A/N: I said it early on in the fic, I have never been to Vegas, so I either researched stuff online or talked to friends and family who have been there. The park that is mentioned in this chapter is not real It was created by me. Enjoy!
Paris slid out of Lori's SUV, Lori reached out and took his hand gently.
"Are you ready?" she asked brushing his bangs back from his face. "Paris if you're not you need to tell me now."
Paris shook his head
"No, I'm good." He paused "whose going to be there?"
"Only a handful of people Paris." Eric spoke up "the FBI…and the other families. We wanted to keep it private and simple."
"The Kilbourns?"
"Yes."
The family walked from the parked cars through the gates of the large park. In the distance, Paris could see a large group gathered, he saw Grant's foster parents and also the BAU team, including his…his brother. Dr. Reid gave him a grin and waved, which Paris returned. He was still having trouble getting used to that, he liked the idea of having a brother…especially an older one, but the circumstances that they were brought together confused Paris…
The other people Paris knew had to be the families of the other kids…and the older guy in the suit Paris recognized as the Deputy Mayor of the city. When they reached the group, Paris started to walk to his brother, but was stopped by the Deputy Mayor, who put his hand out to Eric, shaking it firmly.
"Captain…an honor to meet you and your family." He said, before looking at Paris. "and it is especially an honor to meet you young man." The deputy mayor said, holding out his hand to Paris. He reached out and timidly shook the older man's hand, for a few seconds, before pulling his hand back…Paris hated meeting new people, his shy quiet demeanor made his nerves go haywire when put in the situation.
The Deputy Mayor cleared his throat and walked through the small crowd towards a tarp. Paris took the chance to dart over to Reid, coming to a halt at his brother's side.
"How are you feeling?" Reid asked, his voice just above a whisper
"Better…it felt good to sleep in my own bed last night…I don't like hospitals…they give me the creeps."
"My feelings are mutual." Reid replied, giving Paris a half grin
"I thought you guys would be heading back to Quantico…"
"We still have a few loose ends to tie up, and none of us wanted to miss this." Paris looked at the other families, he saw the pain in each of their faces…the sorrow. "You ok?"
Paris took a deep breath, before glancing up at his brother
"Do you ever get used to that?" Reid looked around, seeing what Paris saw.
"No, it's not something you get used to…you never want to lose your humanity, your empathy, you don't want to get used to it."
"Doesn't that make the job tougher?"
"Of course, but you need to find the balance."
"Balance, what kind of balance?"
"The balance between emotionally connecting yourself to each case and shutting down completely, you need to be able to empathize with the victims and their pain, but not let it affect you doing your job. Feel their plight, but don't become them."
"Oh."
"When someone finds themselves unable to feel anything during a case, that's when it's dangerous." Reid paused "it's something you learn, it comes with time."
"When Uncle Eric told me that Grant had been killed…I didn't do anything…I didn't cry or anything like that. He was my best friend and I still haven't cried…I mean I miss him and feel sad that he's gone…but it's like I feel empty. When my mom died, I know I cried, but I knew she had been sick…I expected something…but Grant I didn't expect it…I don't get how I could feel sad for something I knew was inevitable, but feel nothing for something that shouldn't have happened. Is that the same thing as shutting down? Have I already lost my empathy?"
Reid shook his head
"No Paris…everyone reacts differently to death, depending on the situation…blocking out what is going on is one coping mechanism. Some people need to cry, some need to be alone, some numb themselves to the reality. Problem with that one is, when it does hit you it will hit you hard, something will trigger it…you won't know what that trigger will be, but it will happen."
"Great." Paris grumbled
"The warning signs will be there, your aunt and uncle will spot it even before you do. They'll help you through it."
"and…and you?"
Reid looked at Paris with surprise, before he nodded and grinned.
"It will take some time; we both have a lot to learn with this, there's only so much we can read on being a brother."
Paris returned the grin and nodded. Eric and Lori had made their way over to the brothers and Eric shook Reid's hand.
The Deputy Mayor cleared his throat again, calling everyone attention to the front…and to the tarp.
"In two weeks, this park and playground will be open to the public. We will have an opening ceremony cutting the ribbon and giving the children and families of Northeast Las Vegas and the rest of the city a place to play. However, in light of recent events that has plagued our city there have been some changes made to the dedication. Over the span of six months we lost five of humanity's most precious commodity. Philip Carlson, Michael King, Gracie Newton, Josie Marshal, and Grant Dennerson, all had their lives cut short by a man who decided that society had forgotten about these five children. This park, though it will not bring them back to us, is the City of Las Vegas' way of declaring we did not forget about Philip, Michael, Gracie, Josie, and Grant…nor did we cast them out of our lives. All five will be immortalized and will serve as a reminder about how precious a child is." The Deputy Mayor paused, and scanned the crowd, until his eyes settled on Paris.
"I don't want to go up there," Paris whispered to his family Lori and Eric exchanged a look, before looking at Reid.
"It is also easy to forget that a sixth child was nearly lost to the madman. I think it is only fitting that he unveil the memorial." He paused "Paris?"
"I really don't want to go up there…" Paris whispered, "I don't want to face their families."
Eric knelt down so he was eyelevel with Paris, he put both hands on the boy's thin shoulders and pulled him close.
"Then don't do it for them…don't do it for the mayor, or for us…Do it for Grant. Let the other families see you, but do it for Grant."
Paris took a deep breath and nodded
"For Grant…" he replied and walked up through the crowd towards the Deputy Mayor, who smiled gently and patted Paris's shoulders.
"Now, the memorial itself will not be ready until the dedication. But the base is just as important as what will be on top. My only hope is that this will not only serve as a reminder, but provide some hope for you, the families of those five lost."
Paris looked up and saw Mrs. Kilbourn, Grant's foster mother she met his eyes, she smiled sadly at him and gave him a comforting nod.
Carefully Paris took hold of the tarp and gently pulled it off. Underneath was a stone base, with a bronze plaque.
It read: Never Lost, Never Forgotten, Never from our minds:
Philip Carlson
Michael King
Gracie Newton
Josie Marshal
Grant Dennerson Kilbourn.
Paris blinked and read his best friends name again, he looked over at Eric and read his face…the adoption paperwork on Grant must have gone through…right before he was killed. Paris flashed back…Grant had called him the night before he went missing, asking if Paris wanted to out to dinner with him and his foster family…the following night the Kilbourn's had some news that they wanted to tell Grant and they wanted Paris there with them.
Suddenly Paris felt sick to his stomach…that had to be the news…Grant was going to be officially out of the system and adopted by the first foster family that had understood him that had connected to him.
"Gr…" Paris started to say…his chest felt tight and he felt dizzy…Spencer had said he wouldn't know when he would be hit by Grant's death…it would come on suddenly and it would be powerful.
The mayor was still talking no one was paying attention to Paris…but then again…Paris wasn't being obvious, he was slowly backing away, no one noticed…no one realized he was preparing to take off, to run as far and as fast as he possibly could…no one noticed…save for one.
Paris stopped when he backed into someone, quickly he looked up, it was his brother.
"Come on, lets take a walk." Spencer whispered, patting his shoulder. Paris nodded and followed Reid away from the group, towards the playground.
At the playground, Paris sat down on one of the swings, his chest still felt tight and he was having trouble breathing. Spencer sat down in the swing next to him, waiting for Paris to calm.
"Just take deep breaths Paris, slow deep breaths."
"Is…is this what you…you meant" Paris said softly, wheezing as he spoke, he lowered his head trying to control his breathing.
"I told you something would trigger it, you wouldn't expect it and you wouldn't know what that trigger would be."
"You knew…didn't you?" Paris paused "when?"
"When you walked up to the front."
Paris took a deep breath
"You profiled me?"
Spencer nodded
"Which isn't as easy as you think, believe it or not you're not easy to profile Paris." He paused "Paris?"
"He…he killed my best friend…" Paris muttered "I went to Grant's wake…I saw his body…, I looked right into his face and I still didn't cry, I felt sad, but I didn't cry…and even knowing who killed my best friend…a guy we trusted…who cared about us…even knowing who did it…it didn't change anything."
Suddenly all the emotions Paris had been holding back began to spill out, tears began streaming down his face, quickly though, he wiped his eyes, embarrassed that he had cried…he was eleven not one. He was embarrassing himself in front of his brother…who was not only that…but a FBI agent.
Spencer wasn't sure what to do at first, but he hesitantly put a hand on Paris's shoulder, that one gesture was all the approval Paris needed, he jumped off the swing and wrapped his arms around his brother's waist. Spencer was shocked for a second, but hugged his brother back.
"Hey, its ok. Look Paris, I cant tell you its going to get better, because you know that it takes time, and you'll never forget any of this happening. But it will eventually become just that, a memory."