Hey I dont know why but they dont show DR TAN`s name whenever I type it correctly Only when I do it in all caps .. SO if you are confused in any of my other stories. Its supposed 2 say DR TAN. Mkay?

I never ment to hurt anyone. If I had to, I still would never lay a finger on Mo. So why Mo is so mad at me, I dont know. But let me start from the beginning then...

I was never a populer kid. I never fitted in with girls and the boys didnt want to hang with me because I wasnt 'girl' enough for them to waste their time with. I dont blame them. I mean me as an aqward 13 year old girl, with short frizzy brown hair that covers half of my face, a flat chest, and always shopping for the new jordans instead of an marc joacobs bag. Yeah no wonder I was an outsider.

I always thought I would be alone forever...intill one day I saw them. I was in athletics with the other girls. Even though my hair was short, it was so frizzy the Teacher demanded I put it back. SO it was basically a point a fuzzy ball for a ponytail. I wore an oversized Miami Heat hoodie over the uniform. One day while the teacher was yelling at one of the glamorous girls, I decided to go back to the locker room, which ment me having to go through the hallway and walk a short distance.

When I was in the hallway I saw two guys...about my age walk past me. They must have been skipping. One was black with a baseball cap and T-shirt, the other was White and had shaggy blonde hair...I couldnt have helped but felt drawn to the blonde. I turned around and watched them leave...while they didnt even notice me. After that I stalked the whole school trying to find the blonde. Finally I found one of his classes and stalked him from there. But he was always hanging with that other guy...their realtionship made me jealous.

After my...'studies' as I might call it. I found that they skip their 4th period Math every Monday & Friday. Those are the days where we run inside. So after I got enough courage to finally go talk to them...I skipped Athletics and followed them outside. They sat on the bench in front of the oak tree in front of the school. They were laughing and comparing somthing ontheir Ipods. I watched them for a little while, trying to work up the nerve to go over there. I was actually thinking about going back to class because I was sitting their for about 10 minutes.

But when The basebal cap guy bent over to look in his backpack, the blonde quickly waved me over. I felt myself gasp. I looked around to see if their was anyone else. "Me?" I mouth to him pointing at myself. He quickly nodded, but when Mo sat back up he turned his back to me. I blinked at them. I gulped and slowly made my way over to them. Then I plopped myself next to the blonde one. They stopped talking at stared at me a little bit before they went on with their conversation. Eventually after I would sit their for awhile they would strat talking to me. But they would kind of mock me and make fun of me because I never responded. But it was playful teasing... I hoped. But day by day I started to talk to them a little. They called me 'Mouse' because I was so small and skinny at the time. That was the only time I get to talk to them since we had diffrent lunches and had NO classes together.

So I was SO happy when they invited me out to the beach over the weekend. Though it never occured to me they never knew I was a girl..though they never knew my real name. I`ll never forget the looks on their face when I showed up in my black bikini top and jean shorts and they freaked out...but after that it seemed likethe look in Bodie`s eyes changed when he looked at me after that..in a good way.

Me and Bodie hanged out alot after that. When it grew to highschool it wasnt just 'Mo & Bodie' anymore. It was 'Mo,Emilia & Bodie' now. And I couldnt have been happier. I finally belonged with a group. I even dressed more feminine and attempted to tame my rat nest of a hair for Bodie...but I had a feeling Mo wasnt too happy about this. I geuss it was because me and Bodie were hanging out more..alone. But me and Bodie have somthing im sure of it!...whether Mo liked it or not.

I would never purposely hurt Mo. Mo is-..or I geuss WAS one of my only friends...my best friends. Me and Bodie didnt come up with RIptide out of nowhere. We were planning it since high school! Whenever me and him tried to get Mo in to discuss it he would always seem out of it, he was 'busy' or he would try to get Bodie to go do somthing with him...just Mo and him. I geuss Bodie could tell Mo hurt my feelings every time he tried to get away from me, so they were always fighting. And natrually since me and Bodei have this.."bond" of course I would side with Bodie! It eventually came to the point Mo didnt hang with us anymore...if I was around anyways. He was always hanging with this other girl. I was also kind of jealous since I personally thought Bodie and Mo were both MINE.

But that was just selflishness on my part. Because now I know they dont belong to me at all. They never did. They dont even belong to each other. They own themselves. But me?...im not so lucky. Mo and Bodie are just fine on their own. Without Bodie, I dont know what I wouldve been. And the fact Bodie knows he doesnt need me.

Kills me.

But after that big fight between Mo and Bodie. Bodie stuck to me more than usual. Or maybe it was the other way around, we may never know. But soon after that Mo found this kid named Glitch. The kid had killer moves, and was as cute as a button. So I 'studied' them for a little bit. But the more Mo hanged out with Glitch I saw Bodie acted...'diffrent'. He was never the same. We hanged out all the time..but it always seemed liked somthing was missing. But I now know what was missing. Some people belong to themselves, like Mo and Bodie. And then their are people like me, who need to belong to somebody. But even though people like Bodie and Mo belong to themselves, they need somebody to be with. I thought I could be Bodie that to Bodie. I really did. The fact that I know now that no girl could ever be enough for Bodie. Want to know why?

Because Bodie`s gay.

I can go around screaming,crying breaking stuff and I have. But that wont change. I can never have Bodie. Bodie can most certantly have me, but it wont be real. And we both know it. I know that Mo isnt gay. He and Glitch have this 'bond'...almost as if they were made to be brothers. The perfect 'bromance'. Will their realtionship go farther? Wish I knew. But theirs a reason why 'romance' is in 'bromance'.

Bodie may not show it. But I know he goes crazy every time he see`s Mo and Glitch`s new crew 'Hi-def' together. Bodie needs somebody. That person might have been Mo. But I then went and ruined it. I do know I have a place in Bodie`s heart. Just not the place I have dreamed of being. Maybe Bodie will find somebody to take Mo`s place...maybe he wont.

I can be the perfect girlfriend. I could do everything Bodie could ever want. But the fact is...I`ll never be a boy.

And i`ll never have Bodie.