A/N: I updated faster this time! Are you proud of me? I'm sorry that I have kept you guys waiting in the last few chapters. You are all still completely faithful, and I appreciate that!

Disclaimer: If only.

CHAPTER 15: Goner

As Jane and Lisbon slowly made their way back to her apartment complex, Lisbon became acutely aware that Jane never removed his arm from around her waist. He claimed he didn't want her to over-work her leg, and that she looked absolutely exhausted, which she was. She didn't fight back when he stood her up in the grass next to the cliff ledge and wound an arm around her waist. She simply leaned into him and let him lead the way home.

When they reached her apartment, he wordlessly scooped her up, as if she was a small child, and she let out a startled gasp. "I'm perfectly capable of making my way up the stairs," she told him with a smirk.

"I know," he replied, shrugging. He set her down carefully at the top and opened her front door, allowing her to enter before he did. As Lisbon threw him a little goodnight wave and began to make her way toward the staircase, he said, "Lisbon?"

She turned to face him. The lights were still off in her apartment, but she could just make out his sad, worried expression. "Please," he whispered. "Don't ever leave me like that again."

Her throat caught and tears suddenly welled up in her eyes again. She stared at him, at his heartbroken blue eyes and exhausted expression. She walked toward him again, her eyes never leaving his. "I won't," she whispered back. She stretched up on her tiptoes and planted a quick kiss on his cheek, clearly catching him off guard. She touched his arm, letting her fingers linger longer than necessary. "Goodnight, Jane." With that, she dropped her hand and went upstairs.

X

When Lisbon woke up the next morning, she was greeted by the heavenly aroma of pancakes being cooked downstairs. She grinned involuntarily, throwing the covers aside and hopping out of bed. She hurried downstairs, as fast as her walking cast would take her, and halted in her tracks. The sight of Patrick Jane with an apron on and spatula in hand was quite a scene. She leaned against the wall, smiling as he began to whistle. It was a strange turn of events. Just a few hours ago, she was sobbing in his arms and now…

Dread flooded through her as the events from a few hours ago came hurdling back to her. How weak she must have seemed, crying and whimpering in front of Jane, apologizing over and over again. That was certainly something Jane didn't see every day.

"Hi," she croaked as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

He turned and smiled at her. "Good morning. Are you hungry?"

She nodded, trying to smile back. "Famished."

"Good," he said, turning to flip the pancake he was working on. "I raided your cupboards. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not."

Jane set a cup of hot coffee in front of her and she sighed contently. "Thank you," she said gratefully. She raised the cup to her lips and took a drink before setting it down again. Lisbon took a deep breath. "Listen," she began. When he turned to offer his full attention, she swallowed. "About last night… or this morning, or whatever-"

"You don't need to-"

"Yes, I do," she interrupted. "I'm sorry about that. I am honestly never like that. I don't know what came over me."

"Lisbon, you don't need to apologize," he replied, pulling another chair and sitting across from her.

She dropped her eyes. "You must have thought I was so pathetic."

"No!" he exclaimed, bringing a finger underneath her chin and forcing her to look at him. "Never."

She didn't respond.

Jane set his folded hands on the kitchen table, staring deep into her eyes. "It was six days after they were found dead."

"What was?"

"My breakdown."

Lisbon's heart sped up. "Oh, God, Jane." She shook her head. "You don't need to tell me any of that. Really. I'm okay."

"I want to tell you," he said simply. "Unless you don't want to hear it, I would like you to know."

She pressed her lips together. "What I meant was, I don't want you to feel pressured."

He shook his head. "No pressure." He leaned forward. "It was six days after they were found dead. I was just beginning to work my way out of the denial phase. It was the acceptance phase that needed serious work." He sighed. It was his turn to drop his eyes. "I was at their funeral. Everyone around me was giving me the same damned look." He looked up at her again. "I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. The pitiful look, the sympathetic look, like you are the most pathetic person on the face of the planet. The look that is enough to make you crazy, that makes you want to scream."

She nodded. She knew exactly which "look" he was talking about.

"They were just beginning to lower them into the ground when it happened," Jane went on. "My breathing accelerated, like I had just run a marathon, and I was screaming at everyone in sight. 'They'll suffocate down there!' I shouted. I guess the whole denial phase had come back." He shrugged. "I lunged for the caskets, and Pete had to grab me from behind to hold me back. I was kicking him, screaming at the top of my lungs, sobbing hysterically. I remember that nothing seemed… real. It was like everything in front of me was a blur. It was more like a nightmare than reality. A nightmare I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried."

Lisbon was speechless. She tried to open her mouth to say something, anything, but her voice couldn't find her lips.

"I eventually passed out," Jane said. "I don't know if Pete knocked me out because he had no other choice, or if everything was just too much for me. I woke up to white. Nothing but white. White walls, white floors, white bedding. I was strapped to the bed, breathing heavily."

"That's when you met Sophie?" Lisbon finally asked.

He nodded. "It was later that day, after they made sure I wouldn't… attack her or something." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "When I woke, I didn't know where I was. I couldn't understand why they were treating me like I was a child, very careful with everything they said and did. I kept asking to see my wife. Demanding, really. The nurses would just say that I couldn't see her, that she wasn't here. I was confused. 'Where is she?' I would ask. 'I'm sure she will be back soon.'" Jane smiled bashfully at Lisbon. "Okay, so what I'm getting at is… it's okay to lose it sometimes." He chuckled. "Maybe not as extreme as being locked up."

"Hey." She reached across the table and grasped his hand. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't be ashamed."

He pulled his hand away. "This isn't about me. I was-"

"I know what you were doing, and I appreciate it," she said, smiling. "Thanks, Jane. For telling me all that, I mean."

"No problem." He stood from the table. "Pancakes?"

X

Lisbon took a deep breath, lifted her hand, and rapped three times on the door.

Jane glanced over to her. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded, swallowing. "I never really got the chance to speak to them at the funeral. I kind of stayed back, away from everyone."

"I get that," he said slowly. "But this is just very sudden."

Teresa shrugged. "You know when you're lying in bed at one o'clock in the morning, desperate for sleep, and everything that you have forced yourself to put off thinking about comes rushing back to you?" She smiled sheepishly. "That happened to me last night, and I realized that I should probably come see how they're doing."

"Would you feel better if I stayed in the car?" he asked. "I don't want to impose."

"No, please don't."

And before she could further explain why she needed him there, as far as moral support went, the front door opened, and she was standing face-to-face with Kristen Grammar. "Teresa," she breathed, smiling softly. Kristen stepped forward without a thought and put her arms around her friend. "You look good. How are you?"

Teresa pulled back and smiled. "Good." She hesitated. "Um, w-what about you?"

Kristen sighed. "You know," was all she said. Then, she noticed Jane. "Hello, Mr. Jane. It's good to see you again."

"Likewise." He beamed. "May we come in?"

She nodded. "Of course." Kristen Grammar stepped aside to let them pass. She watched as Patrick thoughtlessly took Teresa's hand to help her through the doorway, only to let go once she had crossed the threshold. Jane noticed a brief smile whisper across Kristen's lips before she closed the door behind them. She led them into the living room. "Please, make yourself at home. Can I offer either of you coffee, tea?"

"Tea would be lovely." Leave it to Jane.

Lisbon rolled her eyes at him. "I'm okay, Kristen, thanks."

Kristen smiled briefly before turning on her heel and heading off in the direction of the kitchen.

Jane looked to Lisbon, who sighed. "What is it?" he asked her.

"She's different."

He chuckled once. Humorlessly, of course. "Losing a child can do that to you."

Jane watched her face pale. She looked at him, eyes wide, but he just placed a hand on her shoulder. "No, it's okay. Don't say it."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. It's okay."

"Aunt Reese?"

Lisbon looked up to see where the little voice had come from. Her face broke into a smile. "Hey there, sweetheart!"

Jane looked up, too. Peyton Grammar was descending the staircase, her cupid-bow lips shaped into a small smile. When she saw Teresa rise from the couch, the little girl picked up speed and flung herself into Lisbon's arms. Jane's heart warmed unexpectedly as Lisbon let out one of her rare, carefree laughs as she stroked Peyton's honey-colored hair. "How are you doing, sweetie?" she whispered to the girl.

Peyton sighed. "Okay." When Lisbon released her, she looked at Jane. "Patrick, right?"

He grinned. "Right."

"I didn't know you and Teresa were friends."

"I work with her."

Peyton pursed her lips, as if deep in thought, then looked back to Lisbon. "Which one is he?" she asked. "The serious one, the psychic, or the one who eats a lot?"

Jane laughed out loud.

"The psychic," Lisbon replied, winking at Jane.

"I'm not psychic, Peyton," he explained. "I'm just smart."

Lisbon snorted. "Give me a break."

Kristen entered the room, carrying a saucer with a teacup on top. She handed it to Jane, who thanked her and took a sip. She encouraged everyone to sit, including her daughter, and she took a seat herself on the couch next to Lisbon. "So," Kristen said. "This is a surprise."

"I hope we're not imposing-" Lisbon began.

Kristen waved her hand at her. "Nonsense. You're never imposing, Teresa."

"I was just checking up on you guys," Teresa told her, brushing a hair out of her own face.

"We're doing fine," Kristen assured her with a smile. She looked over to her daughter affectionately. "Peyton placed first in one of her events at her gymnastics meet last weekend."

"First, huh?" Jane jumped in, smiling at Peyton. "You must be pretty good."

The little girl shrugged. "I'm alright."

"I would love to see your award, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Peyton blushed, glancing at her mother.

"Go ahead," Kristen encouraged.

Jane hopped up, like an excited little kid, and followed Peyton out of the room to the kitchen. Lisbon watched him go with her, unaware that she was wearing a smile. Kristen was grinning when she looked back.

"What?" Lisbon asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"Oh, sweetheart," Kristen cooed, taking a sip of her own tea. "You're a goner."

A/N: Okay, so I know this chapter didn't exactly answer your questions. I promise that I am getting to that. Please don't become impatient. Answers are coming, soon. I swear. This chapter was pretty much… fluff. I hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing it. Things are beginning to calm down a bit in my life, so I will have more time to write, which is good. I don't have to keep you guys waiting forever and ever. I don't do it on purpose, truly I don't. Anyway, now that I have rambled, I would love some reviews!