Finally alone, Bill went to the kitchen as I sat on the couch lost to my thoughts and staring down at the same spot that Bill had previously been looking at.
In the distance I heard the microwave ding and realized Bill had gone to get something to eat; after a couple of minutes he walked back into the living room holding two bottles of TruBlood, handing one to me.
We sat there quiet and lost to our own thoughts until Bill finally spoke.
"Do you want to know how that spot got there?" He asked and I nodded yes.
"I know you heard me say during the meeting of the "Glorious Dead" that the last time I saw my family was when my maker took me to see them, but that was not entirely true." I flinched at the mention of his maker Lorena; she'd lured him, trapped him and tortured him; I killed her and saved him. After that things between Bill and I were never the same and now here we are together again just having found out we're going to be parents.
"After I had been turned, I managed to escape from Lorena one night and came to check on my family." He sighed.
"My son was standing by the hearth trying to stoke up the fire; he was so young." Bill's eyes glistened probably from the light on the hearth.
"His mother called to him and he turned too quickly taking the spade with him which still had a piece of red hot coal on it." I could see the pain of the memory on his face as he got lost in the recollection but still he continued speaking.
"The coal fell on the wooden floor slowly burning it. From where I stood I could smell burning wood and instinctively flew in and removed the burning coal also stomping out the burning wood plank; essentially avoiding the house from going up in flames and saving my family…, THAT was the last time I ever saw them." He momentarily looked up into my eyes and I could see fear in his eyes as well as a deep love and red tears swimming in his eyes.
"With time the spot was worn down and now all that remains is that small spot there." Tears were streaming down his face as he spoke and I could finally understand why he'd made sure that plank was not removed during the renovations but more importantly why he'd been staring at it as he was informed he was going to be a father to a son, again.
"Sookie, we have learned a lot tonight and I must apologize if I have selfishly been lost to my own thoughts from the moment Claudine said you were pregnant."
"I will admit that I did think you had been with another and I apologize for that and I hope you can understand and find it in your heart to forgive me." His eyes were begging me for understanding.
"But as we sat here, I found myself lost to what fatherhood had meant to me and the sadness of my past life and the joy of this new life overwhelmed me so much that I never stopped to think that possibly this was not something you wanted…, at least not with me and especially not like this."
"All I ask is that you think about this carefully and whatever decision you make, whatever path you decide on, know I will be right there with you offering you my unconditional love and support if you let me." He looked directly into my eyes as he spoke and I could see the sincerity of his words in them; whatever I decided Bill would understand and accept even if reluctantly.
"Bill, you're right this was not something I'd ever thought we'd be able to have but if there ever was a man that I would want to have a family with, that man, vampire or human, that man would be you." I put as much truth and loving feelings into my words as I could; willing Bill to feel the sincerity of my words.
"I knew what you thought and I was scared to death, more for Claudine than for myself; truthfully I probably would've thought the same thing myself if I was in your shoes."
My heart begged me to tell Bill everything I'd ever kept from him, it begged me not to keep any part of me from the father of my child; if fate had brought us to each other then I should trust he'd understand… and forgive me.
"But what I do want you to know and never forget it's this; there'll never be another I'd want to be with or love more than you. I meant every word I gave you in our vows; I truly love you and I rather leave you than hurt you that way and you need to know that, specially now."
I braced myself, swallowed hard and finally let the words come out of my mouth.
"Honey, I have to tell you something that is going to hurt you, but I need for you to listen and let me speak because I've been so afraid of losing you that I've kept it to myself even though I know I shouldn't have." My heart was pounding.
"And when I'm finished, whatever you decide I will understand and accept it no matter how much it hurts me; but I have to free myself from this now more than ever. Tears already dancing in my eyes; I took a deep breath to stay them and let the words roll out of my mouth before the pain of possibly losing Bill forever started to overwhelm me.
"Bill when you were in France before we got married and Eric stood with me something happened." Bill flashed rage and jealousy in his eyes, but I had to continue. I shot up my hand in a stop motion to keep him from speaking or trying to walk away from me.
"That night I was asleep and woke to find him next to me; for a moment I thought it was you and we got into an argument. After our argument Eric finally told me he loved me and even though I no longer feel or felt the same for him I kissed him. For about half a second I considered laying with him; only because I was horny and I missed you and your touch terribly. But we didn't do anything other than kiss. And when I called you and you asked what had happened, in my fear of losing you and with my guilt eating at me, I turned it against you." Bill snickered and shook his head but showed no other emotion.
"Bill nothing else happened; we only kissed, cried and held each other. I guess it was our way of saying goodbye to what we'd meant to each other when he was cursed. I know it's hard for you to believe but that Eric, the one that had been with me during that time, he loved me and for whatever reason I'd loved him too." Bill nodded but I couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking, he'd locked himself tighter than a drum from me; there was no jealousy, rage or love in his eyes.
"Maybe it was because he was so much like you; maybe it was because I was so lonely and heartbroken during that time but whatever the reason we were there for each other. Then when the witches curse was broken, Eric and I just walked away from each other; him not knowing what had happened between us or what we'd meant to each other and me knowing I'd just lost my heart again, like I had lost it with you." I waited for his reaction; Bill just nodded for me to continue, taking in my every word as I looked directly into his eyes.
"But sweetheart, I hope you understand why I didn't tell you and why I kissed him; we never got to say goodbye to what we'd had or felt and I needed to get him out of my heart completely so that I could give it ALL to you entirely." I let out a sigh I'd been holding since I started to speak.
"I just hope and pray that someday you can find it in you to forgive me but if you can't all I can say is that I am sincerely sorry because I never meant to hurt you; it wasn't planned but that was something I needed to do for myself." Tears slowly spilling from my eyes.
"As for this little one, (I said touching my flat belly), well, we're going to have a baby and even though I'm extremely scared, I am extremely happy as well." Bill nodded and gently wiped my tears with his long fingers.
"So if you think you can handle what I've just told you and can find it in you to forgive me and think you can handle the constant crying, the midnight feedings and the crazy mood swings then I can too." I said willing him to answer me sincerely.
"Of course I can Sookie; I was a very attentive father to my children." He smiled up at me, gratitude and love shining in his eyes for my trust in him; my heart immediately felt a little lighter.
"Oh, I wasn't talking about the baby silly, I was talking about me." I threw myself into his arms relieved and smiling; the weight of my body pushing us back into the couch, or so I like to think.
"Humm…," he said looking around the living room and up at the ceiling.
"What honey?" I asked tentively, waiting for the worst but hoping for the best.
"We're going to need a baby room built soon," he said and I got a glimpse at the number of plans flashing through his head before panic set in.
"Bill, what if the baby is a vampire and a fae. Would other vampires want to attack him?"
"Sweetheart I would like to believe that our son will be a human fae like his mother; but I guess we will just have to wait until he's one to find out. No matter what he is as long as he's healthy that is all that matters." He drew circles on my back and lost himself in thought for a moment before speaking again.
"Now, look at me Mrs. Compton," His beautiful long fingers under my chin raised my head until our eyes met; his eyes demanding that I pay close attention to his words.
"Mrs. Compton, one day, not today, you're going to have to explain to me why you feel compelled to keep things from me only to tell me later." He looked into my eyes as if he was searching for something.
"Why keep your secrets to yourself if you're going to bring them up once guilt eats at you? I could feel his love for me wrapping itself around me as he spoke.
"By the way, I know you read my thoughts earlier." He said arching an eyebrow and half a smile peering from his lips.
"So, if there are no more secrets you need to purge tonight, I want you to know that I love you and even though you infuriate me beyond reasons at times, I will always love you and you can tell me anything..." he leaned into me.
"ANYTHING! I AM YOURS, YOU ARE MINE and HE IS OURS and that is all that matters! Do you UNDERSTAND woman?"
"Yes. And I don't think I have any more secrets." I said tears streaming down my face.
"Good, you infuriate me but I love you and now.., (he picked me up and started walking us towards the stairs) I want to take my wife and my son up to bed as dawn is fast approaching."
God, I love this man, I love this man, I love this man, I thought as Bill sat me on the bed and brought over my pink night gown. He undressed me and before he lowered my gown over my head he leaned down and kissed me and my flat belly.
We fell asleep holding each other, our hands intertwined over my belly directly above where we thought the baby might be.
Before he closed his eyes for his day rest I heard Bill say, "I love you both very much and I will do anything and everything to keep you both safe."