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CHAPTER 2: Please. Just Breathe

He was awaken by someone's gentle fingers tapping his shoulder. "Jane?"

His heavy eyes fluttered open, staring up at a flash of fiery red hair and sea-blue irises. He blinked a few times, reaching his hands up to rub his eyes. He had only gotten a little over an hour and a half of sleep last night, and his neck was killing him from sleeping in the uncomfortable chair. "Tell me it was just a dream," he whispered, swallowing hard.

Grace shook her head solemnly, trying to smile at him, but failing miserably.

Jane sighed, turning his head to glance at Lisbon. She, of course, was in the exact same position as she had been last night. Helpless. Broken. If anything had changed, she only looked worse.

"Her brothers are going to be here soon, you know," Grace breathed, easing herself onto the window seat next to his chair. She rested her elbow on the windowsill and held the side of her head in her hand. "They are going to insist that you go home and get some rest. Real rest." She shrugged sheepishly. "I'm going to have to agree with them."

He shook his head stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere, Grace. You know that."

Her eyes moved quickly to the window, chin quivering. She bit her lip, eyes filling with tears.

His heart dropped into his stomach. He felt every muscle in his body tense up. "What are you not telling me, Grace?" Jane demanded, sitting up straight.

She swallowed a sob, wiping at her eyes. It took her a minute to collect herself, and when she did, she finally turned her tearful gaze to him. She took a deep breath, sniffing. "You're not going to like it," she promised in a shaky voice.

"I don't like any of this, and neither do you, so you may as well just tell me." He didn't mean to snap at her. He never meant to snap at Grace. He just couldn't help it, and he knew she understood.

A tear slid down Van Pelt's rosy cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. Her glassy eyes looked directly into his. "They are going to turn off the respirator, either today or tomorrow."

He stared at her, head cocked to the side. It took him a second to swallow what she was telling him, but when it finally sank in, everything changed. It felt like the Earth had disappeared beneath his feet, and he was falling. The floor was creeping up and grasping hold of him, sucking him under. It felt like the sun went away, and it was complete darkness. The color in his world was now black and white. It felt like his entire universe was falling apart at the seams. This could not be happening. He could not lose one more person in his life.

"When did you find this out?" he asked her, attempting to keep his voice as calm as possible. He wasn't fooling anyone, for it was trembling furiously, along with his entire body. Grace burst into tears, dropping her head into her hands. Jane reached out and clutched her right palm, which was moist with salty tears, and squeezed her hand. "Grace. Who told you this? When did you find out?"

"This mo-orning," she blubbered. Her makeup ran with her tears all the way down her face. "Before I c-came in here, the d-doctor stopped m-me and... and he told me." The sobs rocked Grace's entire body. Her eyes squeezed shut and she let her head fall onto Jane's shoulder.

Jane placed a hand on her shoulder awkwardly. "Shh, it'll be okay," he said in a dead voice. "Just because they shut the ventilator off doesn't mean she won't be breathing on her own." As he tried to convince Grace that his words may be true, he was silently attempting to convince even himself. Everyone knew there wasn't much hope for Teresa Lisbon.

"Do you really believe that?" Van Pelt whimpered.

He didn't answer. He simply shrugged.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and sat up straight, not even bothering to wipe the tears and makeup from her face. She leaned back against the windowsill, letting her eyes flutter shut. "She's strong," Grace breathed quietly. "She can get through this."

Jane looked over at Lisbon for the hundredth time that Tuesday morning, and he couldn't help but wonder if she didn't want to wake up. She had jumped off that rock for a reason, a reason he would never come to understand unless she was here to explain it point by point.

"I hope so, Grace," Jane finally replied. "I really hope so."

X

Just as Grace had predicted, the three Lisbon brothers had insisted Jane go home and get some rest, which he had politely refused. He claimed he didn't usually sleep much anyway, which was no lie. After several refusals, the brothers finally just shrugged and let it go.

The doctor had not come by to break the news to the brothers yet, which Patrick had found somehwat odd. Wasn't this his job? Jane and Grace both agreed they were not going say anything to the Lisbons or Rigsby and Cho. Neither Jane nor Grace preferred to forever be the person who shattered someone's heart.

Around noon, Grace, Wayne, and Kimball all came to the hospital on their lunch break. When Grace had offered to drive Jane to work earlier that day, he had declined her invitation, telling her he would miss yet another day at the CBI. Grace scowled at him, but shrugged it off and walked out of the hospital room, leaving Jane alone with his thoughts and comatose best friend.

Lunch hour came and went, and the team said their goodbyes before heading out. Before she left, Grace grabbed Jane's arm and pulled him aside, making him promise that he'd call her if anything happened. He forced a fake smile and promised her before turning to face the room filled with Lisbons.

The Lisbon brothers did not get along. They sat at opposite sides of the room, grimacing at each other. Jane tried not to roll his eyes at their childish behavior as he took a seat next to Teresa's hospital bed. After a while, the silence was killing him, so he finally turned to the eldest of the Lisbon men. "So, how is that kid of yours?"

Tommy smiled, clearly pleased the uncomfortable silence had been terminated. "Annie's good. Thanks for asking," he replied. "She was recently asked to the eighth grade prom, which she is very excited about."

James, the second, scoffed and flipped the page of the book he was reading. "Eighth grade prom? Why the hell would they have a prom for thirteen-year-olds? They won't even be able to drive themselves."

"She's fourteen, James," Tommy said through clenched teeth. "If you spent any time with your only niece, maybe you'd know that."

This time, Jane rolled his eyes without hesitation, shaking his head and turning his attention back to the Lisbon sister, trying to tune the brothers out.

"Thirteen, fourteen. Is there a difference?" James retorted.

Luke, the youngest, sighed. "Come on, James. Support for Annabeth would be nice."

"Oh, look at you, trying to be the good guy," Tommy muttered.

Luke glared.

Jane whipped around in his chair, fuming. "I want all of you out. Now!" he thundered bluntly.

They all flinched, exchanging skeptical glances, then turned their icy, resentful glares to him. "I don't think so," James shot at him. He pointed to the unconscious woman in the bed. "That's our sister. If anyone is leaving, it's you." He crossed his arms stubbornly, immaturely. Jane briefly wondered if James was planning to stick out his tongue, too.

"You say you're here for your sister when all you do is come here and argue in her hospital room." Jane spat the last four words, disgusted. "Have you even spoken with her doctor lately? Do you even know that they are planning to shut off the ventilator?"

Luke shot to his feet. "No! They can't do that!"

"Yes, they can," Jane protested. "Believe me, I don't like it any more than you do."

Tommy was shaking his head. "They can not do that!"

"So, you would rather just let her lay in that hospital bed until even the machines can't save her?" Jane demanded, hearing the harsh reality in his words and nearly wincing. "Or until the morphine isn't doing anything anymore? What if this is best for her?"

"You would just let her die?" Luke sneered in disbelief.

Suddenly, Jane shot out of the chair, his face just inches from Luke's. He could feel the redness creeping from his neck all the way up to his hairline. "I would do anything to bring your sister back," Jane whispered. "Anything. She is my best friend, the greatest person I know. She has kept me sane for all these years. But what if she isn't strong enough to come back, Luke?" He focused on loosening the tight fists that were his hands. Throwing a punch probably wasn't the answer. "Would you rather have her just lie there, lifeless and broken? I know that it isn't what she would want."

The room fell quiet as the Lisbons registered Jane's words. They glanced around at each other, this time without irritated glares fixed on their faces. Luke Lisbon was the first to speak up. "I think he's right," he admitted, exhaling sharply and running his fingers through his dark hair.

Jane fished Teresa's note of his pocket and unfolded it, shoving it at Tommy. "Read this," he ordered.

James and Luke crowded around Tommy, peering over his shoulder as they all read the suicide note together. Luke's eyes grew shinier, but he sniffed and blinked the tears away. James shut his eyes, biting his bottom lip and shaking his head. Tommy dropped the paper from his hands and stormed out of the room. The paper fluttered to the hospital floor, and Jane dove to retrieve it and shove it back into his pocket.

Luke stood, briefly wiping at his eyes. The youngest Lisbon brother stood about three inches taller than Jane, and he clapped a hand on Jane's shoulder. "My sister was lucky to have you, man," he whispered. "I wish I could say that I have been there for her like you have."

"She knew you loved her."

Luke swallowed hard. "I sure hope so." He walked numbly over to his sister's bed, leaning forward and pecking her lightly on the cheek. Jane heard a faint, "I love you, Reese," before Luke backed off and fled the room.

Which left Jane with the most irritating and arrogant of the three.

"You seem to be the only one not displaying any sort of emotion," Jane noted. "I'm not sure if that is your way of expressing your feelings, but to be frank, it makes you seem like a heartless bastard."

James' head snapped up, appalled. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me."

James rose from his spot by the window. "I don't know who you think you are..."

"I am the person who has been at this hospital the entire time," Jane cut him off. "All you and your brothers do while you're all here is fight. And you are the most irritating of them all."

James opened his mouth to speak, but Jane held a hand up and interrupted him once more. "You insult your only niece in front of her father. Have you ever gotten to know her? She's a great kid."

"Mr. Jane, with all due respect, you had better shut the hell up before I take a swing at you," he growled between clenched teeth. "You can't imagine how difficult this is for all of us. Losing a mother and a father was hard enough, but now the sister that raised us..."

"Believe me, I know how it feels."

He scowled at Jane. "I doubt it."

"You don't want to make this personal, James," Jane spat. "Believe me, you do not want to make a contest of who is suffering more because I am almost a hundred percent positive I would win. But right now, that isn't the point, is it?"

The nurse, Caroline, swept into the room. "What is going on in here?"

"Nothing. Mr. Lisbon was just leaving to be with his brothers at this difficult time." Jane stared directly at James as he said this. Finally, James backed down and stalked out of Teresa's hospital room, glaring at Jane the entire way out.

Caroline sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "I overheard you and the redheaded girl talking about the doctors' decision."

Jane raised an eyebrow at her. "Isn't there some sort of policy about you talking to people about this?"

She shrugged, taking a step into the room. "Yes, but if you already know, there's no point in pretending you don't."

"I suppose you are here to express your sympathy," Jane scorned harshly.

Caroline shook her head. "I didn't think you would want it."

"Correct." Jane paused, staring at the ground. "When are they planning on... you know."

"Today, around five."

His eyes immediately flicked away from Caroline to the clock. Two-thirty in the afternoon. He only had a short while left before he had to say goodbye. He glanced at Lisbon's delicate face, scarred and bruised and broken. He got the overwhelming mixture of feelings that came whenever he thought about the murders of his family in full detail. Anger, sadness, depression, and everything in between. "Thank you, Caroline," Jane whispered, staring at his boss.

Caroline walked to the end of Lisbon's bed. Jane felt her looking at him but he didn't meet her eyes, afraid of the unwanted compassion he knew he would see. "I never caught your name," she pointed out.

"Patrick Jane," he mumbled.

"Well, Mr. Jane, just because we turn off the machines doesn't necessarily mean it's the end. I told you about my friend Jamie, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

He heard her sigh. "I'm not suggesting you get your hopes up," she confessed quietly. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't lose it completely."

He met her eyes this time. "Lose what?"

"Hope. Just because it may be broken doesn't mean it's lost completely." She raised her clipboard and flipped a couple of sheets over, scanning the pages carefully. Her lips twitched with a small smile. "According to the papers, it is Miss Lisbon's middle name."

Jane almost smiled. He glanced at Lisbon. Teresa Hope Lisbon.

Caroline glanced at the patient, too, then back to Jane. "I can tell that she means a lot to you." She spoke softly, as if she feared this might offend him. "You two were pretty close, right?"

He just nodded.

"I can tell you feel guilty about something. I'm sure she doesn't blame you."

He shot her a look. "I didn't know therapy was in your job description," he snapped bitterly.

"I'm sorry." She threw her hands up in surrender. "You just... look like you needed someone to talk to. That's all."

"Well, I don't. I don't need anyone to talk to. I don't need anyone, period."

"Except for her, right?" Caroline blurted, clearly not thinking before she spoke. Her eyes suddenly widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth, shaking her head from side to side. "I'm sorry," she mumbled against her hand. "I... I didn't mean to be so... blunt. That was completely unprofessional!"

Jane sighed. "You're right. Except for her. Now, please. Would you just leave me with the patient?"

Caroline nodded and left the room without argument, clearly still feeling guilty for her startling outburst. Jane was surprised to realize that her bluntness didn't offend him. She was right. There was not one person on this Earth - now, at least - that Jane genuinely needed more than Teresa Lisbon. His boss, his colleague, his friend. The only one who could put up with his crazy tricks and still manage to show some sort of affection toward him.

This was all so surreal, happening so fast. Two weeks ago, everything was just fine. Jane and Lisbon were their usual, bantering selves. Lisbon was barking orders at everyone and Jane was teasing her for being entirely too stressed out.

"I don't know if you have ever heard of a vacation, but it would work wonders with you," Jane joked, though he really was not joking at all. "Or a spa day, at the very least."

Lisbon, who had been staring intently at the paperwork on her desk, snapped her head up and glowered ferociously at Jane. She gestured to all of the paperwork with her arms and stabbed a finger in Jane's direction. "This is all because of you! If you would just listen to me and obey my orders for once in your life, maybe I would have time to just kick back and relax."

He rolled his eyes, waving that off. "Oh, please. You and I both know that you would go nowhere close to a spa, even if you had the chance."

"Not true."

"Extremely true."

Lisbon huffed. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"

"Because you are one of my favorite people."

She raised an eyebrow, dropping her pen and folding her hands. "One of them? It hurts me to think that I must share my title with someone else."

"Well, you just can't beat LaRoche."

She threw her head back, letting out the full-throated laugh he hadn't heard in a very long time. He smiled, pleased that he had the power to make her do that. "Good one, you smartass," she chuckled, picking up her pen again.

He shuddered. This is all because of you, she had said. Did she mean it? He gazed at her comatose, crippled body. Could he be the cause of this? Had his foolish, immature actions worked her to the point where she could not stand it anymore?

He shook his head quickly. No. He couldn't think about that. Of course he wasn't the cause. She knew that he cared for her, and would never intentionally do anything to hurt her.

Right?

Remembering his promise to Grace, he took a deep breath, pulled his phone from his pocket, and pressed Speed Dial 3. When Grace answered, he told her everything that Caroline explained to him. After a few short seconds of silence, she croaked, "We'll be there soon."

X

"I understand this is a very hard time for you," Lisbon's doctor said gently, taking a moment to look each of them in the eyes. "I understand that there may be things you need to get off your chest, in case... well, you know." He gestured to Teresa. "If you would like to have a moment alone with her, that would be alright. I am sure everyone here would respect that."

Weeping Grace wiped her eyes, untangling herself from Rigsby's comforting arms. "I'll go first," she said in a shaking voice.

Everyone nodded, including the doctor, and stepped out the room. The Lisbon brothers, Jane, Rigsby, and Cho all took their places in the waiting room silently. They didn't make eye contact, except for James, who briefly glared in Jane's direction. Jane pretended not to notice, not wanting to fuel his immature fire.

"I can't believe this is happening," Rigsby mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Cho and the brothers nodded in agreement, but Jane stayed still. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. Hell, he could hardly breathe.

A few minutes passed by, and Grace came out of the room with her tear-streaked face and fistful of tissues. "Next?" she asked in a raspy voice. Tommy immediately jumped up, hurrying down the hallway.

Everyone took their turns, coming out with watery eyes and broken expressions. Even Cho got teary-eyed.

Jane kept insisting he go last. No one argued. No one cared as long as they got their chance to say goodbye to Teresa.

When Jane's turn finally rolled around, he stood, hands trembling. Grace tried to give him an encouraging smile, but her lips shook. Jane hesitated, before smiling back and turning to walk down the hall.

As he walked, he closed his eyes for a brief moment. Don't be so absurd, he thought to himself. This isn't actually happening. Five seconds, and my eyes will open. This will all be just a bad dream, and I will wake up on my couch at the CBI. Lisbon will be sipping at her coffee, glaring at me, calling me lazy and childish. I'll jump up and throw my arms around her, ecstatic to see that she is okay. Everything will be fine.

Everything will be just fine. I'm sure of it.

Please, please let everything be just fine.

But his eyes opened, and there he was. The hospital. Lisbon's room.

He stared at her, hands clenched into tight, tense fists.

Please, please let everything be just fine.

This could not be happening.

This was his Lisbon. Strong, fierce, stubborn.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to her.

Jane took another step toward Lisbon's bed, his throat tight. He took one more step. Then another, until he was right next to her, staring straight down at her. He supposed this moment was supposed to be... special. Perhaps he was supposed to say something extremely meaningful, maybe confess a thing or two. But instead, he just took her cold, rough hand, squeezed it, and whispered, "Please. Just breathe."

X

Jane slumped in his chair in the waiting room, eyes closed, hands shoved into his pockets. Grace had her head rested on Rigsby's shoulder, both staring off into space. Cho sat up straight in his chair, eyes blank and mouth in a tight line. Tommy and Luke paced the room. James was nearly hyperventilating.

Though none of them would admit it out loud, they all knew Teresa's chances weren't great. Free-falling off a cliff and breaking nearly every bone in your body could really do some damage. It was no secret. Yet they all crossed their fingers, hoping and praying.

The door to room 205 opened, and they all shot out of their chairs. Grace chewed her nails nervously. Rigsby ran a hand through his hair. Luke was biting his lip so hard it could have drawn blood. Lisbon's doctor strolled down the hall, clipboard in hand. He stopped in front of them all. Everyone knew what he was about to say. I am very sorry for your loss.

No.

A small smile twitched across his lips. "Good news."

Author's Note: I apologize for the long chapter. I almost left it a terrible, cruel cliffhanger, but I decided to go on instead, which explains the length of the chapter. Anyway, I hope it was emotional and angsty enough for you. Reviews would make me happy!