CHAPTER 13

KURAIN

PHOENIX:

"Nick, Nick! Hurry up and finish!"

"ARGHHH!" Crumbs and slimy tendrils of my Ramen Burger fly out of my mouth as Maya's arms impatiently circle my neck.

"Ooops." The arms hug me affectionately as her sheepish eyes come to rest on my shoulder.

"Well, I *guess* I'm done," I cede, poking at the remains unenthusiastically with my Kurain-regulation chopstick. (Whoever ate burgers with chopsticks?)

(Not Maya, that's for sure,) I continue to muse as I feel her burger-stained hands brush my arm. "What's the hurry for, anyway?"

"At 7pm," she breathes, "IT's starting!"

"What's starting?"

"A training test of extreme endurance!"

Uh oh. "What kind of... training?"

"I knew it'd be a great surprise! The Steel Samurai Marathon on the Samurai Channel!"

"Oh." (Why am I not surprised?) "You enjoy that then..."

"WE will!"

"I already did that once," I evade, "when I was in the hos- um..." (My ankle is hurting just remembering!)

"No you didn't," she corrects unabated. "72 hours... of non-stop Steel Samurai!"

"Non-stop? Maya, I don't get why this isn't the same as just watching all your DVDs in a row?"

"B-because. BECAUSE! All the other fans are watching at the same time too! Mr Edgeworth, for example!"

"E-Edgeworth?"

"Yeah!"

"Wha? I thought you were discussing the c-crime... !" I race after Maya as she tears in the direction of our largest (but far from only) TV. "Didn't he..."

"It's starting!"

The shadowy silhouettes of samurais loom across the widesceen, and the moon splits in two. "It's the very first episode of the very first season!" hisses Maya, a tear of nostalgia seeping from her eye. The Samurai Spear whirs across the screen, and the opening theme begins to thunder forth, Maya singing along loudly and slightly discordantly.

"Regenerating from past wounds!
Through the Neo Edo, a cold wind blows!
It's the chill of evil
The Evil Ma-gi-strate!"

(Maya bounds upright, standing and jumping on the couch, miming the actions with exaggerated fervour. It's more interesting than the too-familiar screen.)

( I try not to laugh.)

"Neo Olde Tokyo
Under his ruth-less reign!

GO! GO! Until my last breath

I will fight to kill!

Spear with the wrath of justice!
Justice will not die!

It's the hero, Steel Samurai!

FLY HIIIIGH!"

The musical interlude blares along with the carnage onscreen. "Sing the second verse!" Maya demands. "I know you know the words. You do, right?"

"Right. So I don't have to..."

"Prove it!"

Sigh.

"For the dreams of the people, I must carry on!" I warble with tuneless feeling.
"Even when my journey will be one of tears and pain!"

"My destiny
Defeat the
Evil Ma-gis-trate!"

(I start screaming and pointing my finger. Maya clasps her hands delightedly.)

"GO! GO! Time to end his de-mon-ni-ic reign!

For Great Justice! It burns with all my heart!"

(Maya starts screaming the closing lines in unison.)

"It's the hero, Steel Samurai!

FLYYYY HIGH!"

The darkened streets of Neo Olde Tokyo yawn with despair and oppression as the camera pans. The corpses of the noble and innocent litter the landscape, victim of Evil Magistrate's reign of terror.

"Why does the Evil Magistrate seem to come back to life after every episode?" I wonder aloud. "They definitely killed him in episode 50, and um, 64 and, er, 70, and..."

"No," corrects Maya. "71! Didn't you hear the opening theme? He 'regenerates', it said!"

"Very realistic," I reply, as the Steel One dons his costume and grips his spear, slinking around a corner. Suddenly the subtle tones morph to psychedelic colours and the volume goes up several settings.

"Huh? I thought you said non-stop Steel Samurai! Why are there advertisement breaks?"

"It is non-stop. All the special messages are for Steel Samurai products only! That's why this special event's on in the first place!" She gestures to the screen, where a weedy looking kid downs a toxic-waste luminous liquid, and transforms to a Samurai *poof*.
'Become a hero. With the strength to carry on!' screams the TV. 'Now in all major supermarkets!'

"To launch the new line of Steel Samurai Energy Drinks," Maya continues. "So you can stay awake for the full 72 hours non-stop!"

"How unfortunate there are no 'major supermarkets' in Kurain," I observe.

"I know," sighs Maya. "That's why I made Trucy's babysitter send us a crate.. that one THERE!" I notice a massive express shipping box near the wall.

"Babysitter? Trucy doesn't have a babysitt... Oh. Ohhhh. You mean Apollo?"

"Oooops. I forgot. Trucy's a big girl now! She's Apollo's babysitter, right?"

"Pretty much." My eyes bulge. "..Maya, there must be hundreds of bottles in there? Surely it cost too much?"

"Money is no object for my Nick's training! Besides, we didn't pay for it! So have some! Which flavour do you want to try first?"

Not 'grape'. I grasp a bottle randomly and open it, gulping something in radioactive-mucousoid pine-lime pale green. "Oh ewww." I cough. "This... this is disgusting."

"N-no wonder," shudders Maya. That's the 'Zappy Samurai' one, that must be for little kids. Have this Pink Princess Berry Blossom Pink, since you're such a wim... oh wait, I forgot. You aren't! Here's the Steel Samurai one! In Steel Steel Blue!"

"Gives you the strength of Steel!" proclaims the label. "Flavour: Steel Blue!"

"Steel flavour?" Oh well. It tastes like... artificial flavour. How original.

"And last there's the Nickel Samurai one in Nickel Smelting Red," finishes Maya, snapping open a third Pink Princess Pink.

"Slow down there," I caution, jabbing the explicit warning label of my drink, "we're 15 minutes in and haven't you already exceeded the weekly quota of sugar and caffeine?"

"Of course not," she smiles, "the Pink Princess one is sugar free! Besides, I have spirit powers. Nutrition advice labels don't apply to me! ...Hey, the show's back!"

I stare at the screen. My mind wanders. Edgeworth...

Someone onscreen stabs a villager with a dagger.

That 'crime'...

There's a long, dramatic scuffle as the regular good village Samurai fight with the Evil Magistrate's evil minions.

I should call him.

"Where are you going?" demands Maya as I shift out from under her head and toward the doorway the moment Weedy Kid flashes back onscreen.

"Bathroom. Caffeine," I improvise.

"Edgeworth!" I exclaim in a hushed voice as the phone call finally connects on the millionth ring. "Hi, it's Phoenix Wright!"

"Wright! is it urgent? That is to say... well, hello."

"Hurry up! It's back on!" Maya calls from the TV. I clamp my hand around the phone's sound receiver.

"W-well. It is about that criminal matter, so I guess it is urgent. Do you..."

"Can it wait? I am somewhat busy with... with work."

"When is convenient? Later tonight? Tomorrow morning?"

"In... ahem! In a few.. days... No. I will call you. When I am available."

"Well, okay..."

"Farewell."

Weird.

"What did Edgeworth say about the case?" I query Maya as I sink back next to her. "He seemed to be too busy to talk..."

"Well of course he's busy. He's watching this! Now shut up so I can hear! I can't miss any!"

"I have an idea," I decide as the supercharged credits instead cut straight to Episode 2, "why don't you watch on that portable DVD player I gave you the other year? Then you can just carry it round for the next 72 hours..."

"What a great idea!" Maya hugs me. "Then I can keep watching while I go to the bathroom!"

"And the rest of the time too," I venture. "I'll go find it."

"No need. It's on that shelf there." Maya waves at a cupboard behind. I get up and grab it.

"But not the rest of the time," she corrects as I pass it to her. "It's too small for you to see too! I want to be able to watch it with YOU."

Somehow her tone of voice still makes me feel touched. I wrap my arms around her and expulse a resigned sigh. There are far worse ways to spend an evening. Besides, maybe I might be able to distract her. I lean my face closer and she's gazing enraptured.

"Nick, open your mouth again," begs Maya.

"Why? I open up.

"Your tongue! It's stained electric blue. COOL!" marvels Maya. "It must be that drink," she reasons, grappling for her own Steel Blue beverage. "By the way, don't bother with the Nickel Red one. It tastes like smoke and chillies!"

"Red sounds right up Apollo's alley," I smirk. "We can send him them and the Zappy ones as a 'Thank You gift'."

"He'll be so excited!" smiles Maya. "Is my tongue blue too, yet?"

"Hmm, let's see," I offer, drifting closer gain. "Why, so it is. And your lips. Very 'attractive,'" I joke.

"Is it ever," grins Maya. "It kinda glows like plutonium in the TV light! And I bet it tastes..."

Tasteless, I quip internally, but who cares. Our lips meet.

"I told you this'd be fun," mutters Maya conspiratorially when we've untwined our tongues. Well, at least makes a change from stale burger. And I've never felt further from sleep, that's for sure. "Only 63 hours to go!"

###

AZAKURAIN

IRIS:

Iris sat doggedly at her incense ritual, kneeling at a desert shrine she thought probably pointed toward Kurain.
It wasn't an Azakurain ritual she was performing, but one taught to her by Sister Bikini in the old days, so she didn't think those here would find it wrong, technically. She was praying for Mystic Maya's soul, that it would be led back to the path of MAI.

The ritual was for dead people's souls, but it didn't really matter, Fallen as she was Cousin Maya was dead in MAI AMI's eyes anyway. She didn't think Mystic Maya was as evil as some of the people here kept saying, just too misguided to know better. Aunt Misty had eventually seen what terrible shame she'd brought to Kurain and done the right thing by abdicating. If only Mystic Maya could be overcome with similar remorse and abdicate instead of running around continuing to have people killed, so many lives could be spared! After she disappeared, maybe Feenie would also be freed from her enslavement. Regardless, everything would be so much easier and less scary! The True Heir was not born yet, but whoever was Master in the interim would not be against the will of MAI. It would probably be Mystic Pearl...

Or me. I am older, and I can channel! The High Kristoph would use His powers to let me win a contest of powers. Or at least, that was what Mystic Dora kept saying.

There was no question the Justice System was pure evil as the High Ones had said. Oh yes, dear Dahlia had done evil by murdering that Doug Swallow. But then the Justice System had murdered Dahlia and her mother and even the High Kristoph! Was that not wrong also? Murder was always wrong!

The High Elders had spoken of giving her poor mother a posthumous Promotion, since it seemed someone had channelled her and she'd fought bravely in the battle to free Iris when the Pretender Master held her captive (that must have been while she was unconscious still.) Iris' heart swelled with pride; maybe MAI really would grant her mother peace and forgiveness one day in the Afterlife!

Then suddenly it hit her. Morgan had fought to free HER! Princess Iris!

Maybe her mother finally loved her after all, now she knew Iris wasn't talentless garbage!

B-but, Iris couldn't help tearing up, it didn't make up for losing Dahlia. And no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise, she knew Mother would only have loved her because she'd shown powers and a Destiny. If only they'd been given to Dahlia instead, instead of one so weak. Probably... probably the Destiny was intended for Dahlia, but then the Evil Justice System and Cousin Mia murdered her, so it had to change. Oh, it was so confusing and unfair! Dahlia was strong and could have fulfilled the Destiny, but then she just had to be led to evil instead.

Iris chanted the familiar incarnation for Dahlia's soul, then tearfully realised what she was doing - no, this ritual was for Mystic Maya. That she would know remorse and all this bloodshed could end!

###

Meanwhile, back at KURAIN:

PHOENIX:

"FLLLLY HIGH!" I launch myself dramatically off the bed as we scream along to the theme song for the 453rd time. Every TV in the house is switched on to the Samurai Channel simultaneously, so it's pretty loud.

"Nick, I love you this way! You're so hyper!" Maya bounces on the bed next to me. I'm about to reply 'speak for yourself', but realise Maya has been no different to usual.

"And you haven't fallen asleep or been boring either! It's sure given you stamina. Maybe it's the steel extracts?"

For some reason I find this uproariously funny.

Maya doesn't but she observes me laughing and soon joins in, grabbing at my shoulders to steady herself.

The wimpy kid who advertises Zappy Samurai drink flashes on. Maya seizes her portable DVD player and jabs at the buttons, peering in concentration.

"W-w-what are you doing?"

"Those episodes where we kinda m-missed parts, I thought we could catch up by watching the DVD in the advertisement breaks. It's not cheating, right? Here's Pink Princess season 1 episode 14 again!"

"Oh Strawberry Clan leader, I will pulp you to conserve!" the high pitched voice proclaims from the speaker.

"Maya, Maya! I know! Why don't you play it DURING the show too? You can watch that with one eye and the big TV with the other!"

"You're a GENIUS!"

"I know." (She thought I was serious?)

I reach for another Steel drink. (Why was I addicted to grape juice again? This makes me feel WAY better!)

###

AZAKURAIN

IRIS:

The ritual wasn't going very well, Iris' tears had already drowned out most of the offerings. People who never had a twin j-just didn't know what it was like... Maybe the spirits had made a mistake and all along confused her with Dahlia? NO, Iris was suddenly secure, this Destiny was intended for her, because Feenie had known she was not Dahlia! For so many years! She relit the lapsed flames with fervour renewed. The fact Feenie was now help captive by Mystic Maya just proved it was true, because Feenie clearly sensed he was supposed to be with the Kurain Master, which should have been Iris, to produce the True Heir. He'd just gotten confused because the wrong person was in her place again...

Butterfly's feet brushed against her, and she felt the comforting surge of familiarity but then the tug and the pang. She'd always been with Dahlia, even since before they were born. Why couldn't she just wind back time so they could return to how it was when they always did and shared everything together, before their horrible father took Dahlia away? Could I channel Dahlia?

She didn't really know how to begin in any scenario. Especially when Dahlia had now disowned her. The initiation chanelling of The High Kristoph had clearly been a Miracle beyond her own powers. But she pictured Dahlia in her mind and tried to will her spirit to her.

Then she felt the blessed prickle in her Mark. It wasn't Dahlia, she soon realised, but The High Kristoph. This was almost better, she decided with gratitude. He would take care of things, far better than her mortal confusion, and give her a welcomed respite of oblivion.

###

KURAIN

PHOENIX:

The world... is swaying.

Sleep...

I feel myself topple. Argh! I didn't know you could fall asleep standing up!

"Quick... pass... drink..." I slur to Maya, who's closer to the box, giving up on getting there myself.

"I can't, remember? They ran out an hour ago! Except the chili and mucous ones..."

Nooooo.

Maya falls herself off the bed and begins sifting. "Maybe... one...missed...?"

She sags over the box, eyes sagging closed.

"Maya?" I try to say, but it's too much effort to make sound come out.

I should... wake...her...

Thankfully the box eventually collapses on its own and her eyes jar open.

"Ni-ick! Keep... me...awake!"

"I ...don't.. think.."

Her pupils suddenly surge wider. "Look! The last episode is coming to the climax! Just a bit... longer..."

Just another few minutes, just another few minutes, I chant to myself. Yeah, this is that final scene...

Suddenly the psychedelic Zappy Samurai drink kid hits my eyes like a physical pain.

"Not again!" My head aches. "Coming up soon in the daily news," squeals the TV. Make the noise stop! I'll.. I'll kill time with a trip to the bathroom.

I meander unsteadily and startle as somehow I feel myself crash into a wall. What was that doing there? It's too much effort to expulse my cry of pain aloud.

I steel myself and continue my intrepid journey of exhaustion. Where was I going, again?

"N *cough* Nick?" A whispered croak emerges from Maya's mouth. "Why are y... lying on the floor?"

"I'm not," I think.

Oh wait, I thought I was walking, because the room was moving. But really, I only got as far as thinking of walking. That was enough effort! I guess my muscles just didn't obey me to bring the process to completion.

"I'll... help...y..." Maya cracks valiantly. She raises an arm in my direction before it droops limply and her eyes close. "Help..."

I manage to topple forward. I'm moving! Will of Steel! I fall forward a few more times. I think I'm almost back to Maya...

"Help! Can't open...eyes..." gasps Maya.

Maya will be devastated if she... falls asleep... my brain wavers. Why, I can't quite recall, but it was pretty important.

I try to open mine, but they're glued shut with tearless grit. Too much effort, ugh...The TV screams reverberate through my body with a physical pain. What's that? They're forming... words...

"And a janitor security guard has died after an unidentified individual is believed to have broken into the City Police Department's evidence store. Janitor Officer Meekins, 32, is believed to have been murdered in the line of duty. The Police Department says nothing important has been taken..."

Important... My eyes unseal, but open only to the sick kids seeing the Pink Badger. I collapse into Maya and physically prise open her slumbering eyelids. "Burgers!" I try to scream. It comes out a sick whisper.

But she seems to revive. "Hold.. eye.. ope...n..."

I make my shaking fingers obey.

"Back... on!"

The final scene plays like it's underwater. I'm not dreaming, right? The screen suddenly prints 'The End' and we drop like a broken rubber band, unconscious immediately.

###

NOTES:

I based the Steel Samurai theme lyrics on the actual Steel Samurai Theme lyrics! Except each of the three translations I found was very different to each other, so I made an average that FITS WITH THE TUNE. And sort of rhymes, but not exactly, I didn't want to take further liberty...