Hey guys! I am so sorry for the delay, my computer was acting funny and I lost many files and it was just very complex! Though I'm back and I hope this is the chapter you guys have been waiting for! Finally get to learn Finn's background, yay! Enjoy!

Chapter Ten:

Porcelain

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel . . .

That's all he can think about, breathe about. She has to be okay; she just has to. He promised he would protect her; that he would make sure nothing would happen to her. If they hurt her, if they even touch her, he would destroy them, every bloody one of them. He would rip their hearts so far from their chest they would forget what it feels like to have one. Not that they had one in the first place.

He doesn't know how he gets to her house, but he does.

He climbs the stairs of her porch two at a time, his moves jerky and anxious and just plain scared. His hands come up to pound on her door, and it doesn't even feel like he's doing it, he can't control his actions; he can't control anything with the thought of her in danger, the thought of her being taken away from him . . .

The door swings open, and there she stands, the one thing that's been on his mind since he arrived to this city. Her expression is coaxed in confusion and concern, and he blinks a few times to try and convince himself this is real. And it is real, she's okay, she's really, really okay and alive.

He launches forward over the threshold, gathering her up in his arms and kicking the door closed behind them, he still can't risk any of them seeing him. His hands trail along every part of her body, just touching every part that he can because he was so scared that he wouldn't be able to do that again. His fingers thread threw her hair, and he nuzzles his face against her neck. "Rachel," he breathes, his tone heavy and tired. "You're okay, you're okay."

She pulls back slightly, her eyebrows tightening. Her hand comes up to the side of his face, and he hasn't even realized he was crying until she starts to wipe the tears away. He catches her hand in his and presses his lips to the inside of her palm, trailing kisses down her arm, up her shoulder and climbing to her neck, on her cheek until he finally reaches her lips. She sighs underneath him, her hold tightening on his face as she melts into his embrace. He nibs at her bottom lip, opening her mouth underneath his.

Rachel pulls away from him, her eyes flickering between his. "Something happened," she whispers, stating the reasoning for his emotional breakthrough. He nods his head at her; he has to do this. "You deserve to know," he mumbles, his fingers grazing across the pad of her cheek, "everything."

She leads him upstairs to her bedroom, and he guides himself to her bed, sitting down on the mattress. She comes to sit beside him, her hands intertwining with his, encouraging him to begin. He looks down at her, and she manages a small, comforting smile.

"I was born May 6th, 1994 in Manhattan, New York to Carole and Chris Hudson," he mumbles, his eyes locking at her wooden floor. "I'm an only child, didn't really bother me growing up because I was so close to my parents. I was picked on, teased for my height and called 'dumb' and pretty much every bad name in the book. For the first fifteen years of my life, I felt nothing of my self. I was unconfident and discouraged, I had no friends until . . . " he takes a shuddering breath, "until I met them. Then everything changed."

Finn marches down the sidewalk from his school, his backpack swinging over his shoulder. He smiles at the spring air of New York, picking his speed at the realization of his mother making her annual pie on every Friday. He crosses the street to enter the forest leading to the back of his house, not even noticing the footsteps following behind him.

Hands grasp at the blades of his shoulders, pinning him back into a pumped chest. He snaps his head backwards, noticing Mike. He writhes against his hold, grunting as he feels a different fist pound into his stomach. He turns to face the opposite attacker, and of course, it's his stupid friend. He thought that last week's beat up was enough to give him a free pass for a month.

"Think you so smart dumbass?" The friend, Sam, slithers, sending another punch to his gut. Finn groans, bending his head down to his chest. "Think we gonna give you a free pass today after the last time we got to you?" He laughs, despite everything, ready to punch him again.

Fingers grip at Sam's wrist, bending it backwards and away form Finn's aching body. He looks up, his vision blurry but clear enough to notice Sam being brought to the ground, to feel Mike being pulled away from him. He rubs at his eyes, trying to notice the five bodies working to get the boys to the ground.

Both Sam's and Mike's face was brought up close to his. "Apologize you mother fuckers," one of the boys, the curly haired one, demanded. Mike and Sam gulp harshly, nodding at Finn and speaking in unison. "We're sorry."

And then they were thrown back to the ground.

He watches as they scurry up from the grass, their feet not being able to catch up with them as they begin to run away from the scene. Finn's mouth gapes at their retreating figures, turning back to the five people in front of him. "I – "

"Your welcome," Curly haired boy says, a smirk on his face. "We've been watching you at school you know, seeing you get beat up. Thought maybe we could help a little," he shrugs, "that's what we do. We help."

Finn blinks at them. What the hell was happening? "I'm Jesse, by the way, Jesse St. James," the curly haired guy says, and he's guessing he's the leader because he's the only one who been talking, "that's Azimio, Karofsky, Rick and Sean." He gestures to the four boys behind him, all of them nodding towards Finn in some kind of signature greeting.

"I'm Finn, uhm, thank you, I guess," he gulps.

Jesse laughs, clapping a hand to Finn's shoulder, and he winces a little at the contact. "Oh Finn, we don't need your thanks," the rest of the boys chuckle from behind him. "We are actually searching for another guy to fill in Artie's spot since he got paralyzed. So, whataya say? Feel like gaining some friends? You've got major upper body strength; we need that. And you need friends. It's a win, win, for the both of us."

Finn stammers, looking down as Jesse extends his hand towards him. "Come on Finn, we'll help each other out. You'll never get beat up again."

Finn instantly nods at his last words. "I'm in."

"It's funny, I actually thought we could be friends," he laughs humorlessly, barely acknowledging the feeling of Rachel squeezing his hand. "For a while, it seemed like we were, I never knew what friends did together but it seemed like we were going down the right path. For a couple of days, I actually felt like I was accepted, like I was wanted somewhere. I saw them tease other kids, sure, but I never thought that I would do that, that they would make me do that. I was so blinded by actually being liked that I didn't see it coming, what they wanted me to do . . . "

"I'm not going to do it."

Finn stands his ground, staring the poor, crippled kid below him. He's not going to, he can't, it's wrong, and against what he believes in. And he gets it, too, he used to get beat up everyday and it hurt like fuck, so why the hell would he initiate the same pain on some kid?

Jesse laughs humorlessly. "Did you actually think you could just join without doing something in order to get accepted?" The rest of the group chuckles along with him, and he sends another kick to the fair-skinned boy on the ground. He hiccups at the blow, arching his back in pain.

"This guy's name is Kurt, and he doesn't exactly belong in society if you know what I mean," he smiles devilishly down at him, "he's got a little case the gays."

"I thought you helped people, that's what you told me," Finn interjects, his fists clenching at his sides. He is not going to become this person; he's seen the victims, the suspects on television before. It doesn't end well.

Jesse shrugs and turns to look at the boys behind him. They repeat the action. "So I lied, it's not a big deal. The only thing that matters is that I helped you didn't I? So just beat the kid up, go home, and you're accepted. Simple as tha-"

Finn interrupts him before he can finish. "No, I'm not beating him up." He begins to turn around, retreat back home and just forget about them, go back to getting beaten up. Though he finds himself walking into the chests of Karofsky and Azimio, the largest boys of the group. They snap him back around to face Jesse and Kurt.

"You kind of have no choice Finn. We helped you, now its time for you to help us. The fag will be better in no time."

Finn transitions from Jesse's face to Kurt's, his insides swirling at the realization. The pain in his eyes, the fear that he remembers so much is like a reflection, it's like he's staring at himself right now. He wants to stay back, run away and deal with the consequences, but he feels himself walking forward, his hands clenched and he can't stop.

They're a gang; he recognizes that now. And as he slams his fist upon the flesh of Kurt's skin, he knows there's no way getting out. He's out of options.

"You were forced, that's different," Rachel whispers, her hand coming up to rest against the side of his face. "I'm sure you wouldn't have done it if you weren't threatened. I know it."

Finn presses a kiss to the inside of her palm as he shakes his head. "It doesn't matter, I still beat him up. There's always a choice, and I just chose to ignore it for the sake of myself, but in the end, it was probably the worst decision of my life."

He watches as Rachel shifts closer, leaning forward to press her lips against his softly. Her fingers stroke his hair, pulling him closer to her. "Don't do that," she whispers as she pulls away from him, "don't think about it like that or you'll never be happy. You did what you thought was right, it's over now." She takes his hands in his, not waiting for his response as she encourages him to continue by nodding her head.

"I don't know if I can . . . "

She narrows her eyebrows. "It's okay, I'm right here, nothing bad is going to happen alright?"

Finn stares at her, his eyes burning into hers solemnly. He doesn't get it; she should be disgusted, pushing him away. He's expected her to do that a lot actually, but she just keeps coming back, caring for him. And the worst part is that he welcomes her with open arms, when he should be telling her to go away. It's not his fault that he – that he . . .

God damn it, he loves her.

Finn Hudson is absolutely and desperately in love with Rachel Berry. She's caring and understanding and the only good thing in this world. He loves her, he loves her, he loves her. He wants to scream it out, shout it on the hill tops the feelings he has for this woman.

But he can't, cause they're still trapped in this situation where love is his greatest weakness. If they ever find out, everything that he worked so hard to construct would come crashing down. They want to make him suffer, and using his love against him is the one thing that would.

"They tried to get me to kill someone," he whispers, his eyes staying on his. He watches as she swallows thickly, but she doesn't move away from him, if anything, she moves closer. "Did you?" she asks, her throat hoarse with the fear of his answer.

"You've made me do a lot of things I'm not proud of Jesse, but this is the last straw. I'm not hurting him," Finn stares down at the crippling stranger below him, his hands tied behind his back as he sits against the wall of the hide out. His frame shaken, his expression full of fear and panic, and he has to look away. Finn looks up at Jesse, shaking his head. "I already hurt Mike and Sam more than I wanted, this is too much."

He tries to back away, his hands clenching into fists just in case they decided to force him into doing it by beating him up. It shocks him, really, when he finds himself walking away without any pair of hands dragging him back.

Finn turns around, confused by the delay, only to find them propping the man against the wall. Azimio and Karofsky hold the struggling man in their arms, as Rick hands Sean the gun that was hidden in his pocket. Jesse looks at Finn, a smile creeping upon his lips.

"His death is all on you Finn."

And then the gunshot rang.

Rachel clutches his hand tightly, her hand braiding through his hair. She shakes her head, tears brimming on the edge of her eyes. "You saw them kill him?" she wheezes, trying to rid the image from her mind. "I'm sor – "

"No. Don't apologize. I could have done something, I could have saved him." He looks away from her to stare at his shaking hands. "The worst part was . . . hearing that he went to our school. That he sat in the back of my math class. That he . . . " He closes his eyes, he can't do this, he can't relive this again.

But then Rachel's lips press against the skin of his face, encouraging him, and he finds the confidence as she kisses him softly. "It's okay," she reassures, stroking his jaw. He opens his eyes, resting his forehead against his. Breathing in heavily, he continues his story.

"The police began to put the pieces together, I knew they were suspecting we were doing something by the way they watched us at the memorial they held in school. We've had troubles with the police before, but they never figured it out, Jesse was too smart. Even if I didn't kill the kid myself, I still felt so, so guilty, and that's what Jesse wanted. During the memorial, one of the officers, Officer Jackson I think, he noticed how shaky he was, how upset I looked. He asked me if I was alright, and then I just . . . told him everything."

"About the gang?" Rachel asks, her eyes wide.

Finn nods. "Yes. Every memory of every bad thing we did I could remember, including my assault on Mike, Kurt and Sam. He told me I would have to pay the consequences, but at the time, our only concern was arresting the rest of them, the ones who did most of the damage. I told him about the hiding place, begged him not to bring anybody else or tell anyone else because they were capable of so much. We compromised to bring in one more, Officer Mason, into the mission. We made up a plan, and at the time it seemed like it was going to work, like we were finally going to arrest them and end this whole mess I got myself into," he explains, his hand tightening on Rachel's as he enters his memories.

"I knew you would come back Finnicence," Karofsky slithers, passing him a beer from the mini fridge placed in the corner. He sits down on a chair beside Rick, both of them sharing a knowing smirk.

"Yeah, jitters of the first kill, I'm ready now though," he tells them. Jesse chuckles sarcastically as he walks into the room, nodding his head in approval. "I'm glad," he says, "we were actually thinking of getting rid of you before you came back, begging for us to take you back." The whole group laughs, and Finn forces himself to join them.

He counts the men in front of them, realizing they're all here, right where he wants them. Right behind them, at any second, the door will break open, and they'll get arrested, and everything will be fine.

He just has to say the words.

Sean turns towards Finn, his smirk wide and open. "So we've got you someone to kill buddy, trust us, it really gets rid of all that anger inside of you. So we decided to maybe get Mike Chang, remember how badly he used to beat you up? Perfect guy, it'll be like murdering a devil, no hard feelings involved." A chorus of laughter erupts again, and Finn struggles not to kill each one of them at the very moment. He feels the gun that the officer gave to him for defense reasons press against his leg, as if trying to get him to do it.

"I don't know, guys, I'm kind of struck with who I'm going to kill first," he tells them, his voice thick with apprehension. He coughs quickly, trying to carry on his act. "It could be Sam, it could be Mike it could be . . ." Chills run up his spine as he speaks the words he's been thinking for a year now. He smiles to himself; this is it.

"It could be you."

The officers choose that time to burst into the room, their guns positioned directly in front of them. Finn jolts from the scene, watching the expression of surprise on each of the gang member's faces. Sean acts unexpectedly, charging towards Officer Mason without conflict, ripping a spare knife from his jacket at the last moment.

"No!" Finn yells as the blade slices along the skin of his throat. Bullets ring out as it makes the contact, and Sean drops to the floor, blood pouring from his thigh. Officer Mason clutches his bleeding neck, blood squirting as he tries to catch his breath. He falls to the ground, his eyes open, his chest barely rising and God this is his entire fault, this is his entire damn fault that he's dyeing.

"Finn!"

He was so consumed in that scene he was barely aware of Azimio holding Officer Jackson back as Karofsky sends a blazing knife into his stomach. Finn meets his eyes for a second, and he sees the panic behind them. This was the worst idea he ever had.

Finn struggles to reach the gun in his pocket, when a fist collides with his face, knocking him to the floor of the room. He looks up to see Jesse standing above him. He leans down, grabbing him by the collar and lifting him upwards. "You fucking bastard," he hisses, throwing him back to the ground. Finn gets up quickly, dodging the next punch that Jesse sends, kicking him in the groin.

"Run Finn!" Officer Jackson gasps as he struggles to stay alive in their hands. Azimio plunges one last jab to his stomach, and then his head hangs, and he dies.

"The rest of the night is a blur, I barely remember running home, getting shot while I was trying to escape. They were yelling at me, shouting that they were going to get me back, that they were going to kill me," he takes a deep breath, desperately trying to keep the memory blocked from his mind. "I broke their trust, got Sean arrested, and in return . . . they killed my parents."

Rachel's sharp intake of breath draws him back to reality and he looks up at her, their tears reflecting off of one another's. She shakes her head, and he knows she's going to apologize, so he leans forward and presses his lips securely against hers.

She whimpers lightly into his mouth, clutching onto him like a lifeline. He swallows her attempted apologizes, breaking apart to lean his forehead against hers. "Don't. Don't say sorry, okay? I spent a couple months in juvi, because I had to admit to my past. After that, the police covered the whole scene, didn't mention any of it in the newspapers or on the news channel. They didn't want people to get scared of the activity so they sent me to Sylvester's orphanage, and that's when I got the call to come live here. The police officer's here know my permanent record and history but they don't know what happened in New York. Almost no one does."

"And so they followed you here? To kill you?" Rachel swallows thickly, her eyes burning into his. He wants so badly to lie to her, to tell her that everything will be okay and they won't try to kill him. So he closes his eyes and nods rigidly, trying to block out the cry that escapes Rachel's throat.

"No. No, maybe if you tell the police here then – "

Finn's eyes snap open. "I can't, Rachel! They would just kill them! I'm trying to protect this town, trying to protect you, and the police can't do that. They're actually useless, they would get in my way."

Rachel breathes out heavily. She studies his expression, frowning. "They threatened to hurt me didn't they? Or someone told you that? That's why you ran here crying, making sure I was okay."

Damn it,

He shifts on the mattress, turning on an angle to get a better look at her. He grabs her face in his hands, grazing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I am not going to let them touch you, understand? No matter what, I will always be here to protect you, I promise. They're not going anywhere near you and – " and I love you, but he's not going to say that.

Rachel launches forward before he can finish, attaching his mouth firmly to hers in a passionate and promising kiss. The heat dawns on him quickly, and his skin burns under her touch. Sighs escape her as he slips his tongue into her mouth, tugging on her own. They kiss feverishly, though when she pulls back slightly, he looks at her in confusion.

"The scars . . ."

Right. That one-day in Biology class when his shirt accidently lifted up and exposed scars on his core. She was right there, right beside him, barely knew him at the time, and still didn't judge him.

Rachel's hands trail down his chest and stomach, her fingers clutching the hem of his shirt. Silently, she begins to lift the material, her eyes widening as she notices new scars and stitches she's never seen before. His arms rise up as she strips the shirt from his body, leaving him naked waist up.

She pushes him down on the bed, climbing on top of him and peppering his red spots with kisses. She works her way down, pressing her lips against every scar she finds on his skin. She hesitates when she sees the much larger one on the side of his core, the one she saw that day in class.

"Is that from – "

"The bullet? Yeah, that's where they shot me."

Her fingers press lightly against the heated skin, and she kisses it, lingering on it more than the others. Then she peppers his stomach and chest and ribs with more kisses as she climbs her way back towards him, ending her mission with a short kiss on his lips.

"You're so brave," she whispers, her eyes clouded with tears, "you don't deserve any of this, and I'm so sorry for what happened in the past. I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere; I'm not going to leave you okay? They can't take me away from you."

God damn it, he really, really loves her. Like, a lot. And the words are hanging on his tongue, but he knows that if he ever has to leave, it'll be so much harder if she knows he loves her. So he nods, picks her head up from on his chest, and kisses her.

It starts off sweet, delicate, but then she sinks into him, and he wraps his arms around her to pull her tightly towards him. Her arms encircle his neck and her hands fist into his hair. She opens her mouth underneath his, allowing his tongue through her parted lips. They both moan slightly at the new contact, and he can't help but ravish at the feeling of her covered breasts pressing against his bare chest.

He grips her back securely, moving with her as he rolls on the mattress without breaking their kiss. He hovers over her, nudging her legs open as he positions himself between her. He leaves her lips with a low pop, leaning forward and trail kisses along the base of her throat. Her grip on his face tightens. Her legs wrap around his waist, and he feels himself growing tighter at the need of her.

"Finn," she breathes, and before either one of them even knows what's happening, her fingers are fumbling with the buckle of his belt. It's all a blur, because he barely remembers what he's doing when his hands tug on her shirt, and they separate to strip it from her body. "Beautiful," he whispers, peppering kisses on her bra-covered breasts, "you're so beautiful."

His fingers curl around the straps of her bra, and he hesitates, until Rachel pushes them down for him, leaving her half naked below him.

He reaches forward, finding her hands and intertwining them as he kisses her soundly. She arches against him when his lips trail lower, sucking on her breasts and her stomach and her ribs until he's near her pooling middle. He kisses the skin right above the line of her pants, and breaks their intertwined hands to pull them off of her, her underwear following quickly behind. And then there she is, fully naked and as beautiful and lovable as he ever thought. He presses his lips on the inside of her thighs as she leans forward to tug off his boxers.

And then they're both naked.

Rachel pulls him back on top of her, widening her legs so he can find himself a comfortable position. He pauses momentarily, because he knows what they're about to get themselves into, so he pauses, breathes in the moment, remembers the moment as much as he possibly can. He stares down at her shinning face below and leans forward, pressing a kiss to her ear.

"You sure?" he whispers, and he feels her nod against him, her legs wrapping around his middle. He gulps harshly, and he doesn't know why he's so nervous.

His heart hammers with each moan, his breathing speeds up with each thrust, and he never remembers feeling like this whenever he became intimate with a girl. But then he realizes, this isn't just a girl, this is a girl he loves.

And no one can take that feeling away from him.

FINCHEL SEX! Haha, I hope you liked it guys! Thank you so much for those who are reading this and haven't given up on me yet LOL! Though anyways, my mom is taking the laptop in for repair so I don't know when the next chapter will be up:( Hopefully very soon but we'll see! Hope this chapter was okay for you guys and you can live off this chapter for two weeks or something hehe.

PLEASE REVIEW! I cry everytime i get one, because i get so happy and also GLEE TOMORROW! YAY!

Alright guys thanks so much, love ya and read and review:) hope you had a greaaaaaaaaaat easter.