Hey, everyone! I'm convinced my computer hates me. It wouldn't let me on my account all week and it nearly drove me crazy! So in other words, I'm sorry to everyone that messaged me and I couldn't message back. T_T
SPECIAL THANKS TO ELLEN THE FOX FOR GIVING ME THE IDEAS FOR THIS CHAPTER! 3
*story start*
Kenzie was huddled under an old table in an abandoned potato chip factory. Someone was yelling from outside.
"McKenzie Sexy Wansomboob, we have the premises surrounded! Come out with your hands up and your mouth open (not like that you filthy perverts)!"
"NO!" Kenzie yelled, sounding like an immature four year old.
"C'mon, Kenz! Just take a bite of the damn thing so we can go home!" Rochelle yelled from outside with the other voice.
"NO!"
"Kenzie-san, please come out!" Em-Chan begged.
"NO!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! No American can resist for long! You can't stay in there forever- OUCH!" that was the enthusiastic voice of America. I'm guessing someone hit him before he made matters worse.
"NO!" Kenzie yelled again, even though America hadn't really asked her anything that required an answer.
Okay. If you're confuse, then I'm doing my job right. But why don't we start from the beginning to catch you guys up anyways?
*earlier that day*
"Breakfast time!" yelled Germany, as he finished setting the fifth plate on the table. No one came into the room.
"I said, breakfast time!"
A few minutes later Em-Chan (who had been sleeping on the couch close to the kitchen) came stumbling into the kitchen, having been woken up by the Germans yelling.
"What're you yelling about?" she said in a bad ass tone.
"No ones come down to eat yet! I'll have you know I woke up two hours earlier than usual to make this for everyone!" Germany sulked. Truth be told, Kenzie had snuck into Germany's bed that night and ended up kicking him out of the bed in her sleep. But the man wasn't about to admit that (it would hurt his pride).
Em-Chan huffed.
"Hey ass-hats! The Nazi woke me up to feed everyone so GET DOWN HERE NAOOOOOO!"
That did the trick. Within five minutes, three groggy, pissed people were in the kitchen and everyone was chowing down….well, except for one.
Kenzie was blankly staring at the ham, eggs, and wurst on the plate in front of her.
"Why you no eat?" Prussia asked, spitting chewed egg on Kenzie's face.
"…I'm guessing I never told you guys…" Kenzie mumbled between clenched teeth.
"Told us vhat?" asked Germany.
"Here we go…." grumbled Rochelle. Em-Chan had meanwhile ran from the room in fright, for she knew she was no match against a wild, angry Kenzie.
"What? What's going on?" asked Prussia.
"Guys…" Kenzie started in a dead serious voice. "IM A DUCKFUCKING VEGITARIAN!"
The room was silent for a few minutes.
"…But you're an American." Said Prussia. "It's physically impossible for an American to be a vegetarian."
After Kenzie's explosion, Germany just sat there with his jaw hanging down to the table, completely shocked.
"And now she's gonna bitch." Rochelle mumbled to herself, as she walked off to try to find Em-Chan.
"I refuse to eat this!" Kenzie spat in the food and pushed it away in disgust.
"What? But I made it for you!" Germany yelled.
"Well make me something else! Something good!" Kenzie yelled back.
"No! At least eat the eggs! Eggs aren't meat!" Germany tried to reason.
"Of course eggs aren't meat. They're just shit out of some chickens ass! I'm. Not. Eating. It!" Kenzie crossed her arms and turned around, stomping her feet as she did so.
"Kenzie, you're acting like a child!"
"Shut up, you stupid head!"
"WHAT'D YOU JUST CALL ME?" no one called Germany a stupid head and got away with it.
An food fight of epic proportions ensued.
Meanwhile, Prussia had snuck upstairs to call a certain personification of a certain American nation to spread the news he had just found out.
*with Rochelle and Em-Chan*
"K-Kenzie's one scary bitch when you put meat in front of her." Em-Chan said, clinging to Rochelle like one of those baby monkeys you see on animal planet.
"Yup. The weird hippie." Rochelle said.
The room was quiet a few minutes.
"Wait a second. What happened to all the noise coming from the kitchen?" said Em-Chan.
The two listened a few more seconds. The sound of pots clanging and German cussing had, indeed, stopped.
Rochelle sighed.
"Better go see what the damage is." she said.
Rochelle and Em-Chan went in the kitchen…they weren't expecting what they saw….
Germany was laying passed out on the ground. Kenzie was standing over him with one foot propped against his chest. They were both dressed up as roman warriors for some reason, so Kenzie was holding a spear and shield. A red substance was pooling around Germany.
"Holy shit! Is that blood?" Rochelle screamed…but didn't move any closer to help the man.
Em-Chan dipped her fingers into the 'blood' and licked it off her fingers.
"Chill out, Rochelle. It's just strawberry kool aid. :3"
"…oh." some color started returning to Rochelle's face.
"Woooooow. We really made a mess….I'm not cleaning it." said Kenzie as she looked at the demolished kitchen.
"Don't worry. Germany'll do it when he wakes up." Em-Chan said.
"Or maybe he'll be really pissed and force you to help clean this wreck." Rochelle said…she went unnoticed.
"Hey guys! I'm tired now!" Kenzie said, while jumping around the room. "Let's go watch 'Howl's Moving Castle'!"
"Sure." said Em-Chan.
"M'kay." said Rochelle.
*halfway through the movie*
"Howl's so hot." Kenzie said dreamily, looking at the TV.
"You just have a blond fetish." said Rochelle, who was looking at the animated man just as dreamily.
"Shudup! I'm trying to watch the movie!" Em-Chan roared, with a crazed look in her eyes. Rochelle and Kenzie cowered in fear. Everyone eventually settled down and went back to watching the movie…for about five minutes.
Out of nowhere a very loud knock came from the door.
"What the hell?" Rochelle and Em-Chan screamed, being surprised.
"Damn! If it's another tax collector, I'm not here!" Kenzie said as she attempted to hide under a rug.
Suddenly the door came flying off its hinges, colliding smack dab in the center of Rochelle's face (that's for flaming me then losing my 'special letter' and changing your pen name p-o-a-s!).
"Rochelle-san! Are you okay!" said Em-Chan, who was trying to help her (now crying) friend.
"A door just collided with her face. Do you think she's okay? :I" said Kenzie, who had popped her head out from under the rug.
"Hahahaha! Hey everyone!" America stepped through the (broken) doorway.
He looked at Rochelle and Em-Chan, then looked around the rest of the room, apparently not spotting the large lump that was Kenzie, hiding under the rug.
"Where is it?" asked America in a dead serious voice (which immediately worried everyone in the room).
"W-where's what?" said Em-Chan, who was the only person in the room who grew the balls to talk to the new, serious America.
"What do you think I'm talking about? That thing!That monster! That-that…vegetarian!"
"…."
"…."
Rochelle and Em-Chan both looked at Kenzie (who was still hiding under the rug two feet in front of America), then looked at America like he was an idiot.
"…Seriously? -_-" said Em-Chan.
"UNDER THE RUG! UNDER THE RUG!" Rochelle screamed, pointing at Kenzie's obvious hiding place. "Make her eat a hamburger! She hates those the most!" Yeah…Rochelle was pissed at Kenzie's lack of concern after the door incident.
America 'gee-gasped'.
"An American who hates hamburgers? The situations even worse than I thought!"
He yanked the rug off Kenzie and pulled a chicken nugget out of his pocket.
"Eat this! Nowwww!" he pinned the thrashing Kenzie to the ground and tried to shove the nugget in her pie-hole.
"NOOOOOO!" Kenzie just thrashed harder. "I DON'T WANNA EAT IT! IT'S BEEN IN YOUR DAMN POCKET!" she kneed America's poor, unsuspecting balls, and while the man was withering in pain on the floor, she made a mad dash out of the house.
"Hmmm." Em-Chan said, starring at the obviously-in-pain America. "And here I always thought that Kenzie had a bad sense of aim…"
"A-apparently n-not." America wheezed out.
"So…does this mean you're giving up on turning our little Kenzie into a carnivore?" asked Rochelle.
"NO!" America stood up on very, very, very shaky legs. "Dear god," he chocked. "I think she took southern California off the map!" standing was nearly killing the man.
"Um…are you even able to go after her?" asked Em-Chan.
"The hero can do ANYTHING! I just need to call for backup!"
"Backup?" Em-Chan and Rochelle asked at the same time.
In the blink of a eye America had his phone out and was making calls.
*later that day with Kenzie*
Kenzie was now walking around some small town in Mexico. Which is kind of weird considering she went strait from Germany's place to Mexico without getting on a plane or boat…you know what, I take that back. This is a crackfic after all.
"How'd I end up here?" Kenzie mumbled to herself. She spotted a local and decided to ask how to get out of that place. So she waltzed right up to said person.
"Hello there! My names Kenzie Wansomboob, and I'm afraid I don't know where I am. Could you please tell me where the nearest airport is, good sir?"
The Mexican just starred at her.
"…que?" he said.
"What?"
"Que?"
"What?"
"Que?"
"You know, I think I'll just find someone that speaks normally." Kenzie left the confused Mexican…only to collide with a muscle man wearing a black suit.
The muscle dude starred at Kenzie through his black sunglasses.
"Are you McKenzie Sexy Wansomboob?" he asked in his monotone voice.
"…maybe. Who are you? And how are you not hot in that suit in 100 degrees weather?"
"That's classified information." the man pulled out a large bag and stuffed Kenzie in it. For some reason, no one saw the abduction.
*later*
Kenzie was now strapped to a chair with one of those detective light thingies in her face. She had been continuously questioned for about three hours.
"Why are you doing this? Is it money? Fame? Are you some kind of scrawny terrorist?" an unseen voice asked.
"WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON HERE?"
…Kenzie might have been panicking a little… The mysterious voice paused for a minute.
"If we give you this classified information, will you tell us what we want to know?" it asked.
"Yeah, sure. Start the explaining!"
The voice then launched into it's story.
"We are a top secret organization of the American government known as the O.M.S.P.F."
"…O.M.S.P.F.?"
"Yes. We are the Organization of Making Skinny People Fat."
"…only in America. -_-"
"And we recently found out that you are…are…a-a…vegetarian." the voice exasperated.
"…And?"
"You are a threat to America!" the voice screamed.
"What? How'd you make that connection?" Kenzie was more confused than scared now.
"That's unimportant. What matters is that you start eating meat before you become an even greater danger to yourself and others. Now eat this." a hamburger was pushed in front of Kenzie.
"B-but I don't wanna!" Kenzie wined.
"To bad!" the hamburger magically levitated and started zooming towards Kenzie's mouth.
"NOOOOOO!"
Kenzie unleashed her hidden monster strength to break free of the rope and destroy the wall of the room… she (once again) ran away.
"After it! Who knows what kind of damage that THING could do!" but it was to late. Kenzie had already ran off, leaving nothing but a trail of dust behind her.
*with everyone else*
Em-Chan and Rochelle were sitting around eating ice cream and popcorn, having nothing better to do after America had ran off to find Kenzie. Prussia joined them a little while later, after he had drawn a few penises on the still-unconscious Germany's face with a sharpie. The room was still trashed from America's little visit, but everyone ignored that little fact.
"I wonder if America's caught Kenz yet." said Rochelle in a bored tone…she didn't really care one way or another.
Then Prussia's phone rang…
"Hello-" Prussia got interrupted.
"How the hell can Kenzie run so fast when she never works out?" America screamed through the phone.
"I take it she got away…again." Said Em-Chan, who was more interested in pouring chocolate syrup on her popcorn.
America went quiet for a few seconds.
"…No…we totally caught her… But hypothetically speaking, if she did get away, where would she go?" America asked.
"How would we know something like tha-" Prussia got interrupted again.
"Potato chips." said Rochelle.
"And pasta." said Em-Chan.
"What?" asked both America and Prussia.
"Kenzie doesn't eat meat…" started Em-Chan.
"So her main source of nourishment is potato chips and pasta. They are her life source. -_-" finished Rochelle in a dead serious voice.
"I was wondering where all my Pringles were going…" mumbled Prussia.
"Hahahaha! That's helpful! There's an old potato chip factory just up the road!" America could be heard yelling to someone behind him. "Johnny, get the tranquilizer guns! We're going vegetarian hunting!" then he hung up the phone.
Prussia, Rochelle, and Em-Chan just stared at the phone for a few minutes.
"Tranquilizer guns?" wondered Prussia.
"How does Kenzie always get herself into these situations?" Em-Chan asked, turning to Rochelle. She was shocked to see the half black girl leaving the house.
"What're you guys waiting for? C'mon!" Rochelle yelled.
"Oh! Are we going to save your BFL (bitch for life)?" asked Prussia.
"Hell to the no!" Rochelle scoffed. "I've known Kenzie since out daycare days and I've never seen her eat meat. I CAN'T MISS THIS!" Rochelle turned to Em-Chan. "Em-Chan, get you perv-camera (camera used to secretly take pics of yoai couples)! I want a picture of carnivore Kenzie!"
Rochelle left the house, closely followed by Em-Chan and Prussia. In no time they were at the factory with America and the OMSPF.
*…back at story start…*
Kenzie was huddled under an old table in an abandoned potato chip factory. A member of the OMSPF was yelling from outside.
"McKenzie Sexy Wansomboob, we have the premises surrounded! Come out with your hands up and your mouth open!"
"NO!" Kenzie yelled, sounding like an immature four year old.
"C'mon, Kenz! Just take a bite of the damn thing so we can go home!" Rochelle yelled from outside with the other voice.
"NO!"
"Kenzie-san, please come out!" Em-Chan begged.
"NO!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! No American can resist for long! You can't stay in there forever- OUCH!" that was the enthusiastic voice of America. I'm guessing someone hit him before he made matters worse.
"NO!" Kenzie yelled again, even though America hadn't really asked her anything that required an answer.
"McKenzie!" the OMSPF member yelled. "Come out or your friends get it!" at that moment everyone there pulled out a gun and aimed at Rochelle, Em-Chan, Prussia, and America.
"Da fuck?" Prussia screeched like a little girl.
"NO!" Kenzie yelled, peeking out of a window.
"I mean it! We'll shoot!" the man yelled.
"Kenzie! Get your lily white ass out here now!" yelled Rochelle, who didn't want to die because her BFL was being stubborn.
"I DON'T WANNA!" Kenzie yelled, this time she was at the factory entrance, debating if she should help her friends or not.
"DO IT! DO IT OR ELSE!" Rochelle yelled.
"…or else what?" Kenzie was slowly inching her way out of the factory like a skittish raccoon.
"OR ELSE I'LL CHANGE MY USER NAME AGAIN!" Rochelle screamed.
"!" Kenzie ran up to the group of people.…she was tackled by five surprisingly fast fat guys before she knew what hit her.
"That a girl!" Rochelle proudly stated at the sight of her squished friend.
"Now say 'ahhh'!" said the OMSPF guy.
Kenzie whimpered, but opened her mouth all the same. The hamburger was slowly lowered towards her mouth…
*several hours later*
"BLAAAAAHHHHHH!" Kenzie puked for the seventeenth time that night. Rochelle, Em-Chan, and Prussia all stood at the bathroom door watching (Germany would have been watching too, but once he woke up he threw a shit-fit at the mess in his house and had been cleaning ever since).
"You know, if she had just told us she was allergic to processed meat in the beginning of this chapter, we would have been saved a lot of drama." said Prussia.
"Isn't that the truth." mumbled Rochelle.
"Oh man! Oh man! I think I'm dying!" Kenzie said in-between heaves.
"That's just because your throats swelled up and your delirious from all the pukeing." said Em-Chan.
…Kenzie passed out.
"Well this could be problematic." said Em-Chan.
"Yeah, we'd better get her to the hospital." said Rochelle.
"Ok then." Prussia then turned to the person(s) reading this. "Good night, everyone!"
Thank you for reading everyone!
Hey.
Hey you.
Person reading this.
See that little button below? The one that says 'review'.
Click it.
Click it NAOOOOO!