Retsuprays journeyt o find themselves
(an: this chapter is dedicated to vicas please dont cancer)
CHAPTER 2 - THE JOURNEY
"hey what the hell was that shit" slowbeef cussed as the his car hit some thing on the road that was in front of them. he was worried that it could be alive, or i guess not alive anymore since he hit it just now. "ill go and check slowbeef," diabetus kindly offered and quickly hopped out of the car.
"slowbeef i think, we hit a kid on a bike or something. it looks like he has some newspapers in here or something."
"5 more dollars and i couldve baught a n64" billy said impaled on his bike before he died from the pain from being hit by a car in a storm at night. "dammit no." diabetus was in shock. memories of the last time he had let a sort of friend die in ront of him like this came pouring into his mind once more.
it was late at night and almost 2 oclock and slowbeef and diabetus and protius were sitting on the bed in the house, making a video in 2009.
the video was some chick with a really manly voice playing kirby64 for the youtube and the internet and not knowing how to break that green block thing in the castle place early on. god i love that game.
"JESUS CHRIST THIS GAME SUCKS AHH" the dumbass bitch in the video said.
"holy shit you cant even beat a kirby game? you really need to evaluate your life bithc." slowbeef stated cooly.
"say the guy who cant even read a map right," diabetus responde. they both laughed as they thought of the good times they had lping metroid games. except proteus.
"shit, why am i here sitting on this bed making stupid internet videos about stupid internet videos with you guys this is so gay in more ways than one. id rather go home and fuck my girlfriend or something this is bogus" proteus fumed trying to hide his homosex
slowbeef"why do you always do this? if you dont want to be here than stop agreeing to come over jesus. and it takes one to know one gay"
proteus got all bitchy and left the bed to go leave the house. diebteus suddenly remembered that he had left is shoe in the middle of the floor:
"wait dont go over there yet!" but he was too late. proteeus had stepped on the shoe and tripped, smashing his face onto the floor and killing himself instantly.
"dammit diabetus why did you let him die? even if he was a douchebag he still wasnt as annoying as khad."
diabetus cried and stopped flashing back now
"diabetus are you alright youre like fucking crying or something," slowbeef inqwired.
"its nothing thanks. lets just keep moving., the car is broken, we have to walk the rest of the way on foot now, sorry."
"are you sure youre alright?" slowbeef thought he was acting very weird.
but diabetus just punched him in the face and they agreed to stop talking for a while.
A couple hours later they had found a house further down the road and it was a little brighter now but still really hard to see outside. the house was painted bright blue and looked really ugly. slowbeef looked it up on his macbook and he found that rijno and his lover darknesthecurse lived there.
"perfect. this is where we are meant to be. lets go make fun of them diabetus!"
when they got to the door. diabetus tried ringing the doorbell. immediately after slowbeef pulled his gun out of his pocket and shot the door in half. then he karate chopped it in half again and lit the quarters on fire with his lighter. "i guess thats one way to do it," diabetus commented on his friends brutality, kinda turned on in a weird way.
the inside of the house was really empty. they stepped inside and looked around but all there was was was a couch a tv, and a kitchen and some stairs in the corner. the window was boarded up and the place looked really creepy. "why doesnt it surprise me that thye live in a place like this," the retsupurae duo said to each other. suddenly they heard a voice in the darkness and saw a dark figure coming down the stairs!
"ah so youve finally arrived... to your destany... of DOOM!"
"wait who the hell are you?" slowbeef wondered allowed.
"I am thornbrain, and i am here to kill you! and take the position of best restuprayers in the world!"
slowbeef and diabetus had no idea who the hell this guy was or what he was talking about. "who the hell are youand what are you talking about" diabetus asked the strange little man.
"shutthefuckup and die!" the man pulled out a machine gun and aimed it at slowbeefs face. slowbeef could not use his gun because he had only put one bullet in it before and forgot to buy more earlier.
just then...
"OHH WHAT THE!" sirronlionheart swung in on a rope from a helicopter piloted by matt damon in polar bear form with a chainsaw and shotgun in his hands through the boarded up window.
team retsupurae was confused. wasnt this one of the guys they had made fun of earlier? "why are you helping us?" slowbeef pondered.
sirron leaned back and whispered: "BECAUSE I DON'T KNEAD A REASON TO HELP OUT BADA- PEOPLE! DONT WORRY ABOUT IT! ALLRIGHT!" he looked forward again and prepped his shotgun for combat with the strange man.
"HELLO THIS IS SIRRONLIONHEART, AND WELCOME TO LETS KICK SOME A-!"
they suddenly flew at each other then even though they had guns and began a cool looking fight. team retsupurae watched amazed as the man fired a few shots at sirron but they bounced off. sirron jumped 40 feet into the air and landed on the mans head and cut him in half down the middle with his chainsaw. "YEAH! UGH..."
Sirron collapsed clutching his chest. in the course of his fight he had accidentaly pricked his chest on a thumb tack lieing on the floor. he knew he would die in a few moments from his wound and called team retsupurae over to him.
sirron's sunglasses were broken and his tuxedo was slashed. nevertheless he still had a grand smile in his face as he spoke his dieing words.
"SLOWBEEF! SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING. AN EVIL EVIL MAN IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER RETSUPURAE! I WAS HOPING I COULD STOP HIM MYSELF BUT I SEEMED TO HAVE MADE A MISCALQULATION HERE, SORRY! I HAVE SOME ADVICE FOR YOU, PLESE LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY!" slowbeef and diabetus leaned in closer to listen better.
sirrons voice was now barely a coarse croak whipser "TAKE MY SHOTGUN OF LIGHT AND GO TO THE DARK TOWER IN THE DISTANCE! IT IS CAUSING THE STORM OF DOOM! WHATEVER YOU DO, DONT EVER EVER VER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVE RVER VER VE REV EER VE RV TRUST A MAN NAMED CHIP XHEEZUM! AND MAKE SURE THAT A MAN NAMED... NEVER LIVES... TO..." his voice fade
"who should we kill?"
"LE... LES... LESB... GAHHH! OHWHATTHE" he bled out and died in that exact moment. "lesbians?" they wondered. lesbians were icky.
"...diabetus, are you ready to go?"
they hung around and mourned their fallen new friend for a moment but got bored and left, knowing now what they needed to do and go meet their destany.