Hesitation: Chapter four; "The wolf bite".
" I tremble
They're gonna eat me alive if I stumble
They're gonna eat me alive, can you hear my heart?
Beating like a hammer... Beating like a hammer.
Help I'm alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train
Help I'm alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer"
It was around noon when she woke up, brushing lazily her hair as tried to miserably crawl with one hand out of the bed then she noticed she fell asleep in the floor of the kitchen surrounded by dark green pieces of what happened the last night. Sheepishly she picked the pieces up, foreign steps made her turn slowly her head with her hands full of leftovers. Hadriana stood there raising her eyebrows with surprise as if she didn't expect such miserable appearance from Hawke.
-The door was wide open. -She announced. Her blue eyes glanced at the floor with horror and the noticed the broken table.- Messere Hawke?
-Yesterday I got some... lovely letters from my family, drank wine and messed around. -She explained calmly resuming her task to pick up all the pieces of rotten lettuce. It was hard not to notice the dark circles on the white skin of Hawke yet Hadriana remained silent and even tried to comfort her with some banal chat. It did really sound as if she cared, far from reality she didn't and Hawke knew it.
-Master Danarius wanted to invite you for a walk, we're going for some shopping and he thought you'd be interested. -Her mellow tone made Hawke smile bitterly, covered enough to look as if she was truly pleased with the invitation. Get your friends close but your enemies closer.
-My pleasure. I shall meet you at the entrance of his mansion? -She asked sweetly enough to make Hadriana smile, she nodded then left.
Once the kitchen was clean Hawke sit on the floor to look at the broken table. Remembering the past events, feeling kind of guilt. Even though she was against slavery like many other Fereldans and people who grew and lived in the Free Marches. Yet she didn't seem to have any problem to rub his status as slave to Fenris when the temper strike. She could say she was careless, undoubtedly she was. Her pants felt wet due the sweat and abandoning the thread of her auto-infringed guilt trip she headed to the bathroom to fill her tub with cool water. Once undressed she hurried inside and submerged herself. Eyes shut, just silence. Tranquility.
There was no sound. Just her heartbeat amplified under the water. Her blood running through her veins and the hammering of her chest being hit from the insides due the lack of air becoming more intense every second until she slowly arched herself to gasp some air and remain sitting there. Staring at her knees. Panting. The curls got heavy and wobbled side to side with her panting. The water poured out of her hand, through her fingers a she rose it to massage her forehead. Tiredly her eyes closed and she laid against the marble tube with her heavy lids closed and both arms hanging on the sides.
Blighted fool...
After her long bath Hawke headed to her room and picked a simple yet elegant dress that Carver gave to her in her birthday. It was actually very fitting and beautiful. The red silk warped around her shoulders giving it enough room to show the crooks and the delicate line of her clavicles but covering her small breasts dissimulating them, then there was the shape of where the corset should go, and the long skirt folded so merrily at the fluffed ends it looked like the person wearing that dress would start dancing in any moment. The long sleeves made it look even more elegant, elbow length the fabric started to face to end into a dark red transparency which would show her hands. It was a really thoughtful gift from her brother.
She wore it, then layered her leather corset over with a weak smile before sit and put on her flat boots. Hawke glanced herself in the mirror, her wild curly hair falling over her shoulders and twisting in a lovely shape in her forehead down to her bangs framing her full moon shaped face. A dagger and then the staff. Usually she wouldn't take the time to cover the dark circles but that was other matter so she just applied some make up to dissimulate them.
Once she met Danarius, Hadriana and Fenris she smiled weakly. The show must go on.
-Here you are little kitten. -Danarius said smoothly, she could feel his eyes slip upside down glancing at her attire.- It really suits your figure.
-Thanks. It was a gift from my brother. -She smiled, pleased but that feeling grew proud of her brothers taste more than the flatter itself.
-Your brother has a fine taste that suits his sister's shape pretty well. -He flattered even more, Hadriana nodded.
-I'm glad you're okay now, Messere Hawke. -She spoke concerned placing one of her hands on her shoulder.- I was terrified when I saw you immobile amidst all the chaos of that room, I though some burglar broke in.
Fenris tensed behind them, surely fearing that Hawke would tell the story behind the broken table.
-As I told, let's just blame the wine, shall we? -Said Hawke as smiled forcefully.
To me Carver getting into the Templars was like a new kind of death. He hated me, yet become a Templar just to be very much unpleasant was too much for me. I felt greatly surprised when he was in my birthday celebration. Waiting for me with a big box containing the dress. I was... Speechless. So I brought him back from the dead. I thought he was pissed at me, he wasn't in fact he was grateful I didn't bring him to the Deep Roads. Then is when he backstabbed me. Not a guard. A nug humping Templar! I paid him a funeral and all, his coffin was made of steel and was namely his armor. I paid his armor. Yay for me. Lock me up into the Gallows, please.
Danarius had a serious sugar daddy issue.
She glanced at something, Danarius bought it for her. At the nightfall Ilsen was watching Fenris hardly struggle with the bags yet hardheaded enough to do not let her help him. The amount of jewelry, dresses and other things was funny. At least watch Fenris stumble around carrying the pile of bags was.
Hawke stood leaning against the wardrobe as Fenris tried to put the bags ordered over her bed.
-Just throw them already, I bet you're willing to do it as much as I do wish to burn all that wicked stuff. -Unsure the elf turned to glance at her and did as she commanded with a wide smirk, clothes and jewelry hit the roof then rained down as she laughed merrily, then a brassier she didn't remember even seeing landed on his head.- Actually, I don't remember seeing that anywhere and I can swear to you it isn't mine. Is it yours?
He looked at her, his eyes widen.
-You're kidding, aren't you?
-I wouldn't blame you for having some hobbies. Female lingerie doesn't sound as bad as trespassing with a bare hand someone's chest.
Cockily she folded her arms adobe her chest, a smirk perfectly placed on her full red faded lips that acquired a sweet inviting pinkish color. As she liked them wet Fenris glared at her.
-Stop rubbing it on my face, it wasn't my wish to do such thing. -Fenris voice tone clearly stated that the time to jest and tease was over so Hawke strolled upon her bed and laid on her side eyeing him.
-I'm willing to be your confessor if we forget what happened last night.
-Quite strange you are. Certainly. -He jumbled not asking for permission to sit on her bed. He already took for sure he hadn't to ask for anything in that house. But the strange feeling of him doing something improper burned his insides, the need to correct himself made him slid to the ground and obediently knelt beside her bed.
-Yet you set yourself up to punishment even though I am not your Master. -She teased running her hand through his silky white hair.- You want it that badly? Kinky.
-You confuse me. You're all nice then you put me in my place then you say to forget about it and show that gentle side again. Which one is the true one? How long you're going to toy me for your entertainment? You're acting just like Hadriana before become Danarius' apprentice.
-Pushing our luck it's something that runs in Hawke's bloodline. We play with fire, get burned then play with fire again because we're too stupid to learn that the fire will burn our hands. -She shrugged.- I also enjoy when someone kicks me back into my place, as long as I wish that to happen. Sometimes I'm too cocky, right? I can see your ears got stiff and you're dying to say I deserve a good spank or something as dirty as that.
-From whom you learned to tease like that? Looks so out of character.
-Busted. -She giggled.- I was trying to copy Isabella's way to speak for a moment.
-All the spanking thing gave it away, I even doubt you know what kind of thing that means.
-I barely know about it. Next time I'm in Kirkwall I'll ask in the Blooming Rose.
-And that sounds like a brothel.
-It IS a brothel. -She said way too proudly.-
-I don't even want to know.
Hawke's smile widen across her face, sleepy and somewhat hinting her relaxed state at that moment. Her auburn hair spread over the sheets with ripples dimly shinning under the light of the room followed by her elbows relaxing and she clawed to her pillow pressing it against her frame, watching him picking up all the bags he threw and then put them in some random order. Fenris couldn't deny the fact Hawke was deviously beautiful. The way the reddish curls framed her face so gracefully and her long lashes batted remarking these discolored blue orbs which always remained as if she was partially somewhere else, drowning in her own thoughts, her petite frame immature for her age revealed the shape of a body made to run and duck like a kid would. Then, her stoic expression carrying some kind of heavy burden in a elegant way making him lose the trail of his own thoughts, thoughts he only seemed to notice to have when she was around.
Usually he worried for nothing but please Danarius, all he wanted he got it for him. More because was scared to death about the consequences if he failed to fulfill any of his desires. He tasted the bitter flavor afterwards of a corrective punishment and he was always so creative with that. Finding ways to do not scar his skin and damage his precious lyrium markings, take away from him any worthy thought and all his rights to dream with escape. Too bad that he found a little space where he didn't have to hold himself and obey. That was in presence of Hawke. Another wicked, cursed and cynical mage yet undoubtedly different.
Laying on her side, her shoulder shrug softly making the fabric of her dress slid down to flash the round of her crook then fall and curve of her worked arms far from built to muscle yet trained for speed. Why did a mage need the speed? His dark eyebrows lift and she noticed that picking the upper part of her dress and pulling it up. Two dainty fingers were sufficient. Then she smiled.
Mysteriously.
-Tell Danarius thanks for all the gifts. -She interrupted his thoughts, selfishly he restarted placing the bags around and even unpacking to put them anywhere if he could just stay a little longer. The discolored cerulean eyes closed and her strawberry alike lips pouted releasing her breath in the shape of a sigh.- You should leave.
The last words slapped him. Like a wounded animal he panicked and gazed her eyes, so cold and frivolous. Uncaring. Again Hawke remained stoic, silent as her lids slid down half closing her eyes returning the look. Suppressing the need to yelp and crawl to her lap was killing him, his skin aching for these familiar hands caressing his hair so caringly. The instinct built by Danarius to act like a dog. He even fantasized sleeping beside her bed, she'd then slid a hand down and stroke his hair in his sleep.
He wasn't going to cry but his eyes moistened giving them a shiny look, Hawke arched her back like a lazy cat and crawled to the end of the bed to finally kneel and pat her lap, he dropped what was in his hands and hurried to kneel before her, expectantly. The delicate and cold fingertips reached his cheek, brushing his olive skin as if feeling some delicate silk underneath the ends of these beautiful hands. His eyes closed automatically at her touch, the sensation of her skin feeling his and her index followed the pulsating trace of the trinket under his chin and accidentally skim the line of his button lip. Her hand remained quiet there with her finger quietly sensing the lyrium pace at the rhythm of his heartbeat, he could feel she leaned onto him because her hair tickled his nose and he could even feel it caressing his lips. Her lips positioned close to his ear.
-Fenris. -Her breath, warm and sweet hit his skin giving him chills that ran down his spine. A heat built and already pulsating between his legs made him automatically place his hands on her knees. All her skin was as cold as her hands yet he sensed her thighs tense at his grasp, heating at his touch.- I can't help the fact you belong to Danarius.
Hawke searched his gaze with hers but all the found was a wounded animal jump when a stranger touched the injury.
His hands afterward clenched hurtfully and Fenris leaned burying his head into her lap making her gasp before he bit the inner side of her thigh. Hard. Roughly. Making Ilsen Hawke shiver and squirm in pain. No matter how much she tried to shake him off, he wouldn't let go of her. Hawke then grabbed her hand full of his hair and pulled him until he growled next she pushed him off jumping aside glaring at him.
-What in the void is wrong with you? -Yelled her placing her hand in the wounded thigh with a whimper as she felt his teeth shape buried in her skin. Marking her. Actually that was the first time Fenris heard her raise the tone of her voice that high. His face paled realizing that he was screwed. She was going to tell Danarius and he'll castrate him or something like that for what he just did.
He stepped backwards to soon abandon her house. Danarius wouldn't kill him but he could do worse things than that. The waiting was the most unbearable part of all.
Fenris looked away, another mage conversation that twisted upside down his insides. She was no different and all the disgust she seemed to have towards Danarius seemed to fade quickly as they met more often sharing walks and chatting. Sometimes they stayed in his studio and she laid on her side in his divan talking about magic, occasionally she watched how Danarius and Hadriana studied. Hawke never spoke to him, not even glanced at him. Her indifference was killing him. She spent so much time with Danarius and every night he had to hear that the kitty was being more receptive towards him.
The next day Danarius excused himself and left Fenris to escort her anywhere she wished. Hawke finally looked at him then, her tongue clicked and turned on her heels leaving and saying she didn't need his slave. That was the first time she referred to him as slave, how much hurting her words were... she wouldn't ever know.
-The little kitty seems displeased with your presence and she certainly didn't seem to mind it before. -Danarius commented scribbling over a scroll which was a drabble for a speech he had to give in few months. Fenris, kneeling beside his desk with his head bowed, tensed. He knew his Master was insinuating he did something to her which was true.- My, my... Seems that you been misbehaving when alone with her, hm?
A shiver ran upside down through Fenris' body making him bow his head deeper.
-The Fog Warriors must have put wrong ideas in your head my little wolf.
For the next week or even more Fenris had to bear with a leash mocking the Qunari customs. Danarius didn't stitch his mouth shut to complete it, but having him around like a saarebas was enough to denigrate him to a dog level. Hadriana had so much fun mocking and humiliating him. The collar was heavy, hardly able to keep him straight since Danarius got somewhere a Qunari collar and the chain was making him trip now and then until he got used to it.
At night Danarius became even more cruel finding new methods to punish him, most of them involving him naked. After being used he laid in the cold floor without permission to put his ragged clothes back on, feeling the seed of that man inside his entrails. Having to lick clean any drop that stained the ground. Maker knows how many time he lived like that until one day Danarius left for a duel and never came back. Instead, the one who entered into the bedroom was Hawke, with one of the servants.
Fenris was leashed to the end of the bed, naked embracing his knees against his chest.