4 – Decisions must be made.
Sometimes people live their whole lives in a way lives shouldn't be lived. Sometimes the whole idea of real love is just not as clear as it should be. Sometimes being alone becomes a routine in people's life. But, as every single other time, sometimes things change. And changes might not be simple, especially when we are talking about love. Because when love gets in the matter, two people have to establish bonds.
"You do know I don't believe in fate, right?"-Said Brennan while staring at Booth who was standing right beside her in bed.
"Why did you come up with this right now?"
"Because I wanna tell you that I didn't change my mind and that I never will. I'm never going to believe in fate, Booth. This is just way too wrong for me…"- she was turning to her left side trying to be able to see Booth in a better angle.
"Bones, I know I've already told you that you should never say never and, once again, I can tell you that you should never say never. People change, Bones. Our thoughts change. Look at us."
"Booth, I never changed my mind. I never said I wouldn't be with you."
"Well, you never said that, but you did say that you would never have a child. So, never say never, Bones. Never."
Bickering was something that wouldn't change between them both. They were a couple now, but all the bickering they have been having, would never get to an end. Perhaps because all couples have their bickering, perhaps because life without someone to bicker to is just not a normal and happy life.
"Maybe you are right. But you knew, by that time, that I'd eventually change my mind. You knew that people need to start a family; you knew that I'd find someone with whom I'd like to build my own life with. But you can't say that I'll change my mind about fate. I don't need to believe in fate to be a better person or to have a better life. Mine is wonderful and complete right now. I don't need you to point me out fate to prove me that I definitely should believe in it. Besides, there is nothing as ludicrous as fate. You know that. Things happen for reasons; there is always a reason in the matter. Nothing happens out of nothing."
"What? Nothing happens out of nothing? Where did you read that, Bones?"
"I didn't. It's scientifically proved. These are theories, Booth. It's like life is not created from a rock. Inanimate things have no kind of power under human creation. Therefore, fate does not exist."
"So, if it does not exist, how do you explain the day we first met? Why do you think we've got to know each other?"
"Because the FBI needed some help in a case they weren't able to solve and the Jeffersonian needed some money to keep going. Dr. Goodman found it interesting and somehow Cam got to know my work. Simple like that."
"Alright. But, things like that don't happen just like that. There is something that gets it all together. You know?"
"I don't know what that means."
"Means that, perhaps in another dimension, we were meant to meet each other. That case wasn't meant to be solved by only me and the FBI, so then I'd meet you and eventually need you."
"Your argument is not even questionable. Things are not meant to be, Booth. They just are. This is like discussing who came first, the chicken or the egg? We know that the egg might have come first, but no one is able to prove it."
"Bones, are you sure you are ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be? I'm ok, Booth."- Brennan was moving towards Booth, raising her head to be able to look into his eyes, even though it was dark in there.
"Because, Bones. We don't have this kind of conversation before going to bed. You usually tell me how you are feeling, how Sarah has been kicking you and getting closer to your spleen. How tired you are… We never had this kind of conversation…"
The thoughts have been crossing her mind now that she was having way too much free time to think about their lives. She was supposed to meet her daughter within two or three weeks and those thoughts couldn't get out of her mind.
Brennan knew that Booth would do anything for his girls. That the only reason of why they haven't discussed the baby's bedroom color was because they didn't actually have their own place and the responsible for all of that was her. She knew that she was the one avoiding this, because she knew that this decision would have to be made by them both, and this was something Brennan was not too used to yet.
She pondered for a while when she finally decided to start the conversation.
"Booth?"
"Yeah?"
"I… I am afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid of becoming a mother, afraid of not being kind enough to our daughter, afraid of not being able to handle all this."
Booth laughed for a while and embraced her with his left arm.
"Bones, you are gonna be a wonderful mom. You know that. I've already told you. And, about handling this, we are under control. We got it. I've never been so happy in my entire life and I'm sure I've never seen you so happy. What's happening here?"
"I'm… I'm very happy, you are right. It couldn't be better. But, hum… Our daughter is gonna be here at anytime. She is gonna come and we are gonna have to have a room for her. I wanted you to paint her bedroom, because I know this means a lot to you. I wanted you to build up her crib, because I know how much this might mean for a father. I wanted us to have our bedroom and I'm the one who kept us away from having it, because I wasn't capable of making a decision with you. So…"
Booth stopped her right before she would get out of breath. He kissed her and looked into her eyes.
"Listen, Bones. It's not your fault. I'm cocky and sometimes my alpha male side gets over control… I… I'm sorry for this. It's our fault, you know? No one is alone in this, because we are a couple, ok? And there's no loneliness anymore. And, if the house is the problem, tomorrow I have a free day and we can go house hunting and we can go crib hunting. I don't care about this, Bones. I don't care if I'd have to give my bed to my daughter sleep in. There are three things I care about: you, Sarah and Parker. And I'd do anything to make you all happy, ok?"
They kept quite for a while. Brennan didn't say anything but she was agreeing with Booth in mentally. She knew that he really meant all he said and that was the reason of why she knew that she would be able to pass through this whole new life. That she would be able to enjoy it.
A soul mate is defined as someone that completes your missing soul. Someone that gives you reason to believe in things you don't believe, someone who teaches you how to do something and also learns with you. Someone who is constantly thinking about moving forth, about making you happy no matter what it costs. A soul mate is your other half.
Brennan does not believe in soulmates, but she does see that Booth is turning her life into something she has been looking for her entire life: someone to rely on.
She, then, turned the lights on and looked into Booth's eyes. She opened her mouth and asked him, while he was looking into her blue eyes and placing his hand on her belly.
"Booth, we should buy our house tomorrow. We really should. I want our baby to have her room, I want us to have our place. As you said: we can get whatever life we want. And that's what I want. I want to choose our place with you. I want to split the costs and move from here. I know it's what you want and I want that too, because now you are a part of my life and I'm a part of yours and I'd do it for you, since I know you'd do that for me."
Booth was thrilled with what he was hearing. He knew she would eventually think about it. He knew she would do it, because, even though she didn't believe in love, this feeling would get to her, knock her down and show her that she should do it for them, for their baby girl.
"Are you sure you want this, Bones?"
"You know I am, Booth. Can we do this tomorrow?"
"Of course we can. You should rest right now. I'm sure Sarah wants some silence."
"Well, I'm not sure. She likes to listen to your voice."
"Goodnight, Bones." – He kissed her on the forehead while she was placing herself over his left arm.
"Goodnight, Booth."
-B&B-
A year and two months ago Brennan had realized that something was missing in her life.
She came back from Indonesia and the first thing she noticed when she first sighted her partner was that she had made an incredibly huge mistake. She knew someday she would wake up and realize it, however she wasn't able to stop this. She knew, deep inside, that what she felt about Booth wasn't just a feeling partners at work have, it was more than that, something she has never felt before.
But, everything became clear when she was taking some bread to make her toasts in the morning.
There is always this first slice of bread that is almost just a crust, this first slice of bread that Brennan knows Booth likes, but she hates. This first slice of bread someone has to eat. And it might seem crazy, but this first slice of bread made Brennan realize that she was missing something.
Angela once told her that: "you are only complete when all the sandwich bread is gone". Brennan wasn't able to understand that, but now she did. By looking to that first crusty slice of bread, she realized that what was missing in her life was not just something, it was a person, it was Booth.
It took her a long trip to realize that what she was missing has been right in front of her for more than six years. Has been by her side every single day and has never turned his back on her. Perhaps she needed to take a look from the outside to realize that, but it wasn't an excuse for what she's done to him. She knew she had walked away from it all, right in the moment he was about to commit to her, she knew she might not get him back, but it was a chance she'd have to take, because – as he once told her – there is only one person you love the most and this person is not going anywhere.
Back in that time, Brennan had to fight for Booth. There was this woman between them both and she would have to take her out of scene. She knew it wasn't going to be an easy battle, but she also knew that she was going to win it, because Booth was the person she loved the most, therefore he wasn't going anywhere.
"Remember when I told you I had made a mistake?"
"Oh, Bones. I believe we don't have to go down that road again."
"No, Booth. You have to listen to me, ok?" – Said Brennan, staring at Booth, while he was trying not to look into her eyes. "Listen, Booth. Look at me. You once told me that there is only one person you love the most. And I believed you. I still do. But, what if the person I love the most turns out to be you?"
"Well…"- Booth was speechless after this. – "Look, Bones. I bought Hannah a ring. I'm about to propose to her. I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I told you I'd have to move on and you agreed with me. I asked you to give us a chance and you didn't want to. I tried. I fought for us."
"No… But, this is wrong. You told me this person is not going anywhere. You lied to me, didn't you?"
"No, Bones. I didn't."
"Of course you did! When I asked you "how do I know who is the person I love the most?", you told me that I would just know. That there wasn't an explanation for it. That it would just happen. Guess what, Booth? I found out. I found out. And it IS THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. And, now it seems to be too late. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I'm not the person my person loves the most. Because, then, it would make sense." – Said Brennan, starting to burst into tears.
"Bones, come here." – Said Booth, pulling her closer. – "You didn't get it wrong. I just think you are confused, Bones."
She raised her head, put her left hand on Booth's chest and started talking again, very mad at him.
"OK, I'm completely sure I'm not confused. I don't even know why I'm saying this and I'd never say this before I met you and before you changed me. I'm not saying this was a bad thing, on the contrary, it was perfect. But, Booth. Hannah got in our lives just like a cancer, ok? And, YES, I'm using a metaphor, because that's the only way I can express myself. She came into our lives without letting us know. She got there, stuck there, right in the middle of what you call heart and turned our lives upside down. And guess what? Just like a cancer, she is multiplying her cells, she is attacking the only cells you have left and she is HERE. And I'm not able to do anything because that's not my expertise. Because I'm not as good in falling in love as you are. Because I get hurt way too easily. Because I'm a human being an, even though I don't confess, I do have my flaws. Because I'm way too scared about being left behind again that I do not like commitments. You should know that, Booth. I blame you for this, because I promised you I'd help you to evolve and you gave me that smurf to prove my evolution too and I still have it, I keep it in my bedroom drawer, I keep it with me and I stare at it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Damn it, Booth, you should have tried harder, you know me better than I do. You should have tried harder." – Brennan said, leaving her office, crying.
Booth just stood there. He was going to ask Hannah to marry him, he was going to, no matter what. And she would probably say yes, because he felt she was the person he loved the most.
Bones was probably confused. How would she know what love was about? She said she had never been in love… perhaps she was jealous. That was Booth's excuse to walk way from that major chit-chat and just go ahead, ask Hannah to marry him.
However, Booth's fancy speech and all those wise words, Booth used to ask Hannah to marry him, weren't enough. As he had foreseen, there is only one person you love the most.
Brennan warned him that – sometimes – when you believe you are in love, you're not. That that's just a game your brain is playing on you, just to teach you a lesson, just to show you that you are not flawless. She had stepped on this field many times, but she learned her lesson. She realized that she had to persuade that, no matter what it cost. She knew that her battle wasn't over.
And, in the end, she got it.
A few minutes before midnight, in that same day, Brennan received a call from someone she never thought she would. The caller's ID was saying: Hannah Burley and Brennan's first thought was: "She might be calling me because I'm her only "friend" here. She might be calling me to tell me my partner just gave her the biggest and shiniest ring Tiffany's could have. A ring Brennan had never wished before, a ring she had never pictured on her right hand. However, despite all those sad moments, this was the first time that week someone was calling her to tell her good news.
"Temperance? Did I wake you?" – Hannah's voice was filled with concern and mercy. She knew exactly what Brennan would think about that.
"Hannah? No, no, I was finishing some paper work… Did something happen?"
"I believe Seeley is in the Founding Fathers and he'd appreciate your company over there. He's sad, Temperance, he's mad… He just needs someone to talk to, someone he trusts and I can say that this person is you."
"Hannah, I don't know what that means. I don't know what happen, I just know that he was gonna propose to you."
"Well, I'm not the one who is gonna tell you. You have to find out. He's gonna tell you. And, just to be clear, I knew right from the beginning that this wasn't last long. I have to go, Temperance."
Brennan made a move really quickly, trying to stop Hannah from hanging up.
"Hannah, wait. How could you know that?"
A few minutes of silence and Brennan was starting to believe Hannah wasn't there anymore. But a single breath, from the other side of that line, proved her she was wrong.
"Because you're the only person he talks about. He carries your photo inside his wallet. Well, he used to carry your photo while he was in Afghanistan, and you were the first person he showed me. I could say it wasn't just a simple partnership. I'm a journalist, for Christ's sake!"
"I'm sorry; We've never had anything. If this all is happening because you think I'm gonna take him away from you, you shouldn't keep doing it."
"I know he wouldn't do something like that and I don't wanna see him miserable for the rest of his life. I mean, I don't know much about him. I had to ask you what kind of present he would like. And you knew the answer. He loves you, Temperance. He knows it, but he is trying to pretend he doesn't love you, because he thinks you don't love him back. So, just do me a favor, go talk to him, go be his partner. He'll tell you mean things about what you and I have done to his feelings, but he'll not mean it at all. Just listen. Just give him a chance. Show him you wanna try. Prove to him that you two can work it all. Be by his side, Brennan."
"Wait! Wait. What should I say?"
"Just listen, be there. Stay there with him. Drink with him. Try to understand what he's passing through."
Hannah hung up the phone.
Brennan knew that what the journalist just said was true. She should go there, because that would be what Booth would do for her. He would be there, to give her a guy hug, therefore she should be there to give him a guy hug. To tell him she was there. To tell him she cares about him, even though she said they couldn't be a couple. She should run after him, to prove him she had changed. To prove him she was almost ready for a commitment, for a new life.