Can I just say how much work it took to come up with those nicknames? Thank you for supporting this story!
Chapter 3
In Which Legolas Freaks Out About His Hair, Draco Gets Déjà Vu, Gavroche Tries to Be Manly, Munk Has Family Issues, and Everyone Gets Nicknames
All: +stare after Eliza in shock+
Gavroche: +while everyone is distracted, strokes Legolas's hair+ Shiny...
Legolas: AAAHHH! DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR! DIE, SMALL INSIGNIFICANT CHILD!
Gavroche: 'ey! Watch 'oo ya callin' in-sig-ni-fi-can'!
+Legolas and Gavroche jump on each other and start fighting+
Eliza: Hey! Calm down or I'll have to bring out... the Secret Weapon.
Gavroche: Oh, I'm so scared. Wot is this "weapon"?
Eliza: +gestures to Skimble+
Skimble: +waves+ Here's what I like...
Gavroche: +falls to his knees at Eliza's feet+ NO! Make it stop! It's torture! Non, mademoiselle!
Eliza: Fine. Shut up, Skimble.
Legolas: +sighs in relief+ Thank you, Eliza.
Eliza: Anything for you, Leggy. +blows him a kiss+
Legolas: +outraged+ LEGGY?
Eliza: Hey, that's a good idea! Let's give everybody nicknames!
All: +groan+
Eliza: C'mon, it'll be fun!
All: That's what you said last time!
Draco: I'm getting a serious sense of déjà vu here.
Eliza: Trust me.
Aragorn: Trust. Trust you. You must be joking. I'd trust an army of Orcs more than I'd trust you.
Eliza: +sarcastic+ Love you too.
Javert and Draco: F is for Friends who-
Munk: NOOO! +knocks them out with his amazing battle skills+
Aragorn: Nice violence.
Munk: Thanks. I got a brother.
Aragorn: You learned all that from a brother?
Munk: Well, he is evil and out to capture my leader and capture the love of my life and kill everyone I love.
Aragorn: Family issues?
Munk: You have no idea.
Eliza: Okay, everybody gets nicknames, and we use them for the rest of the chapter!
Misto: I refuse. This is just insane.
Eliza: Whatever you say, "Sparkles."
All: +snicker+
Misto: +blushes, but sits in a circle with the rest+
Eliza: Okay, so Misto's "Sparkles." Who's next?
Gavroche: Oooh! Me me me!
Eliza: Okay... Gavvie?
Gavroche: No way! Feuilly calls me that, I hate it!
Eliza: Well, I'm not calling you 'Vroche. I don't care what the fandom says, that's just stupid.
Gavroche: I was thinking more along the lines of "Beau" or "Viril."
Eliza: I've only been taking French for two years, for Pete's sake! Gimme a sec. +types "viril" into Google Translate+ MANLY? Dude, have you even hit puberty yet?
Gavroche: Mayyybe...
Eliza: Let's just call you "Gamin" and get it over with.
Gamin: KK.
Javert: What about me?
Eliza: Paranoid?
Javert: Like the Jonas Brothers song? Yuck.
Eliza: I won't even ask how you know who they are. How about... "Mutton Chops of Justice?" "MCJ" for short. And it also stands for MC Javert.
MCJ: Sure, whatevs.
Eliza: Snape is the Half-Blood Prince.
Half-Blood Prince: OK.
All except HBP and Eliza: +exchange confused looks+
Eliza: I vote Tuggy-poo for Tugger.
All except Tugger: +burst out laughing again+
Tugger: +turns red+ No way! I wanna be "Sexy!"
Eliza: I was saving that for Legolas, but... sure.
All: Really?
Eliza: Why not? It's true, you can't deny that.
Sexy: True dat, sistah!
Jemima: Sorry, I don't speak Annoying.
Sexy: Hurtful!
Eliza: Okay, guys, who's next?
Munk: I could be... uh...
Merry: Munkie?
All: Nah.
Merry: +looks hurt, joins Legolas in corner+
Eliza: God, I have no idea what to do for you, Munk. Maybe I'll ask Emmanuelle. Anywhoodles, Pounce, what do you want to be?
Pounce: +opens his mouth to speak+
Eliza: +interrupts him+ Actually, don't answer that. It needs to be something funny, because this chapter hasn't been all that crazy.
Jemima: And that's a bad thing?
Eliza: Hey, there's an idea! Let's give Jemmy a nickname!
All: +cheer+
Pounce: What about me?
Eliza: You're on hold.
Sparkles: HAH! RE-JEC-TION!
Jemima: +facepalm+ Okay, fine... Can I be Sillabub?
Eliza: You know about Sillabub?
Jemima: +twisting her fingers together+ Welll...
Eliza: +muttering+ I will not quote Disney Channel... I will not quote Disney Channel... +can't help herself+ That was a very long well.
Jemima: I might have kinda sorta probably maybe possible checked Wikipedia.
Mr. Macchiano, my Social Studies teacher: +randomly appears+ WIKIPEDIA IS NOT A VALID SOURCE! +disappears+
Eliza: I take back what I said before. This chapter is plenty crazy.
All: You can say that again.
Eliza: All rightie, then... +checks laptop+ We still need a bunch more names, so let's get to it. Legolas, what's your favorite thing in the world?
Legolas: Hair products, and my hairdresser Shelby. +to readers+ Love you, baby. +blows kiss+
Eliza: Your new name is Shampoo, k?
Shampoo: Um... what just happened?
Eliza: Jemima?
Jemima: Singing.
Eliza: You're Melody.
Melody: Sweet...
Valjean: Who am I?
Eliza: +starts to speak stops, confused+ Was that on purpose?
Valjean: What?
Eliza: Well, just for that, you're- +bursts into song+ two-four-six-oh-ONE!
24601: NOOOO!
MCJ: +snicker+
Eliza: Merry, you can be-
Gamin: Midget.
Merry: I am not a midget! I'll have you know that I am perfectly normal-sized for a hobbit-length and width!
Shampoo: +leans in, in Gamin's ear+ And just think-there's whole villages full of these guys, thousands upon thousands...
Gamin: +covers mouth in horror+
Eliza: Okay, Merry's "Midget." NEXT!
Draco: Seriously, anybody else getting déjà vu?
Sirius: I'M PADFOOT!
Eliza: Sure!
Padfoot: +fist pump+ Yesss...
Pounce: Seriously, what does that even mean? "Padfoot..."
Eliza: What can Etcetera be?
All: +think for a moment+
Sexy: Aggravating?
Sparkles: Stalker?
Munk: Hyperactive?
Midget: +daydreaming+ Roast beef...
All: +give Midget weird looks+
24601: How about Squeal?
Etcetera: Like a pig? No, thanks! But I like the sound of "Aggravating." Has a nice ring, don't you think?
Padfoot: You're gonna purposefully call yourself aggravating?
Etcetera: +shrug+ Tugger suggested it, I automatically agree.
Eliza: How about we shorten it to Aggie?
Padfoot: +to Eliza, incredulous+ You're going ALONG with this?
Eliza: Why not?
Padfoot: This is social suicide!*
Eliza: Okay, fine... How 'bout Trapeze?
Trapeze: Yay!
All except Cats and Eliza: +start to exchange confused looks, but give up and just go with it+
Eliza: Aragorn, you be Strider.
Strider: You do realize I made that name up under pressure to get four nosy little hobbits off my back, don't you?
Eliza: Even if I did, I wouldn't care. I'm still trying to figure out why I brought you here.
Strider: +sarcastically+ Love you too.
Draco: Seriously? Nobody? Déjà vu?
Eliza: You are seriously setting yourself up for a lousy nickname. How about... Ferret?
Ferret: NOOO! My father will hear about this!
Eliza: It's settled then. Sorry, Ferret, but you look so cute when you're mad!
Skimble: What about me? Cuz I got some great ideas...
Eliza: +before he can do any damage+ Lemme just sum all of them up for you. Your new name is Pervert. This conversation is over.
Pervert: But-
Eliza: OVER! Hee hee, Youtube... And Pouncie-Boy can be Colonel, cuz of the Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles, Together With Some Account of the Participation of the Pugs and the Poms, and the Intervention of the Great...
Cats and Eliza: RUMPUS CAT!
Melody: +swoon+ Oh, Admetus...
Eliza: So that leaves Munk.
Munk: What about me?
Eliza: You need a nickname. You're the only one left.
Munk: Oh. +tries to edge away+
Eliza: Not so fast. You need a nickname like the rest of them, but for the life of me I can't think of one. I even slept on it and everything.
Pervert: You slept on Munk?
Eliza: Skimbleshanks. Living up to his nickname since 1998. Go Geoffery Garratt!
Pervert: +looks confused+
Eliza: You know, the best nickname for a fandom character that I've ever heard was from Nightwing's fanfic The Marauders Can Read? on FictionAlley. Love that story, died laughing every time and scared the heck out of my family. Google it, it's amazingly funny. Shame she stopped writing it. Anyway, they called Snape "Snookums" for a chapter, it was hilarious. +lightbulb+ We should call you Snookums, Munk!
Snookums: +facepalm+
All: +cheer+
Eliza: Okay, let's go through this one more time. Computer thoughtfully took notes; thanks, Computer.
Computer: No prob.
Eliza: +checks laptop, scrolling down and reading+ Okay...
Misto=Sparkles
Gavroche=Gamin
Javert=MCJ
Snape=HBP
Tugger=Sexy
Legolas=Shampoo
Jemima=Melody
Munk=Snookums
Pounce=Colonel
Etcetera=Trapeze
Skimble=Pervert
Valjean=24601
Draco=Ferret
Merry=Midget
Aragorn=Strider
Sirius=Padfoot
Good job, Computer!
Colonel: Well, that's everyone!
Ferret: What about you, Eliza?
Eliza: Oh, I'll be Skittles.
Victoria: What about me?
Skittles: You're Barbie. Now, begone!
+Barbie vanishes, all cheer+