Chapter 2

In Which the Name Game is Played, Legolas is a Girl, Skimble Scars Everyone, Jemima is Belgian, and Victoria Crashes the Party

Eliza: +brightly+ Okay, everybody, get in a circle, we're gonna play the Name Game!

All: +groan+

Eliza: C'mon, it'll be fun! And it'll be good for chapter length.

+everybody gets in a big circle+

Eliza: Let's see... there are... 18 of us here.

Snape: +counts+ No, there's 19.

Eliza: What? +checks laptop+ No, I have 18 typed in... Who's crashing the party?

Victoria: +meekly raises hand... uh, paw+

Eliza: YOU?

Victoria: Um... no?

Eliza: Get out of here, Little Miss Perfect! +types in laptop+

+Victoria turns into a beam of light and vanishes+

Misto: +conjures flashlight+

Pounce: +takes flashlight, sweeps room with it+

All: +creepy whisper voices+ Victoria's not there!

Munk: Darn, Demeter's not here. I can't do my romantic nuzzle thing.

Eliza: Sorry, Munk. I like her, but not enough to go fangirl.

Skimble: You don't like me either.

Eliza: Not much, but your naturally pervy ways make the story more interesting.

Tugger: I'm pervy!

Eliza: No, you're gay. There's a difference.

Etcetera: +gasps and faints when she learns Tugger is gay+

Tugger: +defiantly+ I'm not gay!

Eliza: Yeah, well, John Partridge is, and since I made all you cats look like the 1998 film version...

Tugger: +to others+ What's she talking about?

All: +shrug+

Eliza: Let me summarize it for you. Misto's hot. Skimble's not. Etcetera does EVERYTHING with a silly grin on her face-love you for it, Etcy-Tugger's always waving his butt in the camera, Munk is talented, Pouncival isn't in it enough, Victoria's in it wayyy too much and she CAN'T EVEN SING, Jemima's Belgian-

Jemima: WHAT?

Valjean: Woah... racist much, Jemima?

Jemima: I'm not Belgian, I'm a cat!

Eliza: Veerle Casteleyn is Belgian.

Jemima: Who's Veerle Casteleyn?

Eliza: +sighs, feels a migraine coming on+ I am not going through this again... Let's all just go around the circle and introduce ourselves. Say your name and favorite thing. I'll start. Hi, I'm Eliza, and I like everyone here. Gavroche, you next.

Gavroche: I'm Gavroche, and I like fa' old rich men with large pockets.

All except Gavroche and Eliza: +look confused+

Eliza: Kay, moving on. Legolas?

Legolas: I'm Legolas, and I like shooting stuff and shampoo.

Draco: I'm Draco, and I-hey, wouldn't it just be easier if I said what I didn't like?

Eliza: There's probably more of that, so sure. Do whatever you want, you hot meanie you.

Draco: +gives Eliza weird looks+ Well, anyway... I don't like Potter or Weasley or Mudbloods or Dumbledore or Hagrid or Hogwarts or caramel ice cream. I do like Snape and my father and getting Potter and his friends in trouble. Oh, and ketchup on toast.

Eliza: Great!

Aragorn: +aside to Legolas+ Why is she so... bubbly?

Legolas: +shrugs+

Eliza: NEXT!

Merry: I'm Merry Brandybuck, and I like Ents and food and Pippin and food and getting drunk (except for the hangover part) and food. Sorry, did I mention food?

Gavroche: Yeah, 'bout four times, ya fat midget.

Merry: +sticks his tongue out at Gavroche+

Gavroche: +sticks his tongue out at Merry+

Jemima: +rolls eyes+ Yes, thank you all for being so mature.

Eliza: NEXT! Oooh, Misto!

Misto: Yes, I'm next. I'm Mistoffelees-

Pounce: +snickers+ Misto-fleas!

Misto: Shut up! I do not have fleas!

Pounce: +can't stop laughing+

MIsto: +sigh+ Anyway, I like magic-

Merry: +wide-eyed+ You're a wizard?

Misto: Um... sure... more like a magician...

Merry: I LOVE WIZARDS! +jumps on Misto+

Misto: AAAH! +falls over+

Eliza: +coughs+ Ahem... anyway, Etcy?

Etcetera: I'm Etcetera, and I like Tuggy-poo! +hugs him+

Tugger: +turns bright red+

All except for Etcy and Tugger: +burst out laughing+ TUGGY-POO?

Tugger: I... um... well, she...

Jemima: I will never let you live this down.

Tugger: +sulks and tries to pry Etcetera off him+

Eliza: +when she's stopped laughing+ NEXT!

Pounce: I'm Pouncival, and I like jumping on stuff, Bombalurina, and teasing Misto-fleas.

Misto: +mumbles+ Huh. Hadn't noticed.

Pounce: Sorry, Misto, you're too easy!

Misto: +to Eliza+ Can I still use my magic in the SHMAVTWOT?

Eliza: Yup.

Pounce: Oh, catnip... +backs away from Misto+

Misto: +cackling madly+ I'm gonna get you!

+both run off into the SHMAVTWOT and out of sight+

Merry: +sobbing+ No, the wizard's gone!

Eliza: Um... anyway... Jemima, your turn.

Jemima: I'm Jemima, and I like singing and Admetus.

Cats: Oooh...

Jemima: +blushes+

Snape: +annoyed+ Can I go already?

Eliza: Oh, fine.

Snape: I'm Severus Snape, and I like potions, Slytherins, giving Potter detentions, and Lily Evans. +turns to Sirius beside him+ Wait... +turns back to script+ I'm next to BLACK?

Sirius: Hee hee... Anyways, I'm Sirius, a.k.a. Padfoot, and I like pranking Snivellus.

Snape: +through gritted teeth+ Severus.

Pounce: +reappears with Misto+ Nice nickname, Snivellus.

Pounce and Sirius: +high five+

Eliza: Okay... next!

Aragorn: I'm Aragorn, and I like fighting, acting heroic, and pretty elven girls.

Merry: +slyly+ Like Legolas?

Pounce: Oh, snap!

Legolas: I AM NOT A GIRL! Long hair is manly!

All: Yeah... sure...

Legolas: +goes back to sulk in his corner+

Eliza: NEXT!

Javert: I'm JAVERT! DO not forget my name! I like puppies, rainbows, killing fugitives (especially 24601), my mommy, and spying on rebels!

Gavroche: Shut up! Vive la Republique!

Eliza: +stops them before fight ensues+ NEXT!

Valjean: I'm Valjean-

Javert: DIE!

Eliza: Okay, before we go any further, what kind of parent names their kid Jean Valjean? I mean, that's worse than Joe Jonas. It's like naming your kid Tom Thompson or Nicky Nick or something. My little rant. Continue, Johnny.

Valjean: My name is Jean Valjean!

Javert: AND I'M JA-

Eliza: Yeah, we get it. We won't forget your name.

Valjean: I like pickles, Cosette, and... that's it. Maybe Marius is okay.

Eliza: NEXT! Oh, no... +hides face in hands when she sees who it is+

Tugger: Hey, y'all, I'm the Rum Tum Tugger!

Etcetera: +squeals+

Tugger: I like me, myself, and I, a horrible muddle, Bombalurina-

Pounce: Hey! She's mine!

Etcetera: Hey! He's mine!

Tugger: -and Eliza, of course! +kisses her hand+

Eliza: +giggles and blushes+ N-next!

Munk: I'm Munkustrap-

Eliza: I have got to bring Emmanuelle to the SHMAVTWOT, she'd die to meet you.

Munk: Um... yeah... well, I like Demeter, Old Deuteronomy-

Skimble: Oooh, Munky, is there something you're not telling us?

Munk: +ignores him+ -and protecting the Jellicle Cats from Macavity.

Javert: What's a Jellicle Cat?

All except Cats and Eliza: +echoing+ What's a Jellicle Cat?

Cats: +facepalm+

Pounce: It's bad enough that the last Ball took twice as long with all the explaining who everyone is, but to do it again here... this is just ridiculous!

Draco: This class is ridiculous.

Eliza: +squeal+ BEST-LINE-EVER!

Skimble: Isn't it my turn?

Eliza: Oh, fine, I guess. Just a sec. +types on laptop+

+earmuffs appear on Jemima, Etcetera, Gavroche, Merry, and Draco+

Those People: Huh? What was that for?

Eliza: This is Skimble we're talking about. You're kids. He will scar you for life.

Gavroche: Wot abou' you? +he has a Cockney accent+

Eliza: Oh, I'm already scarred. Nothing he can say will hurt me.

All: +exchange confused looks+

Skimble: Can I go already?

Eliza: Never thought I'd say this, but... sure.

Skimble: Hi, I'm Skimbleshanks, and I like-

+this section has been removed due to-well, let's just say that the kids did not regret their earmuffs+

Skimble: -and that's what I like!

+cricket cricket cricket+

Eliza: Um... okayyy... moving on... We're gonna take a little break now, since everyone's gone-

Victoria: I haven't!

Eliza: YOU! How did you get back in here? Get back here! +chases Victoria around+