avatar's getting married!" yelled Xin mockingly as she wrapped her hands around her mouth.
Aang stopped in his tracks; he did not move, he did not speak, he simply stood there as if petrified by Xin's taunt.
Xin however, paid no mind to the young Avatar's sudden change of pace; she continued to cackle at his expense. "Yeah; the AVATAR even made his proclamation of his everlasting love to the ENTIRE FIRE NATION by ANNOUNCING that he was to MARRY by the end of the month! He's WAAAAY too infatuated with his fiancé to even CONSIDER having a good time with…" scoffed Xin as she sensuously passed her hands down her curvaceous figure, "Forbidden frrrruit!" hissed Xin as she stuck her chin out towards the young Avatar in ridicule, who was still holding his ground.
There was silence for a couple of moments; the tension in the atmosphere so thick that it could be sliced through it with ease. Aang turned his head slightly, "You don't know what you're talking about..." said Aang quietly; a dismal tone in his voice.
Xin noticed the young Avatar's disturbed demeanor and could sense in his voice that something wasn't right with him; something was eating at him, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it, "Ah….the Avatar's love life is not as perfect as it seems to be. Copper piece for your thoughts?" asked Xin with a smug expression on her face.
Aang nodded his head in disagreement at Xin's meddlesomeness, "No offense, uh…Xin, but I don't think you're the kind of person that could comprehend the kind of dilemma I'm in." said a somber Aang as he shut his eyes; his mind beginning to whirl with stinging recollections of the water bender he once called his woman, hand in hand with the man she now called 'lover'.
Xin crossed her arms and humphed, "Oh really?" scoffed Xin as she then took a seat on the duty cobblestone ground, "Try me." said Xin as she pat the grainy ground; gesturing the young Avatar to take a seat next to her.
Aang wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to talk to someone like Xin about his personal problems; but he could see that although her profession was promiscuous, her intentions were sincere. The young Avatar took a deep breath as he hesitantly approached the sooty cobblestone ground; making sure not to sit too close to her and give her any ideas. He took a seat a couple of feet away from the prostitute and as he rested his back onto the peeling wall, doubt began to settle within Aang as to whether or not he should tell her about his innermost dilemma. But he couldn't hold it in anymore; he was desperate to talk to someone, and she was willing to listen to his grievance.
Aang began to fidget his fingers; looking down to the ground as he nervously contemplated the right words to start the conversation, "Yes, I do have a fiancé." said Aang quietly as he turned his focus towards Xin, "But I'm not in love with her." proclaimed Aang.
Xin simply looked at him in confusion while Aang proceeded to explain his situation.
Aang then relaxed his elbows on his thighs as he once again stared at the ground, "I'm in love with someone else." confessed Aang; feeling ashamed of himself for having allowed himself to be in the predicament he was in.
Xin raised her hand relaxingly as a light chuckle escaped her lips, "Okay, so just break up with your fiancé and marry the chick you love. Problem solved, what's the big deal?" suggested Xin.
Aang was intimidated by Xin's boldness; scowling at her as he used his peripherals to glace towards her direction, "It's not as simple as you're making it out to be." said Aang as he then stared blankly at the grimy wall in front of him.
Xin glanced at her hand nonchalantly as she rubbed the tips of her nails on the right side of her inner shoulder, "Then explain what the issue is Avatar; because you have me all confused and whatnot." said the young woman as she dragged her words dully.
The young Avatar paid no mind to her impatience, and continued to explain his plight, "The woman I love is my ex-girlfriend." said Aang as his eyes dimmed in dejection; "I broke up with her so that I could be with my fiancé." explained Aang; the savor of his sentence sitting bitterly on his tongue.
Xin widened her dewy eyes as she turned her head sharply to the Avatar's direction, "What, are you stupid or something?" asked Xin bluntly.
Aang glared at Xin for pointing out his idiocy, but he knew deep inside that she was right; he was stupid, no, more than stupid. He was a fool.
"Why would you break up with your girlfriend if you didn't love her?" asked Xin as she squint her eyes and scratched her head in bafflement.
Aang sighed as he gripped his hands together; his mind traveling back to so many painful memories, "We…were having problems." said Aang as he began to explain the nature of his break-up with Katara, "When we first began dating, everything was great; we hung out together, spent time with friends together, we even went on missions together. But, as the years went by; things began to change between us." continued Aang as he stared at the tiny insects that scattered the cobblestones in front of his feet.
Xin placed her hand on her knees as she listened attentively to the Avatar's vulnerability, "I see." said the prostitute; "I mean, all couples have their spats every once in a while." suggested Xin as she shrugged her shoulders carelessly.
Aang nodded his head in disagreement, "No, not like this." said Aang quietly, "It started as small disagreements, normal clashes here and there; no big deal. But with time…they escalated into full blown arguments." continued Aang, "It seemed as though no matter what I did, she was never satisfied; EVEN after three years of being together, she never once told me she loved me. I assumed she was no longer happy with me and our romantic relationship, but I still continued on even though I could see that she was unhappy." explained Aang; those memories too awful to reminisce on. "Then, about two years ago, I became reacquainted with an old friend; we started off as just friends and with time, we began to hang out more often." continued Aang.
"So you guys were just friends?" asked Xin.
Aang nodded his head in agreement, "Yes; we were just friends." said the young Avatar.
You had no interest in her romantically even at that time?" asked Xin as she raised her eyebrow in suspicion.
Aang nodded disagreeably, "No, not at all." said Aang, "I just…really needed someone to talk to; I had my friends, but I couldn't talk to them about my relationship problems; especially since my girlfriend at the time was part of our group. She was there for me." explained Aang earnestly. "As time continued to pass, things became more difficult between my ex-girlfriend and I; I was heartbroken, heartbroken because I thought I couldn't make her happy, which in turn made me begin to have doubts about our future together, until one day..." said Aang.
Xin then turned her hunched body towards the Avatar's direction; placing her elbows on her knees as she listened attentively to Aang's story, "What happened?" asked Xin.
Aang inhaled a deep breath as he gathered the strength to recollect what happened on that fateful day, "One day, Katara, that was her name, and I had a huge argument in the North Pole." said Aang, "Now that I think about it, it was a pretty ridiculous argument to begin with, but then, it became serious…"
The sun was beginning to set in the frozen fortress that houses the natives of the Northern Water Tribe, and on the far edge of the icy dojo in which Master Pakku housed his training lessons for any water bender willing to be educated by the grand Master; Aang and Katara stood, altercating silently to one another.
"Aang, please let's not do this now." said Katara as she attempted to get around the young Avatar and get back to her sparring session with Master Pakku and the other water benders, "This isn't the time for us to talk about this." said Katara softly as her eyes continued to dart from his face to the water bending master that stood in wait for her.
"Then tell me Katara, when is the right time, huh? When is the right time in which I will have MY girlfriend's attention for once! Enlighten me Katara!" exclaimed Aang as he balled his fists in anger.
"It wasn't a big scene, but it was enough to draw the attention of her water bending master, Pakku, who happened to notice our verbal altercation from inside the sparring circle…."
"Katara! Will you be joining us in the circle or are you going to continue to waste my time as you bicker childishly with your boyfriend?" asked Master Pakku sarcastically; defeating another one of his pupils with a water wave while his back was turned, a soft groan escaping the pupil's gaping mouth as he laid on the ground with a dizzy expression in his eyes.
Katara wanted to get back to her sparring session, but she could see the fury in Aang's darkened eyes; she didn't want to push him over the edge in the presence of all the water benders, who were still oblivious to her spat with Aang, so she decided to go along with Aang's plea. "Alright; you have my undivided attention." said Katara sarcastically as she glared annoyingly at the young Avatar, who returned a glare with a menacing one of his own.
"Katara, I didn't want to have to come all the way here to talk to you about this; but this is where you always are; ALL-THE-TIIIIME!" exclaimed Aang as he tossed his balled fists to his sides in irritation, "I know you love being here, but I think that perhaps you've been spending your days around this place a liiiitle too much!" yelled Aang in infuriation as he made a miniscule gesture with his thumb and index finger.
"Oh yeah? You think I've been spending a 'liiiitle' too much time dueling with other water benders? Maybe it's because I AM a water bender Aang! Maybe I find relaxation in all of this; maybe I find relief in releasing all of my frustrations with water bending duels. Is that what you want to hear Aang? Is THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR ME SAY?" screamed Katara as she her face squint in enragement; loose strands of her dark locks flowing in the wind as the sun bathed her in its golden luminosity.
Aang nodded in disbelief at his lover's confession, "Katara, what's the matter? Talk to me please!" asked Aang sincerely as he placed his hands on her shoulders, "What's going on? What's been bothering you lately?" whispered Aang as he gazed affectionately into Katara's deep, blue eyes as if trying to find the source of her aggravation in her stare.
Katara only nodded in disagreement, "No…I just; Aang…" Katara couldn't finish her sentence as she pressed her lips; fighting the floodgates that were attempting to break through her lower eyelids. Just two simple, yet powerful words escaped her lips as her deep, ocean blues glared into her lover's worried gaze.
"You are." said Katara.
"When she said those words *sigh*…I swear it, it was enough to send waves of nausea throughout my stomach." said Aang uneasily as he shook his head in disagreement with his mouth slightly gaped; still in awe as though he just heard Katara mutter those words only yesterday. "I couldn't stand it; hearing her say that I was as if an inconvenience in her life-" Aang stopped his explanation for a moment as he squint his eyes and nodded his head continuously; trying to escape the overwhelming emotions that were beginning to crawl up his skin.
Xin didn't say a word; she simply watched as a simple memory made such an enormous impact on the most powerful being on the entire planet.
Aang opened his eyes as he pressed his lips; rubbing his face restlessly on the palm of his hand, "I ran away from her side and I didn't look back." said Aang faintly. "The day after, I went to the Fire Nation to see Onji. We had a great time, we laughed, and we enjoyed each other's company." continued Aang as he forced a small smirk with his lips, "I explained to her what happened between Katara and I; I told her that things between us were getting worse, how lost I felt and how I didn't know what else to do." explained Aang. "That was when she suggested that there was no way Katara was happy with me… that she couldn't handle being the 'Avatar's woman' and the lifestyle that came along with that position. She even suggested that we were probably never even compatible with each other to begin with, and that perhaps; what Katara and I felt for one another was just lust, a carnal desire and nothing more." explained Aang as an expression of deep thought formed on his face, "She then advised that Katara would be a lot happier without me, and that even if it pained the both of us to do so, that perhaps it was best we broke up so that Katara could have the opportunity to find love with someone else." explained Aang.
Xin's mouth was widened slightly as she rolled her eyes in disbelief over what she was hearing, "So…you broke up with your ex-girlfriend….so that you can give her a chance to find happiness with someone else?" asked Xin as she pointed her index finger towards the afflicted Avatar.
Aang nodded in agreement, "Yes." answered Aang, "I know it sounds crazy, but it made so much sense at the time. I mean, after the constant downs we've been having, the only thing I could conceive was that the reason she didn't tell me she loved me; the reason why we were having so many arguments, was because she didn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me anymore. I was torn; upset, sad, I was everything but content. That's when Onji explained that since I was just as unhappy in our relationship as she was, it was very likely that I no longer loved Katara as well." continued Aang as he bit his bottom lip, "She said our relationship was showing signs of having run its course, and that it was time to move on and part from one another before we ended up hurting and hating each other." said Aang as he gazed bleakly into Xin's dewy eyes.
Aang paused for a moment, only to continue on with his explanation, "I took Onji's advice as truth; I wanted nothing more than to give Katara a chance to find love and be happy, even if it killed me on the inside." said Aang as he fought the urge to give into his sorrow and tear. "Even if it pained me to do so, I was willing to carry on the burden of ending out relationship for her sake…while at the same time, give myself a chance to try things out with Onji." explained Aang. "I assumed since she and I got along great as friends that we would end up being great lovers…I wouldn't know just how wrong I was until later on in our relationship." said Aang as he sighed while rubbing the palms of his hands together.
Xin continued to listen attentively to the young Avatar's explanation as she repositioned her back onto the aging wall.
"With every passing moment I spent with my fiancé, Onji, the slight memory of Katara would always creep up. I didn't think anything of it, and neither did Onji." said Aang as he puckered his lips lightly and shrugged his shoulders.
A sense of confusion overtook Xin as she squint lips towards the left side of her face; staring into the gloomy, gray sky, "So she knew that Katara was running amuck in your head?" chuckled Xin, "I'd be preeeety upset if I knew that my guy was thinking about the girl he once dated; but that's just me…" pointed out Xin as she brushed her braid off of her shoulder.
Aang nodded his head casually, "Well, she knew, but to an extent; I didn't tell her that Katara was always in my mind, but I did tell her that the occasional thought of her would creep up. She wanted to know what was going on with me mentally and emotionally, and since we were in a relationship, I felt she had the right to know what was going on in my head." explained Aang, "She said that it was completely normal for a person who recently ended a long term relationship to have an occasional thought of their ex every now and then, and that with time those memories would fade." continued Aang, "But it didn't."
"She was always on your mind huh?" asked Xin.
Aang nodded in agreement, "Always." confessed Aang, "Every day that passed by was filled with thoughts about her; her eyes and smile, her caring and carefree nature, and although the last couple of months of our relationship lacked it, her kindness." said Aang dreamily.
Xin was about to speak when she was drowned out by the Avatar's rampant words.
"I even thought of the way her nose would wrinkle when she was mad, the way she brushed her hair, how great she looked no matter what she wore; even when she looked like a complete and utter hobo …I still thought she was the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure to set my eyes on…a beauty that cannot be replicated in anyone else, no, because there is and always will be…only one Katara. Although I tried my hardest to avoid random thoughts of her, but I just couldn't help it; I always found myself reminiscing of her." explained Aang.
Xin smiled warmly as she allowed the young Avatar to continue to spill his feelings to her.
"I assumed that fantasizing about her was probably normal and meant nothing; I assumed that my constant reminisce of Katara would, as Onji said, fade away with time. That is…until the day I rescued her from the grasp of a Fire Nation fugitive." said Aang; unwilling to mention the name of the evil woman that nearly took Katara's life on that fateful day.
Xin tilted her head in curiosity, "What happened that day?" asked Xin; listening carefully to what the young Avatar was about to admit to her.
Aang hesitated for a moment, then lazily looked into Xin's dewy eyes, "I slept with her." affirmed Aang as he darted his focus away from the prostitute's gaze.
Xin wasn't shocked, not even slightly surprised by what the young Avatar just finished confessing to her; she could only chuckle slyly, "So much for it being just a fantasy huh?" asked Xin.
Aang glared at the young woman's easygoing reaction to the most personal secret he harbored; wishing he could be just as carefree about it as she was, "Yeah, so much for that." said Aang, "Our moment didn't last long; the next day, I told her that the previous night was a mistake. I even went as far as to refer our night as practice." Said Aang as he turned his head and bowed it towards his chest; feeling an incredible amount of shame for having said such a heartless remark in the presence of the young water bender.
Xin nodded her head in disappointment by the Avatar's absent-mindedness, "Wow, that's so wrong on so many levels." said Xin as she repositioned herself on the cracked wall.
Aang gripped his fingers on his forehead; harboring a deep resentment for having spoken so foolishly, "I know; I wasn't in my right mind and I didn't realize what I said until I actually said it." explained Aang, "But as soon as I said it, she told me that I never expected to hear from her…she told me she loved me." said Aang; shutting his eyes as he recollected that difficult memory.
Xin's dewy eyes widened in astonishment, "Wow, that's serious" pointed out Xin.
Aang nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah." said Aang as he took a deep breath and exhaled, "But I didn't say it back." said Aang.
Xin scoffed as her face twisted in anger, "Why not? Isn't that what you wanted? Her love?" exclaimed Xin as she shook her head in disbelief by the Avatar's cold actions.
Aang shook his head; unsure whether to agree or disagree with the loose woman, "You don't understand." said Aang, "The thought of making her unhappy again was one I couldn't stand, and I fervently thought that our break up was the best thing I have done for the both of us." explained Aang. "I couldn't bear to even consider a relationship with Katara again because I was still under the assumption that IF Katara and I somehow ended up getting back together, our relationship would only regress to the way we left it. I believed that it would never work out between us regardless as to whether or not we spent that night together, because truth be told; I was convinced that we didn't love each other. Even though she did tell me she loved me; I couldn't take her seriously, because I presumed that she couldn't mean it." explained Aang as currents of loathe flowed through every limb of his body; enraged at himself for having ignored Katara's calling while he still had the chance.
Xin jerked her head back, "Wow, talk about serious denial, mmmhm." pointed out Xin as she nodded her head up and down.
Aang gripped his fingers on his head even tighter, "I wasn't just in denial; I was incredibly confused, heck, I didn't even know what I wanted. When Katara told me she loved me, I didn't know how to react; I was much more concentrated on the fact that I stepped out of my relationship with Onji and lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend while KATARA slept with ME behind her OWN boyfriend's back." exclaimed Aang, "I was freaking out BECAUSE of the seriousness of our situation; I was afraid of the consequences that could soon follow after what we had just done and I panicked." explained Aang as his eyes darted frantically towards every direction of the cobblestone ground.
Xin jerked her head back in confusion, "So, then why did you sleep with her if you knew you had a girlfriend?" asked Xin.
Aang rested his face on the palm of his hand, "Because during that night, there WERE no possible consequences in my head; I didn't comprehend why until later on, but that night…only Katara and I existed. The possible repercussions for our actions didn't creep up until the next day." explained Aang, "And after all was said and done; I just came to the conclusion that we weren't thinking clearly, that we both just acted out on the heat of the moment." explained Aang.
Xin bent her eyebrow as she placed the tip of her index finger over her right cheek, "So let me get this straight, you didn't think you both loved each other; you just thought the two of you acted out on your own sexual desires?" asked Xin.
Aang nodded disgracefully, "Yeah." said Aang quietly as he relaxed his elbows on his knees.
Xin nodded in agreement, "I see, so you continued dating your current girlfriend, thinking that things would just magically work out for the two of you, you then asked her to marry you, and hoped that all would go hunky dory from there, didn't cha? Didn't cha?" asked Xin blatantly. "But it didn't; you're more miserable now than you ever were because you've realized that you've been lying to yourself about your feelings all along." said Xin directly.
Aang didn't utter a word; he couldn't even look at her in the eye, for he knew she was right.
Xin chuckled at the young Avatar's stupidity, "You're an idiot, you know that don't you?" asked Xin as she crossed her arms.
Aang was insulted by Xin's mockery of his judgment, but he couldn't dispute the prostitute's opinion; "Yes." said Aang, "I was an idiot; I know this because I really thought that somehow things would turn out okay, but I was terribly wrong." said Aang.
Xin then stepped into the conversation, "Avatar, I hate to break it to you, but I would like to point out that your sweet little fiance MA-NI-PU-LA-TED YOU." exclaimed Xin as she pointed her index finger continuously in his face, "She played her cards just right; OHOHO she played them well, and like a wolf-bat stalks its prey, she STRUCK." said Xin.
Aang could only watch as he stood silent; continuing to listen attentively as to what the young prostitute had to say.
"In other words, Avatar, she took advantage of your most vulnerable moment and convinced you that things would never get better between you and your girlfriend, at the time I mean." exclaimed Xin as she moved a little closer to Aang's side, placing her hand kindly on his shoulder, "She confused you Avatar." said the prostitute sympathetically.
"Please, call me Aang." said the young Avatar as he continued to look down onto the ground; quietly drowning in his own sorrow.
Xin rolled her eyes as she took her hand away from his shoulder, "Okay, 'Aang'." said Xin as she smiled warmly to the young Avatar, "As I was saying before, This woman convinced YOU into thinking that your relationship was over so that she could have a chance to be with you dummy, don't you see that?" asked Xin as she patted her hand continuously on her forehead, "You were so blindsided by your fears of hurting Katara that you blocked what YOU truly wanted; this woman even had you convinced Aang, CONVINCED that you no longer loved Katara!" exclaimed Xin as she shot her index finger to the air, only to relax it a moment later, "And you learned the hard way Aang; you learned that no matter how hard Onji tried to assure you and mold your mind into thinking that your love for Katara no longer existed, you were somehow always leading yourself to her…just like you led yourself to her the night you spent together." spoke Xin in a soft tone of voice.
Aang's dreamy gaze then traveled towards the chipped wall in front of his; staring blankly as he quietly reminisced of that glorious night he spent with the ebony beauty, and how he longed to spend just one more night with the water bender so as to momentarily quench his burning desires.
"That night alone was proof enough that your love for her never died Aang…it merely stayed dormant within you; waiting for you to recognize its existence. You were just too stupid to realize it at the time." said Xin as she wrinkled her nose in annoyance; waiting for the young Avatar's response as she watched him stare into space.
Aang bit his lip; as much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew that every single word the prostitute uttered was the pure, undeniable truth. He was blind to Onji's tactics, and because of it, he paid the ultimate price; Aang didn't dispute it, he agreed wholeheartedly; "How do you know all of this?" asked Aang as his focus dragged him to the filthy ground.
Xin rolled her eyes, "Pfft, because I'm a woman; and most women just know these things, call it 'a girl's intuition'." chuckled Xin.
But Aang couldn't even muster a lip movement; all he could do was gaze blankly at the sooty cobblestones in front of him; his arms curled with one another on top of his knees as he rested his chin upon them.
A troubled expression began to form in the young prostitute's eyes, "Aang, the past is the past; things happen. What's important is that you learned from this experience, remember, it's through pain that you learn to grow." said Xin as she placed her hand on Aang's shoulder and shook him lightly; attempting to get a response from the young Avatar, "You now realize that you love Katara, and you're so unhappy in your relationship; why don't you just break up with your fiancé and at the very least try again?" asked Xin.
The young Avatar merely shut his eyes, "I can't." said Aang as he buried his face within the shelter of his arms.
The young prostitute could only feel compassion for the hurting Avatar, but she wanted to get to the actual core of his melancholy, "Why not?" asked Xin.
Aang raised his head as his ailing gaze set sight on Xin's dewy stare, "Because she's in love with someone else." said Aang; those very words sending ripples of ache in his chest so aggressively nauseating that it made him feel as though his insides would quake their way out of his mouth.
Xin slammed her fist on her lap; disgruntled by the young Avatar's assertion, "And how do you know that?" exclaimed Xin as she bent her eyebrows in frustration.
Aang once again looked away from the young woman and turned his empty stare towards the stone beneath his feet, "When I realized my feelings for Katara on the day of her brother's wedding, I counted on the hope that she would return them; I clung on to the belief that if I was putting on a façade about my feelings, perhaps she was doing the same thing, and truly meant it when she told me she loved me the day after we…you know." explained Aang as a light blush tinted his cheeks, "I put all of my fears aside and let my heart guide me; I was ready to do anything and everything in my power to make it happen and I was sure I would be able to make it work for us." continued Aang as depression soon set in his expression, "But what I got instead was a rude awakening to the reality of life." said Aang as his eyes dimmed from the recollection that he was about to convey.
Xin tilted her head as Aang continued with his explanation.
"Katara's pregnant, with her lover's child." said Aang as he pressed his lips, shutting his eyes as he once again fought back the urge to shed his tears. "I want nothing, and I mean nothing more than to be with Katara. All I want in this life is to have her as my woman again, I want to make her mine…forever; and it's still my undying desire to tell her how much I still love her. Every day is torture because I'm living in the mess that I made." explained Aang earnestly, "I was ready Xin, even though I had just realized my love for her, I knew at that moment…that I was willing to give up everything to be with her. I was ready to overcome every adversity that would surely come my way; I was prepared to break things off with Onji and endure criticism and judgment from every person on this planet, even get on my knees and beg for her forgiveness like a pathetic loser. But when I found out that she was having a baby with her new boyfriend, I knew I couldn't come in between them." said Aang as he gripped his biceps; lamenting for not having acknowledged his love for the young water bender sooner.
Xin was taken aback by the sudden revelation, "O-oh, wow...I'm really sorry Aang." said Xin empathetically.
Aang smiled softly as he tried to disguise his agony; unable to speak as if fearing that all of his raw emotions would somehow painfully spew out of every pore on his body.
But it was obvious to the young prostitute that the Avatar was holding back; unwilling to express himself and let his entire ache out. She gazed at the young Avatar's anxious demeanor, "I know it's hard to accept your situation, but regardless as to whether or not there's a possibility to restart a romantic relationship with Katara, you shouldn't have to endure a relationship you know well you don't want to be in." said Xin empathetically. "Let me tell you something Aang, I have courted many men throughout the course of my career; and most of them are usually…married men." said Xin apathetically.
Aang's head nearly popped out of the confinement of his neck as he jolted his focus towards the young prostitute; his expression twisted in disgust, "Married?" asked Aang.
Xin nodded her head in agreement, "Yes, married; and most of them don't ask for my courtship for the reasons you're thinking about either." pointed out Xin as she swiped her hand across from her.
Aang nodded his head in confusion as he squint his eyes, "I don't understand; doesn't anyone protect the sanctity of holy matrimony nowadays?" asked Aang as he raised his hands to the air, only to flop them back down to his sides weakly.
Xin could only nod her head at Aang's gullibility, and his hypocrisy, "The point, Aang, is that most of the men I see on a daily basis come to me because THEY'RE not happy." explained Xin as she pointed her index finger lightly towards the young Avatar's direction, "Most of these men I see are in such empty relationships Aang, relationships that simply exist for the sake of existing. And as a result, those same men come and see me, but most of them don't come to see me for the reason you're probably thinking about. On the contrary, these men just want someone to talk to; someone to vent their frustrations and all of their miserable dealings to because the truth of the matter is that they're miserable with their women, just like you are, Aang." explained Xin.
Aang knew where Xin was getting at; nodding his head with a dead expression in his eyes.
"I see it every day Aang; I see what a loveless relationship does to people; and believe me when I say that it's a lonely life filled with uncertainty, doubt and regret." explained Xin, "Are you prepared to live a life like that?" asked Xin as she anxiously awaited for the young Avatar's answer.
"You don't understand." said Aang as he turned his head away from the prostitute. "I have a duty to fulfill; it's my job to repopulate my race and I can't do that without a woman." explained Aang, "I need Onji to bear a child so that the Air Nomad lineage can commence." said Aang as he punched his fist lightly onto the palm of his hand.
Xin disapproved Aang's decision, but understood that his position was bigger than him and his predicament; she knew this relationship had to exist for the sake of a higher purpose. "Wow; that's rough." said Xin as she rested her chin on the palm of her hand and gazed somberly at the ailing Avatar.
Aang nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah; it really does stink." said Aang. "But she's all I have now; she's willing to bring my child into this world, the least I could do is return my dedication." explained Aang.
Xin could see the anguish in Aang's face; a painful sight for her to see. She couldn't help but feel sympathy for the young Avatar, for she knew what awaited Aang on the other side as soon as he and Onji exchanged vows.
Aang then looked up to the prostitute, and a newly found friend; "All I can do is meditate and hope for the absolute best for Katara and her child from afar; her and that unborn child's happiness is the only comfort I have in the decision I made for us. I'm comforted in knowing that she is content with her new life, and so long as she's happy, I'm happy." said Aang as he tried to fool Xin, and himself, with a forced, weak smile.
Xin, however, was not convinced. She knew better than to take the young Avatar's word, as she did with so many others; for she knew the last sentence Aang uttered couldn't be farther from the truth.
Meanwhile; dusk was beginning to settle on the horizon of the Earth Kingdom. Strokes of midnight blue and orange coated the sky as small twinkles began to emerge from its range; while howls of the wild sung with its incoming darkness.
And within the Upper Ring of the great city of Ba Sing Se, A former General and his coworker were preparing his tea shop for closing; waiting for their final customer to exit so that they could commence their clean-up duties. Katara was busy ringing up their final customer; a sweet smile formed on her lips as she proudly gave her customer their final batch of their most popular tea: Jasmine, while Iroh worked on last minute arrangements in the storage room.
The customer, a stout, simple looking, older woman with dark brown hair; couldn't keep her eyes off of the small, but noticeable bump the young water bender sported below the small of her waist. "How far along are you dear?" asked the customer as she grinned to the young water bender.
Katara shot her head up as if stunned by her customer's question, "T-Two months today." said Katara bashfully as she placed her hands over her swollen abdomen.
"Ahhh ahahahah I see." said the customer as she reached her dainty hands over the counter and placed them gently on Katara's belly, "Big baby huh?" asked the customer as she grinned cheerily to the expectant water bender.
Katara chuckled, "Yeah heheh; really big baby." said Katara cheerfully as she eagerly placed the woman's paid product on top of the counter.
The customer then took her dainty hands off Katara's belly and delicately picked up her tea products, "Good luck dear; and congratulations!" said the customer enthusiastically as she turned her back to the expectant mother and made her way out of the tea shop.
When their last customer left the shop, Katara skimmed around the store; calculating the chores she had to do, "Let's see, let's see..." said Katara as deep thought settled in her expression; rubbing her chin with the curve between her thumb and index finger as she relaxed her free hand on its opposite arm. She could see that the store was a bit dusty, so the first thing the young water bender did was pick up the broom next to her; but as soon as she was about to walk around the counter, Iroh quickly interceded.
"Katara, please have a seat and have some tea with me." said Iroh as he stood in the middle of the expectant water bender's path; holding two full cups of Ginseng Tea in his hands as small curves of steam escaped from its heat.
Katara nodded in agreement as she placed the broom to the side, "Sure." said Katara delightfully as she walked around the counter and took a seat by the table next to it. Iroh followed suit; the two cups of Ginseng Tea in hand as he approached Katara's table and generously offered her one of them.
Katara smiled warmly as she accepted the former general's kind gesture, "Thank you Iroh." said Katara graciously as she blew some steam from her tea; sipping her hot beverage lightly so as to prevent lip burn.
Iroh smiled kindly to the young water tribe woman, "It's my pleasure." said Iroh courteously as he took a seat across from the young water bender; getting comfortable in his seat as he let out an enormous sigh of relaxation. "You know, you've been so busy with your visits to the local healer recently that we haven't gotten a chance to talk about things." said Iroh as he sipped his brew contently.
Katara nodded in agreement, "I know, it's been a while; but it's crucial I attend every visit." said Katara somberly as she took another light sip of her tea.
Iroh assumed he somehow offended the young, expectant mother; he waved his hands apologetically as he chuckled nervously, "Oh no no no, don't get me wrong Katara, I understand completely; just pointing out a fact is all." explained Iroh innocently as he formed a huge grin on his face.
Katara couldn't hold back her giggle, "I know what you mean, Iroh." said Katara warmly as she gazed kindly into the Former General's eyes.
Iroh delightedly returned her gesture, "So, how are things with your newlywed brother and his bride?" asked Iroh.
Katara gulped down her cooling tea as she wiped the moist remnants of her beverage from her upper lip, "They're good, they're good." said Katara as she nodded her head lazily, "Sokka and dad are putting the finishing touched to their new home, and they'll be moving in no later than the end of the month." explained Katara admirably as she took another sip of tea.
Iroh smiled with joy at the welcoming news, "That's good to hear." said Iroh, "You know, I thought after that enormous fight you had with the Avatar's fiancé in their wedding, they would never speak to you again; or at the very least be quite upset." said Iroh as he took in a large gulp of his beverage; sighing satisfactorily soon after.
Katara chuckled sluggishly as she shook her head, "No." answered Katara, "I thought they'd be, but on the contrary, they were incredibly worried about me and my condition, they were concerned about me." explained Katara as she stared at the half-empty cup she held in her light grasp.
Iroh smiled tenderly to the young water bender, "You truly have a compassionate and understanding family, Katara, I hope you know that." pointed out Iroh caringly, "And speaking of that day, I've been meaning to ask you something…about that incident." said Iroh as he began to muster up the courage to tell Katara exactly what was on his mind.
Katara raised her eyebrow in suspicion, "Yeah? What is it?" asked the expectant mother as she took another sip of her beverage.
Iroh took in a deep breath; exhaling his tension with his breath, "Well, I just wanted to know if that fight was somehow influenced by Aang…and what happened between the two of you the evening he rescued you." said Iroh sternly.
Katara blushed as she felt her composure briefly slip, "W-w-wha, n-n-no, what are you talking about?" asked the young water bender nervously as the tips of her fingers pressed firmly on the base of her cup.
Iroh gazed suspiciously into the expectant mother's eyes, "Katara, I may be old; but I'm no fool." presumed Iroh boldly as he folded his arms over one another , "I don't want to know exactly what happened between the two of you, believe me; that knowledge is NOT one I wish to hear." pointed out Iroh sheepishly, "But as a friend to you Katara, a friend who has seen you grow and blossom into a beautiful, intelligent, young woman; I am expressing my willingness to help you, because truthfully Katara, I am concerned about your well-being." said Iroh wholeheartedly, "If there is anything that you wish to tell me, if you ever just feel the need to drown your feelings to someone; I am here for you." said the Former General earnestly; an inviting smile formed on his lips.
Katara didn't utter a single word, for she knew that Iroh could read her behavior like an open book; she could only stare the Former General with blank eyes, only to swiftly lock them to her tea cup. "Do you know…what it's like to have to constantly question a lover's fidelity, Iroh?" asked Katara dolefully as she continued to stare into her half-empty cup; an emptiness in her gaze. "Especially when…all you hear from men and women alike is that your partner would eventually cheat on you because of her 'position'? Mocking you while chuckling in your face as though you were but a mere thorn stuck in her foot?" asked Katara.
Iroh gazed at the expectant mother; a questionable gaze in his eyes, "I can't say that I do." answered Iroh.
Katara's eyes began to glisten, "That's what I went through every day Iroh; every day during the course of my relationship with Aang. Since the very beginning of our relationship, every single day contained phrases such as, 'He's the Avatar; he can do whatever he wants; and do whoever he wants; just because he can.' said Katara as she struggle to contain her tears; her lower lip quaking as her voice began to break down. "Whenever Aang was gone tending to his duties, I would always be afraid; afraid that I was going to lose him to someone else. I hated the doubts of his faithfulness that swum in my head, that fear always hung in the back of my mind; it haunted me and eventually…it got to me. Because of my insecurities, I ended up believing the gossip; all the whispers and rumors became an inevitable truth in my eyes." continued Katara as her eyes began to swell with tears. "I never even told him I loved him Iroh, because I was just so afraid of letting my guard down out of dread that all the gossip would one day come true." explained Katara as she squint her eyes; wiping her tears with the back of her hand as she rubbed the sting out of her cry.
Iroh simply shut his eyes as he continued to listen to Katara' confession; feeling great sympathy for the young water bender, and great pity.
"I was an idiot, because I let people's chatter and assumptions become fact. In the end, I pushed him away from me, Iroh; and into the arms of someone else, the woman he now calls fiancé." scoffed Katara as she angrily gazed her swollen, tear-filled eyes into her tea cup, "I hate myself for letting our relationship slip through my fingers because of MY uncertainties. I know it was my fault that Aang and I got to this irreversible point, and because of my senselessness, he ended up finding someone else. That day, when I saw my worst fear physically manifested in front of me in the figure of Aang's bride-to-be, I guess all the rage and pain I've been holding in for so long j-just spewed-out-of-me-and…I just…snapped." explained Katara as her face twisted in grimace, "Plus…she called me by a nasty name…" said Katara as her teary eyes winced from the slight, sharp pain shooting from within her belly; lightly gripping her upper abdomen as she inhaled and exhaled a couple of light breaths.
Iroh immediately took notice of Katara's physical distress; he wanted to listen to everything the expectant mother felt compelled to confess, but felt it was much more important to divert from the subject for her health's sake, "Let's not talk about this anymore; this subject is obviously causing you great stress." suggested Iroh.
Katara nodded in agreement; wiping away her loose tears with the back of her sleeve as she gathered her composure, "Good idea." said Katara; her eyes slightly swollen with a light tinge of red on the bags of her eyes.
Iroh smiled thoughtfully as he changed the subject, "How have you been feeling lately?" asked Iroh as he gulped more of his tea down his throat.
The expectant mother sighed, "I feel alright… been having some headaches and abdominal pain here and there, but nothing so severe that would cause any alarm." answered Katara.
"That's good to hear, but it still sounds quite serious." said Iroh as he and the young water bender exchanged grim gazes to one another.
"It is…" whispered Katara as she slightly nodded her head in acknowledgement.
Iroh traced his fingers over his beard as an uncertain expression settled on his face, "Have they found out what's wrong yet?" asked Iroh.
A discouraging expression formed in her deep, blue eyes as she recollected what the local healers explained to her about her condition, "No." answered Katara as she shook her head in disagreement; "The healer said I was showing strange symptoms; symptoms of a potentially dangerous condition, but the problem is that the condition usually manifests itself around 4 or 5 months along a pregnancy. I just crossed the two month mark today." said Katara as she rested her head on the palm of her hand; her heart aching as negative thoughts raced through every nerve ending within her mind.
Iroh took a sip of tea as he continued to listen to Katara speak.
"She said it didn't make any sense; that they've never treated anyone with my condition in such an early stage of gestation." said the very worried expectant mother, "Either way, she has done everything she possibly could, and the baby's stable; but my prognosis is slowly getting worse." explained Katara in utter dismay; the thought of her child's life being at risk stabbing through her heart like a dull, jagged knife.
"That doesn't sound good at all." said Iroh.
Katara felt the urge to tear once again; biting her lips so as to not release the floodgates confined in her midnight blues. "I know…" said Katara; her voice trembling with pain, "Which is why I made an important decision last night." said Katara as a small smile emerged from her desolate expression.
The Former General raised his eyebrow as his left eye gawked at the expectant mother, "Oh?" said Iroh.
Katara nodded affirmatively, "I'll be moving back to the South Pole…with my family." declared Katara as her smile slightly widened with comfort.
Iroh's eyes widened as his face beamed with joy, "That's wonderful!" exclaimed Iroh ecstatically, "Not that I don't want you here; having you help me around the shop has been a genuine blessing for me, and I will miss having a helping hand around here." said Iroh sincerely, "But you place right now is with your family." finished Iroh as he swallowed another large gulp of his tea.
Katara nodded in agreement, "I was afraid of the idea at first…afraid that everyone would judge me for having…you know…and conceived before exchanging vows the 'proper way'." said Katara, "But my father and Gran-Gran are being so supportive of my situation; they're welcoming me with open arms and even making preparations so that my baby and I receive the best medicinal care in both of the poles." explained a hopeful Katara as her smile widened a bit more; life beginning to return in her expression.
Iroh couldn't help but feel an enormous amount of elation for the young water bender; he was comforted by the thought of knowing that this was the best decision Katara could've ever made for herself and her unborn child; "I couldn't be more happier for you Katara; I truly wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors." said Iroh profoundly, "Have you come up with a day for that move?" asked Iroh as he finished drinking the last bit of tea he had in his cup.
Katara gazed into the former general's golden eyes as a slightly crooked smile formed from the corner of the expectant mother's lips, "Yes." said Katara, "The day of Aang's wedding; that's the day I'll be moving back home." answered Katara; determination apparent in her gaze.
Iroh jerked his head back violently as he took in what the young water bender just finished saying to him, "The day of Aang's wedding?" said Iroh as he raised his eyebrow in dumbfoundment, "Why would you choose that particular day?" asked Iroh as he scratched the bald end of his scalp.
Katara pressed her lips together before exhaling the bit of stress she still had in her, "I'll be staying with Lee the night before; then the next morning, I'll meet my family in the ceremony. When the wedding's over, I'll leave alongside them back to the South Pole." explained Katara. "But there are some things I need to take care of with someone first before anything else." said Katara cryptically.
The Former General was having great difficulty comprehending the expectant mother's intentions, "It seems like a reasonable idea…" said Iroh, "But you need to take care of something with someone?'" asked Iroh with a befuddled expression in his ember colored eyes, "Who do you need to take care of things with? Aang?" asked Iroh; skeptically glaring at the young water bender as he struggled to make sense out of the last sentence she spoke.
Katara nodded her head, "No, no, not with Aang." answered Katara as she took one final sip of the Ginseng Tea Iroh generously made for her out of great hospitality.
"Then with who?" asked Iroh as he gazed ambiguously into the young water bender's deep ocean blues; while she returned the gesture with a warmhearted smile…
Stay Tuned...
Here are the sketches for this chapter:
http :/img651. imageshack. us/img651/7753/chapter211. jpg
http :/img37. imageshack. us/img37/6469/chapter212. jpg
Just forewarning you guys; there are some serious angle issues with these sketches because I rushed on them both today (the reason for this is on my page). Eh, either way they're still just sketches, and I hope you enjoy them.
*I listened repetitively to Frederic Chopin's Prelude in E-Minor (op.28 no. 4) when I was sketching; I found it to be the piece that best replicated the gloominess in both Aang and Katara.*