Chapter 4 (Monica's POV)
It was two 'o clock in the morning and I stood in the middle of Matthew's bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror for what seemed like hours. Then, I looked down at the sink, or better yet, what was perched on the sink so innocently. A small, white strip of plastic that would completely change my life. It had a small window, no smaller than a breathmint. In that window was a little blue plus sign. Fuck!
I heard a noise coming from Matthew's bedroom. I hastily snatched up the plastic test and hid it in the waistband of my pajamas. Seconds later, the door opened and a sleepy looking Matthew stumbled in the bathroom. "What the hell are you doing?" he yawned. "It's two in the morning."
"I had to pee," I said, trying to ease my nerves.
"Well, come back to bed, baby," he said sleepily.
"Okay, just a sec."
He dragged his feet as he made his way back to bed. I closed the door and retrieved the pee stick. Unsure of what to do, I buried it down in the bottom of the trashcan. I took a deep breath and tiptoed back to bed.
The next day, still feeling desperate, I called Rachelle and told her the news. She demanded I meet her for lunch immediately. I wasn't scheduled to work on the set so I agreed.
"So he has no idea?" Rachelle and I were sitting outside at a cafe as I rehashed the results of the test.
"No!" I almost shouted. "And I don't plan on telling him until I figure out what I'm going to do."
"Well," she began hesitantly. "He does have a right to know, whatever you decide to do."
"I know," I said, guilt clouding my mind. "I just need to figure out how to tell him. So DON'T say anything."
"Fine," she replied. "Unlike your legs, my lips are sealed."
"Shell," I groaned, irritated. "I'm really not in the mood."
"Sorry. Habit," she said, lowering her head. She was right, Matthew and I were moving way too quickly, and now we were in too deep. "So, what are you going to do?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said, letting my head slump onto the table like a stack of old books.
"You're not gonna get an abortion, are you?" she said. I knew she didn't mean anything by it, but it still stung a little.
"God no!" I protested. "I'm gonna keep it. I just don't know how he'll react, and I don't want him to feel pressured into doing anything."
"Yeah, I feel ya," she said. I pushed the contents of my meal around my plate, feeling a little queasy. Suddenly, the nausea lurched in my stomach. I jumped up from my plate and ran to the bathroom.
I was sitting in my kitchen, picking at a chip in the corner of my table, while Matthew sauteed and chopped and simmered his way to a culinary masterpiece. He called earlier that day, offering to cook for me. What would have smelled like a fabulous and delicious meal in the making, seeped into my nostrils and clawed at my insides. I frantically ran to the bathroom for the second time that day. Why the hell do they call it morning sickness? I thought. Not a moment later, I heard Matthew knocking on the door.
"Babe?" he called. "You all right?"
"Yeah," I called back. "I think I ate some bad shellfish or something."
I heard footsteps move away from the door and then return seconds later. He opened the door, carrying saltines and a glass of seltzer water. "Here," he said soothingly. "Drink some of this." I took the glass and took small sips. "Better?"
"Yes," I replied, breathlessly. "Thank you."
"Why don't you go lie down?" he said, stroking my hair.
"Why don't you lie down for a bit?" he asked while stroking my hair.
"Okay," I mumbled.
I clumsily shuffled off to my bed while Matt followed me with the saltines. He laid them down on the nightstand and pulled the blankets up to my neck. He laid his hand gently on my cheek and stroked the skin with his thumb. I closed my eyes, scared that my guilt would show if he looked into my eyes.
"I'm sorry, Matty," I whined. "You had this big dinner planned and it's ruined now."
"Hey," he cooed. "It's okay, I will have plenty of chances to cook for you." He continued to stroke my cheek and bent down to kiss my forehead. "Just get some rest, okay?"
"Okay," I replied. Then I rolled over and nodded off to sleep. Before I drifted off to dreamland, I could hear Matthew's footsteps as he walked back to the kitchen to clean up the food he prepared.
"You still haven't told him?" Rachelle almost yelled on the other end of the phone. I called her and filled her in on our almost dinner while I was out running errands for the director.
"I know, I know," I said, brushing her off.
"Yeah, so how many times will you be 'eating bad shellfish' before he realizes something's up?" she scolded.
"I don't know," I said defensively. "I panicked. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna tell him."
"Well," she said with a heavy sigh. "You'd better figure it out, because the longer you wait, the more difficult things will be."
"I know," I said. "I just need to figure out how to break it to him." I was almost back to the studio and ended my conversation with Rachelle. The rest of the day, I tried to make myself as busy with trivial errands as possible. I needed to be away from Matt until I figured out what I was going to tell him. However, once we finished filming for the day, I was nowhere closer to a solution than I was when I found out I was pregnant. I lingered behind to retrieve my purse and jacket. When I turned around, I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Matt standing there.
"Hey," I said, shakily. "You scared the shit outta me."
"Sorry," he said, smiling with his hands in his pockets. He reached for my face and kissed me softly. "How've you been? I feel like I haven't seen you at all today."
"Fine," I replied. "Glenn had me run all over town for him today."
"Well," he began. "You wanna go grab a drink? Unwind a little?"
"You know, I'm actually kinda tired." I lied. Of course, I couldn't drink anymore. "I think I'm just gonna go home and crash."
"You want some company?" he asked, trying to read my expression.
"Sure," I said. "I was actually gonna ask you to come over later anyway."
"Okay," he said. "I'll just take my car and meet you there." He planted a quick kiss on my forehead and turned to walk away.
This is it, I thought. Just make it quick, like ripping off a bandaid. I was so nervous on the way home that I ran 3 red lights. I was shocked I didn't get pulled over. I pulled into the parking spot and took a deep breath. I opened the car door to see Matthew standing in front of my apartment building.
"Well, it's about time slow poke," he said, casually smiling.
"I ran three lights on the way here," I replied. "How did you still end up beating me?"
"A true magician never reveals his secrets," he said coolly. I met him at the top of the steps and opened the door to the building. I led the way upstairs and into my apartment. Once inside, Matthew began kissing me passionately. He slipped his hands around my waist, to the small of my back.
"Matthew, sweety," I spoke between kisses. "Wait, I-" But it was no use. I couldn't possibly keep my head from fogging over when he kissed me. Finally, he released me from his power and stopped kissing. He pulled away from my face, smiling. He was looking into my eyes, and the smile never left his face.
"I love you," he said. At first I thought I imagined it. Then it finally sank in. He finally said the three words I'd been waiting to hear since I met him; and his timing couldn't be worse.
"What?" I breathed.
"I said I love you," he told me, still smiling.
"I'm pregnant," I blurted out.
"I'm so glad to hear you- Wait, what?" he said, baffled.
"I'm preg-" I began.
"No, I heard you," he interjected. "That wasn't the response I was expecting." He sighed heavily and stepped away from me. He began pacing back and forth, much like I did when I first found out.
"You're mad," I said, more to myself than to him. "Listen, you don't have to do anything. I can take care of this baby myself."
"So that's why you were sick yesterday, and why you didn't want to go to the bar today?" he said, piecing the puzzle together.
"Yes," was all I could get out. He continued pacing.
"And what do you mean 'I don't have to do anything'?" he asked, finally stopping to face me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, stunned. "Your career is just taking off. I don't want this to affect you. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to trap you or anything."
"Wait," he said, shaking his head. "You actually think I give a shit about my career? You think work comes anywhere close to you carrying my baby?" A wide smile spread across his face.
"Okay, okay," I said, returning his smile. "I freaked out. Cut me some slack. I think the horomones really do make you crazy."
"Trust me, kid," he said, putting an arm around my shoulders. "It's not the horomones."
"Ha-Ha," I replied playfully nudging his side. "Okay, so what now?"
"What do you mean?" he asked. "We'll do this together. Take things one day at a time. Don't worry so much. We'll figure it out."
I buried my face into his neck, and he kissed my temple. Then, in one quick motion, he shifted his other arm under my legs and lifted me up. He carried me to the bedroom and laid me down. Then he climbed on top of me, spreading my knees apart as he did so. Settling between my knees, he stopped and looked at me. "You know, I really meant what I said before," he said, his face suddenly serious. "I am so completely in love with you."
"I-" I started, but was at a loss for words. Instead of responding, I lifted my head and met his lips with mine. My eyes fluttered closed as Matthew deepened the kiss. I was so relieved to know that he wanted to stay. He wouldn't abandon me and the baby. I finally felt one shred of hope since that strip turned blue.