Faith: that faculty which enables us to believe things which we know to be untrue.

Dracula, Bram Stoker

Chapter 11 - In The Dark

I wasn't sure where Edward lived. It was in London, but I didn't know my way around well enough to recognize the area. He pulled into a parking garage, had the car off, and was around to my side with the door open before I could even get my seatbelt off.

The moment I was out of the car, he had me pinned up against it, kissing and sucking on my neck while his hand slipped back up under my sweater. Just the presence of him was exhilarating, and obliterated my normal sense of propriety. I would have never done anything like this with Mike.

"Flat…" I gasped. If we didn't get there quickly, we'd end up doing something potentially embarrassing in the parking garage.

"You aren't at all," he laughed.

It took me a minute to realize that he was being funny. He had baited me in the past, but I had never heard him crack a joke. I didn't know how to respond. The further we ventured into whatever this was the more uncharted territory we found ourselves in. Was I finally seeing the real Edward?

He grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs, stopping at each landing to back me up against the wall like he had at the car. We were laughing and kissing and pawing at each other like two excited teenagers. At the third floor, Edward let go of my hand and flew out into the hallway, unlocking a door and waiting for me to follow.

The moment I cleared the threshold I heard his keys drop, and I registered my coat being pulled off. I didn't stop to take in the room.

Edward scooped me up; carrying me through rooms to what I assume was his bedroom. Dark drapes were pulled, closing out most of the light. He set me down gently, peeled off my sweater and gently pushed me back on the bed.

His lips were on my stomach, tracing paths with his tongue. I felt him pop the button on my jeans and slowly ease down the zipper. A few quick tugs and my jeans were on the floor.

I lay there on his bed, naked except for my underwear while Edward knelt over me fully clothed. I knew that he was looking at me, taking everything in. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to relax. I felt totally vulnerable, physically and emotionally. And yet as uncomfortable as I was being totally exposed, I felt alive. My emotions were all over the place. Confused, free, excited. I couldn't even begin to articulate if I tried.

"I'm going to ask you one last time, is this what you want, Isabella?" I could barely hear Edward when he spoke.

I nodded my head, and forced myself to sit up on my knees so that I could reach him. I started unbuttoning his shirt, but my hands were shaking too badly. He pushed my hands away and made quick work of the buttons and shed his shirt. My hands and mouth were immediately on his chest, exploring, learning, losing myself. I felt more comfortable close to him. I'm not sure if it was the contact, or the ability to hide myself a bit.

"Lay back, Isabella." Edward pushed gently on my shoulders, and crawled up on the bed. I dropped down, and scooted back up the bed. He followed me, an intent look on his face.

He grabbed my leg up and kissed my ankle, sending a charge of electricity through my body.

"It's never been about you, has it? No one has ever thought about what you wanted or tried to make you feel good. And you are always too selfless or shy to ask."

Edward moved further up the bed, pausing to kiss my stomach, even further up between my breasts, again across my chest to my shoulder, until coming to rest on his side next to me. He leaned in to kiss me slowly, almost reverently, his free hand cupping my face. It was such an intimate, loving gesture that it took my breath away.

He broke away from my mouth, kissing his way back along my neck as his hand slid down to cup my breast again. Quick work was made of the clasp of my bra, and he pushed it out of the way.

He was gentle as he explored my body. One hand glided slowly down my arm to grasp my hand and lift it over my head. He immediately released it and skimmed his fingers back down the inside of my arm, raising gooseflesh in his wake.

I instinctively moved to pull my arm back down, a combination of my nerves at being totally vulnerable and my need to be able to touch him. But as soon as he registered my movement, Edward's hand was back at my wrist, securing it to the bed.

"Why do you keep trying to hide yourself? Didn't I already tell you that you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen?"

His body shifted, and I felt his mouth at the base of my neck. His touches became more insistent, gently squeezing and kneading. He kissed me everywhere but where I wanted him to. My collarbone. My shoulder. My rib cage. The inside of my elbow. He was teasing me, building the anticipation. So much so that I gasped when I felt his tongue graze the underside of my breast.

"Don't hold back, Isabella. I want to hear how I make you feel," he whispered against my skin. Before I could process a thought, his mouth was around my nipple, gently stroking and sucking at it. A small sigh escaped my lips, and I felt him smile against me.

"That's it. Trust what you feel. Trust how I make you feel."

He continued to lavish attention on me, kissing and teasing as he whispered against my skin. How good I smelled, how I tasted. How beautiful I was. It made me feel like he was worshipping me.

"Did you like our little session in the car?" He was looking up at me, his head resting on my stomach. He wore that same amused look he always had when he knew he was pushing my buttons.

My face was immediately warm as another charge of electricity ran through me. I bit my lip and nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"You were absolutely breathtaking, Isabella. I want to see you come apart like that again." His hand slipped down to slide off the remainder of my clothing. "I very much like knowing that I can make you feel that good.

I lay spread out on the bed, naked, and completely at his whim. I felt totally out control and yet absolutely safe.

"Tell me what you want, Isabella. I'd like to hear you say it."

He sounded so different from the infuriating man that had taunted and tormented me over the previous weeks.

"Don't be scared. I would never do anything to hurt you." He kissed his way gently up my body, and brought his hand up to rest on my cheek again. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand.

His tone was gentle, his words affectionate. I believed him. Yet I was still scared, uncomfortable in my own skin.

Edward must have picked up on my insecurity when I didn't answer. His hand slowly trailed along my hip bone, waiting.

"Would you like me to touch you again?" His words were so proper, formal, it made the whole thing that much more erotic. I kept my eyes and nodded, my cheeks burning.

His hand left my hip, sliding down to and dip behind my knee. He bent my leg so that my foot could rest flat on the bed. I felt the trail of his fingers down the inside of my leg. My knee instinctively dropped a bit to the side and I heard a soft chuckle at the reaction. My eyes flew open, and I was ready with a retort, but the slow graze of his hand eliminated my ability to speak.

Just like in the car, I gave in, lost myself in his touch. My body took over, arching and rocking against his hand. My fists knotted into the sheets as I let the sensations wash over me. I was vaguely aware of asking him to move faster, my knee dropping completely to the side. I was writhing under him on the bed, with no fear, no embarrassment. I felt free. I felt wanted.

He whispered in my ear as I came back down. I didn't register what he said, too caught up in the sensation, in his presence. Intermittent words like fire, beautiful, life blended with the exhilaration of the feeling of his fingers inside of me.

I pulled in a deep breath and opened my eyes. Edward was watching me, a lazy smile on his face. It was out of sync with intensity burning in his eyes.

"You know that I want you, don't you, Isabella?" He never looked away, never broke his gaze. He was waiting for me to indicate that I understood and that I believed him.

"I want you too," I whispered back.

His smile grew a bit. "May I make love to you, Isabella?"

I didn't trust myself to speak. I don't think I could have if I tried. I felt myself coloring again as I nodded my agreement. There was no way I could stop now, I wanted this too much. I wanted us too much.

Edward pulled away, and I heard him digging around in the bedside table. The sound of his jeans hitting the floor followed by crinkling and tearing of plastic. He climbed back on the bed, hovering over me, his arms bearing the brunt of his weight.

It was dark enough in the room that I couldn't make out much. His fair skin, his hair hanging in his eyes, which were alight with a fire so similar to earlier in the car. He slowly eased himself down onto me, still supporting his weight on his arms. The warmth of his body, the electricity humming between us was all encompassing, and I needed him to move, to follow through on his request.

I shifted my hips, brushing up against him. A flicker of that wicked smile flew across his features that made him so irresistible. I slipped my hand in his hair and pulled him in closer to me.

"So help me god if you start teasing me again..." I shifted my hips against him again. I couldn't handle the wait any more. I desperately wanted him, and would do whatever it took to make that happen.

I couldn't help but momentary laugh at myself internally. Who was this vixen, and what had she done with shy, timid Bella? I had never said or done anything as remotely forward as I had today.

"I want to hear you say it first." The smirk was still there, but it seemed to be hiding something else.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought he needed the reassurance as much as I did.

It gave me a feeling of balance, of equality. This wasn't a game. There was something more here. It wasn't just about hormones and sex.

"Will you make love to me, please?"

And with that simple request, the smirk grew into a full fledged smile, a look of victory, crossed his face. I couldn't help but smile back. Every wall was down now.

His lips crashed into mine as he slipped into me. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, reveling in the feeling, the connection, the completion. It had been

so long since I had been with anyone. That, combined with the fire and want that Edward had been fueling over the past few weeks made me desperate for more. I clawed at his back, wrapped my legs around his waist, anything to get him closer.

We were both too excited, too eager to worry about anything other than finding a release. There was no slow or gentle. We groped, we pushed, we pulled, and it was almost a flat out battle to feel as much as possible, to experience everything. I totally let go, made demands, cried out his name, begged for more.

And the climax was incredible, unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was coming to the realization that I had been missing out on a lot of things.

Edward collapsed against me, breathing heavily. He pushed a bit of matted hair away from my face and kissed me gently.

"Thank you."

That one simple acknowledgement felt more intimate than anything that preceded it.

"I think I should thank you. I've never, well…that was…" I fumbled, trying to form a coherent thought.

Edward smiled, rolling to his side and pulling me with him.

"It's just the beginning, Isabella. No need to thank me yet." I cuddled into him, enjoying the warmth of his body. "I intend to everything about us a regular occurrence."

For the first time in what seemed like ages, I felt really happy. Someone wanted me for exactly who I was, made me feel amazing. Like I was special.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the quiet of us just being.

The room was totally dark when I woke up. I didn't see a bed side clock. We both must have fallen asleep.

I slipped out of bed and retrieved my clothes. Edward was sprawled out, sound asleep. He looked so different. His face relaxed and peaceful. Such a contrast to the infuriatingly cryptic, dazzling man that I was slowly getting to know.

A knot formed in my chest as I watched him sleep. I was absolutely nuts about him, and I had no clue what he wanted from me. I could be setting myself up for a major let down if I wasn't careful. Yet at the same time, there was a side to him today that was

new. He laughed. He smiled. He cracked jokes. He opened up to me, if just a little bit. He made me feel beautiful and wanted, if only for a short time.

I couldn't imagine him ever intentionally causing me pain.

I slipped out of his bedroom, and roamed through the flat looking for the kitchen. In my attempt to find a light switch, I cracked my knee on something, and heard a corresponding crash. I found a lamp nearby, and flipped it on. I had run into a glass and iron coffee table with a collection of picture frames scattered over the top. One had tumbled off the table and fallen on the floor.

Kneeling down, I retrieved a silver picture frame. The dusty glass had cracked, but the frame appeared to be intact. I checked to make sure that there were no shards on the ground before setting the frame back on the table. I'd mention it to Edward and let him know that I would replace the glass. The frame looked old; maybe I should just offer to replace it entirely.

I hadn't registered the image until I had propped it back up with the other photos. A much younger Edward with his arms wrapped around a girl with beautiful bright red hair.

A girl with my face.

"Isabella? Are you all right?" Edward was standing in the door to the bedroom. He appeared to have just pulled his jeans back on, and was in the process of buttoning them up.

He registered my shocked expression, and his eyes darted from my face to the broken picture frame on the table. If it was possible, he actually palled.

"Isabella, it's not what you think." He stepped forward into the room, a look of alarm spreading across his features.

"No? Because this looks an awful lot like me. What kind of sick fuck are you?" I could feel tears of anger starting to build. I didn't know who the woman in the photo was, and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

My shoes were in the hallway. I quickly slipped them on, grabbed my jacket and fled for the door. I heard him call out behind me, but I didn't stop.

I flew down the steps, exited at the ground floor and ran through the lobby. It opened out onto a busy street, where I threw my hand out to flag down a cab.

My mind reeled. Part of me wanted to go back and demand to know who the woman in the photo was. It wasn't a passing resemblance; it was me with red hair. The other part of me was mortified. It didn't matter who she was. There was a photo of her in Edward's apartment. She was special to him, which meant that I could only be a replacement. Filler at best.

A cab pulled over just as Edward came running out of the building. I climbed in and gave the driver my address. As we pulled away from the curb, I sat back against the seat and closed my eyes. I replayed our conversations through my head…'I should stay away, but I can't,' 'I won't kiss you because I am protecting myself.' It was allthere, how could I have been so stupid? So naïve?

My cell phone started to ring. The display showed Edward's name and number. I turned it off. I didn't want to hear his platitudes. I needed to get home, take a shower, and talk to Rose.

Shower.

Shit, I had slept with him. How the hell could I have done that? What the hell was wrong with me? I covered my face with my hands, trying to close out the memory of the afternoon. He had made me feel so wanted, so special. Almost loved. It was all just a game, a sick, twisted game.

He'd promised he'd never hurt me. Everything had been a lie.

This was worse than Mike. At least with him, I always knew where I stood in the pecking order, what I had to compete with. I might not have been his first priority, but I knew that. Edward was worse. He had a photo of a woman in his apartment that looked just like me, and had told me nothing about her. Wife, ex-wife, girlfriend, I didn't know who she was. I didn't want to know.

The cab pulled up in front of my building, and I rummaged through my pockets for money to pay the fare. A tap on the cabbie's door made my head shoot up. I saw money passed through the window.

"You're all set, miss," The driver called over his shoulder.

Out the window, I could see Edward's car double parked across the street. He stood outside the cab, hands shoved in his pockets. His eyes were wide, almost pleading as he watched me.

I climbed out and slammed the door shut behind me, moving as quickly as I could towards my building.

"Just go away. I don't want to hear it." I made a bee line for the door, hoping to be safely inside before he could follow.

"Bella, stop. Please don't run away from me! I need to explain what you saw, make you to understand!" He pleaded.

I spun around, "How dare you fuck with my head for weeks and now call me Bella? It doesn't work that way, Edward. I trusted you! I fucking slept with you! All you've done since we've met is play games with me! You push and you prod to manipulate my emotions. What are you trying to do, make me into someone else? Is that it? Because that is sure as hell what it looks like. What were you going to do next, buy me a red wig or ask me to dye my hair?"

"Bella, please…."

I held up my hand to stop him. "Leave. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, just leave."

The tears I had been holding at bay were flowing freely now.

"Bella?" A voice called from the doorway.

A voice I knew all too well. What the hell was he doing in London?

Mike stood at the top of the steps, a look of confusion on his face. Emmett towered behind him, arms crossed in a look the clearly communicated 'don't fuck with me.'

"Did you just say that you slept with this guy? Who the hell is he? What is going on?"

Mike was down the steps, trying to step in between Edward and I. As if he was trying to protect his property from a perceived predator. Emmett immediately moved out onto the steps, ready to launch to my defense.

In any other life, this would be comical. The irony of the three men I had kissed in the six months were all gathered on the steps in front of my flat. It had the trappings of a bad romance novel.

I was to angry, to hurt to be rational, so I lashed out at the closest target.

"Just fucking brilliant. What do you want Mike? Another guilt trip to try and lure me back to Chicago? Well you can turn around and go home. I am staying right here. I thought I made it clear that I needed to be my own person."

I pulled away when I felt a hand wrap around my arm. I couldn't look at Edward. I didn't trust myself to resist the lies and half-truths that he had been feeding me. I just needed to get away.

"I've had enough mind games for one day. Actually, for a lifetime. The both of you can go to hell for all I care. Just leave me alone!"

I pushed past Mike and went straight for Emmett. He wrapped me in a bear hug, sheltering me away from them. But it wasn't enough to shut out the things screaming through my brain. Why was I never good enough? Why was it always about what someone else wanted, never about me?

"Please make them go away," I whispered into his chest.

He smoothed down my hair and rubbed my back, "Rose called me to help keep Mike out of your hair. You go upstairs; I'll happily take care of these two."

He released me, and I ran up the steps. I heard Edward call after me before the front door slammed shut behind Emmett.

Rose stood on the landing. The look on her face told me that she had heard everything. Her arms were out wide.

"It will be okay, Bella. Emmett will make them go away, and we'll figure it out. You'll be okay."

I let her rock me back and forth and whisper words of comfort. It didn't matter. None of it mattered.

He was gone. If he had ever really been here in the first place.