A/N: Here's chapter 13! Sorry this again took so long...sheesh. What's up with me? Thank you for reviewing, alerting, and favoriting. It's awesome! Thanks for sticking with this story for so long and for putting up with me and my long breaks inbetween. And yay! BTR won at the KCA's! WOO! Enjoy!

Warning: abuse, implied rape, some cursing

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. Nope. But I do love that new music video :)

October, Friday 16th, 2012

Carlos had been home from the hospital for a week now, but that didn't mean he was any better or still didn't have to go to the hospital once a week.

Jennifer sighed, lying down in her bed. It seemed every time, every single time their lives were finally on the right track, they were thrown another curveball that threw them off course. Not that all of them were necessarily negative...Ethan's return for instance, the news that she was pregnant with Katie, the small 2 1/2 year old latino toddler that she and Alexander found broken and bleeding, helpless and crying on their porch one rainy night...But with every positive there's also a negative. And they had known more negatives than they had positive...her father's death when Ethan was born, Alexander's accident and resulting death when Katie was born, Ethan being kidnapped, some of the several mishaps that came with the band (though those weren't nearly as bad as the other things), and now Carlos having a tumor.

Rolling over and looking out the window, she couldn't help but think of how their lives would've been different if all the negatives had never happened...what would it be like? Where would they be now?

As she started drifiting off to sleep, she couldn't help but keep wondering...What if her husband had never died? What if Ethan was never kidnapped? What if Carlos never had a tumor? What if...what if...

Jennifer's thoughts began to swim as reality turned to dream and images floated around her that seemed so familiar yet so strange and alien at the same time...

'*'''*' ..Dream.. '*'''*'

The air was tight and biting as frosty Minnesota came to the middle of October.

Carlos pulled his jacket tighter around himself and walked up the driveway of their cozy little house, seeing a black blob contrasting against the white sky sitting on the roof.

"Dad? What're you doing?" he asked.

Alexander Knight peeked over the roof, pushing up his glasses to assure they wouldn't fall and break on the concrete...again. "The roof started leaking again and I think your mother's tired of you tripping over pots and bowls every other second, so she sent me up here to patch up the holes."

"Oh...okay. Be careful," Carlos smiled up at his dad and went inside.

"Honey's that you?" Jennifer called from the kitchen.

Carlos took off his jacket, tossing it in the closet. "Which 'honey?' If Carlos honey, then yes."

She came from around the corner, mixing a batter of some sort in a bowl. "How was your-" her sentence was cut off by her shocked gasp. "Carlos Antonio Garcia. Why do you have a black eye?"

"...would you believe I was skateboarding and ran into a tree?" he asked, giving a slight puppy dog pout.

"Ma, he's obviously lying," a familiar voice called from the living room.

Carlos smiled widely, knowing exactly who was calling his bluff, and walked to the room, seeing the mass of blonde hair peeking over the couch. "Ethan?"

Ethan turned around, facing his younger brother and smiled. "Hey Carlitos."

Carlos smiled a smile that was impossibly wider and excitedly walked over, pulling the older boy up and into a hug. "What're you doing here?"

"Colleges have fall break too you know...so what's up? And the black eye...lemme guess. You slipped on that patch of ice again at the park?"

Carlos blushed a little and looked to his feet. "...maybe..."

Ethan smiled and sat them both back down on the couch. "When are you gonna learn that I just know you too well?"

"Well you didn't get it completely right...this time I was pushed and that made me slip."

Ethan immediately frowned. "Someone pushed you? Who was it? What happened?"

"Ethan, it's not that big a deal...so some jerks pushed me...whatever."

"You're kidding right? 'Litos, yeah. It's a big deal! What if they did more than just push you? It's happened before...look, I don't care if I'm 19. I will kick some serious teenage ass and make sure they know not to screw with my brother again."

"I'm fine. Just leave it..." Carlos said, looking at his hands. "...plus you'd get arrested."

Ethan smirked. "Yeah I probably would...whatever."

Carlos fought the smile that was playing on his lips and looked to his brother when he heard him sigh. "Look at least tell me if it happens again, okay?" he asked pleadingly.

"What good would that do? You're all college-y in California."

"This is true. And college-y? I like that. I might use that...Anyway, yeah I physically wouldn't be able to do anything, but that doesn't mean I can't tell Kendall. I know he'd be equally as mad, or even madder, that some low-lives were screwing with our little baby brother. And that James...under all those beauty products, he looks pretty tough. I bet he could also kill some bastards. Probably Logan too."

Carlos smiled a little. "I'm not a baby."

"I know. Katie's the baby."

"What? I am so not a baby!" they both heard Katie yell from upstairs.

Ethan laughed and Carlos smiled. "Okay, you're not a baby, Katie," he called up to her then leaned in close to Carlos, whispering. "She's the baby of the family."

Carlos chuckled, nodding.

"I heard that!" Katie yelled down again.

"Woah. Creepy," Ethan commented. "So. Speaking of the boys, where are they?"

"Hockey practice," Carlos answered.

"And you're not there why?"

"I'm on suspension for a couple months because I almost cracked my head open again...Kendall, James, and Logan were gonna sit out with me, but the coach threatened to kick them off the team."

"He wouldn't do that...you four are the best players on the team. And if he's seriously gonna keep you from practice, well then that's his loss."

The two brothers kept talking and catching up for a little while until the door slammed open; the cold air exploding through the warm house.

"Hey mom," Kendall called, taking off his bulkey jacket and tossing it on the floor.

"Hey mama Knight!" James and Logan also greeted.

"Close the door. We can feel the cold from here..." Carlos yelled to them.

"Sorry, 'Litos," Kendall answered, closing the front door.

Logan scrunched his face up in confusion. "We?" he asked and walked to the room, James and Kendall following him.

Kendall smiled. "Ethan! Dude!" he pulled him up off the couch and into a hug much like Carlos had. "What're you doing here?"

"College's have fall break too," Logan answered for him.

Ethan smiled. "What he said."

They all sat down; Ethan sitting next to Carlos again and Kendall, James, and Logan sitting on the couch opposite from them.

"So how's college life?" Kendall asked.

"Pretty good. Piano's still fun...math and science are awesome..." Ethan smiled to himself, clearly remembering something. "I actually burned most of my hair off at the beginning of the year 'cause of an experiment gone wrong."

Logan smiled. "What happened?"

"That's why your hair's shorter..." Kendall commented.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Get nerdy later. Have you met anyone famous yet? You are in Los Angeles..." James asked eagerly, sitting on the edge of his seat.

"Well..." Ethan began answering, smiling a little. "I may or may not have met a certain...Gustavo Roque..."

"What!" James screamed, jumping to his feet. His eyes were wide and mouth was open.

Carlos looked confused. "Who?"

"He's that producer guy that James is always raving about," Logan answered, hardly as interested as he was moments ago.

"He makes all those songs Katie listens to," Kendall added.

"Oohhh..." Carlos answered, understanding.

"What happened! What did you say! Does he love you? Does he love me now?" James hurredly asked, springing at the oldest blonde with a wild look and grabbing him by the collar in desperation.

"Easy..." Ethan pulled James' hands off his collar and sat up. "Well I was playing piano at some fancy restaurant to fill in for for my friend, Daniel, and this lady came up to me...she said her name was Kelly and that she worked for Gustavo Roque...we talked a bit and she dragged him over. In short, he's fat, angry, mean, and very very rich."

"Well what did she want?" James asked.

"They offered me an internship," Ethan answered as if it was nothing.

"And you turned it down?" James asked shocked, his voice high-pitched and loud.

"Well I love playing piano, but science and math's more my thing..."

"Thank you," Logan said.

James threw his hands up, shaking his head. "UGH! Why are all you Knights such stubborn, thick heads! That's it! I'm disowning you."

Ethan looked at him confused. "You're disowning me?"

"Yes. I'm disowning you as a brother. You had an incredible opportunity and you're screwing it up! Plus, that could've helped me get famous. So I am disowning you," James explained like it was something everyone should know.

"O...kay...I didn't know I was yours to begin with..." Ethan responded, still a bit confused.

"Well you were. You were the cool Knight brother-"

"Hey!" both Kendall and Carlos interrupted.

"But now you're just the brother I disowned," James finished, pointing his nose up and crossing his arms.

The rest of the night was filled with laughing, filling in on everyone's lives, Alexander falling off the roof and into some bushes, James and Carlos wrestling over the last corndog, and eventually everyone going upstairs and to bed; including James and Logan. Everyone except for Jennifer. At first she was cleaning the kitchen, but eventually found herself sitting by herself at the dining room table.

She sat in idle silence, until Ethan sat across from her; a mug in his hands.

"What are you doing up, sweety?" she asked him.

Ethan shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Well coffee's certainly not gonna help..."

He smiled. "It's hot chocolate. Not as good as dad's...I considered waking him up and asking him to make me some, but he already had a pretty hard day..."

She chuckled. "Well don't stay up too long...I'm sure the boy's are gonna want to do everything with you tomorrow..."

He nodded and drank a little. "I know...why are you awake?"

"I guess I also couldn't sleep."

"Hmm. Must just be one of those nights..."

She nodded and squeezed his hand. "I'm glad you're here, honey."

He smiled over his mug. "Me too. I missed you guys...oh, and tell me if Carlos is having trouble with bullies again 'cause I know he's not gonna tell me..."

"Is that why he has a black eye?"

"Kinda...they pushed him and he slipped on that ice patch near the park...so yeah. It wasn't as bad as what he's dealt with before, but still...and you know even then it seems like something's missing; like he didn't tell me everything."

She sighed. "Poor thing...he just can't get a break..."

"Yeah...could be worse, I guess. I mean, he's alive..."

She nodded. "I suppose...and I will try to tell you, but you know how your brother is; he doesn't want people to worry about him, so he always tries to hide it..."

"I know. It's annoying."

"Well he can't be completely to blame...if anything, he learned that from you and Kendall. You both are also always keeping things till the last minute..."

Both were silent for a moment as they recalled what was probably the worst thing he ever kept from his parents and the closest time they ever came to breaking as a family; when Ethan was almost kidnapped. Though it was a little over ten years ago now, they both still remembered it perfectly...Ethan was helping Kendall and Carlos look for a ball they lost in the bushes at the park near their house. Somewhere during this time, he was snatched by a man, later identified as Thomas Creavy; a serial kidnapper. Kendall and Carlos had quickly ran home and told Jennifer and Alexander the situation, who proceeded to call the police and chase after the bastard. Luckily, they found their son before anything happened and took turns beating the crap out of Creavy until Police came, letting them off with a warning due to the circumstances.

Ethan cleared his throat and stared at the intricate designs in the wooden table. "Well I've gotten better at that at least..."

Jennifer nodded, still thinking of that fateful day and the years that followed...the several nights that she or Alexander (or sometimes both) satyed in his room to help him when he had a nightmare, the trial that followed months after...

Ethan stood up. "Well...I'm gonna go to bed." He hugged her. "Love you, mom."

Jennifer kissed his forehead. "I love you too, sweety."