Retsupray

s journey to find themselves

CAHPTER 7 - THE ESCAPE

slowbeef woke up in a cell in the dep part of the base that chip cheezum took them to after pokecapn blew ironicus up and hurt them last chapter and chip cheezum came and took them to the base after... yeah you get the idea. so he was in a cell, and looking around for a bit he noticed something: "wow, the dark even extends its affcet to this place too," he noted sceientifically, but was sad when he remembered diabetus wasnt awkae to be impressed by him.

the cell they were in was small and dark. there was only one bed so they new they had to get outta there soon or esle it was gonn a get really homosex up in that bitch soon. diabetus was still unconcsious from the thing before so slowbeef went to sheet him with tiro finale. it was out of bullets because slowbeef forgot to buy more when he went to go buy his tie from before. speaking of that tie, slowbef looked down and saw... IT WAS GONE~!

"GODDAMTIT!" diabetus instantly woke up. he was confused for a bit but started laughing at his friend's pain like he had done many times in the past before. well its nice to know some things never change i gues slowbeef thought to himseflf.

"okay so anyway the deal is is that we have to dind some way to get outta this sell before we starve ad die without saving the world from the storm thing. oh and lps too."

"Okay slowbeef, but how exactly do you plan to do that?" diabeytus snarkled. slobweef punched him in the nose and senthim flying backwards through the wall behind him.

"well i gues that answers my question" diabetus mumbleled unconciousness.

"sir i got them and through them in the cell in the basement of he base!" chip cheezim reported to the mysterious man.

"WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU KILL THEM OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DUMBASSBITCHMORONTITS!" THE MYSETERIOUS MAN ANGRIED,

pushing a button and elecicing chip cheezum for a mintues.

chip was screaming in pain and remmebered back to the few days he had where he wasnt being tortured by some evil man like he always does to take his mind off the pain.

babyy chip cheezum was 2 and one half years and playing in a crib. suddenly, his mother. came into the room and walked to his crib.

"hi babyy chip cheezum. wait... theres something wrong here..."

then baby chip cheezum remembered that he was never happy like this and that this flashback was actully him being sold to sex traffikers for football tickets tobuy his dad.

chip cheezum quit beeing eletricutted.

"NOW GOW TO THE BOOTOM OF THE BASE AND KILL THEYRE SHIT BECFORE I KILL YOURS OKAY"

and so chip cheezum went to the bottom of the base so he could kill slowbeef and daibetsus.

slowbeef exited the wall dragging slowbeef exited the wall dragging diabetsul behind him in his hadn by the shirt collar. after a minute or two his short tore and he had to drag him by the foot instead.

okay, so where do we go to escape from here?" slowbeef asked to onone really because he justseems like the kinda guy who would talk to himself like that you know.

"I THINK YOU WILL GO... !" a person said.

slowbeef gasped and turned around. the person wasn't there so he turned to his side where the person was and saw the person and identified him.

it was a strange fatman with glasses. he looked very hairy and was also fart.

"YOOOOUUUUU WILL NOT BE GOING THHHHAAATTTT WAAAAAAYYYY!" the fatman said.

"I HAVE INJECTED MYSELF WITH LION (LIKE THE DUDE FROM DARK YAGAMI(an: I love that fanfic!)))SO THAT I MIGHT BECOME... MHMHMHMHMH... STRONGER!"

Slobweef just looked at him all fuunny. i guess he was pretty funny actually, considering he looked kinda like a lion man, only fatman.

but he was actually only 4*23.

"uh, yeah, what are you going to do to me if i just go... that way instead?" slobwwef pointed indeicated the path to the other side of where he was going since he had no idea where the hell he was going at all.

"I HAVE EATEN 5353.6576657 STEAKS, LIFETED 3653655.79879 BARBELLS, PUNCHED 2354376764.5436543 COWS, SEXED 567635436353465.7 MENWO, SANG 3546575.45457634574356468 KELLY KLARKSON SONGS, AND LIT 34326547538757785$%*$(^4653 TO THE POWER OF 36426555 GIR SCOUTS ON FIRE IN PREPARATION FOR THIS DAY! LETS SEX THIS BITCH ASS TITFUCKER UP THE ASS, BUDDY BOY!" he roarled as he jumped through the sky towards slowbeef, even though they were underground

diabetusslowbeef thought quickly. he thought about using tiro finale but still didnt buy bullets because he had no money anymore. he was out of gas for his lighter and his hands still hurt from choppoing down that door (the one from chapeter 2, remember?).

"dammit, why did i throw away that dagger of time form before?" he shouted to the hevens above that he couldnt actually see because again they were underground in the base basement.

"HAHA YUR A FUCKING IDIOT SLOWBEEF NOW DIE! WITHOUT YOUR TIM DAGGER!"!"!"

then slowbeef knew he was going to die. just then, he heard a proton sowrd go swooshalghele...

but it was actually nothing and he was just being a weirdo.

so he took diabetuss and slammed the falling fatmans face with him like that one thing in bano tooie.

Okay, readers of this godforsaken story (oh, who am I kidding, no one's reading this), here's the deal. Jonathon, they guy who's been writing this horse shit you're reading, seriously couldn't think of a thrilling conclusion to this epic you see before you, so he asked me to do it. Seriously, pathetic. Well, I'm getting fifty dollars so I guess at least somebody wins from all of this.

Really, I win some dumbass writing contest back in freshmen year (Jon's 15, by the way, not even kidding) and suddenly I'm some awesome writer that everyone wants help from, including this jackass. Whatever.

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I can get from what he's written, this is about two gay guys traveling across the country killing dudes trying to kill them because it's cloudy outside and they're both scared of the dark. Apparently they're based off two dumbfucks on le grande internet, making fun of other dumbfucks on the internet. Riveting. Did I mention the gay, by the way? Also, don't actually correct me; I seriously don't give a shit.

So, Slowbeef celebrates his hard earned victory over the incredibly loud lion scientist douchebag from earlier.

",isntitdiabetusususususuus?" he rambled once more like a moron.

Oh yeah, Diabetus or whatever has woken up at this point, what with being hit in the head, or rather hitting with his head. I guess that would probably just hurt him more or something, but do I seriously sound like I give two fucks right now?

"" Diabetus stupided.

So they fucked for a while (right there in the base with cameras to the villain's main room place no less [is there anyone who isn't a flaming cockseeker in this place? I HTINK NOT]) and then they moved on down some corridor. Just pick whichever one was your favorite; actually, here, I'll help you.

There are three hallways in the room, all leading in different directions from where Slowbeef came in from. One is on the left, and has red neon lights on the entrance. One is straight ahead and has yellow. The last is to their right and has blue lights. Slowbeef elects yellow, Diabetus picks blue, they argue for twenty minutes as is par for the course, they kiss and make up and something stupid happens that makes them decide to go down the red path for some arbitrary reason.

That wasn't so hard, now, was it? Anyways, Slowbeef takes ahold of Diabetus' hand and drags him through the corridor because it was dark and spooky and they were afraid a ghost might eat them or some shit.

They eventually got to a gigantic steel door. They went to open it but they noticed it was locked. They spent twenty years or something running around in a circle searching for a key and finally got it handed to them by God who got fed up with Jon's bullshit.

"lykomgdiebatues areyouyreadyeyaya?"

"idunnoehoaterahoahahahahah? ?"

so yeah thanks rohit. yeah, so like he said or i gues swrote in this case since you cant talk through text, they went down a place after killing the fatman. butdiabetus just woke up now, and they ARENT UCKING HOMOS ILL KILL YOU IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN ROHIT SLOWBEEF IS MY IDOL

they reached a huge door with skulls all over it and blood and lights and futuristic stuff. slowbeef went to open it up so they could go through but diebatus stopped him:

"wait slowbeef, you need a key! its like in zelda, were in a dungeon of course."

slowbeef punched him in the face and tried to open the door anyway but it was indeed lokked and they seemed to need a key.

slowbeef thought to himself and looked around the room. in one cornerthey saw a skelleton with a boxing glove guarding a treasuer chest.

they had an epix duel and slobweef almost died in the fite. diabetus healed him thorgh. opening the chest, slowbeef found a giant key that he couldnt carry. since he couldnt carry the key, he did the obvious thing and brought the door to the kye. they key didnt work.

"ARGH WHY DOESNT THIS WORK ITS A SMALL KEY IT OPENS THE DOOR" SLOWBEEF ANGERED FORGETTING THAT BOSS KEYS WERE DIFFERENRT.

diabetsu cried at this badness for a while, and flashed back to his gramam one last time...

gramam was talking to diabetus. she was southern.

'yall take dem dere key and do the honkytonk and shoot ths shit and youlss save!" she shouted and then died because she was old

I got it! diebsteus siad but didnt really because he just thought that actually because he didnt want to seem weird infront of slowbeef.

diabetus threw up for a sexond in the corner and then took the key on his necklace and put it it n the door.

nothing happened.

then the door opened and nothing came out.

nothing...

except...

THEIR (SKIWBEEF ABD DIEBETYSUS) DESTANY.