Hesitation: Chapter six; "Breaking in".
"I'll stop the whole world
from turning into a monster, and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?
I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me
but I'm not the villain."
Notes: I had to change the rating of this story due the hardcore smut. -Cough- You been warned. Also... LEAVE A REVIEW, WE HAVE SMUT SO IT'S OKAY.
Ilsen was on the studio reading about Danarius' research while Fenris was sitting in the floor beside her, distantly she was stroking his white hair. Still she was unable to walk like a decent human being and needed him as support even if that made her swear, complain and show how exquisite was her vocabulary when came to curse. Even so, Hawke didn't punish when he misbehaved and took liberties he should not. If she was annoyed she showed her disgust arching her eyebrows and looking at him, which leaded to him punishing himself and she knew it. She didn't need to do it, he'd do it himself.
Atherius came to visit now and then with Feynriel or alone. Sometimes they sat and chatted, other days, just played cards betting random stuff. Her face was indecipherable once the cards where in her hands, also she cheated. His Mistress hated losing so used all the dirty tricks that would provide her a victory. With that kind of personality no one would believe usually she slept hugging a pillow or anything in fact, she needed to hug something or someone to sleep. Lately, that 'something' was himself.
First thing she did once she could limp using Fenris as support was command the servants and slaves to burn Danarius clothes, accessories, mattress, sheets and pillows as well as the towels and other things he used. Then she bought Fenris a bed, which placed beside hers. It was slightly shorter since she had to deal with his stubbornness to not leave her side in any moment. But he didn't use it, she needed him, depended of him, so usually she ended dragging him into her bed and clung to him all night long until she woke up.
-Fenris. -She called softly making him tilt his head and glance her by the corners of his eyes.- Next week or so I'll depart to Kirkwall, since you're so hardheaded you'll want to come. Am I right?
He swift to her lap, nuzzling his head against her abdomen.
-That disturbs me. Would you stop acting like some kind of pet? -She said, turning the page of her book. He moved away her lap and sighed.- In Kirkwall you won't be a slave, in fact I don't even treat you like one.
-What do you mean, Mistress? -The elf glanced at her.- Not a slave?
-In Kirkwall it's illegal, so it's from where I am. -She shrugged.- Tervinter it's different. If anytime you want your freedom you'll have it. Nobody should decide who is free and who isn't... Unless the person it's dangerous.
-So what I would be there? -Fenris wasn't taking seriously her words, if he were he would panic like the last time. Hawke closed her book, let it rest in the arm of the sofa and slipped herself down to the floor to sit beside him. She was really small, her neck was delicate and the curve wide. The clavicles were pronounced, yet not enough to show them as Ilsen Hawke being a boney girl.
-That's the problem in fact. -She sighed bowing her head, all the curls fell like a waterfall made of dark blood. The auburn locks of her hair covered like a curtain the sight of her face.- I can't go there like "Oh hello people, this is my personal bodyguard and slave Fenris. Everyone say hi to him!"
Her words made him frown, obviously displeased at her sarcasm. Fenris growled in annoyance and folded his arms over his flexed knees against his chest.
-I bet your mage friends would feel pleased if you used these exact words.-He snarled, glaring at her.
-Oh why yes, we'll hook our arms and stroll under the moonlight, slit our wrists while singing weird songs and sacrifice few virgins to the demons if that'd please you. -Said her motioning her arms to give it more realism.- If you're feelin' so Danarius' sick, I'll tell them to throw stones at you and leash you naked somewhere.
He winced and snapped at her getting up from his spot.
-You think it's funny?
-Not even a little bit. -She shrugged.- But it's lovely to know you aren't all submissive and not someone who will nod to every shit I say.
-So I noticed. -Grunted at least. Hawke poked him with the corner of her book and smugly smiled. At that moment Fenris couldn't do anything but crawl back to her lap and rest his chin on her knees letting her stroke his hair. Her thin fingers tangling amongst the silver locks of silky messed tresses, massaging the back of his neck giving him tickling sensations as if she knew where exactly she had to graze to make him shiver. She could say whatever she wanted, the truth is that even then she enjoyed when he placed his head on her lap so she could stroke his hair. Hawke seemed to have a special liking for his hair.
Well, he liked her hair too. Before sleep he used to braid it, following her instructions since he never brushed any female's hair. Her hair was soft and slid through his fingers quite easily once brushed and when braiding it he had a perfect view of her bare shoulders, his dark green eyes could even follow the trace of her spine submerge into her nightgown. Sometimes while brushing her mane some rebel hair made her shiver and get goosebumps then with trembling voice she told him to resume and he did. Her braided hair fell past her waist and the only thing in his mind was to toss it away so he could nibble on her snow white flesh.
Fenris never felt these kind of instincts, everyday was harder to struggle against them and not push his Mistress against some wall to do things he shouldn't even have to have in mind. The sensation of her cold body against his at night didn't help much either. Warming at his touch and in her sleep more than once made him swallow hard when her legs placed over him in a way or another and she shift closer so he could even feel the folds of her bandages. Occasionally she buried her face in the crook of his neck and was impossible to think about anything, her lips caressed lightly his skin and her breath was warm against his neck or even his ear.
Yet she remained unaware. She seemed to not think about him as man, he couldn't blame her. He wasn't nothing but a slave and that thought angered him because for once in his life all he wanted was a specific someone to think better about him, to consider him a man... not some wild beast. Fenris couldn't deny the way she stood calmly around him, showering him with attentions... pleased him, yet unsure if as man or as slave.
-Fenris, are you hungry? -She asked delicately, with one hand she closed her book and put it in the little table beside the divan. Her hand moved away his head, not without giving at the end of his ear a gentle pinch. Fenris touched his ear softly and rose his eyebrows.- I haven't seen you eat anything since I'm here...
-Slaves aren't allowed to eat before the sight of their Master. -Replied hurriedly the elf.
-When did you sneak away to eat? -She seemed quite surprised at his words and then seemed to realize something waving away as if telling him to forget it.- What do you like the most, Fenris? Do you have any favorite dish?
-Well... I don't like fish... -He mumbled scratching the back of his neck, forced to reply.
-It's a start. -Hawke placed her hand over the small auxiliary table beside the divan and opened the drawer, the tingling sound of the bell to call the servants echoed in the room. She usually went herself to do anything but since she needed Fenris to go anywhere so started using the tools provided to save him the task to help her limp anywhere she wanted to go.
One of the maids knocked and entered in the studio bowing deeply, Hawke waved her hand enough and sighed deeply.
-Can you bring here some stew, I think it's beef right? Well, a big bowl and rice with veggies would be fantastic... Also two apples. -Nicely asked Hawke with a warm smile waving goodbye to the maid who hurried to the kitchen in the first floor.
The long haired mage stretched in her seat and patted the space beside her for Fenris to seat and he reluctantly planted his butt in that space with a long sigh as if the idea of sitting beside her was unthinkable. Hawke still didn't get the point of slaves shouldn't have the same treat you'll give to a guest but she kept doing that as id he was even more than a guest. Sometimes he felt as if his Mistress treated him like some kind of close friend.
Her lips curled into a big smile and her hand sneaked right behind his neck to stroke his hair, again. Her thin fingers playing with his silver locks and sending chills down his spine, chills he could barely dissimulate. Maybe the taunting was some hobby of his Mistress since her smile widen when he got chills while she played with his hair and for once he didn't mind that kind of taunt. In fact, he enjoyed her familiar touch. Hawke's cold palm cupped his neck and massaged his flesh distractedly glancing through the window until the maid came back and hurriedly she moved the hand off as his skin was some kind of deadly menace.
Hawke blushed slightly while talking to the maid who left the dishes over her desk and bowed deeply before leave and come again with a jar with water. Hawke nodded and waved her goodbye before the door close again.
-The rice is mine. -She hummed stretching her arm to hand him a spoon and the bowl with the stew, wearing her charming smile then she took the plate with the fried rice with vegetables. Fenris glanced at the deliciously looking bowl and wondered why his meal was better than hers.
Slaves rarely ate meat, in fact they ate leftovers their Master didn't want. As like rotten fish, degraded vegetables and suspicious looking rice. Meat was something that even the animals had more right to eat than a slave, he could remember Danarius choosing to give the dogs all the wasted meat before feed his slaves with it. Hadriana used that too to mock and humiliate him while she ate a steak in his room in the barracks just to rub it on his face, telling him dogs had more rights than him who in fact didn't deserve even a bed.
However his Mistress was sitting beside him with the plate resting over her knees and eating like a little bird. The way Hawke ate was if that supposed her a big effort since she said she was used to eating little to nothing. Her stomach complained and she concentrated on chewing her food while filling a spoon with rice, it looked exactly as if she was obliging herself to eat. That until the plate was finally empty and that was the first time Fenris saw Hawke eating that much. Then, with a smug look in her blue-grayish eyes she glanced at his bowl almost finished making her nod in approval as left the dish on the desk and took the apples and the knife to start peeling the two pieces of fruit.
When he was done, a peeled apple was waiting him in her hand thus Fenris heard her soundly bite hers with a more pleasant look than when ate her meal. Once the fruit changed of hands, the Mistress was about to clean her hand by disimulately 'smoothering' it against the thigh and with his other hand Fenris grabbed her wrist making her gasp in surprise. Her hand was soon enough before his mouth and his lips caressed her palm before his warm tongue worked at licking the fruit juices off her hand. Every inch of her hand's skin had the pleasant feeling of Fenris tongue working between her fingers and nibbling her skin as in fact that was his dessert and not the apple. The blush quickly spread on her cheeks as the elf circled the end under her thumb and sucked on it making her body temperature rise at least few grades. Once he seemed sure her hand was clean turned his face and bit his apple with a cheeky smirk.
She grunted gazing away, totally red. The elf chuckled for himself in silence, his Mistress sure was a lady even though she acted like a cat or a baby... he wasn't sure if the need of hugging something to be able to sleep was something he should worry about. Well, his complains were only that Hawke clung to him in her sleep so hard he could barely breathe sometimes.
-This is the first time I ate this much. -He confessed leaving the seeds and trunk of the apple into the empty bowl. And it was delicious, Fenris could get used to such meals and the special care she put on him.
-Well, you're supposed to be my bodyguard... right? -She smiled repeating his action with her apple. Fenris nodded at her words and crossed his legs whilst resting forearms over the knees.- Someone who's supposed to protect my life must have meals equal to the importance and gratitude that task deserves. Also, if we both fall sick we're screwed.
She merrily laughed arching her back as if seeking the back of a sofa then realized it didn't have somewhere she could lean her back onto. Hawke grumbled in silence deciding that his lap was a perfect spot for her to lay her head. Bad idea. She was talking to him, telling him something about her bandages but he was not listening, his eyes darting at how her dress folded and created an alluring cleavage. His mouth felt so dry at that moment, he needed to drink some water and leaned to catch the jar drinking directly half of its content with a gulp.
-Mistress. -He choked placing a hand on her head to caress her cheek softly, his thumb followed the shape of her jaw bone.- I must tell you that a man's lap isn't a safe spot for you to lay your head on.
-Why not? -She tilt her head, quite innocently as if she really had no idea of the proximity between a man and a woman. She was wounded, unarmed, weak and wouldn't expect him to pin her down and do nasty things to her. Nasty things he was aching to do to her since the very moments they shared together and he still belonged to Danarius.
-It's dangerous. -He replied frowning slightly, sometimes he couldn't tell if Hawke was really nineteen or just nine for these questions she asked over as if she had no idea of what happens between a man and a woman.- Unless you're doing it on purpose.
-Doing what? -She got up giving him a questioning look before limp to the door, without him as support it seemed more like she was about to fall to the floor in any moment. Leaning her forehead against the wooden door she stretched her arm to the bookshelf, behind it there was her staff and stubbornly used it to get out of the studio.- Guess what? Forget it, I'll get a bath and do the healings. You do whatever you want to but don't follow me.
The door banged behind her.
-Mages... -Fenris mumbled placing his hands on top of his head not sure what to do now but wait until she was in a better mood.
She was in a better mood by night, while changing before the fireplace into her nightgown, he could hear how his Mistress hummed. Not to look at her was hard, so his piercing dark eyes were prying how Hawke took off her clothes delicately and taking her time since most of her moves made her wince. She became skilled at the art of undressing as if her clothes were made of thin air. Yet she had problems undoing the part of her dress that was tied on her back so the elf got up from his seat quickly and placed himself behind Hawke smothering the fabric of her dark dress, his hands slid through her sides and finally pulled her closer gripping her hips hard enough to make her growl as complain. His fingers undid the problem at her back, letting the dress fall down and silently get on the floor around her knees.
She turned and placed a hand of his forearm, somewhat the way her eyes reflected the flames of the fireplace made him remember that smug horrible look into Danarius eyes before command him to strip and bend over like the dog he was. Inviting and perverse. Cynical and cruel, that's something all mages were and involuntary was the what made his marks activate and glow, he was ready to defend himself against whatever Hawke had in mind. Shoving her against the wall beside the fireplace. His hand ready to trespass her chest and crush her heart.
-Fenris! -He heard her whimpering, the elf realized what he was about to do and stepped backwards or he indented to because Hawke tiptoed as much as she could kissing his chin.
That was the spark that started a fire. Even though both were surprised about what she just did, Fenris reacted faster holding her hips possessively and lifting her to mold their bodies in a comfortable way so he could do what she failed to do. Their mouths slammed against each other hurtfully, but that was sufficient to make her open hers and give him space to slid his tongue inside. He never kissed anyone, or at least his memories about it were gone like many others. All he usually did was not something he remembered as pleasurable and with that fierce intensity his tongue reached hers who seemed pretty skilled at tangling and massaging his own.
He didn't want to think who been the lucky bastard who experienced such pleasure before him. Hawke's little hands clung to the back of his shirt and her eyes submissively closed experiencing his brutal kiss. The way he gasped for air and then slammed his mouth again back to hers, the way he seemed to rape her mouth with his tongue making her arch her back and her temperature rise. Fenris let out a frustrated moan into her mouth as he slipped her lower so his hips could mold to hers and make Hawke feel his hardened manhood being pushed against the thin fabric of her panties, she whimpered feeling him humping like a desperate animal her most private zone. His pulsating lust made her choke in that wild kiss, the way they turned their necks desperately aching for more of that was driving both of them mad.
The elf tilt his head sucking on her button lip, nibbling it as his hips unconsciously rammed hers. The way she sighed at that, like in such bliss angered him so his teeth enclosed around the lip trapped between his lips and bit hard on her flesh... unexpectedly she moaned at that ad her body trembled. Hawke's moistened gaze, defenseless and poisoned with curiosity mixed with lust was provoking him in ways she would never know and his hands slid up her sides to tangle around her brassiere to tear it apart.
Her small breasts cupped his palms, her nipples already hard so he could tease and torture them better pinching and twisting them. She squirmed between pleasure and pain as he playfully thug one of her pinkish nipples to him. Fenris could care less about obeying and pleasuring her at that moment, he had enough with Hadriana and all the nasty things he wanted to do to that bitch were going to happen to his... Mistress. Now just a woman before him, no, a tool.
Hawke couldn't stand up for so long by herself and soon fell on her knees panting heavily, her head down with her long hair covering her body like a mantle of auburn curled silk. Fenris was sweating and took off his shirt throwing it away before grab onto her wrist and drag her to the rug before the fireplace, forcing her to crawl to do so. Once there she fell forward and sobbed when her forearms stopped her fall, just how he wanted her. On her fours.
She wasn't aware of what came next, the elf moved behind her and pulled her panties down enough so his hand could check how wet she was. His rough fingers played through the folds of her intimacy quite pleased with the obscene sounds her juices made as his index reached the weak spot of every woman teasing it skillfully. Maybe he wasn't good at kissing but he was greatly familiar at how to please a woman with his hands, mouth and anything she ordered in fact. But all his young Mistress did was squirm and whimper arching her back and since he couldn't see her face it didn't matter how flustered she was.
Fenris pulled his pants down just fine for him to release his erection, moving her hand off his Mistress' soft and hold folds he forced his fingers into his mouth as his hand enclosed around his shaft. His glans moistened with her juices lubricating him enough so he could push himself into her, she was too tight and his manhood couldn't advance smoothly, growling annoyed Fenris rammed forcing his way into her, penetrating her in one time.
She cried and bit his fingers so hard he thought she'd rip them off with her teeth, the hand he used to hold his shaft grabbed full her hair and pulled it furiously making her cry again before he began to roam her like the wild animal he was. His teeth clenched as he moved inside her, she was so damn tight it was hard to move and keep up the brutal pace he started so he broke it off and moved until his member was almost outside her then he pushed it deep burying his virility into the tender, juicy and tight canal of hers. He could hear after some time how she started to moan at how he rammed into her, quitting the crying and sobs and twitching at his moves.
Somewhat, that pleased him more than the fact he was mercilessly fucking her. The way she moaned and arched upside down trembling with pleasure even when he pulled her hair to him forcing her to lift her chin and groan with pain, the fact that with her insides pressing him so hard he wouldn't last longer and how she orgasmed when his seed darted into her making her twitch and her walls contract and how she clawed and scratched the rug before lose the strength in her arms totally offering herself to him.
He rested on top of her back panting still feeling her insides twitch around his member, making him release a second shoot. Slaves weren't allowed to have their releases, they were mere tools so the fact he was shooting his seed into his Mistress was equally a pleasure as much as it frightened him for the consequences afterwards.
The elf was regaining his sanity, Fenris glanced at her body covered with wounds and bandages and pulled himself out of her. His cum mixed with her juices and blood dripped outside her swollen labia. A little puddle of blood in the spot under her in the rug called his attention and he planted his ass backwards, sitting and eyeing the blood paling at the insane and stupid thought it gave to him.
Hawke turned her head, her wet red checks and her trembling lips letting out gasps for air. That sight was making him get hard again.
-Oh well, I expected a first time more romantic. -Hawke said softly.
-I'm sorry. I... -Fenris lost his words, all he wanted to do at that moment was run away. So he pulled his pants back up and got ready to leave and sleep in the barracks. He could hear turn on her back and look at him with a piercing questioning look he couldn't see but feel on his neck.
-Was it that bad? -She chuckled making him turn on his heels to look at her face. She wasn't even a little mad but concerned.- I know men don't expect virgins and stuff, but leaving isn't a little too much?
He swallowed hard feeling his throat dry, the simple sight made him regret how he banged her as if she was worthless tool for him to get his release. In fact even the position he deliberately chose was for whores and slaves only. Yet she patted the rug beside her and smiled warmly. He had to crawl back to her, for the first time he was the one hugging while they slept.