A/N: What an awesome response! This letter I tried to keep the same but halfway through the tone changed but I have a couple of more ideas if you want them, and I must ask should Eli send the letter to Clare or simply write them down as a way to pass the time and let her read them at the end? Tell me what you think!

My Dearest Clare,

Day two of the winter break and here I sit needing to get my thoughts of you on paper before they overwhelm me. No need to jump to conclusions about me doing nothing worthwhile on this vacation I am writing this as everyone sleeps and I myself am wide awake hoping once this letter is complete I will be able to drift into a dreamless sleep, or if I dream they shall be of you and our wonderful times together.

I went running today, this being slightly hard to do in a place that I have not seen in years but I managed, I'm getting to the point, I've often been told I'm a bit wordy by my old English partner(haha) so bear with me as I jumble around. I happen to come across a park very similar to the one back home, where we shared our first "screen" kiss for Dawes class. I smiled at the memory and could smell your perfume in the wind with a light spring in my step I continued on.

We were good together back when before all the drama I caused and I deeply believe we will be there once again with new found eyes and hearts and be better than ever as we both have learned from our past mistakes and start anew.

I trust you with my full disclosure with what I'm about to reveal my offer however still stands to ask any question – personal, professional, emotionally or even about my mental state. I have no secrets that I could ever keep from you, you know me too well- enough to know I've never had the taste buds for sugary sweets cotton candy being a prime example and I took the bite partly to prove you wrong and so you could tease me to erase and forget the weirdness between us, that only seemed to happen when someone else mentioned it. I no longer know how to feel weird around you, it was amusing being able to jump back in to where we were before the teasing, the flirting and all the other things that went along with it.

I have a schedule that I must keep, the monsters stay at bay most of the time but I do have dark days that you have had no part with and I'm afraid my days are almost planned down to the minute; best to keep busy but never fear milady I'll always have time for you ;) look at me putting emoticons in my writing I must be going crazy – a little bi-polar humour if you will. I'd get used to it now; it's all I have left these days. My vice.

I respect you Clare more than you will possibly imagine and that is why I have confidence things will be different and I want you to be honest if I get too overpowering, no matter how small the issue I need you to do this for me. I want to the normal boyfriend for you, the one you desire and want to tell all your secrets to. The one you can't wait to see in the morning and last one you talk to at night. The one who is able to make your heart race with a simple kiss.

I have a mood journal my therapist (another term you should get used to hearing) makes me keep , to write down my feelings of the day to keep track of my episodes of the good, bad and the ugly. I understand if this is too much and maybe I should have waited until at least the fifth letter to throw all the baggage on but better to be honest up front no?

I apologize ahead of time I may get mean and I may say things that I really have no right to be saying the filter between my brain and mouth seems to take a hiatus on the ugly days for which I have little control over just know you are my rock Clare just like I hope to be yours again one day. You are the reason I want to get better even if there is no cure or way to keep the bad from happening. You make me want to become a better person.

I think I must stop now I fear I may have scared you off with my honest truth.

Just know I'll be thinking of you even in times I shouldn't.

E.