Farewell, My Scientist

The tech lab had been refitted into a security checkpoint, so she couldn't mourn him in his favorite place. Instead, she'd had EDI program the security footage from the tech lab she'd collected for Cerberus into the 3-D game system in the rec room. Shepard lied there, staring up in silence at the projected images. On the nearby bar, several bottles of alcohol sat open in various stages of consumption. In her hand was a glass that would need refilling soon. The door opened, and several male voices entered the room. Then...

"Esteban." James's deep, gentle voice gave some unseen command to his friend.

"Right. Gentlemen, perhaps we should check out the view on the other side of the ship?" Feet shuffled back out of the room, and the door closed. Silence filled the space once again, except for the occasional mumbled nonsense that only Mordin understood coming from the game system's speakers.

"Hey, Lola. Everything all right in there?" She sighed, and he could smell her alcohol tinged breath drift out from under the game hood.

"Fine. Go away, James." Her words were thick and slow. Just how much had she had to drink?

"Nah, I think I'll stay here, thanks." He stood over her, arms crossed, wondering what had put her in such a state.

"Don't make me order you out of here..."

"I wouldn't leave if you did." A huff of frustration followed by some mumbled curses answered him. Then she raised her hand with the near empty glass and waved it in his general direction.

"If you insist on staying, at least make yourself useful." She felt the glass removed from her hand, and heard it clack on the bar counter as he set it down, but something unexpected returned to her hand. James's two large hands folded gently around her newly vacated one.

"Hey, what's going on? This isn't like you." He spoke gently, trying to coax her out to talk with him. "Why don't you come out of there and talk to me?"

"If you're not going to help, then just go the fuck away and leave me alone." She attempted to yank her hand from his grasp, but he gripped her harder.

"Si es así cómo va a ser..." he grumbled under his breath. Changing to a more direct tactic, he rotated the game hood up, which automatically shut off whatever she had been watching, and revealed a pair of puffy eyes and wet cheeks. Eyes which quickly slit in anger as she glared at him.

"What do you think you're doing? I told you to leave." She was angry, but didn't have the energy to give her words the bite they normally would have carried. And her cheeks were flushed with more than just the alcohol running through her veins. She was mortified to have been found crying. Tears threatened to flow from her eyes again, so she once more tried to disengage herself from James's hold. She pulled, but his hold remained firm. She stood up to give herself more leverage, but the quick movement caused the blood to rush to her head, and that mixed with the alcohol caused her to grow dizzy and stumble over. James reacted quickly and managed to catch her before she fell, using the hand he was holding to pull her against his body.

"Woah, steady there, Lola. I've got you." She was silent and still for a moment, then he felt the warm wetness of fresh tears seep through his shirt. "Hey, hey, shhh, it's OK." He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. For several minutes, he stood and silently held the sobbing woman against his chest. When she finally stopped, she disengaged herself from his embrace and turned her back to him. Watching the movements of her arms, he could tell she was trying to wipe the tears from her face and compose herself.

"Hey, Shepard," he began quietly, reaching a hand out to her shoulder. When she didn't pull away, he continued. "Talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." He felt her shoulder rise and fall as she let out a deep sigh. She kept her back to him, and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if trying to hold herself together.

"Mordin." Her voice belied regret and an overwhelming sadness. He stared at her back, confused. A single Salarian was causing this grief?

"Mordin? The one who sacrificed himself on Tuchanka?" They had returned from that difficult mission late that afternoon, and he realized he had not seen Shepard since they'd returned to the Normandy. He felt a silent sob wrack the woman's body, but couldn't understand why she was so upset over a single Salarian. Thousands were dying every day, and he'd never seen her like this.

"Yes. Mordin, he…." She broke off and suddenly hummed a few bars of a song he didn't recognize. Then it suddenly hit him. She was crying over a single Salarian, because he was more than just another Salarian to her. Such profound grief. Was she mourning the Drell like this, as he slowly died in a hospital on the Citadel? By herself?

"Soy un idiota," he mumbled, scolding himself for his insensitive words. He moved around in front of her and reached out to her face, tucking slightly damp hair behind her ears so he could see her clearly. "I'm sorry. I hadn't realized you two were close. Would you like to tell me about him?" When he didn't get a response, he cupped her cheeks in his hands and gently lifted her face. "Lola? Do you not want to-" She interrupted him as words suddenly started spilling out of her mouth.

"You should have known him better, James. He was a wonderful friend. So much more than what he let people see. But he let me see. More than a simple scientist, more than a former soldier. The bane and the savior of the Krogans. My friend, who gave the best and strangest advice, and was always right. A lover of theatre, of all things. He had a great sense of humor, and a profound sense of duty to his profession. A man wracked with guilt who sought redemption. Who found it. Oh, gods, let him have found it. It worked, it worked…." Her body began to shake with dry sobs, her tears run dry, and James reached out with his large arms and drew her close once more. This time her hands clutched at his shirt, and she took several deep breaths as she fought to compose herself. James didn't know what to say, and his heart ached for her, knowing there was little he could do to ease her pain. So he simply stood there in silence and held her, and hoped it was enough. Several minutes passed, and the tension slowly left Shepard's body; she grew silent and still.

"James, I want to go to my cabin." Her voice was slightly hoarse, raw from who knew how much of what kind of alcohol she'd poured down her throat, and from continued crying.

"Sure thing, Lola." He left one arm around her waist for support, and carefully guided her out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. They were not spotted; Esteban was doing his job. He punched the button for the loft, and the elevator rose to the top of the Normandy. Shepard leaned against his side, clearly not able to stand upright on her own; her head rested against his shoulder, and her eyes struggled to stay open. James felt guilty for enjoying the feel of her weight against him when she was in such a state, but her warmth and her curves were hard to ignore. Fortunately, the elevator door opened onto the loft before his thoughts got carried away. He guided his commanding officer into her room, lifted her down the small set of stairs, and eased her down onto the bed. She lied down on her own, eager for the room to stop spinning, while James pulled off her shoes and set them aside. He took the blanket folded at the foot of the bed and covered her up to her neck, then gently brushed away the hair stuck to her face.

"Get some rest, belleza. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He managed to give her a smile, then turned to leave her to get some sleep.

"James…thanks…." He barely heard the slurred whispers, but it put a genuine smile on his face as he glanced back at her.

"Sure thing, Lola. Next time, let's have ourselves a proper date, eh?"

"Mmm…." He wondered if he should take her sleepy mumble as assent, though he'd only been half serious with his proposition.

"Take what you can get, James," he whispered to himself as he left the room. "Maybe a good meal will cheer her up."