Ao No Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato
Recommended Listening: Sometimes (I wish) by City and Colour
Space Between Two Worlds
He's not getting any older, it seems. I've checked numerous times for signs of aging: changes in height, hair, skin, vision, hearing, sleeping patterns, metabolism, and body composition. Although some things certainly do change, other things remain the same. He still maintains his small stature, vitality, fair skin, slight plumpness, and bright eyes while I age with the gracefulness of a drunkard. I found a few more gray hairs yesterday and since I've started to neglect shaving, they've appeared along my jawline and places beneath my chin. The circles under my eyes have darkened and my hands have toughen like leather from all the work I've done on foreign soil not only as a licensed physician, but as a volunteer.
I left my brother nearly two decades ago to become a doctor and work with abandoned children in the foothills of the Andes, and once I found work in a Mayo Clinic, I came home to him. Shortly after returning from South America, an advocate from child services contacted me about Rin. Apparently, he had gotten involved with a ring of human traffickers, and was apprehended thereafter by authorities. While his records provided documentation of his legal status, they were reluctant to release him. I dealt with his case personally and immediately brought him into my care. We were like strangers during our reunion and because of that, I expected reluctance and distrust on his part, but he wasn't as guarded as I initially thought. I regaled him with stories and although some memories had been loss, he still retained our kinship. As his brother, I devoted myself to educating and helping him develop his culinary skills by the ways of science and mathematics.
We lived contently with our adjustments, but somewhere along the way, something unnatural plagued us. It was subtle at first, and then I soon realized with dangerous clarity that a secret burden lied dormant within us; it became a weight we both shared.
One midsummer night, as the churning sea rolled gently in and the billowy clouds drifted past, Rin and I rested on a hammock I had recently received from a friend who had visited the Yucatán Peninsula. It was a bit of a tight fit, but we managed. He lied on top of me with his belly side down while I rested one arm beneath my head and slung the other across his back. I hummed a little tune I learned from the children back in South America as the lull of waves crashing on our beach front property drifted us off to a subliminal state. The moonlight shone strongly then; milky white gilded Rin's hair creating a faint glow against the Prussian blue. I ran my fingers through the soft tendrils, working them slowly down to back of his neck. We were only clad in shorts then, and with the temperatures growing cooler, I knew we'd have to retire soon. Rin refused when I tried to usher him off. He clung firmly to my torso and I laughed quietly to myself at his stubbornness. It was all too familiar. Instead of coaxing him any further, I feigned sleep. I could sense him hovering over me and when he whispered my name, I caught him and pulled him close, smothering him with kisses. It seemed so innocent then, but behind the guise of brotherhood was something I couldn't quite explain. It was as paradoxical as his condition, however, it wasn't pressing enough to trouble me.
Later that night, he came to my bedside wanting to share it with me. I allowed it and for the first time in a long time, I felt a pang of doubt. Rather than dwelling on it, I aligned my body around his and pulled him closer for more warmth. His soft, pale flesh had me rubbing my chin against his bare shoulder. He giggled, complaining of the prickliness as I chuckled into his ear. Finally, having had enough of my antics, Rin rolled onto his back and looked up to me tiredly.
"Stop it, Yukio. I'm trying to sleep."
I shifted to my side and propped my head with one arm, "How about calling me Niichan?"
"Ew, no."
"What's so gross about that? It's cute."
"You really think so?"
"Of course I do!" I replied, diving in to nuzzle the crook of his neck.
He squirmed and giggled, pushing me away while I tickled him mercilessly. I soon gave in so he could settle down, and when he trained his soft gaze on me, something terribly unnerving came over me. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, gently urging him to part his mouth with my bottom lip. It startled him at first, but he soon closed his eyes and relaxed his mouth while I eased my tongue in and slipped my hand behind his neck. His little hand clasped my wrist while I continued to plunge deeper, drawing out tiny moans and gasps from him. When I finally pulled back, there was a flush of embarrassment on his face. I kept my eyes leveled his while he caught his breath, and when he had regained his composure, he took my free hand and positioned it over his heart.
I was reluctant to allow that behavior to continue; the unpredictability was beginning to frighten me. Either I was sick and the ailment that had invaded my body was now governing my mind, or I was simply trying to deny my basic humanity. Regardless, I knew I wanted to come out whole with my brother beside me. I'd already come into my own and basked in the limelight, it was time for me to completely devote myself to someone who really needed me. And perhaps, someone who would love me unconditionally.