It had been over a year now since this new life started and Meredith couldn't quite figure if she was happy or just numb. She missed Seattle and all the people she had back there, but somehow it wasn't a place she would call home anymore. Maybe it wasn't like that for a long time now, she just wasn't ready to admit.
Meredith went back to visit her sisters and to pay a visit or two at Grey Sloan, but managed not to cross paths with Nick, since their hurtful breakup. One thing was crystal-clear to Meredith: she was ready to give up on love now. She had loved and lived intensively and finally came to terms with her being alone. Not lonely, but alone. Dedicating her time to her children and work. She tried not to put much thought on that subject, but since she decided to stay out of relationships – or better said: attempts to relationships – she realized that her life was simpler. She was so busy when she moved to Boston, juggling her kids' adaptation to their new schools and friends, her new routine and her new work that wasn't really hard to forget about Nick. She had many worries in her life that kept her mind full and mourning over a heartbreak didn't really fit her schedule.
Now, after a year has passed, she felt things falling back in place: her routine was in automatic pilot, her kids were happier and she was working at a new project along with two fantastic researchers of Alzheimer's field. She spent most of her days at the Fox Foundation working and she noticed that it was a way to cope with her being alone. Jackson and Catherine often tried to get her out of the lab, but most times they've failed.
Last week Maggie came to visit her and the kids, and Meredith was glad she finally had an opportunity to do something different for a few days, at least. Living away from Amelia and Maggie was the hardest part of Boston and Maggie's visit eased that feeling a little bit.
The night before Maggie's departure, the two of them had the night all for themselves, since Zola had a sleepover in a friend's, and Bailey and Ellis were off to a school camp for the weekend. That allowed them to have dinner and lots of wine, and finally yet importantly, talk about everything without fearing the kids would listen something inappropriate.
"So, how's your life around here?" – Maggie asked.
"As good as it can be" – Meredith said, quickly, making it easy for Maggie to notice the lie.
"When you say something is good, usually it's not" – Maggie pointed.
"As a doctor, I'm very offended by that affirmation" – Meredith laughed.
"Not at work, you know what I mean" – Maggie corrected – "Do you miss Nick?"
"I don't. I mean, I miss being with him, he was a good company, but I don't miss him as a boyfriend. I really think I'm no longer attracted to him, at all" – Meredith said and this time she was being honest.
"Well, he clearly doesn't feel the same. He still seems pretty shaken up" – Maggie confessed.
"I feel sorry for how things ended, but I guess it was all for the best. I really can't do anything to help him, I know he will feel worse if I contact him anyhow" – Meredith bewailed.
"And what about this field in your new life? Any prospects?" – Maggie asked, mischievous.
"I'm sorry to inform you that this train has left the station for good. I don't want to engage in any sort of relationship. I really believe I'm better on my own" – Meredith confessed.
"I know you for less than a decade and already heard you say that about a dozen times" – Maggie chuckled.
"Well, now I mean it" – Meredith affirmed.
"I think life will prove you wrong again. But let's wait and see" – Maggie said.
"What about you and Winston?" – Meredith asked.
"We're trying, but I'm not sure how long we can take it like that" – Maggie confessed, sadness all over her eyes.
"Have you actually considered getting divorce?" – Meredith asked, sympathetic.
"I have consider all kind of things now. My marriage is a mess, but strangely, I cannot think about living without him" – Maggie confessed, a little tipsy after their third bottle of wine was over.
"From where I'm standing, it seems like you're still in love with your husband, which is a good thing. Work it out. All the rest is doable if there's still love between you two. You just need to put an effort in the relationship. Both of you" – Meredith advised.
"I miss you, Mer. Living away from you and the kids makes everything harder" – Maggie said.
"You can't do this because you know how easily I feel guilty about everything" – Meredith scolded her sister.
"I know, but I'm drunk. I get a free pass, just for today" – Maggie chuckled.
"Jokes apart, I miss living around you and Amelia, too. I've got through all of these years because I had you two close" – Meredith confessed.
"Well, we always will be close somehow, even if not physically. But I worry about you being all alone in here. I mean, I haven't met any of your new friends or colleagues yet" – Maggie confronted her.
"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine, Maggie." – Meredith affirmed.
"Back in the days I've spent a little time on Tinder. Maybe you should try for a while" – Maggie suggested.
"I couldn't possibly think about something that I would like less than this" – Meredith complained.
"Why not? You have advantage in here. You're enjoying the lonely life, so if nothing good comes out of Tinder, you won't lose anything. Low expectations" – Maggie insisted.
"But if I'm enjoying my life why would I change it?" – Meredith asked.
"It doesn't hurt to have a social life, you know that, right?" – Maggie chuckled.
"Maybe I have one and just keep it to myself since you're so nosy" – Meredith joked.
Soon enough they were barely capable of keeping their eyes opened and decided to call it a night. Maggie gulped her water hoping it would work some miracle on her about the giant hangover getting close.
Maggie's worry about Meredith being lonely was genuine and even if she wanted to think otherwise, Meredith knew her sister had a point. Even though it was hard to think about changing that after getting used to being alone for so long. Dating apps were definitely not an option but maybe she should just try to meet new people.
After Maggie left, Meredith's week flew by in a hurry. Her project had new good outcomes after a first round of tests and the team were excited for the results on the upcoming second round. Meredith had a few meetings with pharmaceutic companies that were interested on teaming up with Fox Foundation on three new researches. One of them, the most promising one, set a new meeting on the beginning of next week and Meredith spent the whole weekend preparing herself for that.