Chapter 2
Whipped
…I have the weirdest boner right now, Revan thought as he woke to the sensation of sunlight against his eyelids. Whether it was because Bastila was half-sprawled over him, or because he had a most exhilarating dream of adding new modifications to HK-47 and T3-M4, he simply could not ascertain.
Struggling to move, he found that he was dead tired – as if he took after his mother, Vaner would not cease his whining for what was well over an hour. Revan thought he'd finally go mad before Bastila realized that what Vaner really needed was something that only she could provide. Physically provide. Nevertheless, she managed to solve Vaner's problem, and grumbled as Revan kept on telling her "I told you so!" all the way back to bed.
Turning his head in his pillow, he grinned as he looked at Bastila who was still asleep, lightly snoring through her open mouth which…Is this drool on my shoulder? Revan peered at his chest in dismay.
"Honey, wake up," Revan gently shook her.
"Stupid bastard," Bastila whined as she waved her hand about in the air. "Didn't call me sooner."
"I told you it was your turn, didn't I?" Revan crossed his arms.
"You know it was rightly your turn, Revan," Bastila kneed him under the quilt.
"By the Force!" Revan twisted in agony, his face going blue as he crumpled into a ball.
"Oh my goodness!" Bastila cried and immediately began to rub Revan's back. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit you there!"
"Say bye bye to the prospect of Revan Junior and Revan the Third," Revan groaned.
Bastila paused, then chuckled lightly. "I'm not exactly 'sad' to see that possibility go to waste. One Revan is more than enough for anyone to handle. Bastila the Second, on the other hand…"
"…Seriously, how much have you done that you're now starting to compare your deeds to mine? I'm pretty sure that I could've taken out Malak and also stopped Kreia solo without any help. It'd just take more effort, although I've gotta say that I wouldn't exactly be keen on that."
"Oh really?" Bastila put her hands on her hips. "And where do you think you'd be today, if I hadn't used my Battle Meditation to get you out of trouble when you needed it?"
"I could make judgment about the effectiveness of your Battle Meditation case by case, if that's what you really want. I really don't think that you helped much at all in the battle on board the Endar Spire. In fact, if I remember correctly, you were busy saving your own ass that you left behind some other hot chick who took an explosion right in the face because of you. The only other time I recall you using your Battle Meditation was during the battle of the Star Forge, and even then, the fact that you used it against us for more than an hour while using it to help us for roughly ten minutes doesn't exactly swing things in your favour. You know, I still wonder what would've happened if I had saved that girl and taken her with me and Carth in the escape pod. Who knows? The galaxy itself as we know it could be different altogether."
Bastila sighed. "…You still remember something like that?"
Revan shrugged. "Well, yeah. She was hot. Really hot. Force knows what might have happened if she survived and had come with me."
Bastila rolled her eyes and shoved Revan in the face. "Get out of bed, mister. Time for breakfast. And you're making Vaner's meal today."
Revan whined. "Do I have to?"
"Consider it punishment for not using common sense last night to calm him down."
"Isn't that your fault? I mean, you're the one who didn't think ahead and come into his room so that he could get something to drink from your—"
"Breakfast! Now!" Bastila sternly said to him, and Revan immediately shot out of bed like an utterly whipped man. No matter how much he wanted to call T3-M4 to carry out his menial errand, he knew that Bastila had the ears of a…you know, one of those aliens with superhuman hearing…
Later during breakfast, Revan couldn't help but notice that Bastila had a slightly remorseful expression on her face as he questioned her about it.
"What is it, honey?"
"Oh, nothing, Revan," she dismissed.
"That's what you always say, and then there's always some problem instead. Usually involves me putting in effort."
"I guess I'm just a tad sorry about what I made you do last night," she apologized. "I should have thought sooner, Revan, and—"
"Bastila, stop right there. I know what you're going to say," Revan shook his head.
Bastila looked at him with perplexed eyes. "Say what?"
"I'll just say that I don't need it."
"Need what?"
"You know what I mean…" Revan grinned devilishly.
"…That was just one time," Bastila narrowed her eyes. "You were mightily upset, and I wasn't sure just how to make it up to you."
"Maintenance work on T3 and HK wouldn't have been bad. In fact, I think it would've been an easier way for you to properly apologize altogether."
Bastila teasingly poked her tongue out at him. "You wish, darling."
They both looked at their infant son who seemed to be rather disinterested in the soup that Revan had prepared for him. T3 voiced his dismay at having to clean up after the mess that Vaner flung here and there with his spoon in what was almost a 360-degree radius.
Revan spoke to Bastila. "Honey, I don't think Revan Junior is-"
"Vaner," his wife corrected him.
"Right. Anyways, I don't think he's rather pleased with that baby formula anymore. I think we should get something new."
"He's only been having that for a week!" Bastila whined. "Oh, for Force's sake, he must have taken after you in terms of appetite."
"There's a fine line of difference between 'appetite' and 'preference', you know," Revan defended himself. "I'm more of the 'preference' type. Zaalbar's the 'appetite' type. Mission's kind of an 'appetite' type too, but I'm still damn surprised to this day at how she doesn't get fat. I give her a dish of food, go out of the room and come back five minutes later to see that everything is gone."
Bastila laughed. "Well, you can't blame her – after all, seeing how dangerous the lower levels of Taris are, it would have been all the more difficult for the two of them to regularly access the Hidden Bek base."
Revan shrugged. "Just putting it out there."
Bastila then posed a more serious question. One that was bound to tug away at Revan's laziness nerve.
"Revan, pardon me for asking this, but…don't you think that you should do something about…you know…?"
Revan decided to push the limits of his apathy in the hopes that he could avoid getting himself into another bothersome predicament. "Not sure what you're talking about."
"On other end of the galaxy? A particular Cathar and a persistently high male Jedi?"
"Still…not…quite following…"
"Ugh," Bastila sighed and held her face in her hands. "The Unknown Regions. The Sith Empire. You told us all about it and left us speechless, remember?"
"Aah, crap," Revan exhaled and leaned back in his chair. All he ever wanted to do now, after dealing with not one, but two major Sith threats against the Republic, was to just lay back, put his feet up and enjoy the tequila that T3 or HK would occasionally bring him. The thought of having to take himself out there again and do something about a Sith invasion which most likely wouldn't come for another few centuries simply mind-boggled him.
"Is that a yes or a no?" Bastila asked. She knew that regardless of what Revan inwardly gave, the words that came out of his mouth would always be along the same lines.
"Can't I put it off for another year?"
"No."
"Another 11 months?"
"No."
"10 months?"
"Don't push it, Revan," Bastila frowned.
"…Not even one month?"
Bastila sighed in admission. "Well, I…guess I should be fair about some things, after all."
Revan froze in shock. "So…you're ordering me to get my ass on the line out there? Isn't that a bit harsh?"
Bastila immediately shot back. "Isn't it 'a bit harsh' to trick two people into getting their asses on the line in a futile endeavour?"
Revan waggled his head side to side. "I don't see the harm in it. If memory serves me right, the 'True Sith' are quite shoddy fighters who merely frighten people with their bad skin complexion. Maybe you should go yourself and show them a sight they could aspire to?"
"Shut up, Revan," Bastila grinned and took up her spoon again, flattered by Revan's compliment. "But really, you must get out there and do something about the Sith. There's no other way for it."
"Can't you just call up Meetra? She's the one who gets all jumpy and giddy at the first thought of helping people."
"You got us into this mess in the first place by getting involved with those Sith, Revan, so you get us out of it."
"But…they're not even gonna come here. The Sith Emperor is probably the most indecisive guy you'll ever meet. And even if they do, believe me when I say that the True Sith are even worse shots than the ones we faced already wearing those shiny silver spandex suits," Revan insisted.
"Revan…" Bastila frowned seriously.
"Oh Force, I have to go myself, don't I?" Revan collapsed back into his chair.
"Mm hmm," Bastila nodded.
"And you're completely okay with this? You okay with the idea of sending me out there and leaving Revan Junior here alone?"
"He's not going to be alone. I'm staying with him. And it's Vaner!" Bastila gruffly stated.
"Well, if you're staying here, then I'm not going out there," Revan crossed his arms and shook his head.
"But…you have to!"
"I already said that I don't, didn't I? I think you're really overestimating the Sith threat here, as are the rest of you. I know I said that the Emperor and the Sith are pissed off after finding out about us blowing up Korriban, and that they're preparing an invasion, but it's really no big deal. Sith warships are like floating potato chips – they're that fragile. They might come here in numbers, but then that'd only mean that Canderous and his Mandalorians can cry tears of joy as they enjoy shooting ships out of the sky and taking bets on each other's kill counts. I just might send HK to join them if that's the case – any prolonged lack of violence can drive him insane."
Bastila looked at him curiously. "So what are you suggesting that we do?"
Bastila held her head in her hands hours later as she stood beside Revan in the center chamber of the Ebon Hawk. The entire crew – both former and latter, including Carth whom Bastila had to drag out of his command tower by her persistent whining and bitching – were gathered quite miraculously in order to discuss their next course of action. Well, all except for Juhani and Mical, of course.
She was amazed that she had somehow allowed Revan to have his way by bringing her along with him, as if to give her a taste of her own medicine. To drive home his argument that the True Sith were not even dangerous at all, he even had her keep Vaner seated on a baby carrier that came with a strap that was bound around her shoulders.
"'It'll be completely fine', he said. 'Revan Junior will have a blast while we're at it', he said…" Bastila moaned silently to herself.
"What's that, honey? Does Revan Junior need another diaper change?" Revan asked. Bastila merely blushed in embarrassment while the small child in front of her waved his arms about and wondered what the hell was going on around him.
"Y'know, I'm actually surprised that this meeting's taking place at all. Seemed utterly improbable at the time," Mira noted.
"Well, since Canderous and a whole lot of others managed to gather their forces back on their home planets and join us in time for the battle of Telos, I'm not surprised," Meetra said.
"I can't help but feel that there's a significantly great force at work here. As if we're all just hamsters or gerbils whose strings are being pulled by a higher power who's currently taking great glee at making our lives absolutely horrendous by putting us through one bad plot twist after another in an attempt to construct some form of crude entertainment," Atton pondered deeply.
"Too much skooma?" Mission raised an eyebrow.
"Way too much skooma," Mira agreed.
"Do we actually have enough provisions for the trip, through? It's going to be one mightily long journey," Canderous noted.
Meetra shrugged. "Well, I've never actually seen any of you eat during our time together despite the fact that it's an obvious physiological need, so I'm guessing that we've got plenty. Even for Mission."
Mission looked at her. "You mean Zaalbar, right?"
Atton shook his head. "Nope. All you, kiddo."
Mission glared at them both. "I hate you."
"So I assume that we all know what we're here for?" Visas questioned the members of the group.
"We've got to put our asses on the line again and take out that Sith Emperor, right?" Carth guessed.
"Technically, we don't actually need to," Revan explained. "If I know the Emperor as well as I think I do, he won't budge at all. He's like one of those really shoddy Pazaak players who can't move a muscle when both him and his opponent's number count is at 19. You all must know just how apathetic I am thanks to Kreia, who always says that you should aim to keep neutral in the hopes of using people to your advantage, so I figured from that that it'd be best if I don't do anything at all and let everything sort itself out naturally. Problems solve themselves, and I don't have to move a muscle – how awesome is that? Too bad that Bastila was so insistent that I do something about it. She's the reason why all of us are here."
The entire crew glared as one at Bastila, who whimpered and shuddered. "What? Well, someone's got to do it!" she whined.
Mira leaned sideways and softly whispered to Mission as she took a wild guess at the reason why Bastila insisted on this rather pointless endeavor.
"It must be that time of month for her."
A/N: Wow, it's been ages since I first uploaded this thing. I've been busy with exams the past month, and I've also been working on my "Heart of a Padawan" KOTOR fic, and have completely forgotten about this one during that time. I'll try to upload the next chapter when I can.
Reviews, please!