Email From Jasper Whitlock
To: Edward Masen
From: Jasper Whitlock
Subject: Bella's Dissertation
I've started and stopped this email multiple times. I've toyed with picking up the phone, but I don't know how to begin. I need to say something, but I feel like I am betraying a confidence.
I know you are aware that Bella submitted her dissertation. She is being proactive while waiting for feedback from her advisor by starting to work on her presentation.
She asked me to help her get ready by acting as the review panel. We went through a trial run today.
It didn't go well.
I am not sure if it's her nature to be overly emotional, but she pretty much fell apart when I started digging in. At first she was combative, but as my questions escalated, she literally dissolved in tears.
Is there something going on that I should know, something that might have her so wound up? I mentioned potentially delaying her presentation for a while, but she got even more upset, insisting that it has to get done. I don't think she realizes how disastrous it would be if she melted down in the middle of her presentation. It could set her back months, if not a year. It could also ruin potential recommendations from the committee, which would impact her ability to find a job.
Please don't tell her that I dabbled, as I don't want her to feel that I betrayed a trust. I just don't want to see her fail. She's worked too hard to get here.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Jasper Whitlock
From: Edward Masen
Subject: Re: Bella's Dissertation
I was afraid of this. She's been incredibly emotional since I brought her home from the hospital. She refuses to acknowledge it, going so far as to try and laugh it off. I've spoken to her neurologist who assures me that it's all normal; part of the healing process. Nonetheless I am worried that the way she is dealing with it is anything but normal..
The littlest things set her off. She had a full on panic attack at the library a few weeks ago because she couldn't remember the password for her laptop. Fortunately she called Rose, who managed to calm her down.
Things have progressed between us more than you may be aware, and we've talked about her staying on here permanently. But she's petrified about finding a job. I know that she's been having issues because of the injury; I don't want to think about what any type of set back would do to her already fragile psyche.
What happens if she presents and fails? It would crush her.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Edward Masen
From: Jasper Whitlock
Subject: Re: Bella's Dissertation
She would have to retool her written dissertation and resubmit.
And why didn't you tell me about her not having a job sooner? Use your head you idiot – did you not think that I might be able to help? Fat lot of good it will be now, academic slots are all but filled for the coming year. I can beat around the bushes, see if I can suss out anyone who knows of some research positions or adjunct slots open…
Have you tried talking to her about this? Tried to change her mind?
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Emmett McCarty, Rosalie Hale
From: Edward Masen
Subject: Desperate - I need your help
I hate to ask this, but I don't know what else to do.
Things aren't all 'okay' with Bella. She is experiencing some lingering side effects that impede her ability to handle her emotions. It only seems to manifest itself when she is stressed or overwhelmed.
Her doctors believe that it will correct itself in time. Unfortunately she is intent on scheduling her dissertation defense as soon as possible, and I am worried that she won't be able to handle it.
I need to figure out a way to talk to her into delaying, and was hoping that you could do the same.
If on the high likelihood that she tries to laugh it all off I am going to insist that someone go with her for the presentation. It would also probably be good to line up friends to back her up. The more moral support, the better.
Rose, I know that there is no love lost between us, but I hope that you don't delete this before reading. I can appreciate if you don't want to have anything to do with me. But this isn't for me; this is for Bella.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Jasper Whitlock
From: Edward Masen
Subject: Re: Bella's Dissertation
She sees this dissertation as some type of roadblock in her life. I don't even think she wants to teach anymore, but she can't give it up, it's like a crusade. She is so focused on getting it done that it's almost becoming an obsession. I keep trying to convince her it's not an all or nothing proposition, but I am not having any luck.
As for changing her mind, have you ever succeeded in changing Alice's once it's made up? No need to respond, I know the answer.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Edward Masen
From: Emmett McCarty
Subject: Re: Desperate - I need your help
I'll talk to Rose. They've spoken on the phone a few times over the past week. I think the incident with the password a few weeks opened back up the lines of communication.
You know that Bella will dig in her heels if we tell her not to do something, don't you? Which means you might have to press things a bit, maybe even lay down an ultimatum. Are you willing to go there if you have to? And are you willing to deal with the consequences? It sounds like she's not totally level right now, which means that you might not like her response.
The more I think about it, I'd seriously consider wearing a cup when you have this conversation.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Emmett McCarty
From: Edward Masen
Subject: Re: Desperate - I need your help
Of course she'll dig her heels in. Would you expect anything different? Do you think Rose can change her mind?
There is a huge irony in this whole nightmare; she may be an emotional mess, but she's become such a fighter. All that time trying to pull her out of her shell, and all it took was standing down a git with a title to give her the confidence she needed. How the hell do I convince her that she's not ready without undermining that new found determination? I feel like an ass for even thinking it.
As for me being willing to go to an ultimatum, I will do whatever I can for her. I can't stand the thought of her getting to the States and failing.
I worry about what would happen to her if things don't go as she hopes. Will it keep her from coming back? Yes, I can try the ultimatum route, but will that make it worse?
I hate this. I feel like no matter what I do, I run the risk of losing her for good. I can't do that Emmett. She's the strong one, not me.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Edward Masen
From: Emmett McCarty
Subject: Re: Desperate - I need your help
If anyone can get her to listen, it's Rose. It might not be pretty, but for some reason, those two can get through to each other in ways no one else can.
Do you want one of us on standby to go to Chicago with her, just in case? I can move some things around behind the scenes so that Rose 'just happens to be going' at the same time. If we can't convince her to wait, she'll at least have someone she trusts there.
The more I think about it, let's keep Rose as a neutral party in this. Bella may want someone to lean on if she feels like she needs a safe haven. Rose is the natural choice. What do you think?
As for you losing her, not a chance. She's absolutely nuts about you. She told Rose the other day that she's planning on coming back here for good.
Dude, she's giving up baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet for your limey ass. Don't go all emo on me now.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Emmett McCarty
From: Edward Masen
Subject: Re: Desperate - I need your help
I don't know what to think anymore. I'd like to be there, but it probably makes more sense for it to be Rose. She can probably be more objective and less emotional than I can.
And please don't tell your girlfriend that for once I appreciate her clinical and cold nature. You know I am grasping at straws. This doesn't mean that I forgive her by any means.
Bugger all, this whole situation is miserable. Bella's driving herself into a hole for me, for a chance at something permanent. She's getting close to her six month window, which means she will have to leave the country for a little while. She isn't taking classes, so getting a student visa is out of the question. And without completing her dissertation, she'll be hard pressed to get an employment visa.
I told her that I could take care of her, that she could live with me until she found something. What is that euphemism you love so much, went over like a fart in a wet suit? She told me no, that she had to do this on her own. And while I know she is right, there isn't anything that I can do, it still doesn't change the fact that she might have to leave, and not be able to get back in.
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-
To: Edward Masen
From: Emmett McCarty
Subject: Re: Desperate - I need your help
What did you expect you moron, she's as stubborn as you are. And for the record, it's not gone unnoticed that she's the one sacrificing here, not you. You want her to stay. What would you be willing to do if she couldn't?
How far are you willing to go? Because there is a really easy answer to all this - you could ask her to marry you. Then she could stay regardless of what happens with her dissertation. And you both get what you want.