Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N I am sorry I killed Gareth, really sorry. But things happen, enjoy the update!

Wilfred walked up the road to the proud house on the hill, the house could not calm his fraught nerves or his sadness. Wilfred shut his eyes briefly as images of blood and destruction danced across his eyelids. He was almost at the house and he was dreading having to knock on the door.

The ground squelched beneath his feet, the bottom of his cape and his shoes covered in thick mud. He could not care about such petty things though.

The door was suddenly in front of him, seemingly mocking him. Wilfred half raised his arm before dropping it and sighing, he couldn't help but put it off when he was about to ruin two lives forever. His head touched the wood of the door, the coldness of it easing his persistent headache slightly.

He could no longer put it off so he knocked on the door, his knuckles scratching against the wood. The scroll in his hand was heavy but only because of the words it carried. Wilfred wanted to throw it in the mud but he had to give it to her.

The door opened with a soft creak and Leonie smiled at him in relief looking past him for Gareth. But Gareth wasn't here.

Her eyes dropped to the scroll in his hand and her eyes widened filling with tears, her mouth moved but no words came out.

"I'm sorry Leonie" At this she burst into tears.

"Please no." She cried heartbrokenly. "Please." She begged, Wilfred merely shook his head, his own face crumpling in despair for her. "How?" She whispered.

Wilfred didn't want to tell her of the brutality of his death nor that he suffered. So he lied. "He died in battle, it was instant." Leonie collapsed onto the floor drawing her legs up and sobbing.

"He didn't feel any pain?" She asked desperately.

"None at all." He hated himself, but he had to. It was for her. Gareth's shuddering breaths would haunt him, but they didn't have to haunt Leonie.

Wilfred scooped the crying Leonie up and put on her chair in the room. She didn't seem to notice.

"Did we win?" She muttered.

"Caerleon won, yes." He said slowly.

"So why does it feel like we lost?" She cried angrily. "Why did our King have the right to do this?"

"Leonie…"

"Leave Wilfred. Get out." She shouted at him her finger pointing at the door. Wilfred knew it would be pointless to argue and he couldn't stand seeing her like this, so he did as he was told and scarpered. Once outside Wilfred let the tears flow, he gave a shout of pain and punched the wall with all his might. His hand gave an audible crack and Wilfred stumbled back clutching his hand. Physical pain was so much better than emotional pain. His knuckles were red a bleeding and one of them appeared to have broken. Wilfred looked at his hand blankly before disappearing into the night.

Leonie couldn't stop the flow of tears, she couldn't believe her husband was dead. She couldn't believe he had left her.

He would never stroke her face or kiss her goodnight and he would never again say that he loved her.

Worst of all he would never see his son grow up, never see him mature into a strong brave man. Leonie couldn't think of anything worse, he was missing out on the world's greatest adventure.

He insides hurt, her throat was raw and all she could take solace in was the fact that he hadn't suffered, that he had felt no pain. He hadn't had the chance to feel or panic. He hadn't had the chance to say goodbye.

Her world would be dark and dull without him. Everything would lose its colour because he was her everything.

Leonie heard the rush of little feet and she looked up, Gwaine had rushed into the room and was staring at her. He rushed over and crawled into her lap, wrapping his arms around her.

"Mummy, what's wrong? Don't cry please." Gwaine begged his little hands clenching on the back of her dress.

"Gwaine, I have to tell you something." Leonie said before inhaling deeply. "Daddy isn't coming home baby."

"Why?"

"Your daddy is a brave man and he was protecting us. A very bad man hurt him badly. He's dead honey." Leonie managed to stutter out, watching the youngsters confused face.

"When can I see daddy?"

"You can't honey, he's in the sky now. Looking after us."

"I want to see daddy." Gwaine cried, his tears running down his cheeks his face becoming blotchy.

"So do I honey." Leonie told the crying boy, she began to rock him, hoping that she'd be able to calm him. It didn't work. "So do I."

Leonie placed Gwaine in her bed, he had cried himself to sleep. Leonie lay down next to him and cuddled him into her. She closed her eyes against the pain. She tried to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Gareth, his body covered in red his eyes closed.

Needless to say she didn't sleep at all that night.

The next day Gemma took Gwaine and looked after him, Leonie felt lethargic and simply lay in bed all day. She refused all the foods she was offered and chose to just drink the water she brought. Leonie was numb and lifeless. Her eyes dull and her hair limp. It was as though all the life in her had been sucked out, leaving her as nothing more than a shell.

This continued for several days, she was wasting away in front of them. Gemma began to forced feed her, Leonie didn't react. She ate the food and never flinched. She was instantly sick. The next day Gemma fed her again in the morning, this time just the presence of the food made her throw up. Gemma was panicking she did not want her friend to die; she didn't want Gwaine to lose another mother.

So she fed her again later, surprisingly she kept it down and some colour returned to her face. Gemma was relieved, maybe now she would be okay. In the next two days Leonie threw up at least once a day and it was then that Gemma realised what she had those years ago with Anna. Leonie was pregnant.

"Leonie?" Gemma called but there was no reaction. "Leonie?" Nothing again, not even a flicker or a flinch. Nothing. No recognition at all. "Leonie I think- I think you are pregnant."

There was no reaction for several minutes but eventually Leonie simply laid her hands on her stomach and gave a sad smile. It wasn't much, but maybe she was getting better.

Leonie still wasn't talking but she was at least eating, she seemed to be slightly better and Gwaine was spending his nights curled up by her side.

Gemma theorised that Leonie was internalising the pain rather than having to actual deal with it, but it wasn't the right way. She had to deal with the pain so she could move on.

Wilfred came to see her, it was early in the day and he was wearing his normal plain clothes and a sombre expression. Leonie was sat up eating when he entered the room.

"Good to see you eating" No reply. "Come on Leonie, enough is enough." Leonie glared at him. "What about Gwaine? You're hurting him, he's already lost one parent don't make him lose another."

"He's lost both his parents. I am not his mother." Leonie said harshly.

"Yes you are, you may not have given birth to him but you are everything else." Wilfred said consolingly leaning forward to place a hand on her shoulder, she flinched away.

"I can't do this without him" Leonie cried.

"You can there is no woman I know that is stronger than you." Wilfred argued, Leonie looked down and started playing with her dress.

"There is, I am not strong."

"You are."

"Then why do I feel broken inside?" She cried.

"Oh Leo, come here" He said pulling her into his arms.

"He can't be dead."

"I'm sorry, he died in front of me."

"Why did he die? Why couldn't it have been you?" She sobbed into his shirt. Wilfred sighed.

"I wish it had been me." He muttered. They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms sharing the grief of Gareth's loss. Wilfred clutched her to him wishing he could have kept his promise while Leonie selfishly wished someone else would have died instead. It hurt to have lost him, hurt in a way that would never heal for wither of them. Gareth had been such a big part of them and now he was gone, gone while they suffered in his absence.

"Wilf, I'm pregnant." Leonie muttered eventually, Wilfred stiffened in shock.

"Pregnant?" He felt her nod against him "Gareth would have been so happy, he always wanted a child with you." He whispered.

"I don't want to do it without him; he missed the birth of his first child now he will miss it again."

"Life isn't fair, nothing ever is. But what you're going to do is get off that bed, get dressed and go spend time with your son. Then you are going to arrange Gareth's memorial. Okay Anna?"

"Yes, you're right." Leonie said pulling back the covers determinedly and standing on shaky legs. "Stronger than this." She said angrily walking over to the screen and disappearing behind it. Wilfred hovered unsure on what exactly to do. Leonie threw her night dress over the screen and Wilfred could here muttering from behind the screen. Wilfred found himself worrying for her sanity.

Five minutes later she left the room fully dressed. Her hair wasn't done, her dress wasn't quite fastened right but she was at least out of bed. Wilfred followed her like a shadow with Leonie just ignoring his presence.

Leonie stepped into the room and plastered a fake smile on her face before crouching behind the playing Gwaine.

"Gwaine what are you doing today?" Leonie asked, her voice was slightly hoarse and Wilfred could see the stiffness of her back. Gwaine didn't reply but simply flung himself at her chest his little arms wrapping around her tightly.

Leonie hugged her son tightly to her, inhaling deeply. Her little angel was shaking against her slightly, Leonie made little shushing noises at him trying desperately to make up for all she had done wrong.

It would be okay. It had to be.

Gareth's memorial was held in the grounds of the house, there was around five hundred people there to celebrate his life and to mourn his passing. There was Knights and guards that he had served with in his battles. But also the entire village of Craelic had turned out and members of some of the other local villages. Leonie's brother had also turned up.

The air was light and slightly breezy the sky clear of rain. The people all talked amongst themselves in hushed whispers. Leonie stood at the front with Olaf and Wilfred beside her and Gwaine on her hip. There was a man King Lot had sent to carry out the service (Leonie was angry that he wasn't here himself after everything Gareth had sacrificed for him.) The man was short and fat with a bushy grey beard which contrasted greatly with his bald head.

The man had a rather annoying voice Leonie had decided in her chat to him before the memorial- it was rather like a whine. Leonie did care for the man and wished that she had been able to run the service herself; unfortunately King Lot had stuck his ungrateful nose in their business.

"Sir Gareth of Lyonsesse was a brave man and Knight. He died nobly defending his King and country. King Lot himself has offered his condolences to the bereaved and insists that Sir Gareth was a man of honour and of integrity who shan't be forgotten. Dulce et Decorum est. Sir Gareth" the little irritating man proclaimed

"Sir Gareth" the crowd chanted back.

Leonie was fuming as the stupid man stepped back with a smug little smile. Leonie stepped forward and the crowd regarded her quizzically. It was not right for a Lady to talk at a memorial.

Gareth was her bloody husband and if she wanted to talk she would.

Snotty little men aside.

"Sir Gareth was more than just a warrior as Igran of Caerleon pointed out, he was also a husband a father and a friend.

To me he wasn't Sir Gareth but just Gareth- the most charming and amazing man I knew. Not because he could wield a sword or that he charged into battle but because of all the other things.

He cared so much for his land, for the people on his land. His heart was his single greatest asset and his greatest weakness. No one could meet Gareth and not love him- not respect him. He was more than a name and a sword.

To his friends he was Garry. But most importantly to his son he was Daddy." Leonie paused to look at Gwaine, who's wise eyes wewre looking at her knowingly. Leonie took a deep breath and blinked back the tears to continue.

"Gwaine loved his father and Gareth doted on him. Nothing was more important to him than Gwaine. Gareth did not die for his King, anyone who believes this is a fool." Leonie said hotly glaring at the little man who scowled at her. "He died for his son, so his son could continue to have his life and future.

Dulce et decorum est- a touching sentence but an insult to his legacy.

Gareth was a man of the people of honour and bravery. He was selfless and loving. He was my husband and I loved him. I still love him.

So please remember not Sir Gareth the brave but Sir Gareth the friend, lover and father." Leonie took a deep breath and returned to her place next to a stunned Wilfred. Applause rang through the crowd and Leonie could see a few of the knights wiping tears from their eyes. Maybe because they realised that not everyone saw them as dispensable.

"Good one sister." Olaf said. Leonie swing around to see if he was being sarcastic or not, he raised a beefy palm and clutched her shoulder. "This is what we all needed."

"I only worry what Lot will do when he finds out." Leonie worried her lip.

"He shan't do anything." Wilfred promised "We will always look after you Leonie- for Gareth and for you." Olaf nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, both of you. It means a lot." Leonie said thankfully.

"Do not get too used to us the battle for the border is far from over my dear, in fact I fear it ever will be." Wilfred admitted.

"So all those lives were for nothing?" Leonie said in disgust.

"Not for nothing, as you said Leonie it was for all of us." Olaf said slowly, he fisted one hand as he spoke. "But Bayard is only humbled- he will come back stronger soon enough."

"A war is not won in one battle." Wilfred muttered. The crowd was slowly dispersing now leaving them as some of the only ones left.

"War is pointless." Leonie argued.

"Everything has a point Leonie; it's simply whether or not it's worth it. We will build a future for our children that is better than what we had." Olaf countered.

"As long as our children have anything left you mean. May I speak in confidence to you both?" They nodded slightly "I do not trust our Kings rule he is leading us to dangerous times."

"Be careful of what you speak sister, you are bordering on treason." Olaf said frightfully glancing around them and shifting his feet.

"What I speak is what I think. The King cannot control my thoughts or my opinion." Leonie said shortly glaring at her brother as though he had grown an extra head. "It is not treasonous to doubt, it is treasonous to plan against- I would never do such a thing."

"Because you are a woman" Olaf said his cheeks reddening.

"No, because I am a mother. I have a greater goal in life than to die on some fool's errand." Leonie said angrily. Gwaine had long since wandered off, probably inside for some food. Gemma would have likely prepared some for him. Gemma was a firm believer in comfort food.

"He is not even your son." Olaf spat, letting five years' worth of annoyance get the best of him "You are fooling no one."

"Leave her alone Olaf, Gwaine is as much her son as he was Gareth's." Wilfred said wrapping his hand around the handle of his sword.

Leonie was just shocked, she knew other people said such things but she had never believed that her own brother would say it.

"I speak only the truth. I warned you when he was first dumped at your door."

"I said then what I shall say now. What is Gareth's is mine, I would never would turn away a helpless child. But would you Olaf?" Leonie questioned stepping towards her brother. "Would you leave a innocent baby to die?"

Olaf said nothing.

"Perhaps you are not the man I thought you were." Leonie said sadly.

"It is not that Leonie but-"

"Do yourself a favour and leave- it was a simple question and your silence answered me more than anything. I love you Olaf. But you must learn to accept my decisions."

"You are my sister."

"That is not an argument but a fact, perhaps you have forgotten but you do not control me Olaf." Leonie spat fiercely raising herself higher "and you never shall."

"You should do as I say, I am your closest living male relative and therefore you shall listen to me and do as I say." Olaf argued both palms fisted and struggling to regain his calm.

Wilfred looked on worriedly hand on sword ready to draw it if anything went down.

"I do not care. You do not own me, I am not property." Leonie was shaking with anger.

"By law-"

"You are my brother, a Knight. So called noble and brave. Yet everything you say proves otherwise. Tell me dear brother, because I am dying to know. In the battle of the borders where were you?" Leonie asked, Olaf looked away avoiding her gaze. "Were you in the middle of the fight like my husband and Sir Wilfred or were you cowering in a corner?"

"I do not have to answer such questions from you." He snarled his jaw twitching violently.

"Why? For I am a woman?"

"Yes."

"Or maybe because you don't want to admit the truth- my husband was ten times the man you are."

"Sir Gareth was a good knight- but he was killed because he was distracted." Olaf said defensively.

"Wilfred, tell me where was Sir Olaf during the battle?"

"He requested to be sent to fetch Camelot's troops." Wilfred said through gritted teeth.

"Did he now?" Leonie mused. "Tell me brother; did that task require a knight of your standing?"

"I felt it was necessary for myself to go."

"So you wouldn't die you mean?" Leonie said darkly.

Olaf said nothing.

"Good men died on that battlefield." Wilfred said darkly "They could have benefited from another Knight on hand."

"You staying could have saved lives." Leonie said angrily.

"Me leaving saved lives."

"You left a less trained man in your place, anyone could have fetched Camelot." Leonie paused for breath "Let's face it you are naught but a coward."

"I am not! How dare you!"

"Does King Lot even know about this brother?" Olaf didn't reply.

"He does not" Wilfred cut in glaring at Olaf. "Olaf requested it not be mentioned."

"Wanted to get the glory did you?" Leonie spat.

"It is not like that!"

"You are a trained warrior, you have fought in thousands of skirmishes but you panicked. You panicked." Leonie accused.

"What are you going to do?" Olaf questioned.

"Nothing if you in turn do nothing. You don't own me and you don't control me. Is that understood?" Leonie asked Olaf nodded in reply. Leonie turned to walk away but before she could she swung back around and punched Olaf hard on the nose causing it to give an audible crack, Olaf crumpled to the floor in pain. Blood flowed freely from it while he clutched it and swore. "That's for my husband and all of the brave men who died." Leonie said angrily at the crumpled form of her once proud brother. "Wilfred will you please do me the honour of escorting me to my house."

"Certainly my Lady." Wilfred walked over to her and gently grasped her elbow. Both of them ignored the crunch of Olaf's fingers under Wilfred's boots.

The walk to the house was quite pleasant after that.

Update will be coming soon.